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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 24, 2015 16:17:55 GMT
I'm even more surprised that OP actually "liked" your post wishing ill on others, that has never struck me as who she is from what I've seen of her posts on here. [ The OP is not as sweet and innocent as you have been led to believe. Throughout this thread she has hit the "like" button on all of the most vile posts, as long as they were in defense of her. I've seen her do it on all of her past threads. She doesn't respond to everyone but you better believe she is reading it all with glee. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2015 16:26:15 GMT
now your quotes make it look like you said it. Can you go back and delete those posts, or at least fix them? I'm a total bitch on here but I would never really wish physical harm or illnesses or pain to anyone. I've removed the quote  |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 24, 2015 16:30:03 GMT
Thanks!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2015 16:30:04 GMT
I gotta say, wishing horrible medical issues on others just because they see things from a different perspective than you is pretty fucked up. When someone comes on here asking for advice or putting it all out there, you gotta know that you're going to get it in all forms. I'm even more surprised that OP actually "liked" your post wishing ill on others, that has never struck me as who she is from what I've seen of her posts on here. Just because I liked a post doesn't mean I agree with every single word of it.  |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 24, 2015 18:18:12 GMT
Goodness sakes. I've finally made it to the end of this thread. Boy did this ever get derailed.
I don't even know if Ashley is still reading, but if you are, I want to offer you some hugs. I know what it is like to wake up one day and not recognize your life anymore. I know you've been struggling since going back to work and I really don't know if that stress is coloring your perspective right now, but if it is, give it some more time to adjust to your new normal before making any rash decisions.
You've said a lot of nice things about your DH. He's a good husband and father, he still finds you attractive. It's good that he has some positive qualities and hopefully while you try to figure out what your next move is going to be, you can focus on the good in him. Talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling and see if he can try to meet your needs. But, don't settle either. It really took a lot of courage for me to leave my ex-DH. He had very few redeeming qualities. Was a terrible husband and still is a terrible father. I left him having no job, having to move in with my parents for a little while. It was a real financial struggle for me to put my life back together, but now, I can honestly say five years later, I'm so glad I did it. I am happier now than that I ever was with him. I have a new DH who is like the exact opposite of my old one. It was scary to start completely over, but I did it. But I'm not going to lie to you, it was hard on my kids too. It did take them quite some time to adjust to a new normal.
Anyway, I just want to give you a hug. Good luck!
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 24, 2015 18:29:54 GMT
Ill will? The fact that you guys are clutching your pearls has me laughing. Crazy psycho lady laughter at that. How is what I am saying even close to the things peas have said to each other to turn each other down in years past. Early menopause? That's child's play. This really is like an alternate universe. Oddly enough I feel like I will miss out on some amazing trend, recipe, hot new product, and more importantly sales!!!! I am going to hang around but bow out of this particular thread. The maniacal laughter thing made my sister suggest I "not be mean to people on the Internet on xmas eve". Guess she doesn't see that it was only your lack of solidarity that caused my humanity to wane a little! I really am claws away until I see someone else being totally treated like crap. It seems that I can't shame or insult any of you into seeing things the way I do and I am going to be okay with that. Before you guys hurl the tomatoes and I curtsy (you will see why in a second) do know that I take ownership of every single thing I do or say AND what someone else might take away from that interaction. When you hurt someone who is hurting what the fuck does that say about you. Look at the main "players" in this...my main point should illustrate that I am among this group but as ole OPRAH says hurt people hurt people. So Sage advice or not the advice offered here could only serve to make someone feel more shitty. Another thing to consider is it really sage advice....as I pointed out before the "you suck as a mother" crap came from the women who are the most insecure in their parenting or relationships. They have every reason to be. Truth be told (captain obvious) Olan isn't always kind with her words so I only offer up big time life decision advice to people who I can physically put my hands on should they need a shoulder. I.e. Not going to tell my sister to divorce her husband unless I plan to help pick up the pieces. You guys just tear each other down because you are secretly miserable. Now you're just blowing shit out your ass. You haven't been paying attention at all. Most of us told her to NOT divorce her DH. Moron. Bye |
