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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 20, 2015 23:33:12 GMT
While that may be true in the USA, if her DH's grant is with a university, most of them have on site daycare. And in some cases it's offered as a benefit along with medical, dental, etc. So no, neither of them should be giving up working to stay home with the kids. My parents will be taking care of our children once DH is working again; they offered, and we pay them, for those that feel like it's their business to know.  Okay I was going to not say anything because you're obviously hurting/lost--but must you be snotty and antagonize those who are trying help you? She's not the first here that you've been snippy towards, the poster was just offering up help, not trying to delve into your financial business. I'm not speaking of those who are just outright rude or mean either. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 20, 2015 23:43:35 GMT
What "grant" is it your DH is waiting for? And for whoever said her DH wasn't pulling his weight---WTF---he's home with probably the two youngest, makes dinner etc---runs them where they need to be. Would you say that about a mom that stayed home?? That she wasn't pulling her weight?? BINGO If Ashley were a man and came on here complaining about his stay-at-home-mom of a wife, there would instantly be 30 pages of Peas roasting his chestnuts over an open fire. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 20, 2015 23:45:29 GMT
My parents will be taking care of our children once DH is working again; they offered, and we pay them, for those that feel like it's their business to know. Okay I was going to not say anything because you're obviously hurting/lost--but must you be snotty and antagonize those who are trying help you? She's not the first here that you've been snippy towards, the poster was just offering up help, not trying to delve into your financial business. I'm not speaking of those who are just outright rude or mean either. That's her M.O. She constantly comes on here complaining about her life and what she plans to do next and then gets snippy with anyone who disagrees. And then she goes ahead and does it just to prove a point. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 0:08:19 GMT
My parents will be taking care of our children once DH is working again; they offered, and we pay them, for those that feel like it's their business to know. Okay I was going to not say anything because you're obviously hurting/lost--but must you be snotty and antagonize those who are trying help you? She's not the first here that you've been snippy towards, the poster was just offering up help, not trying to delve into your financial business. I'm not speaking of those who are just outright rude or mean either. Every time this subject comes up I receive comments about how unfair I am to my parents and that we are taking advantage of them, and other negative comments, and I'm tired of it. I think I've been very receptive and open during this threads and others, and I am far from snotty. |
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,850
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Dec 21, 2015 0:12:00 GMT
If my spouse talked about me in public the way Ashley has about her husband, I would be humiliated. I don't think it's a kind thing to do at all. I would be mortified if my husband put those sorts of feelings about me on the internet. I think we all would. It's an awfully big thing to believe that your husband does not have normal emotions, I don't think you'd have been with him for 17 years and had four children if you thought that was true. I also think this whole thing about 'makes me shine' is a rather childish concept, it sounds like something celebrity scrapbookers say to illustrate their perfect lives. It's not a very mature or realistic aim. I agree with both posters.
What do you think you dh would think if he would stumble across this on the internet?
This is not your time to shine, it is the time for you to be polishing the shine on your children, the children that you & your dh brought into this world. The children, not you are to shine right now. I think that you self absorbed. It isn't about you anymore, it is about your children.
The stress of your commute, the lack of your own personal time, the lack of sleep and your dh's apparent depression are all coming together in a huge thunderstorm, about to crackle lightning & it isn't going to be pretty at all.
DO NOT make a decision in the heat of the moment. Finish out your contract and hope & pray that your dh gets his grant or another job really soon.
I agree with Yubon's post. If the roles were reversed, there would be a huge out-rage. It is hard for a man to be a full-time caregiver to children. It isn't in most males dna to be a house-husband.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 0:17:39 GMT
This isn't a new issue, so it's not about my DH staying at home.
If you think I've shared inappropriate stuff, you have no clue about ALL the things that I have not, and would never, mentioned here.
And if you think I'm self-absorbed and selfish, than why I am doing something that's killing me, so my children came have Christmas and clothing and food and heat? I don't like this job. I'm not good at it. (But I love the people and work environment). It's a job. I get up every day, I get on a bus, and I come home 12 hours later and when I actually think about it, I cry.
