Post by stephofalltrades on Jul 23, 2014 5:59:03 GMT
7/24 small update on pg 5
Update 7/23:
I have been reading the responses all day and the outpouring if support, I don't even know what to say. It really means so much to me to have people outside the situation say such kind and encouraging words. I will try to answer all the questions. Yes, I am going to get to the Dr for STD check ASAP. I just had my tubes tied on 6/19 and all my bloodwork, papsmear, etc came out ok to that point, but I'm not sure how much they check and we did have sex after that, so that will definitely be priority. I have an appt in the morning with DHHR to file for child support and get info on legal aid. I set out 4 bags of clothes and a box of shoes last night, locked all the doors and windows, and messaged him to get them and not come in the house. He picked them up sometime today while I was gone. We have friends, his bff from highschool and wife, I talked to the wife earlier. I guess he borrowed friends truck to pick up his bags while friend rode to work with someone else. Not sure what he told the friend, but wife said that her DH told her I'd kicked him out for good for finding the messages, didn't say if he actually admitted to sending them/sleeping around or if that was just my reasoning since he continued to deny yesterday. He didn't even have a ride from the friends back to his cousin's house, had to walk down the road and bum one from someone else.
I filled out an app at the housing authority but there is a long wait list. My mother-in-law stopped by my class today to check on me and said she might be able to have someone she knows bump me up on the list. She told me she had been suspicious and knew that I couldn't follow him etc because of our 1 vehicle and that she had on several occasions drove over to the cousins house to try and catch him and planned to black his eye if she found him with someone, she knew they I would have to ask how he got it and she would call me to let me know the truth. I caught him before she did.
As far as friends knowing, I don't think any of our "mutual group" of friends were aware. His shady cousins that he'd been hanging with a lot were pretty trashy and he's stopped going to friend mentioned above's house months ago because they just had a baby and the guy has been on 2nd shift. So all the same area, but different crowds. The friends that knew were his Shady Cousin (the one making crude jokes) and a guy he started hanging with recently supposedly because he works for State Dept of Rd and was trying to help get douchebag a job. This guy had been dropping him off at whore's apartment. Another different family member, older woman, lives next to Shady Cousin, and had seen him kissing a girl as he got out of her car in the past week(s), not sure exactly when this happened. She went over the the relative that DD has been staying with and was talking to them about how much it upset her. Their girls - home from college - wanted to tell me, but without definite proof they knew it would just be hearsay and cause drama. This older female relative had also talked to MIL and I think would have approached me eventually if I had not found out on my own. It has only been awkward with those girls for a few weeks, so this is all within the past month.
I forgot to get our food benefit card from his wallet, so I called and had that canceled and a new one reissued today. I also called our dr and told them that we had separated because I found out he was cheating and had been giving/selling his pain meds to this girl he was sleeping with. All of the girls I have heard of him being with are on pills and I'm 100% sure he had sold some to put gas in the car to cover how much running around he's been doing. Not sure how close everyone is following, he tore a ligament in his knee and has had 3 prescriptions of pain meds in the past few weeks. That contact is now shut down, no more drugs for him there. He left his crutches and knee brace in the car, so I hope he's been hobbling around in pain.
My friend from class came over this afternoon and helped me bag up 90% of the rest of his belongings and its all piled outside under our trampoline. In his bag of toiletries I was sure to include his tube of Preparation H and a Fleets Enema. I REALLY hope his 19 yr old whore helps unpack. I did not include his clippers, so I'm not sure how he is going to keep his back hair trimmed for her now, it should be filling in soon. Not sure if the trampoline will keep everything dry in case of rain, but what can I do?
I'm in a pretty good mood right now. On a positive note, I got a notice from the college today that my background check and drug screen went through and I am absolutely 100% officially in the nursing program! Trying to get a pic uploaded of that to put on facebook to rub my good news in his face, and flaunt the fact that I am drug free, but my card reader is being cranky. I am now motivated x10 to succeed!
I will definitely be wary of the in-laws and not depend on them too much, but its nice to know right now that he's being shunned by the majority of his family. His dad has never in the picture and MIL was cheated on horrible by an exH, so she is furious. She's known me since I was 15 years old.
DD went swimming and ATV riding with her cousins today, so she's keeping her mind off of it. She is fully aware of the situation, but I wanted her to be somewhere that she could have fun, keep her mind off of it, and not witness the moving out of all his crap. Also, to have time to vent to a friend on the phone without her overhearing.