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Olan
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Post by Olan on Dec 24, 2015 19:00:09 GMT
Ill will? The fact that you guys are clutching your pearls has me laughing. Crazy psycho lady laughter at that. How is what I am saying even close to the things peas have said to each other to turn each other down in years past. Early menopause? That's child's play. This really is like an alternate universe. Oddly enough I feel like I will miss out on some amazing trend, recipe, hot new product, and more importantly sales!!!! I am going to hang around but bow out of this particular thread. The maniacal laughter thing made my sister suggest I "not be mean to people on the Internet on xmas eve". Guess she doesn't see that it was only your lack of solidarity that caused my humanity to wane a little! I really am claws away until I see someone else being totally treated like crap. It seems that I can't shame or insult any of you into seeing things the way I do and I am going to be okay with that. Before you guys hurl the tomatoes and I curtsy (you will see why in a second) do know that I take ownership of every single thing I do or say AND what someone else might take away from that interaction. When you hurt someone who is hurting what the fuck does that say about you. Look at the main "players" in this...my main point should illustrate that I am among this group but as ole OPRAH says hurt people hurt people. So Sage advice or not the advice offered here could only serve to make someone feel more shitty. Another thing to consider is it really sage advice....as I pointed out before the "you suck as a mother" crap came from the women who are the most insecure in their parenting or relationships. They have every reason to be. Truth be told (captain obvious) Olan isn't always kind with her words so I only offer up big time life decision advice to people who I can physically put my hands on should they need a shoulder. I.e. Not going to tell my sister to divorce her husband unless I plan to help pick up the pieces. You guys just tear each other down because you are secretly miserable. Now you're just blowing shit out your ass. You haven't been paying attention at all. Most of us told her to NOT divorce her DH. Moron. Bye I read the entire thread I saw the advice to stay married and got that that was the general consensus. My i.e. was the one that came to mind because my 32 year old sister just celebrated 10 years of marriage and Id never tell her to make any life choice I wasn't ready to support her in. Better example is my sister was slated to go to a state college and I convinced her not to. I sent her awesome care packages paid her car note AND she met the guy she just renewed her vows with (at bible study no less...can you tell I am the younger sister) on the very first day of class. Had I been a causal friend who just tried to stop her shine maybe I could relate to what happens here at two peas. Yubon, as always, suck it. Be sure to Impress upon him how important it is to take a Claritin first. Final post. *pew pew pew pew* hahahahahahhahahahahahaha |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 24, 2015 19:55:47 GMT
Had I been a causal friend who just tried to stop her shine maybe I could relate to what happens here at two peas.
Yubon, as always, suck it. Be sure to Impress upon him how important it is to take a Claritin first.
-----------------------------
You really are a dipshit of epic proportions. You do realize that this is a message board, right? And that most of us don't personally know the OP or live anywhere near her, right? So what you're saying is that since we are just casual friends who can't physically be there to pat Ashely on her head while she makes these decisions, then we can't possibly offer advice? Then why the fuck did she post here to begin with?
I'm sorry, Ashley. I've approached this all wrong. I can't give you any advice because I wouldn't be there to help you along the way. You know, to pay your mortgage and car note when shit gets real. So you just go on with your bad self and SHINE. Just shine. Do whatever it is that makes you shine, girlfriend. If that means divorcing a man who is a great father and decent husband, then do it. If that means sitting in a classroom while your family eats beans out of a can, then just do it. Shine shine shine away.
And really, Claritin? That's the best you've got? You really don't know how to come at me, do you?
Deuces, bitch.
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Post by chlerbie on Dec 24, 2015 20:11:05 GMT
I really don't get why people are jumping on Ashley's "it makes me shine" comment. Don't we all want to shine at something? Don't we all have to feel good and happy in our lives? That also helps us to be able to bring happiness and light into the lives of those we love. Sucking it up and plodding through life just doesn't sound all that desirable to me. We all deserve to be happy and only Ashley knows what her life is like and what she gives/brings to it. Striving to be better, to do new things, etc. doesn't have to be detrimental to a family.
