flopsykitty
Full Member
Posts: 180
Jun 26, 2014 18:08:12 GMT
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Post by flopsykitty on Nov 2, 2015 16:59:27 GMT
I really need some input on this - how would you feel in this happened to you?
My husband runs a local board-gaming group at our church. Church members, as well as non-members, are welcome to attend "Game Night", usually held the first Sunday evening of the month.
One woman, who is a member of our church, has attended once with her 10 YO daughter.
The night before his most recent game night, I got an email from this woman, asking what time game night started, and informing us she would be dropping off her daughter because she and her ex-husband were going out to dinner.
I said we could not accommodate her daughter, because we had not been CORI checked (a requirement for our church if unaccompanied minors would be attending events.)
The next day at church, my husband was first approached by the daughter (on her own), who, by her actions, was under the impression that she would be attending game night that night, so HE had to tell her she would not be able to come and why (very awkward for him). He was then approached by a staff member of the church, who was pressuring him to sign the authorization to have a CORI check performed.
My husband was upset with what happened (mostly because he had to disappoint this child), however, I'm furious about the whole situation. My husband was not ASKED if he would be willing to look after this child for the evening, I feel it was ASSUMED by the parents that they could just use us as a free sitter for the evening. I also feel that my husband was inappropriately pressured by the staff member (who is friends with this woman and her ex-husband) to sign that document simply so they could leave their child with us.
My husband is going to speak to our minister about the document, to get more information as to what it would mean responsibility wise if he were to sign it and therefore be responsible for unaccompanied minors at game night (game night has always been intended to be an adult event, but we would not turn people away if their children were old enough to entertain themselves while the adult played). Afterwards, he might or might not sign it - he has never been arrested for anything, so it's not like he is trying to hide anything in his past, he just wants to be fully informed before he signs the document.
(Some background on us: We are childless by choice, not because we don't like children, we simply chose not to have our own. We have been members of our church for 3 years, and this couple has been members for much longer and are very involved in church activities. I don't babysit as a rule, but was tricked into it once by this woman when she called me and asked if I was busy one Friday night - I said no, thinking she might be asking me to go to the movies, or something fun, but then she asked me to babysit so she could go to dinner with her husband - at this point, they were in the middle of a separation, trying to work things out. I could have told her I didn't babysit as a rule, but felt bad about what they were going through, and was trying to be supportive. I feel now that she was just trying to manipulate me into babysitting (and for free - she never even offered payment).
I'm concerned that by signing this, she will feel free to continue to use us as a free babysitter, and the word will spread, and game night will turn into day care.
What are your thoughts? How do we put a stop to this without looking like we hate kids? Should I speak to our minister about this or would that make things worse?
Thanks
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Post by Patter on Nov 2, 2015 17:04:56 GMT
You are exactly right that this could turn into a free babysitter session because word will spread. I used to be on staff at a large church, and only if the parents were on the grounds could a child attend something different also on church grounds. And even then there were age limits for the children. We offered childcare for some adult events but again, the parents had to be on the grounds to attend those events on campus where childcare was provided. I think you are right in talking to the pastor, and getting this resolved right away.
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quiltz
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Posts: 6,703
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Nov 2, 2015 17:05:33 GMT
I would tell the Pastor we can not accommodate minors (under 18) because we had not been CORI checked (a requirement for our church if unaccompanied minors would be attending events) and the Pastor should relay this information to the parents.
Perhaps including in the announcement when this event is that over 18 years only.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 2, 2015 17:05:27 GMT
Say (tell your dh to say): "I do not want the responsibility of watching unaccompanied children during game night."
Repeat.
Over and over and over.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Nov 2, 2015 17:07:49 GMT
I do not think you are overreacting.
This woman wants a free babysitter, and you are right that game night will eventually become a child-centered event with other people who want the same.
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Nov 2, 2015 17:09:39 GMT
No, you are not overreacting, the Mom is way out of line. She's looking for a free babysitter. Not acceptable. Imagine if you say "OK, just this once", you know she'll try it again, not to mention, word will get out and before you know it you'll have a room full of kids.
