katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,377 
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Post by katybee on Jul 24, 2014 3:10:46 GMT
I just got back from my dad's funeral in Missouri. I spent a lot of time in his house. I've always known my stepmother was a pack rat, but now I think it is going beyond that. I think my dad may have been keeping it in check, but now that he's gone...and with the additional stress of his death...I'm seriously worried for her.
The house is a large 4 bedroom home with a finished basement. The basement and double garage are filled top to bottom with storage bins and boxes. Every closet and cabinet are full to bursting. She loves knick-knacks...every surface area is covered with them. She has very little negative space on her walls. She never throws away anything. She has magazines from 2001 on her coffee table. She loves garage sales and thrift shops.
In her spare bedroom, there is only a path about 2 feet wide around the bed to walk in. The bed itself is covered with stuff. She has 2 refrigerators and a big freezer FULL of food. We seriously had trouble finding room to put things. Like she has at least 12 packages of margarine sticks. It was just her and my dad--why would they need 48 sticks of margarine?
I was cooking bacon and poured the grease in a can to throw away. She was sad because I didn't pour it in the grease can on top of the stove for her to cook with later (it was full and eww...). We had 2 honey baked hams for after the funeral. She wouldn't let me throw away the bone for one of the hams. I'm all for cooking with the leftover hambone, but she has almost an entire other ham. And, again, it's just her now, and she's probably not going to feel like cooking for a bit. She kept the carton the eggs came in (it held 30 eggs). She doesn't know what for...but now it's on the pile on the bed in the spare bedroom. These are just a FEW examples!
Don't worry... I didn't say anything. She just lost my dad. If stuff gives her comfort, she can have her stuff. The last thing she needs now is an intervention. But it may be something we have to deal with in the future...
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 24, 2014 3:19:24 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss. I do think maybe gently talking to her on a later date would be a good idea. Maybe you can offer come go back down there one weekend and help her clear stuff out in case she needs support.
Good luck!
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Jul 24, 2014 8:23:06 GMT
Sorry about the loss of your dad. Good luck with your stepmother. It sounds like it will be tough.
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Post by Scrapbrat on Jul 24, 2014 10:24:36 GMT
That's so sad. It does sound like hoarding. Maybe you can get her some help some time in the future. Also I'm so sorry about your dad.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Jul 24, 2014 10:58:31 GMT
Sorry about your dad. Give her some time but it sounds like an intervention and mental health help is needed. Hopefully, she will be open to it.
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Post by magentapea on Jul 24, 2014 12:08:26 GMT
I'm sorry about the loss of your dad. It does sound like your stepmother is a hoarder. My inlaws are hoarders, too, and my DH has picked up on that tendency. I am worried about what happens when they pass and we are left to clean out the house. I have tried to help them, but they don't see any problems. (I did start stealing expired food and bringing it home to toss just to prevent them from getting sick.)
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 24, 2014 12:14:32 GMT
Sorry to hear about your Dad. X
Maybe leave the conversation for a while, and then ask her if she needs any help sorting things out.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 24, 2014 12:58:28 GMT
Sorry about your dad. Give her some time but it sounds like an intervention and mental health help is needed. Hopefully, she will be open to it. Maybe you could couch it in terms of grief counseling, but give the counselor a heads up that they need to address her propensity toward hoarding? |
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Post by alibama on Jul 24, 2014 13:03:14 GMT
I am sorry for your loss  |
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Post by eebud on Jul 24, 2014 13:11:52 GMT
Katybee, I feel for you. It is hard to see and she might fight you trying to help her. I have an aunt that I think is a hoarder too. When my uncle was alive, I believe he was able to keep things somewhat in check. There was still a lot of stuff but it seemed to be contained to a degree. She told me that I would probably think she was a hoarder if I came in her house. She will not let anyone go in her house, including her own kids. None of them have been in the house since a year or two after my uncle, their dad, died. He has been gone over 7 years. If you saw her, you would have no idea. She is a very "put together" lady and looks much younger than her age.
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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Jul 24, 2014 13:13:56 GMT
I am sorry for the loss of your father. And you are correct, it is bad now, it will get worse... much worse.
My MIL is a hoarder, she saves EVERYTHING. If the s--- were to hit the fan, I'd run to her place, only because she has EVERYTHING and there is sure to be SOMETHING useful. Which is why she hoards. Last time I was at her home, there was barely room to sit or stand, and her bed that had been cleared, isn't.
DH and even DD have this to a degree. It was easier when we were moving every couple years NOT to collect stuff.
