desertgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,646
Jun 26, 2014 15:58:05 GMT
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Post by desertgirl on Jul 27, 2014 15:00:38 GMT
If you have chosen to scatter a loved one's ashes, can you describe what you did and how you planned for the ceremony? We are planning to do this and I'd love to hear what others have done and if any issues arose. If something was particularly meaningful and comforting, please tell.
Thanks.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Jul 27, 2014 15:12:14 GMT
You didn't say where you want to scatter them. I suggest you check to see if it is allow where you plan to do it. A lot of places do not allow that.
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Post by whipea on Jul 27, 2014 15:18:07 GMT
In my are there are many restrictions, no scattering at sea (how would anyone know if you are offshore), parks etc. Wish I could give you suggestions, but when my father died my mother wanted to scatter his ashes at his favorite place. Unfortunately that was the produce section at a local grocery store.
I guess do what is the most comforting for you.
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Post by lesleyanne on Jul 27, 2014 15:39:21 GMT
No ceremony, but my dad took most of my mother's ashes back to Northern Ireland where they grew up, met, married and began their family. She died in Vancouver and had lived in Canada for 30 years, but it seemed appropriate. My dad met with my uncle (not her brother) and they went to three favourite places. I've been to all of them, so I know "where" she is.
He retained about 1/2 of her for me to mix with him and spread them all together when he is gone. I plan to spread the remainder in the pacific ocean, where they loved to sail together. Again, no ceremony. Just a quiet moment planned for me and whoever joins me on a boat with a bucket!
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Post by Suziee2 on Jul 27, 2014 15:41:54 GMT
After my dear stepson died, DH, DD and stepson's half brother took a small amount of his ashes and scattered them along a river where they had yearly fishing trips. Everyone said a favorite memory and then their own private thoughts. The 3 of them had their own ashes to scatter.
DH had his own private scattering (a small amount) at a local pond where just the two of them always fished and some at my parents lake house where DS had recently spent vacation with us.
DS's mother has half of the ashes and we still have have the majority of ours.
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desertgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,646
Jun 26, 2014 15:58:05 GMT
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Post by desertgirl on Jul 27, 2014 15:52:13 GMT
I like the idea of a communal scattering and then each family member scattering privately. I like that a lot.
We are taking the ashes to remote places he loved. No rules there.
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,646
Jul 4, 2014 16:53:27 GMT
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Post by maurchclt on Jul 27, 2014 15:59:53 GMT
I like the idea of a communal scattering and then each family member scattering privately. I like that a lot. We are taking the ashes to remote places he loved. No rules there. Following this, it really SHOULD be meaningful.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 27, 2014 17:25:20 GMT
Be aware that if he was Catholic, the Church doesn't allow the scattering of ashes. But I would imagine that you would already know that if he was Catholic!
An area can be remote, but it's not allowed in National Parks. I'd check with state/regional parks as well.
A favorite verse could be said, poem read or a song sung. You could tell favorite stories about the person. I think that if you feel it's memorable to the person's spirit, it will be the perfect thing to do.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jul 27, 2014 18:23:17 GMT
There's a beautiful view of the Missouri River about 75 miles south of here. My late DH and I drove by it many, many times over the years and every time we'd go past, my DH would say "that's where I want you to scatter my ashes." He was a hiker and loved the wild flowers he saw on daily walks. He'd oftentimes bring me a wilted bouquet When he unexpectedly died, I knew where to put his ashes. We mixed them with a giant bag of wildflower seeds and scattered them along the banks of the river. ETA: We didn't have a ceremony but our two daughters and three grandsons were there and it was a nice peaceful time saying our final goodbyes.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
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Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 27, 2014 18:34:13 GMT
Be aware that if he was Catholic, the Church doesn't allow the scattering of ashes. I never knew that. Not that I would pay any heed to this.
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linda~lou
Pearl Clutcher
Keep calm and eat crumpets
Posts: 2,744
Location: Motown but my heart is in San Francisco
Jun 25, 2014 21:57:08 GMT
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Post by linda~lou on Jul 27, 2014 18:47:20 GMT
My dad retired to Florida and always loved the water. My sons and cousin all flew down there, he lived near the Gulf in Sarasota. We rented a boat and went into the gulf and scattered his ashes there. None of us were aware of not being allowed to place ashes at sea, is the gulf consider the sea? It was beautiful and my dad was right where he wanted to be!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 18:27:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2014 19:35:28 GMT
My dad retired to Florida and always loved the water. My sons and cousin all flew down there, he lived near the Gulf in Sarasota. We rented a boat and went into the gulf and scattered his ashes there. None of us were aware of not being allowed to place ashes at sea, is the gulf consider the sea? It was beautiful and my dad was right where he wanted to be! According to this website, there are very few regulations that one need worry about. linda~lou, you didn't do anything wrong.
