Mothers of teen boys.... Dating question.

Well I'm not a mother of a teen boy, but I am not that far out of the dating pool (for adults) so I feel like I can answer. Going Dutch in the beginning is fine. I would even encourage her to pick up the entire bill every once in a while. I have always lived by the rule that the person who asks/initiates the date should pay. Even to this day I still like to pay for stuff when my husband and I go out. Sure, we pool most of our money for the mortgage and household bills, but I still keep my own checking account and we still go out on dates.

My personal thoughts are that they should each pay their own way, and I would feel the same even if the boy had a job.

It seems very old-fashioned and unfair to expect the boy to always pay. 

I think that's perfect.

Oh gosh, I hate to hear that. 

As the mother of the boys that will be dating someone's daughters, I have worked really hard to make sure that regardless of circumstances, they never think that money=power/sex/anything else. I have, I hope, taught them to treat the girls/women they date with respect and kindness. It makes me sad to think that someone would think that they are looking for sex just because they paid for dinner.

As to the question, I just asked the boy that still lives here how he and his girlfriend work out the money thing. He does have a job, and works almost every day after school as well as gets random money from his dad. He said that he pays for a lot of their dates, but she does contribute too. He eats at her house at least once a week, she drives sometimes, pays for popcorn at the movies-things like that. She doesn't work, her parents prefer for her to concentrate on school (and it shows, she is a fantastic student.) She just doesn't have the financial resources that my son has. I asked him how he felt about that, and he said that he feels like they both have strengths in the relationship and for now, he is able to pay for things that she can't. (It was kind of surprising how grown up he sounded.) For the record, they have been dating for two years.

Yeah, but you are a good mom. Not all boys are raised that way.  And as I said I dated back back in the dark ages. Many times I heard boys/men say that they should be paid back for paying for the date. That happened once to me and I never again let a man pay my way. 

I think she should offer to pay. But if he insists he wants to pay, I'd let him do so, thank him, and say something like, "ok but I get it next time." This way he gets to feel generous and they are both on equal footing.

I do find it quite archaic that boys are still expected to pay. My dd is 18 and hasn't dated much but like

She did go on a first date recently with a boy who she had been talking to for a few months. They went to a simple pasta place and then ice-cream and he paid. I told her to offer but he said he was working so would pay for it all. He seemed like a lovely boy BUT the next time he wanted to go out and my dd declined because she is studying for final exams he did intimate that he had paid for her to go out the week before so was wanting something in return! So yes it does still happen

Like @scraphollie77 my dd thinks it is weird for the boy to always pay. She wants to pay her own way or alternate but no way would she expect a boy to pay all the time, especially if they are both students in the same financial situation.

They should go dutch. It's old fashioned to expect the boy to always pay.

As the mother of boys, this.  How very quaint and old fashioned to expect the boy to pay. I imagine your daughter will be expecting equity in her pay packet when she gets a job? 

Here is what I've taught my kids. Money does not equal choice/ power / etc in valued personal relationships. If money equals choice/ power then you have a business relationship not a personal one among equals.

My girls feel the same way!  My husband and I told them that they should split the cost or take turns and they looked at us like "of course, why would it be any other way".