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Post by sisterbdsq on Jul 23, 2014 14:15:47 GMT
BTDT. I was pissed that others knew, I was the last to know, etc. Our marriage was dead, but even if you don't love me, respect my position as wife and don't let me hear it in the street. As far as what I told people, yes, I told them he was sleeping with someone (someoneS) other than myself and that was it. No details, no woe is me, no he's a (insert insults and swears here). I didn't do the drama, I was matter of fact and moved along with MY life.
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Post by snappinsami on Jul 23, 2014 14:28:20 GMT
Oh, Steph, I'm so sorry! It sounds like you're taking all the right steps at this point. Big (((HUGS))) to you!
As for what to tell people, that's entirely up to you. Even if you don't want to talk about it at this point, your friends and family should hopefully understand and respect your wishes there.
Again, big (((HUGS)))!
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 23, 2014 14:34:32 GMT
You have a good head on your shoulders. I am glad you kicked him out in his ass. Continue with your plans and be cautious with the inlaws.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,989
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Jul 23, 2014 14:48:22 GMT
Oh Steph, I'm so sorry! Men can be such dirtbags, I mean really! Lose the sonofabitch and get going on your new life, who needs that garbage in their life?!
I'm excited for you to start nursing school and kick butt! <hugs>
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Post by winogirl on Jul 23, 2014 14:50:50 GMT
I'm so sorry! You are a very strong person. You've proved that by how you've handled everything up to this point. Your life will be better, maybe not at first, but eventually. Stay on the path you've set for yourself. I also agree with the others, be very call with your in-laws. When he realizes the scope of what he's losing, he will be so sorry & could use them to try & convince you to take him back. Hang in there. We are all here for you. I agree. Hopefully they will remain on your side, but he is their son so tread carefully.
He's a douchebag and so are his friends; let his friends take care of him since they were so amused. You deserve better.
I think it's good you are starting nursing school soon, that a positive thing to put your energy into and a good place for a fresh start.
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Post by Pahina722 on Jul 23, 2014 15:01:34 GMT
BTDT as well, and lived to enjoy a much better life than I had with the cheating loser I was married to. You will as well.
Tell people what you want, but since it will get back to him, stay as neutral as possible. At first, he might be apologetic and begging for a second chance. He might be guilty and willing to give you everything you ask for. Take advantage of that because it won't last. Eventually he will build his big fantasy lie about how it is all your fault: you didn't support him, you were cold, you were in the wrong. And by that time, the more hurt, outrage, pain you show in your interactions with him, the more pleasure it will give him. And he will use it to get what he wants from you and anyone else he can con.
Stay strong for yourself and your daughter. And as PP have said, don't expect much from his family. They are shocked now, but he is their family member and most likely they will eventually take his side. Be cordial as it is your daughter's relatives, but don't lean on them.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 23, 2014 15:03:45 GMT
O can't believe that people knew and didn't say anytuing. THIS is why I always advocate telling. The betrayed might stick their head on the sand like a peas friend not to long ago, but they might be given a chance to know the truth.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,717
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jul 23, 2014 15:05:54 GMT
Yep, take the high road. It will be hard initially, but you can hold your head up high. Tell them what you want, don't let folks pressure you. Good luck with nursing school, you have a plan to hold on to.
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Post by wezee on Jul 23, 2014 15:19:13 GMT
I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. The Peas have given you some good advise. (((hugs)))
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Post by NanaKate on Jul 23, 2014 15:23:23 GMT
(((HUGS)))
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Jul 23, 2014 15:27:39 GMT
I am so sorry this happened especially with everything else you are going through. It sounds like this loser was holding you down and now you are moving forward with school and can get YOUR life back, you go girl. So glad, impressed, and proud that you kicked him out and didnt let him continue to hold you down. Keep your head up... I will say big prayers for you and DD.
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Post by donna on Jul 23, 2014 15:31:24 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. We are here for you to vent to any time you need.
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Jul 23, 2014 15:34:58 GMT
So, so sorry. You have already proven that you can make responsible decisions and be a good example to your daughter.
Try to assure the ILs that they will still be grandparents and be kind to them, but this is a good time to keep your personal self private.