Ashley, I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.
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~Lauren~
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Dec 24, 2015 20:34:29 GMT
Ashley, I've stayed out of this until now. I've been where you are now. In a marriage I felt was loveless, with two young children, a desire to go back to school, and with a desire to do what was right for me. I truly do understand how you feel.
Now the reality that I had to face and you now face: once you make a choice to have children, you've made a choice to put their best interests and welfare above your own until they are old enough to fend for themselves; that usually means high school graduation or close thereto. People say "don't I get to have a life?". The short answer is "no". You made a choice about your life when you became pregnant with them.
From what I have seen of your posts, I get that you are dissatisfied and unhappy. BUT, your children are in the best place for them. Yubon is right; you and your husband must put your own interests and desires for job satisfaction aside and both of you must work full time in order to assure that their little lives are not in shambles. The desire to shine is understandable; the insistence on having that at the expense of your little ones is unacceptable.
Olan, aside from being a bitch, is just plain wrong about what support means (I know I'll be having my past thrown in my face by her, but don't care). "Support" means giving you the best advice we can under the circumstances we know. We are here for you to complain to, to cry to and to commiserate with you. Support does not mean telling you to do whatever you want or that you 'deserve happiness'. Real life friends don't do that and neither should we. We are here to bounce ideas off of not to condone every idea you have. And frankly, right now under your circumstances, any desire to go back to school, divorce etc is simply not a good idea.
You need to sit down and have a long hard talk with your husband about your joint responsibilities to your children. Perhaps that means one of you stays home until the littlest ones are in school but I agree with Yubon; you don't tag team who gets to stay home. Your "time" was before they were born and will come again after they grow up. How do I know? I lived it. I desperately wanted to go back to school to get a degree in Astrophysics. The hard cold reality was that with a 7 year old and a 10 year old, that simply wasn't doable without tossing them to the wind. When my youngest was 16, I went back to school for a math degree BUT I continued to work full time. You do what you have to in order to put them first.
I do wish you the best.
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Post by delilahtwo on Dec 24, 2015 22:36:00 GMT
Ok, I had been avoiding this thread for quite some time. I read the original OP when it was posted but thought it was not something I wanted to get into. Then it became 9 pages! And shockingly, Yubon posted stuff I agreed with! And Lauren as well! And Olan posted some incoherent stuff that really made very little sense that seemed to reference stuff from years back that I have no idea about and then proceeded to flip out about people's reaction to her post!
Wow!
So my take. OP, I think a lot of us have had moments of looking at our spouse and wondering what we are doing with them. Why we spent the last years with them. And why we are looking at spending the next years with them. I have had times where I haven't liked my spouse very much, it has sometimes been weeks and I think once months. But marriage to me is a huge commitment and all marriages have tough times. Much as my DH hasn't always been so D and isn't the "dream" husband, I have also not always been so "D" and am far from the dream wife.
Are you willing to throw 17 years away? Are you willing to make your own life and that of your childrens' that much more difficult than it has to be? Or are you willing to remember why you fell in love with your husband in the first place, accept him for who he is (that includes faults) and realize that he accepts you for who you are?
Go to a counselor. I know you plan to but you really need to. And realize that what you want is probably not reasonable. As Yubon said, you made 4 children with this man, you must have known at least 2 children ago that there were problems. Going back and getting your PhD or becoming a nurse will not make your problems go away.