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Post by disneypal on Nov 2, 2015 17:10:26 GMT
I totally agree and no, you were not over-reacting
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Post by Fidget on Nov 2, 2015 17:10:27 GMT
You are not overreacting. For future game nights, I would advertise as No one under 18 unless accompanied by a parent. This should not be a babysitting service.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
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Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Nov 2, 2015 17:13:33 GMT
You are not over-reacting. I would feel the same way, and I do think it would turn into a free daycare once word got out. This is game night for adults. I would take it to your pastor. And in the future, I would also have an age limit on the announcement when game night is.
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Post by scrapsotime on Nov 2, 2015 17:15:02 GMT
Say (tell your dh to say): "I do not want the responsibility of watching unaccompanied children during game night." Repeat. Over and over and over. and do not sign the document thing or you will be opening a door you won't be able to close.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 6:31:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2015 17:16:59 GMT
If a child attending the game night has always been contingent on the parent being present, then I would stick with that. I would definitely speak to the pastor and get his input. If he feels like children should be able to attend without their parents, he needs to take responsibility for finding childcare for them.
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MDscrapaholic
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Posts: 6,368
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Nov 2, 2015 17:17:25 GMT
You are NOT overacting and I would nip this in the bud if I were you. If your husband is in charge of this, he should be able to say that he doesn't want unaccompanied minors there and that's final.
If someone else steps up and says why not, tell them to do the CORI thing and make sure that they're there when the minors are because YOU are not responsible.
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georgiapea
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Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 2, 2015 17:17:33 GMT
Yep, if he gets 'checked out' he will become the free babysitter for unknown numbers of kids.
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Post by gar on Nov 2, 2015 17:18:50 GMT
Bloody cheek!!
I don't think you need to worry about looking as though you don't like children (if anyone thinks that it's their problem!!) but it could be slippery slope for the Games night plus I would not give the woman the satisfaction. Someone needs to speak with her and explain quite clearly the deal here.
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Post by Bitchy Rich on Nov 2, 2015 17:19:27 GMT
She totally wanted free child care. I would just keep emphasizing that's it is FAMILY game night and all children all welcome when accompanied by an adult. I really don't think you are going to come off as a child hater.
However, to be FURIOUS about this .... yes, I think you are overreacting a little bit.
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azredhead
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Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Nov 2, 2015 17:26:18 GMT
Talk to the Pastor and quick. I'd feel the same way. And we don't have kids either. Don't sign anything till you do! I wouldn't do it.
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NoWomanNoCry
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Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Nov 2, 2015 17:28:52 GMT
I would keep adult game night exactly that....ADULT. No minors. I'm sure the church has other kid friendly events and she can plan her outings around that.
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akathy
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Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Nov 2, 2015 17:30:45 GMT
I wouldn't be furious but I would take it to the pastor and ask him to announce that game night is only for those 18 and over. Sounds like your DH set this event up for the adults only from the beginning. I would not agree to get Cori checked because I wouldn't want to open the door for kids to start coming.
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Post by shanni on Nov 2, 2015 17:30:39 GMT
Um, no. Not overreacting. I think it's time to reemphasize the intention of game night. A night for ADULTS to get together to play games. If you start to let kids come unaccompanied, it will turn into a free for all kids game night. As more and more kids come, less and less adults will come. My guess is that most of the adults are coming because they enjoy the time to play board games with other adults, away from the kids. That certainly doesn't mean that the adults don't like kids, it just means that sometimes adults want some time free of kids. Kids really change the dynamics of things.
I would just tell people that this is an activity for the adults, and if someone wants to start a family game night, they may feel free to do so.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 6:31:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2015 17:31:17 GMT
You're not overreacting. In the future, I would advertise the event as "Children welcome when accompanied by a parent." She's pushy!
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luckyexwife
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Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Nov 2, 2015 17:32:23 GMT
I have 3 kids, & I would be furious! Absolutely do not sign that paper! If the staff member still pressures you or your husband, politely tell her she can sign the form, find the babysitters and run the childcare portion of game night. That woman has big brass ones for what she is assuming and demanding.
