Lisa
Junior Member
Posts: 58
Jun 27, 2014 14:23:39 GMT
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Post by Lisa on Jul 25, 2014 14:47:10 GMT
I like FB just as much as the next guy, but what is it with people saying things on my page that I haven't personally brought up? I've had people telling me how excited they are for my upcoming vacation. Or joke about swimming in our pool while we are gone. I don't want that advertised on social media. I may post a pic or two after the vacation, but I really don't want the world (or at the very least, friends of friends of friends) knowing that my house will be empty for the week.
Also, I had foot surgery in February. I did not discuss this on FB at all. But I had people wishing me a "speedy recovery" and "missing you...hope you get to feeling better soon". Of course this created lots of questions and private messages that I had to deal with.
Please don't get me wrong. I do know that these people are well meaning and very kind people. I really like them and enjoy FB and being their friend. It's not a huge deal in the scheme of things. I just wonder how naive they are about the world today. Or why they could not just PM me their comments? Am I overreacting? Do other people feel like me? Or am I the only weirdo?
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kelkel
Junior Member
Posts: 77
Jul 10, 2014 16:31:30 GMT
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Post by kelkel on Jul 25, 2014 15:18:37 GMT
I think the messages wishing you a speedy recovery, etc. are nice but I would NOT like other people pointing out the fact that my home will be empty while I'm on vacation. It does sound like you have some very nice friends though - I guess I would just write it off and consider myself lucky that I have such a great circle of friends.
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Post by dawndoll on Jul 25, 2014 15:22:33 GMT
I agree. We never post in advance when we are going away. That's just like an invitation saying, "Hey! Come steal our stuff!" You can delete anything someone posts on your page and that is exactly what I'd be doing.
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Post by rst on Jul 25, 2014 15:36:49 GMT
I agree.
My parents are the worst offenders. In part, it's just that they don't really understand how FB works. I have "friends" who are business and work related, my kids' school peeps, random social circles, and not all of them need to know everything about my life. I finally showed my parents how to post in a private group which is immediate family only, and that helps. I also tried to explain to them that posting comments or photos on my profile is the equivalent of putting a billboard on my lawn, for everyone in town driving by to see. That kind of helped them get it.
When people other than my family over-shares, I have not qualms just deleting their comments.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jul 25, 2014 15:40:41 GMT
I don't get those people that share 900 photos from their month long vacation in Europe. Yes, I'm super happy for them, but that says "my house is all alone!!". Especially photographers. everyone knows that a decent photographer has thousand and thousands in equipment, and they're not going to take it with them on vacation. I posted that once on a photography board and was told I was "paranoid" and "that's why I have insurance"
Right, so when they also take your grandma's wedding ring, you'll just run down to target and get another one with the insurance money. got it.
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Lisa
Junior Member
Posts: 58
Jun 27, 2014 14:23:39 GMT
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Post by Lisa on Jul 25, 2014 15:58:41 GMT
I think the messages wishing you a speedy recovery, etc. are nice but I would NOT like other people pointing out the fact that my home will be empty while I'm on vacation. It does sound like you have some very nice friends though - I guess I would just write it off and consider myself lucky that I have such a great circle of friends. Yes, I do have nice friends. I guess I may have been overreacting a bit. I try to keep some things personal, and in this world of social media, that's just not always going to happen (and really, it wasn't a huge secret...just not something that I wanted to discuss on a public forum). Thanks for the reality check!!
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Post by Regina Phalange on Jul 25, 2014 16:07:36 GMT
I totally get what you mean, and I hate it when it happens to others as well. One of my best friends had a stress related heart attack (from what I gather she didn't have heart disease, but the stress in her life triggered a heart attack-like episode) Her DH texted me about it right after they got to the hospital. Within 20 minutes, her unbelievably narcissistic sister was on Facebook vaguebooking about it! (See how I tied those in there? LOL) She was all "Oh my, I wish my sister wouldn't scare me like that!! Glad she is in good hands..." or something like that, which prompted lots of people with "OMG WHAT HAPPENED PLEASE TELL ME" posts, which made her feel SO important (because after all, her sister's heart attack IS all about her!) I ended up textin her DH to let him know that his SIL is basically advertising it on FB, which prompted my friend to have to update on FB herself to clarify the event. WHich I know she didn't want to have to do.
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Post by kmk1112 on Jul 25, 2014 16:46:51 GMT
I don't understand why people don't use the messages more than writing on walls. That's the single biggest faux pas I see on FB. My aunts and my DH's aunts are very guilty of it, they post things that should be private on the other person's wall for all the world to see.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 4:24:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 16:53:50 GMT
I have my page set up so that anything my friends post on my wall is only visible to me, which helps, but doesn't prevent people from making their own status updates about my life.