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Post by Heidi on Jul 24, 2014 13:44:09 GMT
It's probably a good idea for her to seek help. Try to have that conversation with her.
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Deleted
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Apr 16, 2024 4:44:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 13:44:26 GMT
My in-laws are very much like this. They keep everything! When DH's grandma moved in with them due to her health, they packed another household worth of stuff into their already overstuffed house. I always feel closed in when we visit them, almost claustrophobic. MIL once said her depression was most likely caused by all the stuff in her house, so we offered to pay a professional organizer to help them get rid of stuff - think of the old TLC show, Clean Sweep. She didn't want a stranger in her house, going through her things. But we tried.
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Post by papersilly on Jul 24, 2014 14:44:04 GMT
The house is a large 4 bedroom home with a finished basement. The basement and double garage are filled top to bottom with storage bins and boxes. Every closet and cabinet are full to bursting. She loves knick-knacks...every surface area is covered with them. She has very little negative space on her walls. She never throws away anything. She has magazines from 2001 on her coffee table. She loves garage sales and thrift shops. In her spare bedroom, there is only a path about 2 feet wide around the bed to walk in. The bed itself is covered with stuff. She has 2 refrigerators and a big freezer FULL of food. We seriously had trouble finding room to put things. Like she has at least 12 packages of margarine sticks. It was just her and my dad--why would they need 48 sticks of margarine? I was cooking bacon and poured the grease in a can to throw away. She was sad because I didn't pour it in the grease can on top of the stove for her to cook with later (it was full and eww...). We had 2 honey baked hams for after the funeral. She wouldn't let me throw away the bone for one of the hams. I'm all for cooking with the leftover hambone, but she has almost an entire other ham. And, again, it's just her now, and she's probably not going to feel like cooking for a bit. She kept the carton the eggs came in (it held 30 eggs). She doesn't know what for...but now it's on the pile on the bed in the spare bedroom. These are just a FEW examples! These are my in-laws exactly. The other day, MIL told us we should not get rid of the stuff in the house when they die. She actually expects the kids to keep paying the mortgage just to keep housing their hoard. It's ridiculous. |
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Post by NanaKate on Jul 24, 2014 15:06:46 GMT
I am sorry for your loss. Maybe with time you'll be able to help her sort things out and pare down.
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Post by marmargirl on Jul 24, 2014 15:27:00 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss. I agree that your step-mother may have a problem and I just wanted to say that I think it's wonderful of you to be so concerned for her, and to not want to push her just yet. Hopefully, within a few months time, she may be ready to start moving forward. I wish you luck.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,377
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Post by katybee on Jul 24, 2014 17:18:27 GMT
My stepmother lives in Missouri and I live in Texas, so I don't have to deal with it often. It's not as bad as you see on TV... Yet, anyway. There's still room in the living room and other areas. It's very neat, and she doesn't keep actual trash. But she has a HARD time throwing away anything that might be useful...
It's a huge house for just her and is really starting to need some work. We're hoping she'll eventually want to move to a smaller place. But we're not pushing that right now.
I just couldn't live with all that STUFF! I know everyone is different, though.
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Deleted
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Apr 16, 2024 4:44:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 3:08:42 GMT
The house is a large 4 bedroom home with a finished basement. The basement and double garage are filled top to bottom with storage bins and boxes. Every closet and cabinet are full to bursting. She loves knick-knacks...every surface area is covered with them. She has very little negative space on her walls. She never throws away anything. She has magazines from 2001 on her coffee table. She loves garage sales and thrift shops. In her spare bedroom, there is only a path about 2 feet wide around the bed to walk in. The bed itself is covered with stuff. She has 2 refrigerators and a big freezer FULL of food. We seriously had trouble finding room to put things. Like she has at least 12 packages of margarine sticks. It was just her and my dad--why would they need 48 sticks of margarine? I was cooking bacon and poured the grease in a can to throw away. She was sad because I didn't pour it in the grease can on top of the stove for her to cook with later (it was full and eww...). We had 2 honey baked hams for after the funeral. She wouldn't let me throw away the bone for one of the hams. I'm all for cooking with the leftover hambone, but she has almost an entire other ham. And, again, it's just her now, and she's probably not going to feel like cooking for a bit. She kept the carton the eggs came in (it held 30 eggs). She doesn't know what for...but now it's on the pile on the bed in the spare bedroom. These are just a FEW examples! These are my in-laws exactly. The other day, MIL told us we should not get rid of the stuff in the house when they die. She actually expects the kids to keep paying the mortgage just to keep housing their hoard. It's ridiculous. No after how awful this sounds.......when my inlaws die bf and I will get a few treasured things from inside, his dads guns and a Hoosier cabinet bf made his mother, a few photo albums etc.....then promptly set the place ablaze! There's 38+ years worth of shit in there!!! This is the crazy woman who was behind LIVID that someone wouldn't buy her VHS tapes last year for $3-$5 each when most of them were new. Someone at a flea market offered her a penny each for them! The look on her face entertained us for DAAAYYYSSS!  You can't even shut her fridge door without an act of Congress it's that full of stuff. Blech. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 25, 2014 3:28:06 GMT
Katybee I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I think you're right not to say anything just now, but also agree that it wmay need to be addressed in the future. I may have missed this bit, but does your stepmother have kids of her own?
