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Post by SwissArmyBeth on Apr 23, 2016 17:30:43 GMT
Re-read some of the responses here and try to see it from your brother's side. Based on your posts, it's still about you and your reaction to his texts, so I don't think you're truly 'getting it'. When you're less defensive, pick up the phone and apologize for real.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 23, 2016 17:32:23 GMT
The more I think about it, the worse this is.
I think your dad should be mad at you for posting his business on FB.
Your FB post was just so immature and inappropriate. Just a truly terrible, ridiculous thing to do. Something I would expect from a teenager. Not an adult and certainly not a nurse.
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Post by auntkelly on Apr 23, 2016 17:33:29 GMT
I agree that you shouldn't have posted anything about your father's health on FB. However, I think your brother's reaction was over the top and I would have told him so.
I'm guessing your brother and sister are angry about more than the fact they didn't know about the procedure. If you want to continue to have a relationship w/ them, you might just have to have a talk and find out what is really going on.
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Post by nurseypants on Apr 23, 2016 17:34:43 GMT
As someone who routinely finds out about medical procedures, diagnoses, etc after the fact, I totally get your brother's anger and frustration. You very easily could have texted him Thursday after you found out. Or Friday morning. Not telling your siblings but posting on fb was not the most thoughtful decision. I agree to a certain extent about posting on FB but it's not her job to keep her siblings updated about their father's medical issues. |
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Post by nurseypants on Apr 23, 2016 17:35:47 GMT
I have sent both siblings an apology for posting anything on FB. I sent: "I apologize for posting on FB. I thought y'all knew, otherwise I would not have posted anything." Let me be perfectly clear that I see how posting was not a great idea. I am just really upset / angry at how my brother sent me that scathing text message and cussing at me. I get that he is upset that he didn't know but I feel like his anger about not knowing is misdirected at me. m No he's upset that he read about it on fb. That is on you. Her brother is responsible for his own foul behavior. |
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Apr 23, 2016 17:45:14 GMT
Why not just send a private message to your friend "Thanks for looking after dad"?
Am I the only one who doesn't think a cardiac cath is routine? A pap test.. routine
A mammo.. routine Men over 50 a colonoscopy is routine.
I live 2000 miles from my dad and my only sibling. I could see my dad not telling me
he was having tests done to not worry me. Due to living in an isolated town he would
have to drive the 4 hours to my sisters and stay with her while having them done.
I can guarantee that should my sister vague post "Thanks ____ for keeping such good care
of my dad today" I would be all over that like white on rice. Then again knowing my sister
like I do first she hates vague posting, and 2 she would probably of called me and
said "Dad didn't want you to worry but he is having tests". Whether it's her place to break
his confidence or not would be something she would have to come to terms with.
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Post by esperanza on Apr 23, 2016 17:48:15 GMT
My family dynamic is very different from OP. If I were left out of the loop on something involving my mom or dads health I would be LIVID. With the parent that chose to leave me out, and the sibling who chose to leave me out and make a passive aggressive post on FB. I would also have a few choice words for the sibling that made a crappy FB post. Yeah, the F word would be used.
It's foreign to me to think of my parent choosing to leave 2 children out of the loop and only including 1 child on important health decisions. My siblings and I are in constant contact over things like this. I just can't fathom not discussing a heart cath with my brother!
Maybe the previous poster is right that your family needs to sit down and iron out your issues. Don't think you're innocent in this. Being the "chosen one" is the best position to be in. You are privy to info. Your siblings are just cut off and have to rely on FB to find out info. They're hurt, angry, worried, confused. Think about that. Your Dad needs to step up too. He put you in a shitty position.
You both need to grow the F up and apologize and make an agreement to discuss things like this in the future.
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Post by verdepea on Apr 23, 2016 17:49:18 GMT
I think your brothers an asshole ripping into you and making you the bad guy here. Your posting something on FB may not have been a good idea but it does not give him the right to behave like that.