I'm just so shocked that I'm agreeing with Yubon here. I generally think she's quite the bitch but in this case, her wording could have been a bit kinder but I think she's right on. |
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Olan
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Post by Olan on Dec 25, 2015 0:05:05 GMT
I am an incoherent meanie but no one gets that who cares what you think because:
A. No one here is providing for Ashley's family l
B. It doesn't "add up" because it's not necessary for you to understand someone else's life choices.
C. Did Ashley recieve your advice I think she felt attacked and hurt
And the biggest fucking elephant in the room is every single pea here has a child who could never lay eyes on them again and be okay with it, a husband who wishes you would STFU and stop clogging his Artie's (arteries was what I was going for but I love the auto correct) and a boss who wishes you would get the fuck of two peas and actually work. We are all failing at something so when someone else comes to the circle and says "Guys I am feeling like I wasted 17 years" no one in the circle should say "oooooo pick me pick me pick me....okay Ashley you have four kids you are a dull old useless thing suck it up"!
What gives you the right?
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Olan
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Post by Olan on Dec 25, 2015 0:08:56 GMT
Had I been a causal friend who just tried to stop her shine maybe I could relate to what happens here at two peas. Yubon, as always, suck it. Be sure to Impress upon him how important it is to take a Claritin first. ----------------------------- You really are a dipshit of epic proportions. You do realize that this is a message board, right? And that most of us don't personally know the OP or live anywhere near her, right? So what you're saying is that since we are just casual friends who can't physically be there to pat Ashely on her head while she makes these decisions, then we can't possibly offer advice? Then why the fuck did she post here to begin with? I'm sorry, Ashley. I've approached this all wrong. I can't give you any advice because I wouldn't be there to help you along the way. You know, to pay your mortgage and car note when shit gets real. So you just go on with your bad self and SHINE. Just shine. Do whatever it is that makes you shine, girlfriend. If that means divorcing a man who is a great father and decent husband, then do it. If that means sitting in a classroom while your family eats beans out of a can, then just do it. Shine shine shine away. And really, Claritin? That's the best you've got? You really don't know how to come at me, do you? Deuces, bitch. I really do know how to come at you but since your mother affirms every day how you are slowly becoming her and that soon even those fancy trips won't lure the boy away from the happy little family his dad creates I'll just leave you to rock in your own little corner. Plus I mean shit once the dander keeps collecting how can the kid survive in your household anyway. You are choosing cats over your child and you want to judge someone else. Really bitch? |
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Post by delilahtwo on Dec 25, 2015 0:22:30 GMT
I am an incoherent meanie but no one gets that who cares what you think because: A. No one here is providing for Ashley's family l B. It doesn't "add up" because it's not necessary for you to understand someone else's life choices. C. Did Ashley recieve your advice I think she felt attacked and hurt And the biggest fucking elephant in the room is every single pea here has a child who could never lay eyes on them again and be okay with it, a husband who wishes you would STFU and stop clogging his Artie's (arteries was what I was going for but I love the auto correct) and a boss who wishes you would get the fuck of two peas and actually work. We are all failing at something so when someone else comes to the circle and says "Guys I am feeling like I wasted 17 years" no one in the circle should say "oooooo pick me pick me pick me....okay Ashley you have four kids you are a dull old useless thing suck it up"!B What gives you the right? WTF are you talking about? |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 25, 2015 0:32:49 GMT
For what it's worth, I didn't get the deuces reference either. I was going to ask for clarification, but then decided it wouldn't be worth whatever low point in my life I may have shared on here, being viciously hurled back at me for having the audacity to ask. I was also sharing a low point in my life. I didn't viciously attack anyone who didn't come for me. I lowblowed Cindy's horrible marriage but she's been unhappy as many years as she has been a pea so on a scale of 1-10 my insult is like a 2. Dead inside already. Same with Yubon. Telling someone they are selfish, over educated, and not putting their children first is okay as long as it's an opinion. Yep--your low point in life is still rolling--you're still a bitch. |
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Post by moveablefeast on Dec 25, 2015 0:40:13 GMT
FREE HUGS FREE CHRISTMAS HUGS FREE HUGS FOR EVERYBODY  |
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Post by jbelle on Dec 25, 2015 0:58:07 GMT
FREE HUGS FREE CHRISTMAS HUGS FREE HUGS FOR EVERYBODY  once again, 2peas is off the chain... Hugs |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 25, 2015 1:24:39 GMT
admin, can you shed any light on the reason why olan's avatar has reverted to the kiwi? Does it mean anything? Thanks  She did it herself, changed it that us, because she was being a vicious bitch and she was afraid another spread sheet pea would track her. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 25, 2015 1:30:26 GMT
