Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Jul 24, 2014 3:39:43 GMT
OMG, that made me laugh! Glad you're taking charge of the situation.
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Post by shevy on Jul 24, 2014 3:43:14 GMT
Good for you! Likely the anger and the drive to take care of things that need to be done will push you through. Just watch your down time and if things get hard mentally, ask for help. Because you did nothing wrong!
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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Jul 24, 2014 3:49:26 GMT
Been lurking, reading and praying for you and your family. I am one of those that are sorry he's not worthy of you, but so glad that the anger is being used in constructive ways.
I agree with not depending on his family, and to keep to those that are supporting you. How has your family (parents, siblings, etc...) taken the news?
Sounds like you do have matters in hand, if not under control. Sending more prayers and positive thoughts.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Jul 24, 2014 4:11:50 GMT
Just wanted to offer more hugs. Sounds like so much at once. Glad the MIL is being supportive. I hope that helps some. Hugs for DD too. Sent from my KFSOWI using Tapatalk
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Post by I-95 on Jul 24, 2014 5:21:38 GMT
You rock!!
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Post by DinCA on Jul 24, 2014 5:34:42 GMT
Good for you! I'm sure he's pretty miserable right now, and he deserves to be!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jul 24, 2014 7:52:34 GMT
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I've been through some similar things the last year or so.
Please be careful how you speak about NSDH around your DD. Do your best not to involve her. Even after I found our X had cheated prolifically, spent all our money, and then he assaulted me and ended up in prison for it, she misses him and does not want to hear anything bad about him. I respect that because it is not HER fault any of this happened.
I wish you the best in the nursing program. We need good nurses!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 19:47:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 8:13:38 GMT
You go girl!!! I'm so PROUD OF YOU!!! Congrats in getting officially into nursing school! And yes I love sweet sweet karma for these douchebags!! I agree to be cautious to MIL but kudos to her for sticking up for you and for what's right (for the mean time). Glad your dd is getting some fun time to help keep her mind off things. I think it's completely appropriate to give her the basics of the situation. At 16 she's more than old enough to understand the consequences when a boy (or DH) cheats on you. She may face that one day and the example you're setting will no doubt help her to not be a victim of the vicious cycle of picking creeps over and over or believing she doesn't deserve respect and happiness. Awesome on getting rid of the dead weight and leaving him to fend for himself. With my divorce I always said I lost 400 lbs......40 of it was mine and the other 360 was DH!!! And coincidentally my enrollment in nursing school was the first step in laying the groundwork to leaving my sexually abisive ex. Once I graduated I knew I could support my sons and within 18 months we were separated and eventually divorced. BEST THING I EVER DID. It saved my life.
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Jul 24, 2014 8:48:32 GMT
Thanks for the update. Can I say - I don't know you but I'm proud of you. Of course, I'm very sorry this has happened to you, but you've shown courage and determination by not tolerating his behaviour for a day longer and doing what it takes to make a better life. You're being a great role model for your DD and teaching her that no woman has to put up with shabby treatment and that we can all make it on our own if we have to.
Of course there are situations that can be fixed, but when it's beyond saving, it takes a strong person to recognise it and do what you've done. Best of luck with the nursing, I'm sure you'll do well. I wish you and your DD all the best.
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Jul 24, 2014 8:58:30 GMT
Just read the update. You are a rare one- the energy you have summoned up to clear out his jazz and practically deal with stuff related to your studies, as well as intelligence-gathering from the relatives who were also half-aware of his shenanigans is nothing short of amazing.
Keep your spirits up, continue in that vein and you will ace the Nursing programme!
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Post by johna on Jul 24, 2014 10:08:07 GMT
I'm thinking of you and am glad to hear that you are getting things in order and getting some catharsis by getting his stuff out of your house!
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,726
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jul 24, 2014 10:58:49 GMT
Wow! You are the bomb! Keep up the good work, stay strong, a much much better life is ahead of you.
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Post by Lexica on Jul 24, 2014 14:10:49 GMT
I'm sorry your not so DH did this to your family. As someone else pointed out, this is all about him, not about you. His lack of communication and relationship skills put the two of you in this place. I'm also very impressed with how quickly you were able to get yourself through the "devastatingly hurtful discovery" phase and into the "what's next" phase. That you immediately jumped into action to do what is right for you and your daughter is wonderful to see. You think fast on your feet and that will help a lot with your nursing career too. Both my mom and sister were nurses and you've chosen something that will always be needed, no matter what the economy is doing. People always get sick!