Your dad could have said something himself. Your siblings are responsible for their relationship and maybe the should ask themselves why didn't Dad let me know. One of the natural consequences of living far away is missing details like this. How long ago was it that either sibling reached out to your Dad just because? Don't get mad when you (the sibling) have not made regular effort.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095 
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Post by raindancer on Apr 23, 2016 17:54:08 GMT
As someone who routinely finds out about medical procedures, diagnoses, etc after the fact, I totally get your brother's anger and frustration. You very easily could have texted him Thursday after you found out. Or Friday morning. Not telling your siblings but posting on fb was not the most thoughtful decision. I agree to a certain extent about posting on FB but it's not her job to keep her siblings updated about their father's medical issues. It's not her job, that's true. But it is her responsibility if she thinks it's worth putting on fb. It's just flat our disrespectful and thoughtless to do that to your siblings. |
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
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Post by raindancer on Apr 23, 2016 17:55:17 GMT
I think your brothers an asshole ripping into you and making you the bad guy here. Your posting something on FB may not have been a good idea but it does not give him the right to behave like that. Your dad could have said something himself. Your siblings are responsible for their relationship and maybe the should ask themselves why didn't Dad let me know. One of the natural consequences of living far away is missing details like this. How long ago was it that either sibling reached out to your Dad just because? Don't get mad when you (the sibling) have not made regular effort. Natural consequence of not living near your parents is that you get to find out about medical procedures in a vaguebook post from your sister? Wow. That's total b.s. People live apart from family for many, many reasons. And you are sure speculating here. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 23, 2016 18:01:35 GMT
First of all, I don't think that you did anything wrong. You didn't know that your dad hadn't mentioned it to them. But, just to keep the peace, I would text your siblings and just say " I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that dad hadn't mentioned the procedure to you. Mea culpa." Or something like that. And don't blame yourself. You're caught in the middle.  |
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Post by jenjie on Apr 23, 2016 18:05:56 GMT
I agree that I wouldn't want to find stuff on on social media. I just thought they knew! He's told them every other thing he's done. I have just been overly busy with work, school and my own family. I didn't know until Thursday myself. I am not able to use a phone during the day at work so have zero contact throughout my day. I probably should have just posted on my friend's page but I guess I just thought my siblings knew already. My sister isn't saying much. She did just text saying, "I would like to know next time." Yeah, I would have liked to have known a few days beforehand myself. m If you though they already knew, you could have alleviated your brothers anger by responding to his text: I'm so sorry! I had no idea dad didn't tell you. It must have been so stressful to read that on Facebook. It was just a routine cath, he's fine. He probably didn't even think it was important enough to mention to you. I'm so sorry my post worried you. This isn't about how busy you are - I'm probably overly sensitive as I've had two recent instances of people vaguely posting stuff on Facebook that stressed me out. Don't do it - it's rude as hell. This. ETA edited post to show I was agreeing with Darcycollins, i messed up quoting and accidentally made it look like I'm the one who wrote it. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 23, 2016 18:06:08 GMT
I would tell brother.... Look, I am sorry I didn't tell you ahead of tine about dad's routine appt. I should have let you know but I had only found out myself about 12 hours before the appt. However, that does not give you the right to swear at me and make accusations. The phone works in both directions. Anytime you want an update in dad, you can contact me or come for a visit. My life is very busy, I will do my best to keep you updated on dad but you need to relax a little and remember that I have a lot on my plate and can't remember to do everything the minute it happens. i am sorry you find out on FB, I will be better about that in the future. I like that. |
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 23, 2016 18:10:05 GMT
The more I think about it, the worse this is. I think your dad should be mad at you for posting his business on FB. Your FB post was just so immature and inappropriate. Just a truly terrible, ridiculous thing to do. Something I would expect from a teenager. Not an adult and certainly not a nurse. how the hell can you say that about her post? You don't even know exactly what she posted. To me, vaguebooking isnt, "huge thanks to Sally for doing such a great job with dad today. " Instead, vaguebooking is "sigh, i hate hospitals." I can't wrap my head around the fact that people seem to think they have a right to others information and/or to dictate what a person posts. The timing of the post was bad as the op couldnt answer hwr siblings and since they didn't know what was going on, it sucked for them, but I don't think people should have to clear what they post with their family and friends before they post. Then again I don't get upset over memorial or condolence posts before the 12th cousin twice removed is notified either. |
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Post by myshelly on Apr 23, 2016 18:13:16 GMT
The more I think about it, the worse this is. I think your dad should be mad at you for posting his business on FB. Your FB post was just so immature and inappropriate. Just a truly terrible, ridiculous thing to do. Something I would expect from a teenager. Not an adult and certainly not a nurse. how the hell can you say that about her post? You don't even know exactly what she posted. To me, vaguebooking isnt, "huge thanks to Sally for doing such a great job with dad today. " Instead, vaguebooking is "sigh, i hate hospitals." I can't wrap my head around the fact that people seem to think they have a right to others information and/or to dictate what a person posts. The timing of the post was bad as the op couldnt answer hwr siblings and since they didn't know what was going on, it sucked for them, but I don't think people should have to clear what they post with their family and friends before they post. Then again I don't get upset over memorial or condolence posts before the 12th cousin twice removed is notified either. I never used the word vaguebooking so I'm not sure why you're directing that argument towards me. I think it's inappropriate because it wasn't her info to share on FB. It was her dad's. Regardless of the issue with her siblings, it wasn't an appropriate post. I would expect an adult to handle thanks to a medical colleague privately. |
