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Post by tara on Apr 23, 2016 14:59:10 GMT
I usually don't debate on facebook. I have fibromyalgia and sometimes it make my brain foggy. When that happens I have trouble thinking of the right words, spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Which is why I don't post here very often. The other day my husband was telling me about the debate going on the band Bostons facebook page and them canceling their North Carolina shows over the bathroom law and transgenders. I was just laughing at myself at IMO ignorant comments some people were making. Then I came across a thread with 4 men who looked middle age from their picture just tearing apart this young person. You could tell from their pic, they were transgender with a gender natural name. I mean viciously. Calling this person an "it" along with other vulgar names. You know the ones that homophobes use. One thing I really hate are bullies. I will always stand up to a bully. I know how they operate and I'm not afraid of them though maybe sometimes I should be. Well I couldn't just sit there so I jumped in, they were grown men. How dare they talk to another human being this way. They turn their vile on me, which is what I wanted. I can handle it. Insults on the internet doesn't effect me and I have my privacy settings on lockdown (hold over from when we were foster parents). I was called gay lover. Which really made me laugh. My daughter's gay. Batshit crazy and a bitch twice. I just laughed them all off which really made them mad. The more they realized they couldn't make me afraid and "run away" the more cussing and name calling they were doing.
Now I wouldn't have done this on their personal page. A person can post what they want on their personal page. I'm not friends with that type of people anyway. Also when debating an important subject like this I feel it's important to try to find a common ground and reason with people, but you can tell these men were too far gone. They probably have been homophobes since they were young and will die homophobes.
Sorry for the novel. Do you debate on facebook? I know there's debates here, but we tend to "know" each other and it's a smaller crowd. How do you handle bullies?
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 23, 2016 15:03:19 GMT
I only debate with fb friends.
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Post by scrapsotime on Apr 23, 2016 15:19:58 GMT
I don't debate, but I have shown the person being bullied support - talking to the bullied person and not the bullies.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Apr 23, 2016 15:23:19 GMT
Only in person and even then it isn't a debate. I don't want to hear racist, prejudice, homophobic comments. Please live and let live. I used to think this a lot on the old 2peas board.
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Post by tara on Apr 23, 2016 15:53:32 GMT
I wanted to add, I know everyone has opinions and everyone thinks they are right, But I feel you shouldn't go "there" kwim.
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Post by Really Red on Apr 23, 2016 15:56:02 GMT
I have no idea how because I would never do that. Ignore what people post when you don't know who they are. It's not important.
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Post by Zee on Apr 23, 2016 16:33:48 GMT
I've wasted my share of time debating on the internet in my day, but FB is my happy place and I don't engage in any drama whatsoever there.
I generally don't waste energy on arguing with lost causes like the idiots you described. It's pointless and futile. I see things like that and hit the back button.
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marianne
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly!
Posts: 4,176
Location: right smack dab in the middle of SC
Site Supporter
Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on Apr 23, 2016 16:42:12 GMT
...but FB is my happy place and I don't engage in any drama whatsoever there. I generally don't waste energy on arguing with lost causes like the idiots you described. It's pointless and futile. That's me as well. Total exercise in futility; you're not going to change the mindset of a moron, they like being morons.
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Post by tara on Apr 23, 2016 16:45:26 GMT
It's a useles enterprise. There are those who are open minded and open hearted to learn about my transgender son and others like him, and there are rock solid bigots with such poison in their souls that nothing anyone says will sway them. I never waste an ounce of energy communicating with the latter. You are absolutely right. My daughter is gay and has transgender friends. It just broke my heart the way they were talking to this young person. We don't have these kind of people in our lives. Thank goodness!
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Post by auntkelly on Apr 23, 2016 17:00:17 GMT
I have many friends IRL with whom I often discuss politics, religion and social issues. Those discussions almost always stay respectful and we usually learn from each other.
I try to stay out of these types of debates on the internet. Some people are there just to bully and/or be outrageous. The outrageous and ugly comments get all the attention. People just skip right over the sensible comments.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,955
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Apr 23, 2016 17:09:39 GMT
I've debated a couple of times, but realized pretty quickly that the other side wasn't interested in any sort of actual discussion, just being as crass as humanly possible. I even got a FB message from one of them telling me I was a Muslim loving whore and I could go f*** myself and the world would be better without me so go kill myself.