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linda~lou
Pearl Clutcher
Keep calm and eat crumpets
Posts: 2,744
Location: Motown but my heart is in San Francisco
Jun 25, 2014 21:57:08 GMT
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Post by linda~lou on Jul 27, 2014 19:39:36 GMT
Thank you for that information bgpa!
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Post by welshjenni on Jul 27, 2014 21:14:45 GMT
. My late DH and I drove by it many, many times over the years and every time we'd go past, my DH would say "that's where I want you to scatter my ashes." When he unexpectedly died, I knew where to put his ashes. We mixed them with a giant bag of wildflower seeds and scattered them along the banks of the river. akathy I love the idea of mixing wild flower seeds with the ashes. That seems such a fitting tribute to your DH. I don't think that we are 'allowed' in the UK to scatter/plant wild flower seeds in the countryside in case they upset the natural ecological balance but I imagine that if I carefully chose the appropriate flower seeds this would work well for my DM. Although she is 83 I hope that it will be many more years before I have this service to perform for either her or my DF, who is 3 years older. As for scattering ashes in places where you shouldn't - who would know? If it is done discreetly I can't see the problem, they will be carried away by the wind anyway so there is no danger of beauty spots turning into mountains of ash. On a personal note I had always wanted to be buried with my young son who died 22 years ago. The grave has sufficient room for 2 more coffins but I have now decided to be cremated. I do feel that funeral services and all the related 'trimmings' or would it be 'trappings'? are a great waste of money, with the family left behind feeling that they have to give their dear departed the very best that they can afford. I hate feeling ripped off and love a bargain - who doesn't? I would much prefer to have the cheapest version of everything (a cardboard coffin would suffice) and instead of having the ground opened and have the ashes buried officially, I want my DH, DD and DS#2 to dig a little hole in the burial plot of DS#1 and gently tip me in. To anyone looking on, it will just look as though they are tending to the flowers. Job done.... and I will rest happy knowing that even in death, as in life, I had a bargain :-) A side note on the cardboard coffin comment, when a well-know stamping company owner in the UK sadly passed away his partner arranged a very personal funeral, transporting the body in a cardboard coffin to the service in a camper van I believe. Anyway everything had been discussed and planned well in advance so that all of his wishes were respected. The mourners, particularly from the stamping community, were all invited to bring their favourite stamp to the funeral service so that they would stamp on the coffin. Just imagine a stamped coffin - fantastic!
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xea
Shy Member
Posts: 23
Jun 26, 2014 3:48:57 GMT
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Post by xea on Jul 29, 2014 5:03:15 GMT
. My late DH and I drove by it many, many times over the years and every time we'd go past, my DH would say "that's where I want you to scatter my ashes." When he unexpectedly died, I knew where to put his ashes. We mixed them with a giant bag of wildflower seeds and scattered them along the banks of the river. akathy I love the idea of mixing wild flower seeds with the ashes. That seems such a fitting tribute to your DH. I don't think that we are 'allowed' in the UK to scatter/plant wild flower seeds in the countryside in case they upset the natural ecological balance but I imagine that if I carefully chose the appropriate flower seeds this would work well for my DM. Although she is 83 I hope that it will be many more years before I have this service to perform for either her or my DF, who is 3 years older. As for scattering ashes in places where you shouldn't - who would know? If it is done discreetly I can't see the problem, they will be carried away by the wind anyway so there is no danger of beauty spots turning into mountains of ash. On a personal note I had always wanted to be buried with my young son who died 22 years ago. The grave has sufficient room for 2 more coffins but I have now decided to be cremated. I do feel that funeral services and all the related 'trimmings' or would it be 'trappings'? are a great waste of money, with the family left behind feeling that they have to give their dear departed the very best that they can afford. I hate feeling ripped off and love a bargain - who doesn't? I would much prefer to have the cheapest version of everything (a cardboard coffin would suffice) and instead of having the ground opened and have the ashes buried officially, I want my DH, DD and DS#2 to dig a little hole in the burial plot of DS#1 and gently tip me in. To anyone looking on, it will just look as though they are tending to the flowers. ! I wanted to let you know that when my mil passed away we creamated her. She did not want to waste a lot of money either. Anyway we found that having her placed with her husband was not very expensive. The dig a surprisingly small hole and we were able to place her ourselves. It was just the family and was very moving.