If I was selfish and self-absorbed I'd be doing what I'm GOOD at and what I WANT to do, instead of doing the right thing and providing for my family.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 21, 2015 0:32:10 GMT
Okay I was going to not say anything because you're obviously hurting/lost--but must you be snotty and antagonize those who are trying help you? She's not the first here that you've been snippy towards, the poster was just offering up help, not trying to delve into your financial business. I'm not speaking of those who are just outright rude or mean either. Every time this subject comes up I receive comments about how unfair I am to my parents and that we are taking advantage of them, and other negative comments, and I'm tired of it. I think I've been very receptive and open during this threads and others, and I am far from snotty. I saw nothing to that affect mentioned here on this thread it by the poster you quoted, thus my post that you were being snotty to the poster you quoted. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 21, 2015 0:35:43 GMT
What "grant" is it your DH is waiting for? And for whoever said her DH wasn't pulling his weight---WTF---he's home with probably the two youngest, makes dinner etc---runs them where they need to be. Would you say that about a mom that stayed home?? That she wasn't pulling her weight?? I still think your long days and commute is nuts. You are disconnected from your family..big time. You need to go back and read my post--I NEVER said that he wasn't pulling his weight (but you know what, the OP certainly has!!) What I stated was that if she (the OP) felt that he was not pulling his weight...then she might consider telling him to get out. The OP has been crystal clear regarding the shortcomings of her DH, and that she is not happy, so before you get your panties all wadded up, please read who wrote what. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 0:37:46 GMT
What "grant" is it your DH is waiting for? And for whoever said her DH wasn't pulling his weight---WTF---he's home with probably the two youngest, makes dinner etc---runs them where they need to be. Would you say that about a mom that stayed home?? That she wasn't pulling her weight?? I still think your long days and commute is nuts. You are disconnected from your family..big time. You need to go back and read my post--I NEVER said that he wasn't pulling his weight (but you know what, the OP certainly has!!) What I stated was that if she (the OP) felt that he was not pulling his weight...then she might consider telling him to get out. The OP has been crystal clear regarding the shortcomings of her DH, and that she is not happy, so before you get your panties all wadded up, please read who wrote what. I've actually said many times on this thread that we share parenting and household work very equally although there are times we each do more or less than the other, and right now he's doing a lot. This thread was NOT about housework or taking care of children, it never was. This thread is about deeper relationship issues that I've been struggling with for a long time and I'm finally in a place where I need to make a hard decision. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 21, 2015 0:38:04 GMT
This isn't a new issue, so it's not about my DH staying at home. If you think I've shared inappropriate stuff, you have no clue about ALL the things that I have not, and would never, mentioned here. And if you think I'm self-absorbed and selfish, than why I am doing something that's killing me, so my children came have Christmas and clothing and food and heat? I don't like this job. I'm not good at it. (But I love the people and work environment). It's a job. I get up every day, I get on a bus, and I come home 12 hours later and when I actually think about it, I cry. If I was selfish and self-absorbed I'd be doing what I'm GOOD at and what I WANT to do, instead of doing the right thing and providing for my family. Do you want a medal or something? A trophy? Millions of people have "just a job" that they don't necessarily enjoy but puts food on the table. There aren't millions of people constantly posting on here and complaining about it though. You are self-absorbed because it's obvious that you're either going to quit your job and go back to school ("to shine" - what a load of crap) or divorce your DH. Actually, I predict that you'll be pregnant again within a year. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 0:40:04 GMT
What "grant" is it your DH is waiting for? And for whoever said her DH wasn't pulling his weight---WTF---he's home with probably the two youngest, makes dinner etc---runs them where they need to be. Would you say that about a mom that stayed home?? That she wasn't pulling her weight?? I still think your long days and commute is nuts. You are disconnected from your family..big time. It's not a "grant".. it's a grant. It is a 1/2 million dollar research grant that would pay his salary plus the salary of 3-4 employees to do research for four years. He wrote the entire thing himself and submitted it over 20 weeks ago. Last Friday was supposed to be the last day we expected to hear a reply by, but there is still no rejection/acceptance. An inquiry was made over a week ago to find out the status but there has been no reply to that yet, either. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 21, 2015 0:48:11 GMT
