Would you force your child to go to your graduation?

Congrats on your huge accomplishment.

I wouldn't force him, but I have to admit that I would never think of missing a celebration for a huge accomplishment by my mother unless it was completely unavoidable.

On the flip side I graduated mid year and decided not to participate in the graduation ceremony that May.  I never regretted it but my Mother was really disappointed and has never forgot it...hahaha.

Family first.

She will have other birthdays.
Her birthday can easily be celebrated before or after.

She's just the girlfriend. You are his mother. Play the "I birthed you" card if you must (assuming you did).

I'm kind of dismayed that there's some new criteria that something needs to be "fun" in order to show up. If that's the new criteria for things that I need to do for family members, there's a shitload of things I can take off my todo list every day. It's one thing if there's a genuine conflict - nothing in your OP indicates any issue with both attending your graduation and celebrating the gf's birthday.

ETA - congrats on your accomplishment!

Yep. A graduation doesn't take up the entire day, he can still see the girlfriend and the graduation. Graduations are boring but since you've decided to walk it becomes a non-optional family event. He probably doesn't understand how hurtful it is to you that he doesn't want to go. Explain it to him and ask him how he'd feel if his mom weren't at his graduation because she had other things she wanted to do.

That is a celebration of a huge accomplishment for a close family member. Yes, he needs to be there. He can see gf afterwards or the next day.

Honestly, no.

I didn't even want to go to my *own* graduation. I wouldn't make anyone else go.

I just don't "get" graduation ceremonies.

I think I am going to fall into the camp of this is one of those things that I wouldn't ask about, but rather tell with the intention that it is a done deal. I don't do it often, but sometimes there are nonnegotiable times with family that are what I call the command performances that can't be opted out of. A lot of times they aren't fun. Who wants to go to your step-father's brother's funeral when you have only met him a handful of times? And wear a suit and tie? In Florida in the summer time? No one really, but you aren't going because it is going to be the most fun ever, but rather because you support the person you love. 

I won't say that she is *just* a girlfriend-my son has one of two years and she is anything but *just* a girlfriend-but family trumps all. If it is a long term girlfriend, invite her attend as well, or invite her to join the celebration dinner later, but for something that is a big deal for you then he needs to be there. 

Congratulations on a wonderful accomplishment! Well done!

It is well understood in our family that we do things for each other - sometimes things that aren't the most exciting or meaningful to us, especially if we've been asked by a person who considers it important to them. We do for each other. We consider each other. And when what two of us consider important conflicts there is honest conversation about it. Tell him what you're thinking - what you told us about your feelings and about what you said about him having a rough time. Listen to what he says about the situation. Tell him what you want to happen. Ask him what he's willing to do to make it work. I'm not a big "forcer". I think it's crappy for relationship. Its a pretty big life skill to have to face this stuff and work it out. He'll have situations where he has to choose his whole life. Make him think about it and talk it out with you. This is a great opportunity.

ETA - and he's not always going to make the best decisions, but he'll learn from those too. 

I haven't read the answers yet. Just want to say, to me, you're making a much bigger deal of an adult life event than I would. I didn't even attend my own (undergraduate) graduation.

My mom earned a master's degree when I was in high school. I don't know if she attended the ceremony or not, but we kids certainly didn't.

I have three younger siblings, all with college degrees and two with graduate degrees. The only one I attended was one sister's law school graduation.

I know it's important to you, and I know my family is more casual about these things than some other families are. But to me, this is your thing, not his. He wouldn't "get" anything out of going ... wouldn't likely learn something new, for example, or be inspired to go for his own master's degree. It's for one purpose, to honor your achievement, and there are other ways of doing that without having to sit for four hours in an airless auditorium for a glimpse of you being handed your diploma.

I would not insist, I would not attempt to make him feel guilty about his lack of interest, and I would try really hard not to feel hurt about it.

But ... congratulations! That really is an achievement.

I love this compromise. That's my idea of allowing him to honor your achievement in a different way. Letting you buy his dinner. LOL

I'm also reading the responses now and seeing that I'm very much in the minority. Oh well. I love my family and we are close, but I guess none of us love graduations.

Congratulations on your accomplishment!! You set a great example for your children, education is very important and you are never too old to work for what you want.

I would not force your son to attend the ceremony. My 18 year old grandson doesn't want to attend his own graduation, he will because it is a school requirement. Boys at that age just don't get it. If he and his girlfriend could a post graduation dinner or celebration that would be the best solution. He could actually spend time with you not sitting in a seat and watching 300 or more people he doesn't know get a piece of paper.

Things haven't been easy for him the few months, he doesn't need the guilt. Enjoy your special day.

Thank you for saying that. People who have said girlfriends come and go. Sure some do sure, but take a look at your spouse and remember at one time they were "just" the girlfriend/boyfriend.  Very significant people in our lives.  Any chance the girlfriend can come with him especially for the dinner afterwards?  I think of boyfriends/girlfriends as a teens plus one. They can spend the day together and hopefully be able to get a bit of time to celebrate her birthday.

ETA:  This isn't a signicant birthday like turning 16 is it? I wasn't sure how old these teens were.

I was done with my master's in August...I could not walk in May...had to wait till the following May. So I didn't walk (wasn't going to either way actually). Undergrad was more important to me

Maybe her parents will fix this for you.