tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Feb 8, 2016 3:12:24 GMT
My sons are both adults, they are 28 and 32. Their father sucks and it is difficult to not pick up the phone and scream at him. Since our divorce, 10 years ago, he has told them that he is too poor to buy them any gifts. Not for their birthdays, not for Christmas, etc. he is just far too poor. The only problem is is that the dumb ass posted on his Facebook page that he was at a local theater to see the Blueman Group with several of his friends that he had given the tickets to as gifts for Christmas.
Now mind you, the boys weren't crying, throwing things, sobbing upset but they were hurting. I just keep telling them that I was sorry he acted that way. I know they know I feel for them but dammit, it feels so crappy to see my XH treat our sons this way. They are good men. They are loving, they work, they have never been in trouble with the law, they are kind men. Why is he such a dickweed.
Okay, vent over but it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about them telling me this a couple of hours ago. I guess you never really get over feeling bad when your kids are hurting.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 8:57:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2016 3:14:14 GMT
I'm so sorry they are hurting. It doesn't matter how old they get, we will always feel their pain. :*(
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Post by annabella on Feb 8, 2016 3:16:36 GMT
They're adults, they should be sure to like the post so their father sees it. Or post cheerily "hey you should have invited us."
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 8:57:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2016 3:17:37 GMT
What she said. Just because they're adults, doesn't mean we don't stop being mom.
DH's dad has not given dh or bil a gift of any kind ever since he met his girlfriend. I know it bothers him a little. It's almost like some parents stop being a dad or a mom when their kids are grown.
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
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Post by Nicole in TX on Feb 8, 2016 3:19:59 GMT
I am sorry. What a jerk.
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Post by flanz on Feb 8, 2016 3:39:50 GMT
so sorry
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Post by peasapie on Feb 8, 2016 3:55:07 GMT
He will reap what he sows. At least your sons can clearly see what kind of an individual he is.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,333
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Feb 8, 2016 4:01:16 GMT
At some point in my adult life I finally came to the conclusion that my dad might not have been the kind of dad I needed him to be, but he was only capable of being what he was. That didn't make it ok, but I knew it wasn't about me. He just was who he was. From that point on I learned to just accept my dad for who he was and to move on. It was such a relief to let those negative feelings go.
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Post by cherrie on Feb 8, 2016 4:02:49 GMT
They have a mom that cares...that means a lot to them! He will be an old man alone someday!
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,637
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Feb 8, 2016 4:33:37 GMT
So sorry...I can't imagine a dad being so inconsiderate of his own kids. I just don't get it. Big hugs momma.
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Post by mlynn on Feb 8, 2016 4:35:10 GMT
I would be tempted to do one of the following comments.
Cats in the Cradle
Seems like things are looking up for you. Congrats.
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Post by krcrafts on Feb 8, 2016 4:38:53 GMT
What a jerk.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 8:57:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2016 4:45:09 GMT
My husband's father is like this.
He treats the oldest son with shopping trips and dinners out. Oldest brother still gets holiday cash and FIL gives them money when they visit He makes us pay if we go out with him. He is too poor to treat us to dinner.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Feb 8, 2016 4:45:49 GMT
At some point in my adult life I finally came to the conclusion that my dad might not have been the kind of dad I needed him to be, but he was only capable of being what he was. That didn't make it ok, but I knew it wasn't about me. He just was who he was. From that point on I learned to just accept my dad for who he was and to move on. It was such a relief to let those negative feelings go. My dad is an alcoholic so this is where I've been for years too. I think my ds is like this about his father too, who is also an alcoholic. My ex is just lucky that our ds is such a nice guy and so forgiving. I guess when alcoholism runs deeply on both sides you just learn to not let them get you down.
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Post by AussieMeg on Feb 8, 2016 4:55:48 GMT
Oh no, what a shame your boys have such a thoughtless father. Lucky they have a caring mum.
I would be so tempted to post a reply "Oh, so THAT'S why you couldn't afford to buy your own sons a Christmas gift. I hope your friends enjoy THEIR Christmas gifts from you!"
I probably wouldn't, but I'd want to.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Feb 8, 2016 5:07:27 GMT
The thing to focus on is that in spite of your EX being a dickweed, your sons are polar opposites of him.