I feel the tone of your post is unfair and a bit attack-y, but I'm going to address it. Research as a career SUCKS. There are almost NO permanent positions; I don't have a biotech degree/experience, so I can't work in private industry (I've been watching those job listings for 6+ months) and research in academia pays very little and comes in 2-3 year contracts with no promise of renewal or job permanence. These jobs also pay very little. None of this I knew when I started my science degrees, and when I started grad school the whole dire PhD situation was not yet apparent, as it is now. Life has changed greatly from what I originally planned. The life DH and I started planning 15 years ago turns out not to be possible in today's working world and economy. I am not unique or alone in this regard; every day at work my colleagues bemoan our limited job opportunities and the PhDs that I work with are terrified of their futures. I know at least three people who I work with who are currently planning on leaving their research positions to go back to school to change their careers; one is going into business, one is going to med school, and one is going to get a degree in industry regulation. Going back to school would not be an escape, it would actually be a burden that I would not particularly look forward to. I cannot be financially independent or support my family through (what I consider to be) the next inevitable unemployment of my DH's if I stay in the job I'm in now. I resent the idea that I'm somehow making my life more difficult to make a point to DH. If I only cared about myself I'd be working on a PhD right now, feeling happy and enjoying doing something that I'm actually very talented at and makes me shine. That's not my tone, but it's hard to have something come across neutrally here. I know the world has changed. I know the jobs you earned degrees for can dissolve unbelievably fast. I know what it's like to be married over half your life and have serious problems. I've lived through all of that and a whole lot worse. I am not unempathetic. There are plenty of others here holding your hand. I decided to give your perceptions of your situation a nudge instead. Don't like my approach? That's your choice. As was it your choice to speak about this in public. I'm not sure that anyone would say that the lives they planned 15 years ago are exactly (or very close) to what they thought they would be 15 years later! No one can predict economic, employment, emotional or family stability. There is nothing wrong with dreaming and planning, however the planning needs to consider the down times too. We are recovering from job losses, moving, health issues, surgeries and a few other crappy ass things but we learned to roll with those punches and make things better. It sucked but it got better because we wanted it too. It wasn't always side by side teamwork either. I knew I wanted a life with my DH (as he with me) but there were stretches of periods of time where just one or the other we're making the effort. One of us knew that we needed to suck it up and plow ahead. In your situation if you keep banging your head against the wall it's going to leave a lump--the same thing every time. Until you do something different. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 21, 2015 0:59:16 GMT
You need to go back and read my post--I NEVER said that he wasn't pulling his weight (but you know what, the OP certainly has!!) What I stated was that if she (the OP) felt that he was not pulling his weight...then she might consider telling him to get out. The OP has been crystal clear regarding the shortcomings of her DH, and that she is not happy, so before you get your panties all wadded up, please read who wrote what. I've actually said many times on this thread that we share parenting and household work very equally although there are times we each do more or less than the other, and right now he's doing a lot. This thread was NOT about housework or taking care of children, it never was. This thread is about deeper relationship issues that I've been struggling with for a long time and I'm finally in a place where I need to make a hard decision. I didn't say it was! I only deferred to what you deemed as his shortcomings--his inability to fulfill you as you need, his unwillingness to change, job-etc., his lack of enthusiasm or desire to go forward. |
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,793 
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Dec 21, 2015 0:59:29 GMT
This isn't a new issue, so it's not about my DH staying at home. If you think I've shared inappropriate stuff, you have no clue about ALL the things that I have not, and would never, mentioned here. And if you think I'm self-absorbed and selfish, than why I am doing something that's killing me, so my children came have Christmas and clothing and food and heat? I don't like this job. I'm not good at it. (But I love the people and work environment). It's a job. I get up every day, I get on a bus, and I come home 12 hours later and when I actually think about it, I cry. If I was selfish and self-absorbed I'd be doing what I'm GOOD at and what I WANT to do, instead of doing the right thing and providing for my family. I've been with you/sympathetic/whatever through the whole post until right here. Girlfriend you need to hear a few things. I won't call you self-absorbed or selfish because I don't think that's who you have shown yourself to be over the years. But I will tell you it's time to be a big girl. YOU ARE AN ADULT. Drop the woe is me martyr act because you go to work everyday at a job that isn't your dream job to put food on the table and presents under the tree. You signed up for this when you chose to have four kids. You know who DIDN'T sign up for parents who can't get their shit together? Your kids. It's obvious from what you've posted in the past and what you've shared here that you are way over your head stress wise. Counseling is going to be great...you NEED to make it happen. It's as necessary as air and water for you and your family right now. I've been in your shoes. I didn't follow my dream career path. Because my DH and I put our kids first. It's a relatively short season of our lives and we'll have plenty of time to do what we *want* with our lives when our day to day commitment to our young kids is over. |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Dec 21, 2015 1:14:36 GMT
Some one posted a few pages ago about wanting a marriage of stomach butterflies and little hearts in your eyes...that's infatuation. It only lasts in marriages if you find a new husband every couple of years.
