Divorce and scrapbooking

I would skip the years with him that you haven't scrapped yet, not every year has to be scrapped. Can you start a fresh album with your current life and events?

I hope you have fun in your new scrap space

I agree with the others. Keep the ones that are already scrapped and set aside those that aren't. Whatever you do, don't get rid of them. As painful as it is now to even think about, your ex is part of your family's history. One day someone in your family's future will want to know that history.

My grandparents were divorced, and they both got rid of everything relating to the other. My mom has just one picture of herself with both her parents when she was three years old. She treasures it, because even though a lot of heartache resulted from their divorce and the ensuing bitterness, she likes the idea that at one time they were a family. Both of them are now deceased, so she displays the picture in a frame. Before they died, she kept it hidden away. I always thought it was sad that she felt like she had to deny her history because the two of them didn't get along.

I wouldn't remove the X from past books - that's a disservice to your children. Put away, for now, the pictures that include him--perhaps in the future you'll be able to scrap them. Focus on your current life-the move and the new life you are making. From experience, I know how hard it is - but in time, those old memories will be sweeter than they are now.

We have no photos of my mother's birth father. My Grandmother divorced him very early, and she was persuaded by relatives to toss photos. I know he was tall, but that's about it.
My mother doesn't look like her half-siblings, is taller. she will never bad-mouth her mother but I think she would have benefitted from knowing what he looked like.

Divorce was less common in the 1930s, but now it's part of many family histories. If you don't want emotions of scrapping them, you put them in envelopes with notes? Maybe later your kids will put in a photo album, or you'll feel like scrapping but history won't be lost. Hugs!

I scrap for my son, so I've always included the pics of him with his father. I left the ones done as they were that we were in together before the divorce, and if we had some mutual event, I actually tried to get pics of them together because I know that is something the ex wouldn't think to do.

I have even asked him to send me pics when he does things with out son. I would find it weird to leave out such a big part of his life.

Take my advice with a grain of salt as I've not ever been divorced.....

I understand divorce is painful. I also understand that photos of your ex and/or happier times is painful. But. But at some point this person was a big part of your life. Do you want your scrapbooks to be a realistic representation of your life or a fairy tale version?

If your answer is that you want them to reflect your actual life then leave them as is. Any finished scrapbooks should be left as is, pictures of ex intact. If you need/want to scrap events that include your ex do so in a way that highlights photos that he's not in but include him in other ways. For example, use a picture that includes him on a pull-out tag or that's hidden behind a flap. Your children, and even you in the future, are able to see that he was a part of the event but as his ex you're not staring at him every time you look through your books. I'm pretty sure that your children will appreciate having those memories.

Or, as another pea has said, if you don't want to/are unable to scrap your ex don't destroy or get rid of the photos. Place them in an envelope and save them for the future, for either yourself or your children. If nothing else it gives you options which are always good to have.

At some point, I will go back and "catch up." When I do, I will include those pictures because they were part of the history. Mostly, my pictures revolve around DD anyway, and he didn't jump in a ton of pictures. When I do go back, I think it will be digital; in some ways, I think it is easier to include them than to weed them out.

I had the good fortune that my scrapbooking was very current. But when really rocky times in my life hit in 2008 and 2009, I could not bear to scrapbook them. It was when my marriage and my life, in general, just started really falling apart. What I ended up doing was I sold all my scrapbook stuff. When life got back to normal in 2011, I started digi scrapping from that point on. When I really felt better about things, I ended up taking those pictures from those bad years and putting them in premade Shutterfly albums. I did one album for each year. This way, the kids will have them when they get older, but I did not have to go through the pain of scrapbooking them myself. I think this was a really happy medium for me.  My books are ultimately for my kids. My ex is a part of their life too.  He does not appear in anything post 2011, but the earlier years, he is still a part of. I gave my wedding album to my dd.

Don't leave those albums out casually. Put them on a shelf, in a closet, etc. Leave them alone, just as they are.

You don't ever have to look at them again, but someday, your children or grandchildren may enjoy seeing those moments in time as they were.


From now on, only scrap your life without the X and leave those around for people to look at.

What a healthy perspective your friend is able to embrace! Good for her.

That's a nice consideration for your grandchildren, to continue to have a photo(s) out where they can see them. I think that will be a very strong, yet subtle, life lesson for them.

I don't think you should feel bad about taking them down from the more public areas. 

I haven't been divorced. But I have dismantled old scrapbooks to remove various people I'm no longer friends with and to just "fix" the pages. I regret each of those pages I fiddled with for whatever reason. I'm my mind, they should have stayed there. Like it or not now, some of those people were my best friends, and we're a huge part of my growing up/history. There is not going to be any erasing of them. Now the pages don't make any sense and most just look shitty. Esp this one I did of my brother in laws wedding. It was perfect before. Then I got it in my head hat it really needed to be an 8x8, because I was on a kick of only doing 8x8 pages. So I cut it. It looks so bad now. The proportions are completely wrong and it just looked so much better and finished as an 8x11. I no longer scrap, and I won't start again just to fix those pages. I rarely flip through my scrapbooks, and when I do I just feel regret for screwing up my pages. I should have just left all those people in there because they are part of the story.

I think if he pages/pictures of your x-husband are causing you too much pain to look at them then you should consider putting them in an out of the way place until you heal a bit more. Someday it might not hurt as much, and it might be ok to look at those images again.

Keep old scrapbooks - there's more to teh stories in there than just the ex

Photos not scrapped yet - photo album or shoe box UNLESS significant in which case, you need to choose what you want to do, but if he was part of your life and happens to be there, i'd leave him in pics where he is not the main focus.

BUT anything not so significant...back to photo album to store or shoe box or whatever.

I would only put energy at this time into what is happening moving forward and not what went before, at least for a while.

As for the comment regarding "keep those old (when kids were babies etc) scrapbooks out and accessible? Remove X from those and just set those actual pictures aside?" --- unless there were serious issues at that time, surely you scrap as much for your kids as for yourself? If so, don't remove him from those. Life might feel hard for them now and the reality of the situation might hurt them, but at some point, they may well want to come back to those memories. I don't know how old your children are, but I would be inclined to keep them where they can be accessed if they ask, but not out on display for them to see all the time.