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Post by trixiecat on Jul 29, 2014 11:19:42 GMT
My m.i.l. died about a month ago and requested to be cremated due to the cost of having a funeral, plus she was 87 and only had two living friends left and very few family left. We had her cremated, but my husband felt there was no closure in scattering her ashes (for him). So we bought a cemetary plot in a beautiful cemetary near our home to hold a coffin and her ashes. When my husband's youngest brother dies (he has some mental issues and was very close to his mother) he will be buried underneath her ashes. It will give my husband someplace to go on mother's day to plant some flowers for his mom and for our kids to go also.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 29, 2014 13:12:43 GMT
A story I love is from a dear friend. Her mother died unexpectedly. She was an avid gardener. Where they wanted to place her ashes was in a park with rose gardens, but it wasn't allowed. They put the ashes in their fanny packs, found a secluded spot, placed her ashes, and beat it out - laughing all the way. Her mom would have loved it! I smile every time I think about putting her ashes in fanny packs.
I know some will say they shouldn't have done it, I'm just saying it makes me smile.
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Post by ingrid6 on Jul 29, 2014 14:40:01 GMT
There's a beautiful view of the Missouri River about 75 miles south of here. My late DH and I drove by it many, many times over the years and every time we'd go past, my DH would say "that's where I want you to scatter my ashes." He was a hiker and loved the wild flowers he saw on daily walks. He'd oftentimes bring me a wilted bouquet When he unexpectedly died, I knew where to put his ashes. We mixed them with a giant bag of wildflower seeds and scattered them along the banks of the river. ETA: We didn't have a ceremony but our two daughters and three grandsons were there and it was a nice peaceful time saying our final goodbyes. akathy what a wonderful tribute to your dh. I love the idea of mixing the wildflower seeds. I wish that the scattering of my brothers ashes had some kind of sweet memory. My brother lived in Key West, I'm in Mass and my sisters and mom live in Europe (not really relevant - I just remember the panic my mom and sisters went through to get to Florida asap) He died very unexpectedly but he had once told me that he loved the Keys and when he died he'd want his ashes scattered in the ocean. We had a ceremony at the beach. Lots of us spoke about him sharing our own stories and that part was special - it was great hearing things about him from people that were a big part of his life outside of 'family'. That being said, I think it was just too overwhelming for my mom. She was the first to walk to the water with his ashes and the site of her breaking down, sobbing uncontrollably, is something that I'll never forget. My sisters, a few very close friends and I were the other ones that also scattered his ashes. Before my brother died, my dad passed away and was also cremated. His ashes were scattered in a beautiful field and while it was difficult for her then too I think, actually I know, that part of the issue was the 'throwing him out to sea'
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Post by ingrid6 on Jul 29, 2014 21:09:24 GMT
meant to add desertgirl I'm sorry for your loss or upcoming loss.
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jediannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,037
Jun 30, 2014 3:19:06 GMT
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Post by jediannie on Jul 29, 2014 21:28:47 GMT
I have some of my dad's ashes and I want to scatter them at Pearl Harbor (he was there 2 months after the Japanese attack and in the Navy for 4 years during WWII) and my friend said I need to get a letter from the funeral home that did the cremation stating what is in the baggie and I have to get a permit to scatter the ashes in Hawaii. I may just sneak up to the Golden Gate Bridge and scatter them there as he sailed under the bridge many times during his Naval career.
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Post by marysue63 on Jul 29, 2014 21:30:45 GMT
My FIL died in November and was cremated. His ashes were divided into thirds. His wife kept a portion, another portion was sent to Hawaii with his son who lives there, and the last portion we took to a University track field that he was involved with during college. That was where we did our own private little ceremony with just the family, maybe 12 people. The intention was to sprinkle the ashes on the field, until we found out it was artificial turf! We all shared memories and then very slyly sprinkled his ashes around the landscaping around the track as I'm sure it wasn't allowed. It was actually pretty funny because we were trying to be so sneaky, but the gray ashes against the dark dirt just make it stand out! But it was perfect for him, he would have been chuckling right along with us.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 29, 2014 21:38:32 GMT
instead of having the ground opened and have the ashes buried officially, I want my DH, DD and DS#2 to dig a little hole in the burial plot of DS#1 and gently tip me in. To anyone looking on, it will just look as though they are tending to the flowers. Job done.... and I will rest happy knowing that even in death, as in life, I had a bargain :-) I like the "gently tip me in" part. I have this weird fear, if the ashes were 'sprinkled', that the wind would change at the last minute, and I'd get a snoutful of my loved one.
