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Post by CarolT on Apr 23, 2016 15:59:56 GMT
I can see both sides.
In your place, I can understand you thinking that your dad had told your brother about his procedure.
From your brother's perspective, I would be upset that no one thought to let me know my dad was having a cardiac procedure. And even if there was an assumption that I knew, I would have expected some sort of update after the procedure.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 23, 2016 16:03:57 GMT
And let's not overlook the fact that the OP posted on fb sometime after 9 pm - to a cardiac specialist about taking care of her father. Her siblings texted that night - what's going on with dad - and she didn't respond until the morning. I'd be pissed. And if the response was a semi-chastising text about not telling "everyone" after I'd read on fb about my father having some medical procedure - there might be a few f bombs in response. I don't think the brother is an ass or a dick - I think he's a son who worried all fucking night what the hell was going on with his father.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,091
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Apr 23, 2016 16:04:37 GMT
As someone who does not Facebook and is part of a family who does not routinely share unless it's big, and even then, maybe not, I think you and your family need to figure out what is shareable and what is not, especially with an elderly parent involved. I also think your brother is scared and needs reassurance from your dad that it was routine and dad is ok.
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Post by mcscrapper on Apr 23, 2016 16:06:42 GMT
I have sent both siblings an apology for posting anything on FB. I sent: "I apologize for posting on FB. I thought y'all knew, otherwise I would not have posted anything."
Let me be perfectly clear that I see how posting was not a great idea. I am just really upset / angry at how my brother sent me that scathing text message and cussing at me. I get that he is upset that he didn't know but I feel like his anger about not knowing is misdirected at me.
m
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 23, 2016 16:08:57 GMT
I have sent both siblings an apology for posting anything on FB. I sent: "I apologize for posting on FB. I thought y'all knew, otherwise I would not have posted anything." Let me be perfectly clear that I see how posting was not a great idea. I am just really upset / angry at how my brother sent me that scathing text message and cussing at me. I get that he is upset that he didn't know but I feel like his anger about not knowing is misdirected at me. m No he's upset that he read about it on fb. That is on you.
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Post by miominmio on Apr 23, 2016 16:10:33 GMT
I have sent both siblings an apology for posting anything on FB. I sent: "I apologize for posting on FB. I thought y'all knew, otherwise I would not have posted anything." Let me be perfectly clear that I see how posting was not a great idea. I am just really upset / angry at how my brother sent me that scathing text message and cussing at me. I get that he is upset that he didn't know but I feel like his anger about not knowing is misdirected at me. m Your brother's reaction was way out of line, and as long as your dad is mentally capable of making his own medical decisions, he can do so without notifying his kids or anyone else, for that matter.
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Post by underwatermama on Apr 23, 2016 16:12:31 GMT
"Sorry, I thought Dad told you and sister".
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 23, 2016 16:13:34 GMT
Facebook & vague posting are not good. Next time thank people privately.
Time for a family meeting, conference call or something like that & including dad. He should be made aware of how his actions /inaction mess with family dynamics.
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Post by molove on Apr 23, 2016 16:13:44 GMT
I don't think his anger is misdirected. It is aimed squarely at you.
I think you did the right thing by apologizing. Now everyone can just move forward and focus on your dad. Here's to a quick recovery!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 16:19:28 GMT
I have sent both siblings an apology for posting anything on FB. I sent: "I apologize for posting on FB. I thought y'all knew, otherwise I would not have posted anything." Let me be perfectly clear that I see how posting was not a great idea. I am just really upset / angry at how my brother sent me that scathing text message and cussing at me. I get that he is upset that he didn't know but I feel like his anger about not knowing is misdirected at me. m Good god, you still don't get it. You just said in the bold above that you posted based on the assumption you thought they knew. So the only reason you wouldn't post is if they didn't know. Read back over this entire thread and get the point - don't post other peoples health info on facebook!! Whether people do or don't know is completely irrelevant. If you understood that you wouldn't have thrown it in as a qualifier in your apology.
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 23, 2016 16:21:33 GMT
Facebook & vague posting are not good. Next time thank people privately. Time for a family meeting, conference call or something like that & including dad. He should be made aware of how his actions /inaction mess with family dynamics. oh screw that. The dad has every right to handle it how he wants.
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Post by Zee on Apr 23, 2016 16:21:45 GMT
I wouldn't put anything about a family member's medical care/condition, even thanking a friend for the great care, on FB. This is why. If someone wants to put that out there on their own page, fine.
But you don't owe your brother anything, either. It's dad's news to tell, not yours. I'd tell brother as much if I hadn't posted it on FB, but you did, so all you can do now is apologize for not thinking before posting and then move on. He can accept your apology or not.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 23, 2016 16:25:03 GMT
I can't validate you on this. Not only did you vague book, but it was about your supposed private father's medical procedure to EVERYONE ON FACEBOOK. I'm reading some passive aggressive "gotcha" to the siblings you're not close to, about how you're taking care of dad and you have a closer relationship to him. His relationship with his other children is not your business to parse and decide who gets to know what. I do validate your brother and his pissed reaction. ETA: You're getting your MSN. This shouldn't have happened based in your education. I think this bothers me the most.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 23, 2016 16:36:07 GMT
As someone who routinely finds out about medical procedures, diagnoses, etc after the fact, I totally get your brother's anger and frustration. You very easily could have texted him Thursday after you found out. Or Friday morning. Not telling your siblings but posting on fb was not the most thoughtful decision. I agree.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,885
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 23, 2016 16:40:10 GMT
Apologize to your siblings for posting to FB first. It wasn't malevolence on your part but I would let them know that you now see it was unfortunate and it won't happen again.
