breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,905 
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Nov 16, 2015 16:57:14 GMT
I am not asking for parenting advice, critiquing my bad parenting, or pea scorn that my child has behavior problems and is not perfect. I am aware we have issues...
That being said, say you have a 6 year old who is obsessed with electronics. You repeatedly find him locked in the bathroom with his sisters Nintendo DS, your I-pod, or on the internet (PBS kids) if you forget to lock the computer.
Do you lock up the portable items so DS is not tempted to use them, or leave them out so DS can practice controlling himself.
I have asked his pediatrician for a referral to a behavior therapist but in the meantime DH and I disagree on what to do.
Pea's attack in 3-2-1 go...
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psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on Nov 16, 2015 17:00:05 GMT
He is 6. I would hide them but I am certainly no parenting expert. In fact right now I have Xbox controllers in my desk at work because my 12 yr old is grounded from video games and he would give in to temptation if I left them out.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 12, 2024 16:29:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2015 17:01:38 GMT
DS never tried to sneak them, but boy did he want them a lot. What we did was keep them put away and implemented a system for earning screen time minutes (we used ChoreMonster to keep track). Along with that, we also looked at the apps he was using and removed some that were especially difficult for him to control his usage of. We kept a few games on there, but stripped off most things that weren't educational. We also talked a lot about *why* screen time needed to be limited and put it in a bigger context of healthy habits, etc. Finally, we made sure we were modeling appropriate amounts of device usage.
Good luck!
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
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Post by happymomma on Nov 16, 2015 17:01:43 GMT
No attack from me. We all have issues.
What about keeping them locked up and doling out time with them in increments you feel comfortable with?
In a perfect world we'd all have perfect self-control. Since "I" don't, at the age of 48, I can't blame a 6 year old for not having it.
Good luck.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Nov 16, 2015 17:04:31 GMT
I would keep control and dole out time. Also, you need to also model those behaviors. Finally, you need alternatives so that he is doing something other than sitting around until screen time.
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Post by shanni on Nov 16, 2015 17:05:33 GMT
No flames here. I think you are a great mom for seeing that this is a problem and doing what you can to help him fix it. I would definitely lock them up. At 6, he does not have the ability to practice self control with this. Remove the temptation and help him find non-plugged in ways of playing.
Good luck, and try not to be so hard on yourself! Hang in there, mama!!
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Post by littlemama on Nov 16, 2015 17:08:53 GMT
I would lock them up, but I would also deal with the issue of him taking things that are not his. I'm not sure how I would do that though! LOL
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Post by anxiousmom on Nov 16, 2015 17:09:38 GMT
No attack from me, difficult children are difficult children regardless of their age or their choice of things that make them difficult.
I think six is a little young for the obsession with electronics, but kids are funny creatures. They like what they like and redirecting them is sometimes hard to do. If it were me, I probably would lock up all the temptations for now, but then also give hope in the form of rewarding good behavior=tech time. The good behavior reward thing would go hand in hand with comments like 'we all love our down time, but we have to do our work first!' Don't make it a punishment, nothing makes a kid want something more than when their parents tell them NO.
At the same time, I would try to figure out what is drawing the kid to the electronics. Is it games? If so, I would do some research and find learning games that are give the kid a feeling of playing, but it is kind of good for them too.
But that is me, you know? I admit that I wouldn't have ever thought to get therapy over this. Six year olds (barring any other issues) can be pretty single minded when they want something. Redirecting behavior is constant-and ever changing. This, to me, is one of those things I would just have put everything away, spent some time trying to break the habit of tech being the thing that solves boredom and moved on. (And I don't mean that in a judgmental way, it is just that I tend to be a lot more loosey goosey about things that bother other parents.)
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Post by finally~a~mama on Nov 16, 2015 17:17:51 GMT
I have a 6 yr old. No judgment from me.  I would lock them up and let him play so many minutes per day. I'd let him earn extra time as a reward for chores, good behavior, etc. I'd also probably set a timer when he is using the electronics so he knows (and me too, because I'm likely to forget) when time is up. I think 6 is a little young to expect a child to be able to self regulate with something like this that he loves. |
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Nov 16, 2015 17:24:40 GMT
I would lock them up and schedule time he can use them outside of his room in a common area of the house.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Nov 16, 2015 17:32:14 GMT
I've walked this road... No judgement here. What worked for my kid was earning screen time. She could have the screen when she did what was asked. She lost access as well. If she was caught abusing her screen time she lost it longer. We set limits per day and we're very consistent. Eventually she learned that is she snuck off with the screen or was caught with it when it wasn't time or she was out of time she would lose it.