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Post by nurseypants on Apr 23, 2016 17:17:30 GMT
Here's the thing about FB. They let anybody on it. There's no IQ test, or reason test, or any other kind of test to keep idiots out, so you have to be the tester. Would you walk up to a group of Neanderthalic low-lifes IRL and start arguing with them? Of course not, it's not fun or interesting. You have to have the same standard for FB. Don't argue with people beneath your intellectual level. You'll be happier and healthier for it!
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Post by pierkiss on Apr 23, 2016 18:28:45 GMT
In general no I do not debate on facebook. I know I'm not going to change any of my friend or family members views on anything. There's no point in fighting. I will occasionally debate here if I get he urge. Not often though.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,885
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 23, 2016 18:31:51 GMT
Never. If someone puts something I don't like on their page, I figure it's their page, not mine. If they put it on MINE? Then I would say something. But it's not my place to criticize a friend for what they put on their own page.
That being said, I have unfriended people because of what they put on their page. If it's really repulsive to me, good riddance to bad garbage.
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Post by chlerbie on Apr 23, 2016 18:56:37 GMT
Every once in awhile someone says something that's so ignorant that I can't help myself, or I'll go on and back up a friend, but in general, I don't. And I've recently begun rethinking "friends" when I see them post something things I consider horrible.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 19:19:33 GMT
IMO, the whole idea of bullying isn't one appropriate to any online forum. IMO, bullying is only applicable to situations a person is required to be in such as required to attend school and work. No one is required to be anywhere online.
I do not debate on facebook. I don't routinely visit pages that espouse a view I disagree with. I don't keep friends who are debaters on my friends list. I'm friends with a wide range of people but they know how to converse appropriately and drop a topic before it is heated and emotional.
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Post by pierogi on Apr 23, 2016 19:22:50 GMT
Most of the time I don't, but I really like how you stood up for someone vulnerable, and didn't let that kind of ugliness go unchallenged. No, you didn't change minds, but you displayed a courage in front of others that may have had a positive effect on someone reading the thread who was either undecided or afraid to speak up. You get a thumbs up from me.
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Post by anniefb on Apr 23, 2016 19:23:42 GMT
I don't debate online because it's not something that really interests me and I only have the time/energy to focus on the important things in life. I only comment on friends' posts, and that not very often.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 23, 2016 19:30:49 GMT
It wasn't really a debate. Pages like that bring out the internet trolls. You're not going change anyone's opinion. Don't feed trolls is my motto.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,535
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Apr 23, 2016 21:27:53 GMT
I don't because I'm bad at debate. I will jump in occasionally if I think someone is really awful, or says something factually incorrect, but then I will leave it at that. I get easily overwhelmed by debate - I can discuss, but not debate - which is why I generally stay out of controversial forums even here.
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Post by tara on Apr 23, 2016 23:35:03 GMT
I've debated a couple of times, but realized pretty quickly that the other side wasn't interested in any sort of actual discussion, just being as crass as humanly possible. I even got a FB message from one of them telling me I was a Muslim loving whore and I could go f*** myself and the world would be better without me so go kill myself. Wow! I hope it's just keyboard. If not these kind of people are dangerous.
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Post by tara on Apr 23, 2016 23:37:39 GMT
Here's the thing about FB. They let anybody on it. There's no IQ test, or reason test, or any other kind of test to keep idiots out, so you have to be the tester. Would you walk up to a group of Neanderthalic low-lifes IRL and start arguing with them? Of course not, it's not fun or interesting. You have to have the same standard for FB. Don't argue with people beneath your intellectual level. You'll be happier and healthier for it! Lol I agree. After talking to these men I feel I need a bath.