now your quotes make it look like you said it. Can you go back and delete those posts, or at least fix them? I'm a total bitch on here but I would never really wish physical harm or illnesses or pain to anyone. On my first read, I totally got that it was Olan being the bitch wishing her illness... |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 25, 2015 1:34:08 GMT
Ill will? The fact that you guys are clutching your pearls has me laughing. Crazy psycho lady laughter at that. How is what I am saying even close to the things peas have said to each other to turn each other down in years past. Early menopause? That's child's play. This really is like an alternate universe. Oddly enough I feel like I will miss out on some amazing trend, recipe, hot new product, and more importantly sales!!!! I am going to hang around but bow out of this particular thread. The maniacal laughter thing made my sister suggest I "not be mean to people on the Internet on xmas eve". Guess she doesn't see that it was only your lack of solidarity that caused my humanity to wane a little! I really am claws away until I see someone else being totally treated like crap. It seems that I can't shame or insult any of you into seeing things the way I do and I am going to be okay with that. Before you guys hurl the tomatoes and I curtsy (you will see why in a second) do know that I take ownership of every single thing I do or say AND what someone else might take away from that interaction. When you hurt someone who is hurting what the fuck does that say about you. Look at the main "players" in this...my main point should illustrate that I am among this group but as ole OPRAH says hurt people hurt people. So Sage advice or not the advice offered here could only serve to make someone feel more shitty. Another thing to consider is it really sage advice....as I pointed out before the "you suck as a mother" crap came from the women who are the most insecure in their parenting or relationships. They have every reason to be. Truth be told (captain obvious) Olan isn't always kind with her words so I only offer up big time life decision advice to people who I can physically put my hands on should they need a shoulder. I.e. Not going to tell my sister to divorce her husband unless I plan to help pick up the pieces. You guys just tear each other down because you are secretly miserable. And I thought your sister told you not to be mean, but you couldn't help yourself now could you. Take your own "sage advice" sweetie. You need it more than any other AND every poster on this thread. Oh and congrats on making this thread all about you and your fucked up life. |
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Dec 25, 2015 1:42:13 GMT
A half million dollars is $500,000.00. If that $500,000.00 is supposed to last 4 years that's $125,000.00 to pay for Ashley's DH and 3 or 4 assistants. With 4 assistants, that's 5 people splitting $125,000.00 each year, or $25,000.00 per person if they all draw the same salary. With only 3 assistants it would be $31,250.00 per person per year. We should assume that Ashley's DH's portion of the grant money will be higher than that of the assistants. I have no idea what a reasonable dept. head should make but am going to say $60,000.00 per year minimum. That will leave $65,000.00 to pay assistants each year.
The grant does not sound like a viable proposition at all.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 25, 2015 1:43:40 GMT
I am an incoherent meanie but no one gets that who cares what you think because: A. No one here is providing for Ashley's family l B. It doesn't "add up" because it's not necessary for you to understand someone else's life choices. C. Did Ashley recieve your advice I think she felt attacked and hurt And the biggest fucking elephant in the room is every single pea here has a child who could never lay eyes on them again and be okay with it, a husband who wishes you would STFU and stop clogging his Artie's (arteries was what I was going for but I love the auto correct) and a boss who wishes you would get the fuck of two peas and actually work. We are all failing at something so when someone else comes to the circle and says "Guys I am feeling like I wasted 17 years" no one in the circle should say "oooooo pick me pick me pick me....okay Ashley you have four kids you are a dull old useless thing suck it up"!B What gives you the right? WTF are you talking about? I swear she's typing drunk off her ass. |
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moodyblue
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Post by moodyblue on Dec 25, 2015 3:43:04 GMT
A half million dollars is $500,000.00. If that $500,000.00 is supposed to last 4 years that's $125,000.00 to pay for Ashley's DH and 3 or 4 assistants. With 4 assistants, that's 5 people splitting $125,000.00 each year, or $25,000.00 per person if they all draw the same salary. With only 3 assistants it would be $31,250.00 per person per year. We should assume that Ashley's DH's portion of the grant money will be higher than that of the assistants. I have no idea what a reasonable dept. head should make but am going to say $60,000.00 per year minimum. That will leave $65,000.00 to pay assistants each year. The grant does not sound like a viable proposition at all. I believe Ashley said the grant money would be matched by money from another source, so it sounds like it would actually be double the 500K. |
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Post by Merge on Dec 25, 2015 3:44:07 GMT
I really hope Ashley has walked away from this thread and is having some well-deserved relaxation time with her family. What a big ball of crazy this has become.