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Post by Megan on Nov 2, 2015 17:36:39 GMT
No minors unless accompanied my a parent (I'd be careful about saying adult as you don't want to have 5 unrelated kids show up with one 18 year old high schooler). Take care of it sooner rather than later.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 6:31:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2015 17:40:37 GMT
I am on staff as the Children's Director at my church. Don't sign that paper. LOL You lose your leverage and should be able to keep the game night as adult only. Don't let them pressure you into allowing kids. Good grief! I would love to chat with that woman!
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Post by gritzi on Nov 2, 2015 17:46:08 GMT
No, you are not over reacting! I, nor my husband, would be signing any such waiver, nor allow an unattended child participate w/o a legal adult guardian or parent present.
If the church/board insists the waiver be signed I would quickly be relinquishing my game night volunteer duties & tell them someone else needs to take charge.
Do you want a family/adult game night, or a babysitting service? This won't be just a one time drop off, guaranteed! No way would I also hold myself/husband liable should anything happen to said child.
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Post by Monica* on Nov 2, 2015 17:47:12 GMT
I would not use the CORI as the excuse. This has nothing to do with it. I would lean on policy as others have mentioned, and if that policy needs to be established, it should be done. Using the CORI as the excuse just leaves an open door.
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pudgygroundhog
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Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Nov 2, 2015 17:51:21 GMT
Honestly, I wouldn't even advertise "children welcome accompanied by an adult". Because parents might start bringing their kids and letting them run around what sounds more like an adult game night. I get parents bringing children that can entertain themselves in the corner and not interrupt the games, but I can see how it would turn in to a lot more kids that could be disruptive to the adults playing games.
At any rate, definitely nip it in the bud, don't sing the CORI, and establish boundaries. I would be annoyed to at this woman being manipulative and angling for free child care.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,766
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 2, 2015 17:53:01 GMT
I feel this might be one of those rare threads where all the peas agree.
Quick question as I'm in the UK, is the CORI paperwork sent off to the Police to be checked and "authorised"? I ask because just signing the paper on the same day as the event would surely make the paper invalid/unchecked and would your DH have been open to a liability if something happened?
The woman has shown form in using you before, I would not be signing the paper and would keep it an adult event.
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The Birdhouse Lady
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Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Nov 2, 2015 17:53:58 GMT
I'm concerned that by signing this, she will feel free to continue to use us as a free babysitter, and the word will spread, and game night will turn into day care. I agree that the game night will turn into free babysitting.
I could see a lot of the adults that come on a regular basis stop coming because they don't want to deal with the unaccompanied minors.
I think their needs to be a rule set in place that kids of a certain age (12 & older) can come to play BUT only if they are there with a parent.
Your husband needs to speak with Minister ASAP!!
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Post by littlemama on Nov 2, 2015 17:58:25 GMT
The rules should state that unaccompanied minors cannot be accommodated. Honestly, I would prefer an adults only board game night most of the time, with a family night here and there.
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Post by twinks on Nov 2, 2015 18:04:37 GMT
I don't think you are over-reacting. First, don't sign the form. You leave yourself open to becoming the resident baby-sitter. Second, tell the leader trying to force your husband to sign that he is simply not interested. If the leader doesn't like it, then your husband is no longer in charge of Game Night. That is how I feel about being forced to do something I don't want/like to do. In my world, you happily accept what I can do or find someone else. Third, the woman has some brass ones. She clearly is taking advantage of others and is playing the sympathy card. She is wanting a babysitter for the evening - bottom line and to solicit other members to support her cause is inappropriate. Sorry, you want a date - find a babysitter. Perhaps suggest someone in your congregation that they can get a recommendation from on a good babysitter. Your Pastor could even know of someone who is willing to babysit. And lastly, advertise it as either an adult only activity or minors age 10 and above accompanied by parent.
All this aside, it really bothers me that other people assume that I should like their child(ren). No, I don't have to like your off-spring, that is your responsibility, you choose to have them. They also assume that I have all the time in the world because I don't have little ones running around the house. They assume I am just waiting for the wonderful opportunity to babysit their child(ren) - NOT!
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