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Post by tara on Apr 23, 2016 23:50:31 GMT
Most of the time I don't, but I really like how you stood up for someone vulnerable, and didn't let that kind of ugliness go unchallenged. No, you didn't change minds, but you displayed a courage in front of others that may have had a positive effect on someone reading the thread who was either undecided or afraid to speak up. You get a thumbs up from me. Thanks but I was really trying to take the heat off of the kid. i've read about how many transgender have attempted suicide. It worked. They turned their insults on me. Like I said I just laughed. The kid never responded after that so hopefully he stop reading. One of their insults was I wasn't a woman. My husband really had laugh. He said if I wasn't a woman that means he's been sleeping with a man. He's been calling me his husband.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Apr 23, 2016 23:59:14 GMT
I usually don't debate on facebook. I have fibromyalgia and sometimes it make my brain foggy. When that happens I have trouble thinking of the right words, spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Which is why I don't post here very often. The other day my husband was telling me about the debate going on the band Bostons facebook page and them canceling their North Carolina shows over the bathroom law and transgenders. I was just laughing at myself at IMO ignorant comments some people were making. Then I came across a thread with 4 men who looked middle age from their picture just tearing apart this young person. You could tell from their pic, they were transgender with a gender natural name. I mean viciously. Calling this person an "it" along with other vulgar names. You know the ones that homophobes use. One thing I really hate are bullies. I will always stand up to a bully. I know how they operate and I'm not afraid of them though maybe sometimes I should be. Well I couldn't just sit there so I jumped in, they were grown men. How dare they talk to another human being this way. They turn their vile on me, which is what I wanted. I can handle it. Insults on the internet doesn't effect me and I have my privacy settings on lockdown (hold over from when we were foster parents). I was called gay lover. Which really made me laugh. My daughter's gay. Batshit crazy and a bitch twice. I just laughed them all off which really made them mad. The more they realized they couldn't make me afraid and "run away" the more cussing and name calling they were doing. Now I wouldn't have done this on their personal page. A person can post what they want on their personal page. I'm not friends with that type of people anyway. Also when debating an important subject like this I feel it's important to try to find a common ground and reason with people, but you can tell these men were too far gone. They probably have been homophobes since they were young and will die homophobes. Sorry for the novel. Do you debate on facebook? I know there's debates here, but we tend to "know" each other and it's a smaller crowd. How do you handle bullies? You need to post here more. We are your squad, your team, your family and your friends. The stuff that goes on Facebook is just vile sometimes. I am a gay person lover. I have gay friends and I love my gay friends. That makes me a gay lover. I don't have a gay lover, but I do love my gay friends and will always love them! If Facebook is pissing you off you have the right to close it, leave, walk away, not engage, and just leave it. If you see people being asshats just walk away. Send a private message to the people being bullied and remind them to leave, too. It is NOT acceptable to bully someone anywhere in real life or on line. Facebook is your place to play. If something bugs you close the program and leave it for a while. If you aren't using it for business it's just a toy. It's not worth it to engage idiots. Life is too short.
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Post by epeanymous on Apr 24, 2016 0:15:14 GMT
I used to moderate an online debate forum. One of the things I realized over the years was that as people got to know each other, even where they were polar opposites politically, they engaged in a lot less trollish behavior.
When it's a big group like you describe where people have no connection to one another, don't run into each other on line repeatedly, etc., I don't really think it is worth it to engage the keyboard commandos. Where there is a chance that you will make a difference, because the people in the group where you are will be connected to each other over time (actual friends connected on FB, for example), I think it can be worth it to engage. Without sinking to their level.
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Post by lucyg on Apr 24, 2016 0:36:13 GMT
I may argue politics here, where I feel "at home," but not generally on Facebook where either I don't want to tick off my friends or get into it with strangers. But I appreciate that you stepped in and stood up for the kid being bullied by bigots.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Apr 24, 2016 1:40:28 GMT
No, I don't debate on Facebook. I just don't have the time and most of the people that cause issues are just looking for a fight.
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Post by shaniam on Apr 24, 2016 2:28:57 GMT
Not worth the time or trouble.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 10:36:16 GMT
First of all, good for you, standing up to those assholes! Second, everyone is probably right. You won't change their minds. But if that young person did read on, he/she would probably be relieved. They weren't alone. Third, you probably won't change their minds, but maybe someone else who read your exchange, might change theirs. You just never know.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 11:07:18 GMT
Not only is it pointless, a lot of it isn't even real. Even here isn't completely real, as much as we'd all like to think that it is. "Talking" and expressing ourselves via electronic media is vastly different than real life, same as only communicating by letter or phone is/was.
In your example, you were baiting the online assholes in an attempt to take the heat off the other person, but the other person could just as easily have been baiting them to try to expose them, or they could've been posing as assholes to make a point. My point is, you just don't know online, and everyone in your scenario may not have been what they appeared to be.
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