Yes, yes, I'm sure someone will post that after 20 years of marriage they can't wait to rip their husband's clothes off and have sex in the entry way. However, the reality is marriage is not a romance novel and love and affection are not just the infatuated lust of a new relationship.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 21, 2015 1:25:03 GMT
What "grant" is it your DH is waiting for? And for whoever said her DH wasn't pulling his weight---WTF---he's home with probably the two youngest, makes dinner etc---runs them where they need to be. Would you say that about a mom that stayed home?? That she wasn't pulling her weight?? I still think your long days and commute is nuts. You are disconnected from your family..big time. You need to go back and read my post--I NEVER said that he wasn't pulling his weight (but you know what, the OP certainly has!!) What I stated was that if she (the OP) felt that he was not pulling his weight...then she might consider telling him to get out. The OP has been crystal clear regarding the shortcomings of her DH, and that she is not happy, so before you get your panties all wadded up, please read who wrote what. Not my panties that are all wadded up...seriously... |
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by mallie on Dec 21, 2015 1:33:29 GMT
This isn't a new issue, so it's not about my DH staying at home. If you think I've shared inappropriate stuff, you have no clue about ALL the things that I have not, and would never, mentioned here. And if you think I'm self-absorbed and selfish, than why I am doing something that's killing me, so my children came have Christmas and clothing and food and heat? I don't like this job. I'm not good at it. (But I love the people and work environment). It's a job. I get up every day, I get on a bus, and I come home 12 hours later and when I actually think about it, I cry. If I was selfish and self-absorbed I'd be doing what I'm GOOD at and what I WANT to do, instead of doing the right thing and providing for my family. The vast majority of people get up and go to work at jobs they hate and at which they are often treated like total crap, just to provide for their families. It's called life. Yes, we are all privileged enough to have hoped and believed that we might get more than that out of life, but most of the time, we don't. It's that moment when we realize that our hopes for our life aren't going to be realized, that in terms of work we are nothing more than disposable wage slaves that hurts like a mofo. But you put on your big girl panties and deal. Like most of us do. |
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Post by SallyPA on Dec 21, 2015 1:57:51 GMT
Just another hug for you. You're a smart woman and I know you will make the right decision.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 2:17:03 GMT
First. Hugs!
Second. Almost all couples go through a why the hell did I marry you. If somebody says that they have never, well now good for them.
Third.
Sometimes you need to have "that" moment so you can step back and evaluate what is happening around you.
Then
After the holidays it might be a good time to have adult time with your husband and discuss all your hopes and fears.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 2:37:48 GMT
This isn't a new issue, so it's not about my DH staying at home. If you think I've shared inappropriate stuff, you have no clue about ALL the things that I have not, and would never, mentioned here. And if you think I'm self-absorbed and selfish, than why I am doing something that's killing me, so my children came have Christmas and clothing and food and heat? I don't like this job. I'm not good at it. (But I love the people and work environment). It's a job. I get up every day, I get on a bus, and I come home 12 hours later and when I actually think about it, I cry. If I was selfish and self-absorbed I'd be doing what I'm GOOD at and what I WANT to do, instead of doing the right thing and providing for my family. I actually have a huge bias towards liking you Ashley because for years I have loved your scrapbooking. And because of that bias I've always just automatically liked you. I'm not saying I hold you to higher standards but just explaining how I'm not looking to dislike what you are saying. So having said that, I think your current life perception is making you defensive and angry. You and your husband seem to share a passion for academia and from what you've said it sounds less lucrative which is sad because society needs research. But I have found over the years, that if something you want to pursue in life means having to sacrifice other things like wealth, houses, things etc then you have to come to that conclusion with your mindset. I don't really know what the answer is and realize that everyone's life has layers to it, but I do think you are deflecting a lot of your anger and frustration toward your husband and then possibly hating yourself for it and the way you feel. You chose him for a reason. Ask yourself why and try and work out how you can both get to start living life with a better perception. No one on this thread is doing life any better than you but by putting it out there means you will receive comments that are full of advice that sounds like you're currently doing it all wrong. I don't think that is anyone's intent at all. Certainly not mine. |
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Post by cannmom on Dec 21, 2015 2:40:25 GMT
Glad you are feeling better. It seems like you are going through a really stressful time with the new job and crazy commute. It's ok to feel a little crazy. Be gentle with yourself.