My inlaws came for a visit when we lived 12 hours away, I noticed my SIL taking some photos but didn't think much of it. I had her hidden from my newsfeeds (young and immature) but the one day I figured I'd see what she was up to. She had created an entire album of our home. It looked like a real estate listing. I was irritated. I had deliberately not put photos up because we have some incredibly nosy people , and I hadn't done any updating to the house. It wasn't her place to show the world our home.
And then when we were transferring back, she found out the my DH was flying out for a job interview, she posted that all over FB. That one we had deleted the second we saw it. I feel like some of the younger generation has completely lost touch with propriety.
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Post by doxielady on Jul 25, 2014 16:57:06 GMT
I've had this happen. But I was able to change the option that I had to approve anything that went directly to my page. Solved that!
However, that doesn't stop someone from posting about personal things elsewhere.
I tend to be more private, but it is very clear that others don't mind posting about every minute of every day and everything personal. They are usually the ones that don't realize that not everyone is like them.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 4:24:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 17:23:00 GMT
I'm sorry that happened to you. It would upset me as well. I'm over-sensitive to things like that and it's why I don't use FB for personal stuff (just a biz page). Sounds like there are some good settings to deal with it, though.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 25, 2014 17:32:07 GMT
If I was on Facebook, I would feel exactly like you do.
I'm not on FB, because I would lose my cool and have anxiety attacks every time someone said something about my private life that I didn't want shared, or posted a pic of my kids online (I never do).
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Post by annabella on Jul 25, 2014 17:35:40 GMT
Since when is foot surgery private? lol I think you're over-reacting. If you want to control all the nice messages your friends are saying to you then be the control freak who has to approve everything that goes to their page, sorry it's just weird.
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Post by melanell on Jul 25, 2014 17:36:54 GMT
Ugh. I'd be deleting the ones about you being away right away.
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,842
Location: Indianapolis
Jul 2, 2014 17:12:39 GMT
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Post by JustTricia on Jul 25, 2014 17:55:30 GMT
Since when is foot surgery private? lol I think you're over-reacting. If you want to control all the nice messages your friends are saying to you then be the control freak who has to approve everything that goes to their page, sorry it's just weird. When the person who had foot surgery didn't post it on Facebook. If she didn't post it, why should someone else? Especially since she said in her OP it created lots of questions and posts she then felt she needed to respond to
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Post by Heidi on Jul 25, 2014 18:05:32 GMT
My husband's aunt posted pregnancy and baby related stuff on our Facebook walls before we had announced we were expecting. I changed my settings to have every post put on my wall approved by me after that. Luckily, we caught it right away and deleted it. Like a previous poster said, I think it was more out of ignorance of how Facebook worked by family member than sabotage.
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Lisa
Junior Member
Posts: 58
Jun 27, 2014 14:23:39 GMT
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Post by Lisa on Jul 25, 2014 18:29:01 GMT
Since when is foot surgery private? lol I think you're over-reacting. If you want to control all the nice messages your friends are saying to you then be the control freak who has to approve everything that goes to their page, sorry it's just weird. When the person who had foot surgery didn't post it on Facebook. If she didn't post it, why should someone else? Especially since she said in her OP it created lots of questions and posts she then felt she needed to respond to This. If I wanted to discuss it on a forum like FB, I would have brought it up. If I bring anything up, then go ahead and say whatever you want. I just didn't feel like discussing it with everyone. No huge deal (not as huge as the vacationing deal anyway). Not really trying to be a "control freak"...just trying to have some ownership of what is discussed about me on my page. That's all. As far as it being private, yep. There are a lot of people I know IRL who have no idea I had the surgery. I didn't feel the need to announce to everyone I know. Unlike an acquaintance who gave 2-3X daily updates on her knee surgery leading up to, during the recovery and months later. Just TMI. And, just my opinion.
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Post by lovestocreate on Jul 25, 2014 18:57:07 GMT
Sometimes I think it makes certain people feel important, like they know something about the person that everyone else doesn't know.
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Post by kimpossible on Jul 25, 2014 19:03:29 GMT
I have a family member (the child of one of my siblings) that is inappropriate and shares way too much information. My sister and I both agree that she embarrasses us just by association and wonder what all of the extended family must be thinking.
The one thing I cannot get over is my brother - this persons father, not calling her out on it.
If I saw half of the crap she posts on my own kids FB - he wouldn't have FB.
If I told you the worse thing she posted - I'd probably be banned from here. LOL!
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Post by keknj on Jul 25, 2014 19:05:00 GMT
Sometimes I think it makes certain people feel important, like they know something about the person that everyone else doesn't know.