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Post by Belia on Dec 25, 2015 3:57:20 GMT
Well, it *is* Thrusday.....
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Dec 25, 2015 7:07:05 GMT
Grants don't just cover salaries. They also cover the cost of the research.
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 25, 2015 7:50:21 GMT
A half million dollars is $500,000.00. If that $500,000.00 is supposed to last 4 years that's $125,000.00 to pay for Ashley's DH and 3 or 4 assistants. With 4 assistants, that's 5 people splitting $125,000.00 each year, or $25,000.00 per person if they all draw the same salary. With only 3 assistants it would be $31,250.00 per person per year. We should assume that Ashley's DH's portion of the grant money will be higher than that of the assistants. I have no idea what a reasonable dept. head should make but am going to say $60,000.00 per year minimum. That will leave $65,000.00 to pay assistants each year. The grant does not sound like a viable proposition at all. Careful now. Those appear to be fighting words on this thread.  The only acceptable advice here is to be completely supportive of shining. Now, I must get back to feeding my bread-winning husband artery-clogging casseroles made with condensed creamed soups while nagging him about the children who hate me and whom I won't miss once they leave home. I don't know about you, but that just describes my life to a t! |
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Post by Lindarina on Dec 25, 2015 13:29:46 GMT
This thread is definitely getting close to being worthy of its own name  Deuce gate? |
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Dani-Mani
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 25, 2015 13:31:55 GMT
I have no dog in this fight but have received a salary via a grant before. Most universities supplement that grant money. Most "research assistants" are graduate students and most definitely do NOT receive anywhere close to a liviable salary from a grant. However, a postdoc would receive more but still not as much as the PI.So there's definitely more money for her husband than what most of you are calculating, at least if the grant is through a university.
I got nothing if it's through a private company.
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Post by meeko77 on Dec 27, 2015 2:41:40 GMT
And the biggest fucking elephant in the room is every single pea here has a child who could never lay eyes on them again and be okay with it, a husband who wishes you would STFU and stop clogging his Artie's (arteries was what I was going for but I love the auto correct) and a boss who wishes you would get the fuck of two peas and actually work. We are all failing at something so when someone else comes to the circle and says "Guys I am feeling like I wasted 17 years" no one in the circle should say "oooooo pick me pick me pick me....okay Ashley you have four kids you are a dull old useless thing suck it up"! What gives you the right? Well, let's see, every single one of us, right? Huh? -I don't have any kids. - No husband, either, though I do have a wife. I am the breadwinner. I don't spend that much time on here, so she doesn't even know that much about it. I don't clog her arteries with cream of crap soup and casseroles either, since I don't cook. (Yes, I know, wife fail for sure.) - My boss knows nothing about this either, since I don't use the site at work, as while I am at work I am actually working. The point it, please don't generalize all of us just because for some reason this thread touched a nerve with you. I didn't judge Ashley, and I don't. Because I sure as hell know my life is not perfect. There are many ways I fail at life. Just because someone gave advice does not mean they were judging. I do agree with Lauren's advice. (That by itself is a rare event.) Sometimes people from the outside can give good advice, even without their own life being perfect. Also, advice is just that, she can take it, or she can dismiss it. No one says she HAS to take everyone's advice. |
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My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803