She is much, much better but still screws up. The consequence is implemented and she accepts it. Can I say again we are very consistent? For example, she was hiding behind the toilet playing on the screen - yes- squeezed down between the wall, floor and toilet- after being told to take a bath. Lost her screen for a while and it was right before a long road trip. That wasn't easy to reinforce because OMG I'm driving, be quiet!! But she was allowed to go to the library before we left.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
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Post by LeaP on Nov 16, 2015 17:34:27 GMT
Hide, out of sight = out of mind. This can work for 12 & 14 year-old girls as well. Ask me how I know?  |
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Post by cade387 on Nov 16, 2015 17:36:26 GMT
my kids (2 & 4) would rather watch TV on the iPad than the TV itself. I struggle with it as well. We try to save it and manage it, but I'm dreading winter since our usual go to is to be playing outside. The more time inside the harder it is for us to avoid electronics. It sucks. My DH and I are "on call" on our phone for calls/texts/emails even at night. We try to avoid them at the table but it is still hard because they do see us using devices too.
We have lots of books, puzzles, Legos and blocks that we really try to focus on over electronics.
You are not alone.
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Post by jbelle on Nov 16, 2015 17:36:28 GMT
We lock them up from our 14 year old but he takes advantage of me forgetting to do so I even purchased one of those footlockers from walmart with a lock for this sole purpose, haven't used it yet. Thankfully, my dh is better at policing this, so it gets done. My mom lives with us and when her grands are over, they all go off in their own little corners to be with their phones and electronics. When she wants their attention, she unplugs the internet and waits. It's hilarious how all trickle back, one by one, to check on how granny is doing. None won't admit to what they really want is wifi. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 16, 2015 17:44:49 GMT
Lock them up absolutely. Some kids need some time to learn self-monitoring. The temptation is just too great. We had some trouble with sneaking electronics when they were younger and implemented the all electronics living at the charging station at night. I'm a light sleeper, so didn't need to go beyond that, but wouldn't have hesitated to physically lock them if I needed to.
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,905
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Nov 16, 2015 17:53:28 GMT
There is more to seeing a therapist than just the electronics issue. DH and I spend about 90% of our parenting energy on DS and about 10% on our other 3 kids. It's affecting the whole family and we are out of ideas.
We do try to let DS earn screen time. He usually decides to help himself to it instead of earning minutes by having good behavior and doing his chores.
DH reasoning is if it's all sitting in a pile then we can tell DS has sneaked off with something instead of guessing and having to pick the lock on the bathroom. Also it's not fair to the kid who behaves and gets screen time to have their device under lock and key.
I think it's pretty easy to tell when DS is up to something because the house is suddenly quiet and DS is no where to be found... I also think it would be easier on me if I don't have to watch a stupid pile of electronics every minute DS is not at school because I know he can't control himself.
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 16, 2015 18:06:15 GMT
Your DS is not able to self-monitor, so leaving everything out is just setting him up to fail right now. I would have things under lock & key. I don't think it is unfair to the other kids if they are able to get their device when they want to/have earned screen time.
It sucks, but often one kid does drain more parental time & effort than the other(s) and giving that kid what they need will impact the rest of the family.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Nov 16, 2015 18:14:53 GMT
Wow, that's a tough one. It could go either way. No tips from me. But, I hope your DS makes a good connection with the therapist. Good luck and please update us. I know some people in a similar situation.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,766
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 16, 2015 18:23:29 GMT
A fellow soccer mum once told me that she had the XBox and controllers locked in the boot of her car to stop her 16 (sixteen) DS overusing it! So this is not a unique problem. Hopefully, you will have it sorted before he's 16. |
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Post by darkangel090260 on Nov 16, 2015 18:27:35 GMT
1 hour of outside time= 30 minute screen time.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,395
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Post by RosieKat on Nov 16, 2015 19:18:59 GMT
We don't have a lot of electronics compared to many people, but everything we have is password protected. Computers, cell phones (only adults have them!), TV (certain channels, ratings, and even time - you have to have a PIN to watch from 10 pm through 7 am), Kindle Fire (where they have the majority of their electronic games). The kids do have Leapsters but have kind of aged out of most of the games - they'll play them occasionally, but not addictively. It's still a problem for my son - he would happily play video games for hours on end - but once you boot him off, he's fine going and doing something physical or playing with Legos or whatever. I get you - some kids do just have that addictive personality, and my son is one of them.