I think the timing on this for you is good too, if the end of a marriage can be turned into a good thing. You sound like you will be pouring yourself into your schooling and parenting your daughter. I just know you will do well and there will be great things ahead for you. Keep your focus on your daughter and yourself over the next few months. Your soon-to-be ex b the sound of it, is going to be wallowing in the mess he made for a long time. What poor decisions he made and will no doubt continue to make. Do you have the car? And do you think you can keep it after all the divorce dust settles? Because that will be critical for you. I didn't read the thread where you talked about losing the other car, but I am assuming it was due to the loss of his job and failure to find another one.
We've got your back here. Go do amazing things in your classes, and lets hope your ex is only a minor distraction for you in these next few years. You're going to do great things during the next few years. What a wonderful example for your daughter.
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Post by mellowyellow on Jul 24, 2014 15:09:47 GMT
You really impress me with your strength and grace. While I am sure this is devastating and I am so, so sorry you are going through this....I think you are going to be just fine....heck even better! Congratulations on nursing school too!
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countrygirl
New Member
Posts: 5
Jun 26, 2014 10:52:25 GMT
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Post by countrygirl on Jul 24, 2014 15:49:10 GMT
Thanks for the update, Good luck to you
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Post by stephofalltrades on Jul 24, 2014 16:36:02 GMT
Do you have the car? And do you think you can keep it after all the divorce dust settles? Because that will be critical for you. I didn't read the thread where you talked about losing the other car, but I am assuming it was due to the loss of his job and failure to find another one. I do have the vehicle. It is an older used car that a family member gave us. He didn't fight me when I insisted that I keep it because the reason it was given to us was so that I would have transportation to school, however I need to have him sign the title over as its in his name. The car I spoke of losing was the new Jeep Liberty we had bought when he was still working, it was repossed when we couldn't keep up the payment.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,258
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Jul 24, 2014 16:58:56 GMT
Thanks for the update. I'm glad things are going your way and continue to do so
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Post by savedbygrace on Jul 24, 2014 17:06:26 GMT
So sorry you're going through this, but kudos to you for not being one of those women who is wondering if she should try to work things out. You deserve so much better.
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Post by Lexica on Jul 24, 2014 18:13:14 GMT
Do you have the car? And do you think you can keep it after all the divorce dust settles? Because that will be critical for you. I didn't read the thread where you talked about losing the other car, but I am assuming it was due to the loss of his job and failure to find another one. I do have the vehicle. It is an older used car that a family member gave us. He didn't fight me when I insisted that I keep it because the reason it was given to us was so that I would have transportation to school, however I need to have him sign the title over as its in his name. The car I spoke of losing was the new Jeep Liberty we had bought when he was still working, it was repossed when we couldn't keep up the payment. Ouch, too bad about the Jeep. I figured you must have lost it due to his being out of work and the inability of making payments. Do you think he will fight you now about signing the pink slip over to you? Providing a car so you can properly care for your daughter is the least he can do right now. Do you currently drive her to school? You won't know whether or not that will be needed in the immediate future until you find a new place to live. What if she gets sick and needs to be taken to emergency? (That might be a good argument to use with him) You are doing great. Keep it up!
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Post by Lexica on Jul 24, 2014 18:38:34 GMT
A friend of mine was going through her divorce. Similar story to most of us, he cheated with a younger woman. Much younger woman. He would occasionally bring her with him when he would come to get the kids or pick up any of his stuff. It was really hurtful to my friend because the girl hung all over him in front of her children just to rub it in. You know, real mature behavior. And she would always wear a really revealing top. My friend was a typical mom who wore jeans, T-shirt, and sandals most of the time. The kids were uncomfortable around all this. My friend is just the sweetest person ever, but she couldn't take it any more. So she waited until the girl was with him. She was doing her act of hanging all over him, giggling, and being obnoxious. She stood outside while the husband went in the house to pick up more of his stuff. As soon as he came out with his bags of stuff, the wife slipped inside and came back out with a big clear bag and said "Don't forget your penis pump" loud enough for the neighbors to hear her. She said she knew doing this could go badly for her if he said he didn't need it with this new girl because she was so hot, but she did it anyway. She said the look on the new girls face was priceless. And the DH was so embarrassed and shocked that he just stood there getting all red and couldn't even come up with a come back before the wife went in the house and shut the door. I loved hearing her tell that story. We made her tell it over and over again, every time there was a new person out with us. It never got old.
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Post by scrapnatya on Jul 24, 2014 18:52:17 GMT
Sending you lots of support, strength and hugs!
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,746
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jul 24, 2014 19:30:50 GMT
Update 7/23: My friend from class came over this afternoon and helped me bag up 90% of the rest of his belongings and its all piled outside under our trampoline. In his bag of toiletries I was sure to include his tube of Preparation H and a Fleets Enema. I REALLY hope his 19 yr old whore helps unpack. I did not include his clippers, so I'm not sure how he is going to keep his back hair trimmed for her now, it should be filling in soon. Not sure if the trampoline will keep everything dry in case of rain, but what can I do? Made me laugh. In spite of this horrible situation, it sounds like you have some good humor. Keep up the good thoughts! You are awesome!
