scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Apr 23, 2016 20:12:41 GMT
As someone who routinely finds out about medical procedures, diagnoses, etc after the fact, I totally get your brother's anger and frustration. You very easily could have texted him Thursday after you found out. Or Friday morning. Not telling your siblings but posting on fb was not the most thoughtful decision. Sorry, but I have to agree. It doesn't take much to let them know. And as we get older no procedure really is routine. There are risks to every procedure. And certainly, if you had time to be on Facebook you had time to send a text. You know there's not a lot of communication between them, so why not help?. What if it had been the other way around and your father had not come through the procedure? How would you have felt? Also, remember that you have advantage of proximity which your brother does not have. This probably leaves him feeling left out of a lot of things. Trust me on this one.... I know
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Post by mcscrapper on Apr 23, 2016 20:48:02 GMT
I think posting about it on FB was pretty awful of you. You could have spent the tone you spent posting on FB to text your siblings instead. It is total and absolute bs that you didn't have time to text your brother. It's an outright lie and I totally understand and sympathize with your brother.
Posting it on FB is like rubbing it in his face he didn't know. IMO, it was the absolute worst thing you could have done. I never once said I didn't have time to text anyone. Let me clear, again, I did not know they did not know.
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Post by epeanymous on Apr 23, 2016 20:54:02 GMT
I think it isn't uncommon for families to have a point person who updates everyone. Based on your posts, it doesn't sound like your dad wants that. You've learned the hard way that your siblings want information that your father doesn't want to provide them. And now you know that if you post something on FB about your father, your audience included people who don't have the information, who want the information, and are going to be upset finding out that way.
I probably would call bro, tell him you shouldn't have posted to FB, and that you won't do so again. It really is up to him to get permission from your dad to be informed about procedures.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 23, 2016 21:00:22 GMT
I think posting about it on FB was pretty awful of you. You could have spent the tone you spent posting on FB to text your siblings instead. It is total and absolute bs that you didn't have time to text your brother. It's an outright lie and I totally understand and sympathize with your brother.
Posting it on FB is like rubbing it in his face he didn't know. IMO, it was the absolute worst thing you could have done. I never once said I didn't have time to text anyone. Let me clear, again, I did not know they did not know. Then I am sorry I was having comprehension issues. That was my fault. I still think it was really wrong of you to post about it on FB.
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Post by Zee on Apr 23, 2016 21:06:46 GMT
C'mon, now. This was a daughter posting about a father's procedure, not a medical professional about a patient. This has nothing to do with HIPAA. The OP doesn't need to reconsider her profession because of it. The person she was posting to DID take care of her dad. She put that person in a bad position because that person will then be violating HIPAA. And yes, I expect a nurse to think of the rights of the patient even the the person isn't specifically their patient. Just her job should have made her think twice before posting even if the lack of relationship between dad/siblings wasn't enough to make her think twice. It's not a HIPAA violation to acknowledge a thank you for care. I think you need to read up on HIPAA and quit trying to roast the OP for things that don't apply here. So much drama
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Apr 23, 2016 21:07:34 GMT
The problem is.....basically you vague booked on FB and of course your brother got mad as I would have given that situation.
FB will get a person every time. Next time, send her a Pvt. Msg. and don't post publicly.
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Post by melanell on Apr 23, 2016 21:18:14 GMT
I do think that posting it on FB was an unfortunate choice. But I think your brother is responding to you about it in a way that is unfortunate as well.
I hope it all works out and I wish your dad the best.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 23, 2016 21:19:00 GMT
Perhaps an email to both your brother and sister saying you all need to get together and discuss with your father what he would like to happen. You thought they knew; they didn't. It wasn't your responsibility to let them know, but it would have been a good thing to do. Hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up. Be proactive for next medical emergency or procedure. I would highly recommend to my brother and sister that they call their father once a month and keep in contact with him, You are in a tough position.
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Post by katiekaty on Apr 23, 2016 21:31:01 GMT
As a nurse you should know to never post anything regarding anything medical about anyone on FB. It will always come back to bite in the ass. It's may seem innocent, but it's also HIPAA violation. You should have just spoke to you nurse friend in person or called her. Your brother has every right to be upset. Your father should be furious with you. Your own facility could fire you for the violation!
Nurses and other medical professionals are losing jobs over just such posts every day lately. Don't post selfies of yourself at work. Make no comments about you workplace. Don't list you work place on your profile page. Nurses and medical professionals cannot make these post-we are not the same as everyone else. The law holds us above and beyond ordinary circumstances.
By the way, I am sorry your post blew up in your face. I know you were just trying to brag and show off how special your nurse friend really is. It's a shame we can't do those kinds of posts without having to suffer the consequences!
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Post by annabella on Apr 23, 2016 23:02:02 GMT
My mother has had two heart caths and I don't consider it a routine procedure. Initially, I had assumed you posted it directly on your friends' wall. I would not post about it on my wall, unless I knew that family knew about it. Your brother came at you wrong about it, but he's right. If a complication occurred during the procedure, he would be shocked to hear his father died without knowing he was in surgery first. However, I am not inclined to respond to someone cursing at me. At this point, I would let his son know that if he was in touch with his dad on a daily basis he would know these things and will not communicate with someone who speaks to me in that manner. If he can talk to you in a respectful manner, you would be happy to give him a heads up however with his tone I'd be afraid he'd call your father up and chew him out too stressing him out.
You can't use your phone for 12 hours while at work? Not in the bathroom or during your lunch break? I can't imagine waiting until the end of my shift to find out if my parent came out alive out of surgery! I would have checked on that happening in the same building I was in.