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Post by fruitysuet on Nov 16, 2015 19:36:56 GMT
I would definitely remove from temptation - I would not expect a 6 year old with a strong will and affinity for getting hold of them to resist temptation much of the time. I probably would struggle to resist temptation myself (going on my record with chocolate for example). I have also had to remove gaming systems from the home (have occasionally taken them to work in the car with me) for a teenager that had no self control.
I find that there are enough battles to fight with kids as it is .... if this is something you can control by removing the equipment then that is the route I would choose.
ETA I agree with the comment about setting him up to fail by making him face the temptation rather than removing it.
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Post by maryland on Nov 16, 2015 19:50:10 GMT
I have three girls that love their electronics so I completely understand! I would hide the electronics. We take away our kids phones/electronics if we need them to mow the lawn, clean their rooms, pick up after the dog, etc. Once they do that they get electronics back.
I have to hide things from my girls all the time. Especially food, tape, scissors, nail clippers, my nail polish, etc.! Then I can't find the stuff I hide!
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 16, 2015 19:57:32 GMT
There is more to seeing a therapist than just the electronics issue. DH and I spend about 90% of our parenting energy on DS and about 10% on our other 3 kids. It's affecting the whole family and we are out of ideas. We do try to let DS earn screen time. He usually decides to help himself to it instead of earning minutes by having good behavior and doing his chores. DH reasoning is if it's all sitting in a pile then we can tell DS has sneaked off with something instead of guessing and having to pick the lock on the bathroom. Also it's not fair to the kid who behaves and gets screen time to have their device under lock and key. I think it's pretty easy to tell when DS is up to something because the house is suddenly quiet and DS is no where to be found... I also think it would be easier on me if I don't have to watch a stupid pile of electronics every minute DS is not at school because I know he can't control himself. I'd also not spend a second worrying about the "it's not fair to the other sibling". Life isn't fair. Having to retrieve the locked up Nintendo DS before playing, is pretty far down on the it's not fair list to worry about. |
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Nov 16, 2015 20:58:49 GMT
I have this same problem with my 13 year old. She always wants to be on her iPod, computer, video games or she's bored  I also tell her that her room is too messy for her to have access to any of those and they are showing the reason why. Because of such exposure I have been very happy with the Himalayan sea salt lamps, because they are known to cleanse all that radiating chaos. I would find alternatives to fill the void when there's no technology available. |
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
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Post by trollie on Nov 16, 2015 21:01:37 GMT
I'm a hider. I've been known to hide a few things. (And not always be able to find them later.) My kids used to fight when they played Super Mario Bros together.... I hid it... The kids knew I hid it. It was lost in the abyss and has never been found!
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
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Post by suzastampin on Nov 16, 2015 22:03:24 GMT
At 6, I think it's a little hard for him to resist temptation, yet. I would put them all away and let him have X amount of time on them a day. My son, who has autism, is a major technology lover. He would sit all day with them or using the remote and keep changing the tv channels. I used to put things away because he didn't obsess on them if they were out of sight. If they were out, he would not do anything else.
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
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Post by SabrinaP on Nov 16, 2015 22:05:28 GMT
I would keep them put away where I would have to get them for him.
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Post by femalebusiness on Nov 16, 2015 23:01:17 GMT
If you really, really want to keep him from electronics you either have to lock them up or be with him 24/7. Unfortunately those are the options. He's six and doesn't have that kind of self dicipline yet.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 16, 2015 23:27:01 GMT
I have a 6 yr old. No judgment from me. I would lock them up and let him play so many minutes per day. I'd let him earn extra time as a reward for chores, good behavior, etc. I'd also probably set a timer when he is using the electronics so he knows (and me too, because I'm likely to forget) when time is up. I think 6 is a little young to expect a child to be able to self regulate with something like this that he loves.  No judgement from me either. Six is pretty young to be able to completely control their impulses independently. If there is something I don't want my five year old to have access to I take it away and put it somewhere where she can't get at it. |
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I would lock them up and let him play so many minutes per day. I'd let him earn extra time as a reward for chores, good behavior, etc. I'd also probably set a timer when he is using the electronics so he knows (and me too, because I'm likely to forget) when time is up. I think 6 is a little young to expect a child to be able to self regulate with something like this that he loves.
No judgement from me either. Six is pretty young to be able to completely control their impulses independently. If there is something I don't want my five year old to have access to I take it away and put it somewhere where she can't get at it.