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Post by moveablefeast on Dec 21, 2015 3:26:15 GMT
This isn't a new issue, so it's not about my DH staying at home. If you think I've shared inappropriate stuff, you have no clue about ALL the things that I have not, and would never, mentioned here. And if you think I'm self-absorbed and selfish, than why I am doing something that's killing me, so my children came have Christmas and clothing and food and heat? I don't like this job. I'm not good at it. (But I love the people and work environment). It's a job. I get up every day, I get on a bus, and I come home 12 hours later and when I actually think about it, I cry. If I was selfish and self-absorbed I'd be doing what I'm GOOD at and what I WANT to do, instead of doing the right thing and providing for my family. The vast majority of people get up and go to work at jobs they hate and at which they are often treated like total crap, just to provide for their families. It's called life. Yes, we are all privileged enough to have hoped and believed that we might get more than that out of life, but most of the time, we don't. It's that moment when we realize that our hopes for our life aren't going to be realized, that in terms of work we are nothing more than disposable wage slaves that hurts like a mofo. But you put on your big girl panties and deal. Like most of us do. I can't speak for Ashley because I don't know her industry at all, but I can speak for me. putting on my big girl panties actually meant making a change that was short term costly for long term return. I'm a preschool administrator after years in nonprofit. I'm an idealist. I got into this line of work to make a difference in people's lives and I do. But. I don't have the training to be a director or to move to a public school as an educator. I have maxed out what I can do here without further training. So to provide for my family long term, I needed to make a change because what I was doing isn't a permanent thing. I make a decent secondary income for my family but I will never be a primary breadwinner at the salary I can be paid for what I do. So for three years my family will have to work with me while I finish some training in a professional discipline. The payoff is that I will triple my salary with my first job with my certification. It will pay for itself in one year. I did put on my big girl panties but that didn't mean staying where I was. i believe that what it teaches my daughter is that it's okay to strive for more and expect your family to have your back. I want much more for my child than to think that a woman should ever be stuck being a disposable wage slave and unable to make a change for herself. Sometimes you do settle and sometimes you do make do, but sometimes you don't settle and you don't make do, sometimes you fight tooth and nail to get what you want out of life. Yep, most of us work the grind. Nursing is a grind too. My job is a grind. But I can walk out at the end of the day and at least know that I worked the grind on my own terms. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 21, 2015 4:54:29 GMT
Millions of people have "just a job" that they don't necessarily enjoy but puts food on the table. There aren't millions of people constantly posting on here and complaining about it though.  I am sorry that you aren't happy Ashley, but welcome to the club. If you want to talk about it here, fine, but for goodness sakes, you absolutely do not listen to anything you don't want to hear or to anyone who isn't patting your hand. You should have just said this is a "Please Validate Me" thread to begin with if you didn't want honest opinions from people who don't know you and your husband. SMH. |
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Post by Skellinton on Dec 21, 2015 5:06:21 GMT
While that may be true in the USA, if her DH's grant is with a university, most of them have on site daycare. And in some cases it's offered as a benefit along with medical, dental, etc. So no, neither of them should be giving up working to stay home with the kids. My parents will be taking care of our children once DH is working again; they offered, and we pay them, for those that feel like it's their business to know. I mentioned this before and you addressed my post saying there wasn't a job in your husband's field or education level, but when my husband lost his job after a year of unemployment (during which he refused to file for unemployment) he got a job stocking shelves at night. Way beneath his education, way beneath his previous level of pay, and not even remotely close to what his career was/is. But you know what, he was contributing to the family, he felt better about himself, and it gave him something to focus rather than wallowing and being a crabby jerk because he was embarrassed and felt like a failure. If you have some to watch your kids I think your husband would feel better if he was doing some sort of work. Something is better then nothing. I also think having a job (even though it wasn't anything that pertains to his current job) helped my husband get the job he has now. I think the company he is working for appreciated that he had a strong work ethic and had glowing reviews from the big box store he was working for. Your husband has no excuse for not working, especially since his unemployment is going to run out in a few months. |
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Post by Delta Dawn on Dec 21, 2015 8:32:29 GMT
Ashley, I work a job way below my education and intelligence level. Most days I love going to work. Some days I like it and other days it sucks. I know right now and maybe forever this is a sacrifice I am making. I could go back to school and do a masters degree. I could get funding and I have a book in progress called The Temple Mouse. Will it get published? Maybe. There is a high demand for Japanese women's fiction and non-fiction. Do I want to expose myself like that? Maybe. Maybe not.