Keep your head high as you move forward. You can do it!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 29, 2024 7:55:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 15:44:03 GMT
BTDT...I have a much better life now too with a man who truly loves me (and I feel sometimes still pays the price for the actions of the scumbag ex)...
Hugs to you!
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jul 23, 2014 15:46:19 GMT
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You have to be totally overwhelmed. BIG hugs
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jul 23, 2014 15:46:51 GMT
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You have to be totally overwhelmed. BIG hugs
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Post by Ellie on Jul 23, 2014 15:50:13 GMT
I'm so sorry you're going through this. , Ellie
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Post by kelly316 on Jul 23, 2014 15:56:38 GMT
I'm so, so sorry. I don't even know what to say to these situations anymore. Are there any faithful people left in this world? Doesn't anyone value marriage anymore? It makes me so angry for you!!! After the storm comes the calm. It sounds like you have had enough storms, your calm will follow.
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Post by mommaho on Jul 23, 2014 15:57:47 GMT
Do you know that you are a Rock Star and a wonderful example for your DD! Prayers and Hugs
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jul 23, 2014 16:06:23 GMT
I'm sorry. Please go get checked out at county health for std's. Proud of you for starting nursing school. Great way to change your life.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,657
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jul 23, 2014 16:07:54 GMT
Your a very strong person, that shows in your actions to get him out as soon as possible without a thought that he may have nowhere to go. That is awesome. So many of us in the same situation probably wished we could have done the same, but fall into the whole poor me attitude and give them another shot. I give you a high five! Hugs to you! The rest will fall into place, a great step going to nursing school. You will prevail!
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Post by aljack on Jul 23, 2014 16:12:37 GMT
Hugs and so sorry you are going thru this.
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,834
Location: NW PA
Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on Jul 23, 2014 16:16:36 GMT
I have no real advice but I wanted to tell you how strong you have been and what a great mother you are. And if you want a Pea Possey to come down there and kick some douchebag ass I'm in! And I'll take you out for drinks after!
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Jul 23, 2014 16:19:59 GMT
He has plenty of places to go- his other woman, his friends/family that knew and still covered for him, etc.
(((Hugs))) and prayers for you all!
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mimima
Pearl Clutcher
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 4,995
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Jul 23, 2014 16:20:03 GMT
Oh man, I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers.
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Post by PEArfect on Jul 23, 2014 16:20:54 GMT
I'm so sorry. What a terrible situation. I hope you and your daughter are able to get the aid that you need. I wouldn't worry so much what to tell everyone else or what they think. You'll definitely find out who your true friends really are.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Jul 23, 2014 16:36:15 GMT
I just read your message the other day about how bad the last couple of years have been for you and your family, I'm so sorry to hear about this on top of it all. It just seemed like you were holding such a positive attitude and had such a great sense of humor in spite of it all, so this just seems even worse. I really hope you have some sliding scale counseling available to you, it really is so helpful. I'm glad you have family on your side and local to you. Big hugs from me. You will be in my prayers. Thank you. I always try to look at the good side of things, and not wallow in self pity because there is always someone else who has it worse. I realized a long time ago that the only person who could help me is me. He had been wallowing in his own self pity for so long and kept making self destructive decisions. I realize now I have been bearing the weight of all the burdens on my own. This is so difficult and my feelings are so confused, but I things will probably be much easier without him creating more stress. I am trying to look at it like a fresh start. I plan to try to be mature and avoid drama as much as possible, I'm really hoping he doesn't fight my decisions and create a fiasco once his fling decides she is done with him.
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Post by finally~a~mama on Jul 23, 2014 16:37:17 GMT
I'm sorry. Years ago my father did something very similar to my mom. She went back to school and is soooo much better off without him. There were days that were really hard, but she made it through and so will you.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Jul 23, 2014 16:38:11 GMT
So sorry this happened...
"I realize now I have been bearing the weight of all the burdens on my own."
See you already know you can do it!
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,229
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Jul 23, 2014 16:45:20 GMT
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else. You are a strong, beautiful, smart woman and the best is yet to come to you.
I agree with the previous poster who mentioned checking with your school's financial aid office. Also, make sure he can't clean out your bank account or run up your credit cards.
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