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ArtAngel
New Member
Posts: 2
Jun 29, 2014 12:44:04 GMT
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Post by ArtAngel on Jul 29, 2014 21:42:48 GMT
My father in law died in April and he and mother in law had a beach hut by the sea. MIL died 10 years ago and we still have her ashes. We are going to have a big family day in August where we shall dig a whole beside their beach hut and bury their ashes. It will be a special day and as there is going to be an air show that weekend, The Red Arrows will be flying over the beach hut. I cannot wait.
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Post by Dictionary on Jul 29, 2014 21:54:58 GMT
When my grandmother died she had a place in a family plot but her whole funeral was bit of a sham. We pretended to bury here there in a coffin but she was cremated instead (per her wishes) and then we scattered her ashes of a cliff at my uncles' house overlooking the sea. My grandfather did not know but my grandmother did not want to be buried in his family plot next to him and when he passed he was buried in the plot next to an empty grave..so there you have it, drama even in death!
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Post by myboysnme on Jul 29, 2014 22:12:59 GMT
My dad wanted to be 'interred' at Arlington Cemetery and he also talked about the beach where he grew up. Lesson 1 - when you ask for some cremains to scatter, understand that it is not ashes but crushed bone and a human being generates a very large amount.
When I received a box of cremains that had been put aside for me, it was too much. This is after the bulk of them were buried in an urn with his brother and mother, and I got this huge box to deal with. My half sister took a small camera film canister for a few. I put a small amount in 2 film canisters as well. Then my son who was 8 at the time went with me to the beach where my dad grew up, early in the morning .
I took the bulk of them in a plastic bag out into the water, and here is lesson 2 about cremains: at a beach - do it when the tide is going OUT. I did not, and I had no sooner dumped a huge bag of cremains when the waves washed them back all over me. I had to wander out into the water to wash them off.
Then I took those remaining and with my two sons we drove to Arlington Cemetery. We found a tombstone with my dad's last name, and we scattered them around the base of the tombstone, said a prayer together and took a photo. When I got home I put a few in a hidden pocket in my scrapbook and put the rest in a small canister. That small canister will go with my mother upon her death, as she will be buried. My parents were divorced, but she agreed so both of our parents will be together in a way.
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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Jul 29, 2014 22:27:49 GMT
I tell you about Nevada, 1989, back when we (his family and I) scattered my first husband's cremains. Notification to the county where you intend to scatter them, in case years later someone finds some of the cremains and the police go looking.
Reno-Tahoe Peas, Mark is in Galena Park, IN Galena creek which is about half way up the Mt. Rose Highway. An area he spent many years camping, hiking, and cutting wood with his dad.
The Urn is at a local cemetery, but it is empty, it was a place for when his parents were older they could go to, instead of trying to climb up a mountain side.
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Post by myboysnme on Jul 29, 2014 22:30:29 GMT
The Urn is at a local cemetery, but it is empty, it was a place for when his parents were older they could go to, instead of trying to climb up a mountain side. With the amount of cremains we had, we filled the urn AND scattered them.
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*Marjorie*
Full Member
Posts: 360
Location: Hawaii
Jun 26, 2014 16:43:45 GMT
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Post by *Marjorie* on Jul 29, 2014 22:50:53 GMT
I like the "gently tip me in" part. I have this weird fear, if the ashes were 'sprinkled', that the wind would change at the last minute, and I'd get a snoutful of my loved one. I wasn't there but this happened at a scattering of ashes. My MIL was there. They dropped the ashes into the ocean from a helicopter and the ashes blew in the wind onto the mourners. Am I glad I missed that.
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loco coco
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Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Jul 29, 2014 23:02:34 GMT
My MIL died unexpectedly about a year and a half ago. We had a service so everyone could come, she had many friends and over 100 people came, it was beautiful. My FIL knew exactly where he wanted to spread her ashes so we took a few months to try and heal and then my FIL, husband and myself went to this serene beach in California. He used to work in CA and they loved spending time there when she would visit... it was a happy place for them. When we arrived at the spot we saw this area of the beach had been blocked off and we didnt know if we could get in. I cant remember what the sign said but after a few minutes of hesitation we decided to go for it. It was just us in this gorgeous place with her. We spread her ashes with her "boys" 3 schnauzers Troy, Deon, and Emmitt (Go Cowboys!) which is exactly how she would have wanted it! My FIL kept some ashes and gave some to her baby sister to keep or spread in her home town in Ohio. I still havent been able to scrap this picture but I do not blame her for loving this spot, its almost as beautiful as she was. Im very sorry for your loss.
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Post by camanddanismom on Jul 30, 2014 6:18:01 GMT
When my mom died, my dad planned a memorial at sea. He had to get permission to do it. He had a special program made that included her favorite songs which we sang. Also had a basket of her favorite flowers. After her ashes were released we dropped flowers in the water.
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