I'd stop apologizing for the dick and delete him from your FB.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 8:57:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2016 5:09:11 GMT
At some point in my adult life I finally came to the conclusion that my dad might not have been the kind of dad I needed him to be, but he was only capable of being what he was. That didn't make it ok, but I knew it wasn't about me. He just was who he was. From that point on I learned to just accept my dad for who he was and to move on. It was such a relief to let those negative feelings go. I think this is where my kids are with their dad. He accuses me of alienating them. But it isn't me (I never bring him up but will listen to the kids if they bring him up) He can't see how his treatment of them is horrid.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Feb 8, 2016 5:45:27 GMT
Can I send you 10,000 likes for this? We are having our own father drama, too. "Is Dad mad at me?" Effing @#$#@ that @#$# won't talk to DS.
Breathe.
You are validated over and over.
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Post by anniefb on Feb 8, 2016 8:08:44 GMT
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Post by gar on Feb 8, 2016 8:13:48 GMT
I get it - they're our kids whatever age they are. Our maternal feelings don't get switched off just because they're adults. ((hugs))
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Feb 8, 2016 9:03:46 GMT
Can I send you 10,000 likes for this? We are having our own father drama, too. "Is Dad mad at me?" Effing @#$#@ that @#$# won't talk to DS. Breathe. You are validated over and over. I know it is hard, but please try to remember that there is a lot of upset in your family now. You are losing your mom, your son is losing his grandmother, and your father is losing his wife. There is no handbook for how everyone should behave.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Feb 8, 2016 9:17:06 GMT
Can I send you 10,000 likes for this? We are having our own father drama, too. "Is Dad mad at me?" Effing @#$#@ that @#$# won't talk to DS. Breathe. You are validated over and over. I know it is hard, but please try to remember that there is a lot of upset in your family now. You are losing your mom, your son is losing his grandmother, and your father is losing his wife. There is no handbook for how everyone should behave. I wish I knew when things would be normal again. I like normal. You know the setting on the washing machine? It's great!
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Feb 8, 2016 10:32:44 GMT
I'm sorry they are hurting. Kids are your kids for life, no matter how old. (((hugs)))
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Feb 8, 2016 18:17:19 GMT
The thing to focus on is that in spite of your EX being a dickweed, your sons are polar opposites of him. I'd stop apologizing for the dick and delete him from your FB. Oh he's not on my FB. Not interested in his life unless it affects my kids. The youngest one mentioned it to me while we were all eating dinner then the oldest one chimed in. I try to stay out of their relationship with him except for telling them how bad I feel that he would do that to them.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Feb 8, 2016 18:19:08 GMT
Thanks for the validation. It is so much better to vent here than it is to raise bail money.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 8, 2016 18:23:20 GMT
I have had similar moments with my ex and my kids too. My heart hurts for them. I chose the wrong man to be their father. I can only do my best to make sure that I fulfill the parent role as best I can. Hugs to you.
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Post by auntkelly on Feb 8, 2016 19:13:10 GMT
I'm sorry. Nothing is worse than when your kids are hurt and you can't do anything to fix the situation.
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Post by deekaye on Feb 8, 2016 19:25:23 GMT
Thanks for the validation. It is so much better to vent here than it is to raise bail money.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Feb 8, 2016 19:32:20 GMT
Why would any father or mother not give their children of any age a gift for any reason. Because they are FUCKING AS HOLES!
We know a person who took Christmas away from her 7 year old 3 year old and 1 year because she didn't have the money to buy them gifts but 1 week later she went and had a spa day with a friend and went shopping and bought herself a new $60 coat she didn't need but wanted and she post all this on facebook.
Mad husband and I so angry
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Feb 8, 2016 19:33:46 GMT
why do so many men pull this bullshit routine. Often after another woman comes into their life. Like they're so eager to go flit their "seed" all over the planet they can't even bother to think of the ones they already have. dickheads. I guess there's a reason why they are dicks. Would be nice if you could see it ahead of time.
*I will say that my ex didn't generally do this bullshit so my kids were pretty lucky. We don't much like each other, but we never took pull that stuff on our kids because of that dislike.
**I know there are plenty of women that do this too, but a fraction of the men that do it.
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