Eebud, this describes my darling aunt almost to a T! Except she does let people in her house, just not upstairs where most of the junk is hiding.
In the past we have made jokes about her being a hoarder, but she just laughs it off. I just figure that when she eventually passes the rest of us in the family will just have to clean the crap out of her house.
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Post by papersilly on Jul 25, 2014 4:22:26 GMT
No after how awful this sounds.......when my inlaws die bf and I will get a few treasured things from inside, his dads guns and a Hoosier cabinet bf made his mother, a few photo albums etc.....then promptly set the place ablaze! There's 38+ years worth of shit in there!!! This is the crazy woman who was behind LIVID that someone wouldn't buy her VHS tapes last year for $3-$5 each when most of them were new. Someone at a flea market offered her a penny each for them! The look on her face entertained us for DAAAYYYSSS! You can't even shut her fridge door without an act of Congress it's that full of stuff. Blech. MIL has 2 refrigerators stuffed to the gills. She will save the tiniest sliver of food. She is probably responsible for 90% of the world's consumption of ziplock baggies. Before we eat anything, we always check the expiration date. I am not shocked at how much of it is expired. When they are gone, DH jokes that he will just have a roll off back up to the house and haul everything away rather than go through rooms and rooms and sheds and containers. The bank wouldn't appreciate him setting fire to the place. LOL. I told FIL that he should donate his garage full of tools to Habitat for Humanity. He refuses even though he doesn't even go outside anymore. Every time MIL has a yard sale, I think she overprices everything so she can keep it. When FIL donated some stuff, she went and bought it back! |
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Deleted
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Apr 16, 2024 4:44:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 4:36:12 GMT
No after how awful this sounds.......when my inlaws die bf and I will get a few treasured things from inside, his dads guns and a Hoosier cabinet bf made his mother, a few photo albums etc.....then promptly set the place ablaze! There's 38+ years worth of shit in there!!! This is the crazy woman who was behind LIVID that someone wouldn't buy her VHS tapes last year for $3-$5 each when most of them were new. Someone at a flea market offered her a penny each for them! The look on her face entertained us for DAAAYYYSSS! You can't even shut her fridge door without an act of Congress it's that full of stuff. Blech. MIL has 2 refrigerators stuffed to the gills. She will save the tiniest sliver of food. She is probably responsible for 90% of the world's consumption of ziplock baggies. Before we eat anything, we always check the expiration date. I am not shocked at how much of it is expired. When they are gone, DH jokes that he will just have a roll off back up to the house and haul everything away rather than go through rooms and rooms and sheds and containers. The bank wouldn't appreciate him setting fire to the place. LOL. I told FIL that he should donate his garage full of tools to Habitat for Humanity. He refuses even though he doesn't even go outside anymore. Every time MIL has a yard sale, I think she overprices everything so she can keep it. When FIL donated some stuff, she went and bought it back! When BF and I were dating I found cans of food under her bathroom sink while looking for a roll of TP. Thinking it was they by mistake I offered to bring it back to the kitchen and was told no, she stores them there because her cabinets are full!! They are 2 people in the house now and she literally has over 70 place settings of dishes in the cabinets. The closet in her "spare room" has the doors off and the hanging bar removed and shelves full of Rubbermaid containers, like hundreds!! She has over 50 new hand towels with tags still on, in her bathroom closet. She has 26 belts on a hook on her bathroom door, and doesn't wear belts. And a child's potty seat hanging behind the door too...why? |
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Post by papersilly on Jul 25, 2014 4:55:12 GMT
When BF and I were dating I found cans of food under her bathroom sink while looking for a roll of TP. Thinking it was they by mistake I offered to bring it back to the kitchen and was told no, she stores them there because her cabinets are full!! They are 2 people in the house now and she literally has over 70 place settings of dishes in the cabinets. The closet in her "spare room" has the doors off and the hanging bar removed and shelves full of Rubbermaid containers, like hundreds!! She has over 50 new hand towels with tags still on, in her bathroom closet. She has 26 belts on a hook on her bathroom door, and doesn't wear belts. And a child's potty seat hanging behind the door too...why? The same thing happened to us with the toilet paper. One would think the extra rolls would be in the bathroom but noooooo, they are outside in a Rubbermaid garden shed because the bathroom cupboard is filled with other stuff. and the China! Oh the dozens and dozens of place settings (in different designs) she has! Not only does she buy the place settings but all the other serving platters and accessories that come in the collection. There are also the silverware and stemware. Crazy because we haven't had a formal dinner in years But she keeps buying china. |