I stayed home with my son for most of his life. It was not my time to shine anymore. I had this other creation of mine to raise in a stable, loving home and I think nurturing him was my main job. With 4 children that is a lot of love to go around and the girls need you. I am sure your husband is a great SAHD and it's awesome.
Having the goal of going to nursing school isn't a stretch at all. You have plenty of science courses and if you don't already have a&p you should be able to get in quickly (depending on the wait list of the schools in your province). I just don't think it is a goal for this year or next. When Ruby Skye goes to school full time (kindergarten here is full day now), that might be the time to start back at school. There are accelerated BScN programs everywhere. McMaster has one, UofC has one, UofA has a 2 year post bachelor RN degree my bestie completed a few years ago. She studied languages and she is a wonderful nurse. She also has 4 kids and is a single parent. I also am wondering would medicine not make more sense for you. McMaster has the 3 year program. It is accelerated, but with a MSc you would be a shoe in. I don't know how far you are from Hamilton, but they take all sorts of people with degrees and that might be what you need to do in the near future. Sure it's a long haul, but realistically you are intelligent and you could do this. Just not right now.
I wish you well and always have. You have lots to think about and you have plenty of time to think about it...good luck!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 12:53:00 GMT
Another hug and wishes for a wonderful week and Christmas for you and your family. One thing I think we can all agree on is Life Is Hard.
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imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
Posts: 7,661
Location: Floating in the black veil.
Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on Dec 21, 2015 13:29:48 GMT
I live close to Ashley and she's right. There are NO jobs here for her in her field. That being said, Ashley, you are so smart and brilliant, isn't there another job close by at one of the big hospitals that you qualify for? In a lab? Doesn't Mac do research grants anymore? Could you teach at Mohawk or Mac U? Niagara College? I'm pretty sure with your credentials, you could teach night courses at college or even full time. You should check it out. We aren't close enough for me to help you with the girls or at home (we met at a few crops through the years way back when) and I'm sure you live about fifteen minutes from me.  If you ever want to get together for a coffee, just PM me and we could meet. There's nothing else I can offer you but friendship and an ear. I hope you can solve your issues with DH and the job. I really don't think you sound happy. I wish you all the best. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 13:59:00 GMT
What "grant" is it your DH is waiting for? And for whoever said her DH wasn't pulling his weight---WTF---he's home with probably the two youngest, makes dinner etc---runs them where they need to be. Would you say that about a mom that stayed home?? That she wasn't pulling her weight?? I still think your long days and commute is nuts. You are disconnected from your family..big time. It's not a "grant".. it's a grant. It is a 1/2 million dollar research grant that would pay his salary plus the salary of 3-4 employees to do research for four years. He wrote the entire thing himself and submitted it over 20 weeks ago. Last Friday was supposed to be the last day we expected to hear a reply by, but there is still no rejection/acceptance. An inquiry was made over a week ago to find out the status but there has been no reply to that yet, either. This all sounds very uncertain and it must be a worry for you but I think it's time your husband accepted he may need to look at other job opportunities. He won't be the first and certainly won't be the last person who has had to take employment below his education and intelligence level. |
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Post by knit.pea on Dec 21, 2015 16:17:40 GMT
I think the mindset of people in both their professions is a big issue
the majority of the rest of us don't understand/agree with.
There really are many solutions, but they all involve changing expectations ...
of jobs, where to live, commutes.
But those decisions are easier for some people.
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Post by AN on Dec 21, 2015 16:25:21 GMT
I think the mindset of people in both their professions is a big issue the majority of the rest of us don't understand/agree with. I think you're right. When she said the grant is for $500k for 4 years for 4 - 5 people, I did the quick math on what that breaks down to per year and was like...  . Hopefully some of those people are just part time or something, but yeah, it definitely sounds like PhDs are in a tough situation of not enough jobs, and the ones that do exist aren't paying too well. I agree with those who say it's time for some practical decisions about what jobs are realistic in terms of pay, commute, lifestyle. Not soul-searching, but practical decisions. |
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If you ever want to get together for a coffee, just PM me and we could meet. There's nothing else I can offer you but friendship and an ear. 
Refupea #39
. Hopefully some of those people are just part time or something, but yeah, it definitely sounds like PhDs are in a tough situation of not enough jobs, and the ones that do exist aren't paying too well. I agree with those who say it's time for some practical decisions about what jobs are realistic in terms of pay, commute, lifestyle. Not soul-searching, but practical decisions.