composure regained | 2Peas Refugees

composure regained Dec 27, 2015 7:44:39 GMT gar likes this

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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Dec 27, 2015 7:44:39 GMT

Dec 27, 2015 2:41:40 GMT meeko77 said:

Jul 13, 2014 21:23:27 GMT Olan said:

And the biggest fucking elephant in the room is every single pea here has a child who could never lay eyes on them again and be okay with it, a husband who wishes you would STFU and stop clogging his Artie's (arteries was what I was going for but I love the auto correct) and a boss who wishes you would get the fuck of two peas and actually work. We are all failing at something so when someone else comes to the circle and says "Guys I am feeling like I wasted 17 years" no one in the circle should say "oooooo pick me pick me pick me....okay Ashley you have four kids you are a dull old useless thing suck it up"!

What gives you the right?

Well, let's see, every single one of us, right? Huh?
-I don't have any kids.
- No husband, either, though I do have a wife. I am the breadwinner. I don't spend that much time on here, so she doesn't even know that much about it. I don't clog her arteries with cream of crap soup and casseroles either, since I don't cook.

(Yes, I know, wife fail for sure.)
- My boss knows nothing about this either, since I don't use the site at work, as while I am at work I am actually working.

The point it, please don't generalize all of us just because for some reason this thread touched a nerve with you. I didn't judge Ashley, and I don't. Because I sure as hell know my life is not perfect. There are many ways I fail at life. Just because someone gave advice does not mean they were judging. I do agree with Lauren's advice. (That by itself is a rare event.) Sometimes people from the outside can give good advice, even without their own life being perfect. Also, advice is just that, she can take it, or she can dismiss it. No one says she HAS to take everyone's advice.

Well said. I have a husband and he cooks. I can, but not well, and he rocks at it and loves it. We chose not to have any kids and most people are still waiting for us to regret that. Nope. All irrelevant, really, except as a lead-in to saying when I entered this thread many pages ago I refrained from giving advice about divorce and especially about kids. I commented only on studying further as a way of life and possible escape and I tried to do so gently. I own my company and co-own the one I do most of my work for and we pay study grants. I think (but I am sure some peas will disagree) I know a little bit about how best to deploy those funds for the benefit of the company, the person who will be studying and the community who will possibly benefit from research in our field. Sometimes we have to make harsh decisions as there is never enough to send everyone to study and of course we are entitled to weigh up a person's family circumstances when we "judge".

I too have agreed with the viewpoints of many Peas that I have found little common ground with in the past. That is what makes this forum so valuable, IMO. Someone with very strong views coming on a thread and going for others without necessarily helping the OP or the peas who may be silently reading and learning is what ends up hurting the community, sending people who may have wise advice into lurkdom.

The OP is a smart woman. When she has a little bit of breathing room she may come back and learn more from people who do not tell her what she wants to hear right now. A bit like scientific research.

ETA: I hope our OP has had the good news regarding her DH's grant by now. I also hope she is having a wonderful Christmas break.