I would also be annoyed in their shoes. No one wants to find out about it on FB.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,091
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Apr 23, 2016 16:55:45 GMT
Coming back to add that if someone shared my medical info with others, I would be pissed. I get to decide who knows and who does not.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 16:58:38 GMT
You know your dad doesn't tell your siblings everything and is a private person. Respect him! Keep your dad's life off of facebook. Period. If you want to thank a friend do it through the private message, not even on their wall. Their settings determine who can see it and it may go to a wider audience than you think.
As for your brother's use of expletives, I find it amazing the majority of peas have claimed they use f@ck in routine language just while talking to people because it is meaningless, but then think your brother shouldn't talk to you with those words.
Decide if you are going to be the go between for your dad/sibs or if you are going to keep dads private life private and let dad decide who to tell..... then you always communicate with that decision in mind. If you are going to honor his privacy don't use SOCIAL media for thank yous to people that help him.
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Post by peano on Apr 23, 2016 16:58:39 GMT
I'm not going to talk to my dad about it unless he brings it up. But what would you do, if anything about the situation? I feel like I've said what needs to be said and I'm done. I'm still upset about how my brother thinks he can speak to me though. He can be such an azz sometimes. Honestly, stop using $u&ing Facebook to communicate with people about illness and death. I'm unapologetically old school about this. I think it's rude and disrespectful, and I don't give 2 $hits about the fact that it's "easier". Some things in life just aren't easy.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 23, 2016 17:00:46 GMT
Vague booking on FB is passive aggressive and automatically sends everyone looking for more information.
If the situation were reversed, would you be upset?
Sorry, I have to side with your brother on this one and give him a bit of room with increased frustration and anger at not getting a response to his midnight text.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 23, 2016 17:00:53 GMT
Facebook & vague posting are not good. Next time thank people privately. Time for a family meeting, conference call or something like that & including dad. He should be made aware of how his actions /inaction mess with family dynamics. oh screw that. The dad has every right to handle it how he wants. And the siblings have every right to be pissed if they read some vague posts about their father on fb. I have zero issue with the father's decision to not share his medical condition/procedures - I have a huge issue with people posting vaguely on fb - it's either due to the fact they're not at liberty to divulge the information - which is reason #1 to STFU about it or they're looking for drama.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 23, 2016 17:03:21 GMT
I think posting about it on FB was pretty awful of you. You could have spent the tone you spent posting on FB to text your siblings instead.
It is total and absolute bs that you didn't have time to text your brother. It's an outright lie and I totally understand and sympathize with your brother.
Posting it on FB is like rubbing it in his face he didn't know. IMO, it was the absolute worst thing you could have done.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 17:04:08 GMT
Wait!!
You are going for a master's in nursing and never thought of HIPAA? Your dad's health is not your place to put on facebook if for no other reason that HIPAA regs. Maybe you aught to consider another field.
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,298
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
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Post by gina on Apr 23, 2016 17:10:13 GMT
Sorry but I see you posting it on FB as a dig towards your other siblings. You knew they'd see it. It was kind of like "I know what's going on with Dad and you guys don't.... and I'm going to make sure of that right now". I'm with your brother on this one.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 17:11:08 GMT
Is this a HIPPA violation if you are posting about your relative who is not your patient?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 17:12:08 GMT
Wait!! You are going for a master's in nursing and never thought of HIPAA? Your dad's health is not your place to put on facebook if for no other reason that HIPAA regs. Maybe you aught to consider another field. C'mon, now. This was a daughter posting about a father's procedure, not a medical professional about a patient. This has nothing to do with HIPAA. The OP doesn't need to reconsider her profession because of it.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Apr 23, 2016 17:18:22 GMT
Is this a HIPPA violation if you are posting about your relative who is not your patient? No....
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Post by disneypal on Apr 23, 2016 17:20:36 GMT
I would tell brother....
Look, I am sorry I didn't tell you ahead of time about dad's routine appt. I should have let you know but I had only found out myself about 12 hours before the appt.
However, that does not give you the right to swear at me and make accusations. The phone works in both directions. Anytime you want an update in dad, you can contact me or come for a visit.
My life is very busy, I will do my best to keep you updated on dad but you need to relax a little and remember that I have a lot on my plate and can't remember to do everything the minute it happens.
i am sorry you found out on FB, I will be better about that in the future.
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Post by Miss Ang on Apr 23, 2016 17:25:39 GMT
If your dad didn't want his other children to know then it wasn't your place to share it with them. However, it wasn't your place to shout out about it on social media either. I understand your brothers frustration; if you are going to share family info on Facebook you should tell your siblings first.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 17:25:51 GMT
If Dad has told brother and sibs everything up until now, it's possible he didn't update them because he was busy having his heart catheterized. He maybe/probably didn't leave them out purposely - but certainly every family is different about how information is shared and what's okay.
That said, vague booking and that kind of attention seeking in social media tends to irritate people even when it doesn't involve finding out a parent is hospitalized and having a cardiac procedure, so there's that. But brother is probably stressed and alarmed and felt left out to find out last, and that made him sweary, and OP was a good target for that in the moment.
I'm sorry OP. I would recommend a real apology to your siblings, just take the high road this time. And find some other way to get attention on social media. Sorry to be harsh, but really, it's transparent and everyone hates it. See: your brother's slightly understandable overreaction.
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Post by Hayjaker on Apr 23, 2016 17:28:36 GMT
To Brother: I didn't realize dad hadn't told you himself. I'm sorry you found out from my facebook post. Then I would probably hide my future FB posts from said brother. He had a right to be upset, but he didn't need to react so vehemently. He was probably more upset that your dad didn't tell him than that you posted it on FB. You just got the bulk of his wrath... Yes. This, except I wouldn't hide my posts from brother.
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