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Deleted
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Apr 16, 2024 4:44:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 5:16:50 GMT
My mil used to work at Pfaltzgraff before they closed their US plants so she got tons of stuff for dirt cheap and she even has CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS with the different patterns on. And the matching S&P shakers and candle stick holders and napkin rings....all pretty things to fill her formal dining room table that you can't see the top of......  I swear I'll have to take pics so ppl don't think I make this shit up!!! Lol!! |
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Post by papersilly on Jul 25, 2014 5:30:30 GMT
My mil used to work at Pfaltzgraff before they closed their US plants so she got tons of stuff for dirt cheap and she even has CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS with the different patterns on. And the matching S&P shakers and candle stick holders and napkin rings....all pretty things to fill her formal dining room table that you can't see the top of...... I swear I'll have to take pics so ppl don't think I make this shit up!!! Lol!! She has the formal dining table set for 8 at all times. Place settings, napkins, the whole nine yards. Different china patterns every month or holiday. The funny part is that the place settings are all Saran wrapped so they don't get dusty. They look like those couches with the plastic covers. |
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Post by airforcemomof1 on Jul 25, 2014 10:24:36 GMT
My mil used to work at Pfaltzgraff before they closed their US plants so she got tons of stuff for dirt cheap and she even has CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS with the different patterns on. And the matching S&P shakers and candle stick holders and napkin rings....all pretty things to fill her formal dining room table that you can't see the top of...... I swear I'll have to take pics so ppl don't think I make this shit up!!! Lol!! She has the formal dining table set for 8 at all times. Place settings, napkins, the whole nine yards. Different china patterns every month or holiday. The funny part is that the place settings are all Saran wrapped so they don't get dusty. They look like those couches with the plastic covers. That's so sad but funny, too. |
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Deleted
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Apr 16, 2024 4:44:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 13:36:23 GMT
My mil used to work at Pfaltzgraff before they closed their US plants so she got tons of stuff for dirt cheap and she even has CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS with the different patterns on. And the matching S&P shakers and candle stick holders and napkin rings....all pretty things to fill her formal dining room table that you can't see the top of...... I swear I'll have to take pics so ppl don't think I make this shit up!!! Lol!! She has the formal dining table set for 8 at all times. Place settings, napkins, the whole nine yards. Different china patterns every month or holiday. The funny part is that the place settings are all Saran wrapped so they don't get dusty. They look like those couches with the plastic covers. This is fast becoming our personal game of "my MIL is crazier than yours because ______" Lol!!! |
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Post by papersilly on Jul 25, 2014 13:48:18 GMT
She has the formal dining table set for 8 at all times. Place settings, napkins, the whole nine yards. Different china patterns every month or holiday. The funny part is that the place settings are all Saran wrapped so they don't get dusty. They look like those couches with the plastic covers. This is fast becoming our personal game of "my MIL is crazier than yours because ______" Lol!!! Ha ha I can play that game all.day..long. Like they say on poker---I'll see your crazy and raise you another even crazier. |
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Deleted
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Apr 16, 2024 4:44:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 14:40:35 GMT
Sorry for the loss of your dad and good for you for recognizing signs of hoarding in your step mom
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Post by 2peafaithful on Jul 25, 2014 15:41:48 GMT
Sounds like she may be. Concerns me that something as hard as losing a spouse is now part of her life. That often makes hoarders more intense and challenged.
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Post by withapea on Jul 25, 2014 16:01:23 GMT
I'm very sorry about your dad. I know that my husband and I dread the day we have to deal with going through his parents' house. Over the years we've made multiple attempts to deal with their hoarding issues and nothing has been successful. They have a lot of nice things and a lot of trash, they have pathways and a few clear spots, being in that house gives me anxiety. They're good people and I love them very much but it makes me sad that they live like that. It doesn't seem to be an issue for them though. |
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