I think that sums up most of today. My anxiety level has been up, I have been sick to my stomach most of the day but putting the rest of his junk outside was another weight lifted off my shoulders. Also, it spitefully amuses me that he has no one to transport him and is sleeping on the couch in Shady's cousin's house that is well known to be disgusting - rats, bugs in the house, etc.
----------------------------OP----------------------------------------------------
I thought our relationship was fine. We've been distant and strained but we've gone through so much the past year and a half with him being out of work, losing a vehicle and now the house, I dismissed it. There were some warning signs, he was spending excessive time away from home with "friends." I thought he was just dealing with depression from being out of work so long. He stayed out until nearly daylight 2 nights this weekend, claiming he was just with friends but I knew better. He's been playing with an old ipod touch of DD's a lot recently and he freaked out this morning when he couldn't find it. While he was napping today I grabbed it and when I opened safari facebook was open with an alias account and messages to a girl he's been sleeping with. He didn't even have it password protected. There were messages from several of his friends that made it obvious they all knew and were amused. I made him pack his clothes and dropped him off at his cousin's house. I took DD over to her cousins nearby and in speaking with their Dad - who is DH's uncle, apparently its been going on for a while, with more than one girl, and quite a few people knew but had no proof so they couldn't really say anything. Luckily I'm close with my in-laws and they have sided with me and will not help him. He has now put himself in a situation that he has no home, no vehicle, no job, no wife, and very few family members that will do anything for him - maybe a couch to crash on. I have no idea where he is now, probably with the girl he spent the weekend. He told me he had no where to go when I dropped him off with his bags, but I said "You did this, its your own fault."
I have stood by him through so many hardships, I can't believe he would throw all those years away. I'm so embarrassed that people knew before me, and furious that some were helping cover for him. I'm calling DHHR tomorrow to apply for legal aid, then housing authority to see if I can get emergency placement for DD and I since we're close to losing the house anyway. We live so far out in the middle of nowhere, I don't want to be in the woods alone.
What do I tell people? I'm so angry that this went on under my nose and it took me so long to figure it out. Especially since he wasn't doing a great job at hiding it.
I start nursing school in less than a month, this is the last thing I need to be dealing with.
Update 7/23:
I have been reading the responses all day and the outpouring if support, I don't even know what to say. It really means so much to me to have people outside the situation say such kind and encouraging words. I will try to answer all the questions. Yes, I am going to get to the Dr for STD check ASAP. I just had my tubes tied on 6/19 and all my bloodwork, papsmear, etc came out ok to that point, but I'm not sure how much they check and we did have sex after that, so that will definitely be priority. I have an appt in the morning with DHHR to file for child support and get info on legal aid. I set out 4 bags of clothes and a box of shoes last night, locked all the doors and windows, and messaged him to get them and not come in the house. He picked them up sometime today while I was gone. We have friends, his bff from highschool and wife, I talked to the wife earlier. I guess he borrowed friends truck to pick up his bags while friend rode to work with someone else. Not sure what he told the friend, but wife said that her DH told her I'd kicked him out for good for finding the messages, didn't say if he actually admitted to sending them/sleeping around or if that was just my reasoning since he continued to deny yesterday. He didn't even have a ride from the friends back to his cousin's house, had to walk down the road and bum one from someone else.
I filled out an app at the housing authority but there is a long wait list. My mother-in-law stopped by my class today to check on me and said she might be able to have someone she knows bump me up on the list. She told me she had been suspicious and knew that I couldn't follow him etc because of our 1 vehicle and that she had on several occasions drove over to the cousins house to try and catch him and planned to black his eye if she found him with someone, she knew they I would have to ask how he got it and she would call me to let me know the truth. I caught him before she did.
As far as friends knowing, I don't think any of our "mutual group" of friends were aware. His shady cousins that he'd been hanging with a lot were pretty trashy and he's stopped going to friend mentioned above's house months ago because they just had a baby and the guy has been on 2nd shift. So all the same area, but different crowds. The friends that knew were his Shady Cousin (the one making crude jokes) and a guy he started hanging with recently supposedly because he works for State Dept of Rd and was trying to help get douchebag a job. This guy had been dropping him off at whore's apartment. Another different family member, older woman, lives next to Shady Cousin, and had seen him kissing a girl as he got out of her car in the past week(s), not sure exactly when this happened. She went over the the relative that DD has been staying with and was talking to them about how much it upset her. Their girls - home from college - wanted to tell me, but without definite proof they knew it would just be hearsay and cause drama. This older female relative had also talked to MIL and I think would have approached me eventually if I had not found out on my own. It has only been awkward with those girls for a few weeks, so this is all within the past month.