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Post by stephofalltrades on Jul 24, 2014 20:57:38 GMT
Guys, today has been really hard. The anxiety was kicking in all day and I'm in full blown infidelity diet. Checking in here and seeing a few new posts every time has been really helping me get through it. I stopped by to see DD after class, she wants to spend one more night with her cousins. Apparently the douche-bag stopped by there and was really upset by something that was said when his mother called him. He is now furious with her, too, and since I haven't talked to her I don't know exactly why. I think he is finding out how many people are quick to tell what they know now that the cat is out of the bag.
I sent FB messages and had his uncle tell him to come get the things I put outside and he has not been able to find anyone to run him over to retrieve them, it has rained twice so he is very unhappy about that. I stopped by where he is staying to see what he wanted when he was looking for me earlier in the day and dropped off a letter of some legalities I need him to take care of. This is the first time I've spoke with him since I dropped him off with his bags. He still denies everything even with the messages and witnesses as proof. His stubborn idiocy and lies make me so angry. He asked for a hat that had been in the back of the car, but I had left in on his pile of shit outside the house. I'm seriously contemplating going out there an peeing on it.
DD wants nothing to do with him, he had no idea what to say when he saw her today so he just sat there like an idiot. My emotions are so wacked out, I keep going from angry to hurt and back again. I feel like I want to cry but I just don't have it in me. I honestly haven't shed the first tear.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 24, 2014 21:04:45 GMT
Go ahead and have a good cry....it's ok. We're all here to hand you some internet tissues~~ You've done nothing wrong...just remember that you have an AWESOME DD and have already made strides to better yourself with going to nursing school.
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Post by momofkandn on Jul 24, 2014 21:06:20 GMT
Oh honey. Hang in there. The emotional roller coaster is a wild ride. But it will level out I promise. Take care of you. I know it's hard to eat so drink some ensure or something. Make sure you stay hydrated. And come here anytime for support. We are all here for you!
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Post by Lexica on Jul 24, 2014 21:23:55 GMT
I went through that back and forth bit too. I think a lot of us do. You are mad and hurt at the same time. It is one of those two steps forward, one step back kind of adjustments. At least it was for me. I could be doing pretty well and something on TV or someone in a grocery store would trigger a memory and II'd fall apart all over again. That part eventually fades away. Just takes time. You really are light years ahead of so many of us whose marriages are rocked with infidelity. I didn't get to that anger stage for many months after he moved out. This is all fresh and raw for you so of course you're going to go back and forth. You've just been betrayed by the very person who should have always been there for you.
And remember, you know the truth. He can deny all he wants to, but you know what you saw. And what others saw. For nothing going on, a lot of people sure saw a bunch of that nothing, didn't they? Including his own mother! Allow yourself to feel down when you need to. Have a good cry. Your life has just been pulled up by the roots and it is going to hurt. And before you know it, you will be focusing on school and getting settled in with your daughter into your new place. Don't try to pretend the pain away. Feel it and then move on. You and your daughter have each other for support. And It sounds like family and friends have your back here too. And don't forget, you have all of us! And soon, you will develop your new normal. And one day, you will be getting ready for bed and suddenly realize you haven't thought about your ex or the whole situation at all. That's the payoff. You will hurt many times getting there, but when you get there, it feels great. Hugs.
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Post by quinlove on Jul 24, 2014 21:28:29 GMT
Oh honey. Hang in there. The emotional roller coaster is a wild ride. But it will level out I promise. Take care of you. I know it's hard to eat so drink some ensure or something. Make sure you stay hydrated. And come here anytime for support. We are all here for you! ^^^^^^^ That. You have hundreds of Refupeas rooting for you in your corner. Just look in that corner over there / tons of comfort and support is right there whenever you need it.
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Post by Really Red on Jul 24, 2014 21:35:09 GMT
I'm so proud of you! You will get through this, you will! PLEASE give yourself time to grieve. I kept feeling I had to be strong for everyone and it took me a long time to get over things to the point of where I could look at him again without feeling total disgust (and there are still days!!).
Take some time for yourself, for your DD. Do something you really really love to do that you wouldn't have done before. Good luck!!!
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Post by kkrenn on Jul 24, 2014 21:35:40 GMT
GBH - Great Big Hug
for you and your dd, I feel awful for what you are going through and I continue to pray for your continued strength.
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Post by Anne-Marie on Jul 24, 2014 21:37:20 GMT
I am so sorry he has made such horrible choices that affect you and your DD. You seem like a strong woman and it's going to take some time and some work to heal from this. There are going to be hard days and I'm sorry today is one of them. But it sure sounds like you are going to be able to come out better on the other side of this. Keep on posting, we are here for you.
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