This exactly. I have a Facebook acct but rarely post a thing. I would be upset if someone else was posting about me. That would probably lead me to delete my account.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Jul 25, 2014 19:05:34 GMT
Sometimes I think it makes certain people feel important, like they know something about the person that everyone else doesn't know. I agree. Some people just want the attention and have to make everything about them. I have a stepfather who congratulated my sister and her fiancé on FB before they'd even told all the fiancé's family (literally, within minutes). And it was in his own status, not a post on their walls, so they had to ask him to take it down. Sigh.
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Post by annabella on Jul 25, 2014 19:40:07 GMT
"If I wanted to discuss it on a forum like FB, I would have brought it up. "
Sorry not following that logic. I have a friend that will post every small infraction in her life and family members because she has a low self esteem and is really needy I think. I've had to tell her many times to stop posting her problems to facebook because she overshares and it's just not a good look for her, especially when she was going through a breakup.
Then I have other friends where I only find out something major happened to them because people write comments and they thank them or comment back. I assume said person is in the same camp as me, not trying to hang a highway sign up for attention but it's not private either. Just to be clear, I have no problem with someone asking for prayers, like my other friend who had 4 foot surgeries in one week and was generously scared. I'm just trying to explain the two types of personalities here.
Obviously I'm not going to ask someone about something sensitive like their pregnancy. But just because you didn't bring it up doesn't mean it's a big secret to be kept off your wall. To me it just means you're not the type to broadcast your business like my first example. I would assume you were stressed out about the surgery and the last thing on your mind was to update facebook about it, and now you're home recovering and have nothing positive to say. But that doesn't mean it's a secret.
I also wonder if it's an older generation that gets very skittish about facebook.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Jul 25, 2014 19:41:42 GMT
Facebook didn't come with a rule book and a lot of people have no common sense. The joys of social media!
I do think the well wishes on recovery after foot surgery were well intended, not sure why that would annoy you.
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,842
Location: Indianapolis
Jul 2, 2014 17:12:39 GMT
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Post by JustTricia on Jul 25, 2014 21:02:09 GMT
Maybe the point is more not that it is a "secret", but if it was such a well wishing thing, why not text, call, or private message the person? Why feel the need to put it out on Facebook?
My friend is getting married. I'm in the wedding. She has not posted about it on Facebook. It's not a secret, she just hasn't gotten around to it. If I have something to tell her or ask her about the wedding, posting it on her page is the last thing I'd do.
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knotlazy
Full Member
Posts: 275
Jun 26, 2014 18:00:51 GMT
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Post by knotlazy on Jul 25, 2014 21:15:50 GMT
I have a few friends whose DIL or DD do NOT want pictures posted of their children on FB. I had not thought about it...but my DS and his dear wife are expecting (any day!!) and I now realize I need to not repost pics or discussion without my DD's input. So we had a conversation about it and she said that anything she posts on FB is ok for me to repost to brag about my grandson.
But still, I'm aware and will think before I repost something my DD posts (once the little one appears!!! Waiting...waiting!)
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Post by eebud on Jul 25, 2014 21:27:29 GMT
My issue with going out of town is that DH and I usually travel with friends. Some of them post photos all the time while we are on vacation. In some cases, their house isn't empty. Mine may or may not be empty. It just depends. Regardless, I don't want it on FB that I am out of town. They are always tagging me in photos. I have my settings where the pictures won't show up on my wall without my approval but they still show up on their walls.
We have also had some things we have been dealing with for the last year or so. Although it is not a secret, we don't want anything on social media about it. We only want those who we decide to tell know what is going on. I delete any posts that someone puts on my wall about the situation and then I private message them asking them to please not post about it on my wall. Everyone who knows and is also on FB knows not to post on my wall about it. A couple of times, a gentle reminder was needed.
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Post by lovestocreate on Jul 26, 2014 6:38:01 GMT
But for some people, they would prefer to keep it quiet. When I had my surgery, there were a few close friends and family who knew. There are things I don't like to share with a ton of people because, while they mean well, it adds more stress to the situation by having person after person asking about it. Sometimes people prefer to recover in peace. Bottom line, if I don't make it public it's not anyone else's business to make it public for me.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 26, 2014 7:05:09 GMT
Sort your settings out so that you can deal with anything you don't like, or close your account.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 26, 2014 7:23:03 GMT
I don't understand why people don't use the messages more than writing on walls. That's the single biggest faux pas I see on FB. My aunts and my DH's aunts are very guilty of it, they post things that should be private on the other person's wall for all the world to see. My mom does this, too. I have explained several times that writing on someone's wall is open to everyone, but she doesn't get it.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 26, 2014 8:18:06 GMT
I would be deleting those comments about your vacation, that's for sure. When we go away I will usually wait until I get home before I post photos so no one knows the house is empty.
A friend of mine will post daily countdowns on her page whoever she has a vacation coming up..... "27 days until we're in Bali !" So everyone knows exactly when her house will be unoccupied. Crazy.
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