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 23, 2016 18:15:27 GMT
how the hell can you say that about her post? You don't even know exactly what she posted. To me, vaguebooking isnt, "huge thanks to Sally for doing such a great job with dad today. " Instead, vaguebooking is "sigh, i hate hospitals." I can't wrap my head around the fact that people seem to think they have a right to others information and/or to dictate what a person posts. The timing of the post was bad as the op couldnt answer hwr siblings and since they didn't know what was going on, it sucked for them, but I don't think people should have to clear what they post with their family and friends before they post. Then again I don't get upset over memorial or condolence posts before the 12th cousin twice removed is notified either. I never used the word vaguebooking so I'm not sure why you're directing that argument towards me. I think it's inappropriate because it wasn't her info to share on FB. It was her dad's. Regardless of the issue with her siblings, it wasn't an appropriate post. I would expect an adult to handle thanks to a medical colleague privately. vaguebooking was in response to to her posts Calling the op immature, ridiculous and something a teenager would do was what I was directing at. Inappropriate, maybe, but the rest are judgements based in what you imagine was said. |
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Post by myshelly on Apr 23, 2016 18:17:44 GMT
I never used the word vaguebooking so I'm not sure why you're directing that argument towards me. I think it's inappropriate because it wasn't her info to share on FB. It was her dad's. Regardless of the issue with her siblings, it wasn't an appropriate post. I would expect an adult to handle thanks to a medical colleague privately. vaguebooking was in response to to her posts Calling the op immature, ridiculous and something a teenager would do was what I was directing at. Inappropriate, maybe, but the rest are judgements based in what you imagine was said. It's based on what she herself said in her OP. Not sure how that requires imagination. |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Apr 23, 2016 18:19:47 GMT
What a mess! I can see the issue from both sides...
I don't think information like that belongs on Facebook...when people aren't informed about important topics this is exactly what happens. Thank your father's caregivers in private messages avoids these things!
I get where your Dad is coming from in not wanting your siblings in his business and I guess that is his choice, but he's effectively putting you in the middle because you knew, they didn't. My Dad has had a lot of procedures and i'm closer to my parents and I may know more than my sister at times. Unless asked to inform her, I don't, I assume my mother does. I also don't speak of it or post anything pertaining to it because it is just not my place. If it's something big and my mother is rattled I do ask her if she's called her or wants me to.
I also get where your brother is coming from, finding out something possibly major has gone on through social media. He might not have handled it in the best way, but I get how upsetting it probably was to him.
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Post by Zee on Apr 23, 2016 18:24:45 GMT
Wait!! You are going for a master's in nursing and never thought of HIPAA? Your dad's health is not your place to put on facebook if for no other reason that HIPAA regs. Maybe you aught to consider another field. It's her dad, not a patient. Don't be ridiculous. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 18:25:26 GMT
Wait!! You are going for a master's in nursing and never thought of HIPAA? Your dad's health is not your place to put on facebook if for no other reason that HIPAA regs. Maybe you aught to consider another field. C'mon, now. This was a daughter posting about a father's procedure, not a medical professional about a patient. This has nothing to do with HIPAA. The OP doesn't need to reconsider her profession because of it. The person she was posting to DID take care of her dad. She put that person in a bad position because that person will then be violating HIPAA. And yes, I expect a nurse to think of the rights of the patient even the the person isn't specifically their patient. Just her job should have made her think twice before posting even if the lack of relationship between dad/siblings wasn't enough to make her think twice. |
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Post by verdepea on Apr 23, 2016 18:26:57 GMT
I think your brothers an asshole ripping into you and making you the bad guy here. Your posting something on FB may not have been a good idea but it does not give him the right to behave like that. Your dad could have said something himself. Your siblings are responsible for their relationship and maybe the should ask themselves why didn't Dad let me know. One of the natural consequences of living far away is missing details like this. How long ago was it that either sibling reached out to your Dad just because? Don't get mad when you (the sibling) have not made regular effort. Natural consequence of not living near your parents is that you get to find out about medical procedures in a vaguebook post from your sister? Wow. That's total b.s. People live apart from family for many, many reasons. And you are sure speculating here. I agree people live away for many reasons and as someone who has lived far away from family for some years, I miss details and sometimes find them out on facebook. It sucks sometimes. I don't post stuff on FB like that, but see it sometimes happens. Finding out news like that does NOT give me the right to send an angry text to my relative. He didn't call her and ask her about it, he ripped into her. That rubs me the rub wrong way. This wasn't a life threatening event, she has her own busy life. It seems to me that the ownership belongs to the adult father telling his adult children. I would have a nice conversation with my Dad about it. |
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Post by peasapie on Apr 23, 2016 18:32:04 GMT
If your dad didn't want others to know, then I don't blame you for not telling your siblings. However, I think posting a thank you publicly on Facebook was a mistake, as everyone will now know, including your siblings.