I forgot to get our food benefit card from his wallet, so I called and had that canceled and a new one reissued today. I also called our dr and told them that we had separated because I found out he was cheating and had been giving/selling his pain meds to this girl he was sleeping with. All of the girls I have heard of him being with are on pills and I'm 100% sure he had sold some to put gas in the car to cover how much running around he's been doing. Not sure how close everyone is following, he tore a ligament in his knee and has had 3 prescriptions of pain meds in the past few weeks. That contact is now shut down, no more drugs for him there. He left his crutches and knee brace in the car, so I hope he's been hobbling around in pain.
My friend from class came over this afternoon and helped me bag up 90% of the rest of his belongings and its all piled outside under our trampoline. In his bag of toiletries I was sure to include his tube of Preparation H and a Fleets Enema. I REALLY hope his 19 yr old whore helps unpack. I did not include his clippers, so I'm not sure how he is going to keep his back hair trimmed for her now, it should be filling in soon. Not sure if the trampoline will keep everything dry in case of rain, but what can I do?
I'm in a pretty good mood right now. On a positive note, I got a notice from the college today that my background check and drug screen went through and I am absolutely 100% officially in the nursing program! Trying to get a pic uploaded of that to put on facebook to rub my good news in his face, and flaunt the fact that I am drug free, but my card reader is being cranky. I am now motivated x10 to succeed!
I will definitely be wary of the in-laws and not depend on them too much, but its nice to know right now that he's being shunned by the majority of his family. His dad has never in the picture and MIL was cheated on horrible by an exH, so she is furious. She's known me since I was 15 years old.
DD went swimming and ATV riding with her cousins today, so she's keeping her mind off of it. She is fully aware of the situation, but I wanted her to be somewhere that she could have fun, keep her mind off of it, and not witness the moving out of all his crap. Also, to have time to vent to a friend on the phone without her overhearing.
I think that sums up most of today. My anxiety level has been up, I have been sick to my stomach most of the day but putting the rest of his junk outside was another weight lifted off my shoulders. Also, it spitefully amuses me that he has no one to transport him and is sleeping on the couch in Shady's cousin's house that is well known to be disgusting - rats, bugs in the house, etc.
----------------------------OP----------------------------------------------------
I thought our relationship was fine. We've been distant and strained but we've gone through so much the past year and a half with him being out of work, losing a vehicle and now the house, I dismissed it. There were some warning signs, he was spending excessive time away from home with "friends." I thought he was just dealing with depression from being out of work so long. He stayed out until nearly daylight 2 nights this weekend, claiming he was just with friends but I knew better. He's been playing with an old ipod touch of DD's a lot recently and he freaked out this morning when he couldn't find it. While he was napping today I grabbed it and when I opened safari facebook was open with an alias account and messages to a girl he's been sleeping with. He didn't even have it password protected. There were messages from several of his friends that made it obvious they all knew and were amused. I made him pack his clothes and dropped him off at his cousin's house. I took DD over to her cousins nearby and in speaking with their Dad - who is DH's uncle, apparently its been going on for a while, with more than one girl, and quite a few people knew but had no proof so they couldn't really say anything. Luckily I'm close with my in-laws and they have sided with me and will not help him. He has now put himself in a situation that he has no home, no vehicle, no job, no wife, and very few family members that will do anything for him - maybe a couch to crash on. I have no idea where he is now, probably with the girl he spent the weekend. He told me he had no where to go when I dropped him off with his bags, but I said "You did this, its your own fault."
I have stood by him through so many hardships, I can't believe he would throw all those years away. I'm so embarrassed that people knew before me, and furious that some were helping cover for him. I'm calling DHHR tomorrow to apply for legal aid, then housing authority to see if I can get emergency placement for DD and I since we're close to losing the house anyway. We live so far out in the middle of nowhere, I don't want to be in the woods alone.
What do I tell people? I'm so angry that this went on under my nose and it took me so long to figure it out. Especially since he wasn't doing a great job at hiding it.
I start nursing school in less than a month, this is the last thing I need to be dealing with.