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Post by kernriver on Apr 23, 2016 18:39:25 GMT
"I guess maybe you forgot I am his "son" and would appreciate knowing with my "father" has a fvkcing routing procedure that involves his heart. I guess putting it on FB for your 1600 fvcking..."
Why did you even respond back to this kind of message? Sheesh. Just because you're related doesn't mean to have to take this kind of abuse. Tell him to go fuck hmself.
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Post by kernriver on Apr 23, 2016 18:41:26 GMT
Also, I have never understood what the big freaking deal is about reading stuff on fb without being told personally.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 23, 2016 18:53:30 GMT
Natural consequence of not living near your parents is that you get to find out about medical procedures in a vaguebook post from your sister? Wow. That's total b.s. People live apart from family for many, many reasons. And you are sure speculating here. I agree people live away for many reasons and as someone who has lived far away from family for some years, I miss details and sometimes find them out on facebook. It sucks sometimes. I don't post stuff on FB like that, but see it sometimes happens. Finding out news like that does NOT give me the right to send an angry text to my relative. He didn't call her and ask her about it, he ripped into her. That rubs me the rub wrong way. This wasn't a life threatening event, she has her own busy life. It seems to me that the ownership belongs to the adult father telling his adult children. I would have a nice conversation with my Dad about it. [ No he sent her a text and asked what was up with dad. The next day she responded that it was routine and dad didn't want "everyone" to know. That's when the angry text followed. A simple apology for posting something he didn't know about might have defused the situation. Insinuating that the brother was part of the everyone dad didn't think needed to know but her fb friends were important to update resulted in the f you text. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 23, 2016 18:57:57 GMT
Also, I have never understood what the big freaking deal is about reading stuff on fb without being told personally. I actually don't have an issue learning things on fb. I have an issue learning something happened, not knowing what, Not knowing whether it was serious, not being able to communicate in a timely manner with those that have the info. |
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
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Post by AnotherPea on Apr 23, 2016 19:27:04 GMT
I can see both sides. Your brother shouldn't have found out via FB. Bad form for you to put it out there. And your reply to him was very dismissive. Brother had a right to be pissed for both.
But I do think you are caught in an awkward position. I think it is on you to make this right. Good luck.
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Apr 23, 2016 19:41:10 GMT
I think you need to ask your dad how he wants information given to your siblings in the future so you guys can be on the same page. Does he want to keep it private? Tell them himself if he wishes? How about in case of emergency? Does he want them to know then?
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Apr 23, 2016 19:44:54 GMT
OP-- consider yourself validated. You thanked a friend for doing a great job. Something your father had said. You didn't say anything wrong. If your brother was so fvcking worried he would have called your father. If he is his fvcking son then he should call and ask father about all upcoming Dr. appointments. If your brother wants to be involved he should figure out a way to make that happen. If it WAS a big deal, you would have called. I would NOT lead credence to his anger making the situation seem more serious than it is.
Communication is a multilane road with lots of intersections. I would empathize with my brother that he was stressed. But I would encourage him to create his own relationship with his father. You can choose if this is blown out of proportion but I sure as heck wouldn't accept other's dysfunction as my own. I would own my behavior and understand that it did cause stress, that it wasn't your intent but at no time did you deserve to be talked to like that.
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Peamac
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Refupea # 418
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Post by Peamac on Apr 23, 2016 20:05:22 GMT
I read the OP this morning, but couldn't respond until now, so things may have changed since then.
I'd tell brother, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Dad's procedure. I was surprised to hear about on Thursday night after work and assumed he'd told you already."
My dad likes to wait to share concerning news like this also, but I agree that the thank you should have been a pm on facebook rather than for everyone else to see.
It's not your fault that you didn't know your siblings weren't informed. Just apologize and move on. While your dad may not want everyone else to know his health issues, the kids shouldn't be kept totally in the dark, either. What if something had happened and he's passed away during the procedure?
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