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Post by annabella on Apr 23, 2016 23:04:18 GMT
And let's not overlook the fact that the OP posted on fb sometime after 9 pm - to a cardiac specialist about taking care of her father. Her siblings texted that night - what's going on with dad - and she didn't respond until the morning. I'd be pissed. And if the response was a semi-chastising text about not telling "everyone" after I'd read on fb about my father having some medical procedure - there might be a few f bombs in response. I don't think the brother is an ass or a dick - I think he's a son who worried all fucking night what the hell was going on with his father. I missed that, good point! Listen if you're only using your phone once a day due to your "hectic" schedule, something like this takes precedent and you need to make time to update everyone.
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Post by lorieann13 on Apr 23, 2016 23:05:25 GMT
I think posting about it on FB was pretty awful of you. You could have spent the tone you spent posting on FB to text your siblings instead. It is total and absolute bs that you didn't have time to text your brother. It's an outright lie and I totally understand and sympathize with your brother.
Posting it on FB is like rubbing it in his face he didn't know. IMO, it was the absolute worst thing you could have done. I never once said I didn't have time to text anyone. Let me clear, again, I did not know they did not know. And that is why I choose not to post family stuff on facebook. And that is why I waited to ask for prayer for my dad until I knew everyone was informed about his medical issues and why he was in the hospital. If you arent sure if a family member knows about anothers illness, accident, etc, wither inform them first asbcommon courtsey or dont post anything on social media. I totally get why your brother was upset. And I too would have either thanked my friend privately or in person. Not on my fb wall. I was the messenger when my dad was in the hospital and contacted his siterm my moms sister, my brother, sister, sister in law, and my hubby. I also contacted my cousins but my aunts already did. I have seen too many private posts on fb and social media and then others posting what??? Text me!!! Sometimes elderly forget or can not call everyone. Even if your dad chooses not to, I personally think your siblings should be kept up to date on him.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on Apr 23, 2016 23:35:24 GMT
No he sent her a text and asked what was up with dad. The next day she responded that it was routine and dad didn't want "everyone" to know. That's when the angry text followed. A simple apology for posting something he didn't know about might have defused the situation. Insinuating that the brother was part of the everyone dad didn't think needed to know but her fb friends were important to update resulted in the f you text. This is how I saw it too. It sounds like her brother took offense to being "everyone" as she put it, and not getting an answer to the question. His response pointed out, rather vehemently, that he isn't "everyone", he is his "fvcking son". IMO, your initial reply saying it was just routine, etc...sounded dismissive. Considering your brother & sister contacted you that late asking what was going on, shows they obviously didn't know about his appointment, and were concerned. Try to put yourself in their shoes for a minute. Seeing a FB post to a nurse thanking her for for taking great care of your Dad would be pretty alarming if you had no idea he had anything scheduled. If you contacted the sibling, and felt you got blown off and lumped in with "everyone", you'd probably be pretty mad too. A text or private message to your friend to say thanks would have been a better idea, and more respectful of your Dad's privacy.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 23, 2016 23:44:18 GMT
Posting a public thank you on your own FB wall to the cath lab friend is a weird thing to do. It's yet another example of Vague Booking and it is SO FREAKING ANNOYING. There have been multiple threads here about how much it pisses people off. You could just as easily have sent him a private message. I'm not suggesting that you should have notified your siblings, but you sure as heck should not have posted anything on FB. I can understand why your brother was angry.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 23, 2016 23:46:41 GMT
You shouldn't have posted it on Facebook.
I would be pissed if I found out via FB that my dad was in the hospital!!
I will say that if your siblings are not close to their dad, that's all on them. If I would have received that cursing rant from my sibling, my reply back would have been "remind me again dear sibling, when was the last time you called/visited/talked to your dad?"
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Post by hop2 on Apr 23, 2016 23:48:59 GMT
And let's not overlook the fact that the OP posted on fb sometime after 9 pm - to a cardiac specialist about taking care of her father. Her siblings texted that night - what's going on with dad - and she didn't respond until the morning. I'd etbe pissed. And if the response was a semi-chastising text about not telling "everyone" after I'd read on fb about my father having some medical procedure - there might be a few f bombs in response. I don't think the brother is an ass or a dick - I think he's a son who worried all fucking night what the hell was going on with his father. Then maybe he ought to iron out his differences with his father and have a relationship with his father and not put his sister in the middle of his squabble with his father. It's not her job to check wether her ADULT and capable father let her sibling know about his medical appointment. AND if the son wants to know so bad how his father is maybe call his father instead of putting other people in the middle. But hey, go ahead and speak with f bombs to your siblings because you don't like what your adult patent did. Yeah, that'll work for family unity. My father never told anyone about any medical appointments until after they happened. He just didn't want to. My one sister did live nearer to him and maybe she found out about some of them maybe not but either way if I cursed and swore at my sister because my father chose not to tell me, then I'd probably have ruined my relationship with my sister. Shpuld the OP have posted in FB? Probably not. But that still not a reason to be an utterly disrespectful jerk to her because you don't like what your father did,
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 0:31:53 GMT
As someone who routinely finds out about medical procedures, diagnoses, etc after the fact, I totally get your brother's anger and frustration. You very easily could have texted him Thursday after you found out. Or Friday morning. Not telling your siblings but posting on fb was not the most thoughtful decision. I get what *sprout* is saying, but it is not your responsibility to keep your non-communicative siblings informed of everything going in in your Dad's life. They have a phone and cars. They can actually use them to call Dad and see how things are going.
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Post by M~ on Apr 24, 2016 1:23:36 GMT
My siblings and I take care of our 101year old grandmother. Whenever she's been in the hospital, I don't call, text, or otherwise notify anyone. We have a strained(to put it mildly) relationship with her kids, and my positive n has always been that if they are so concerned about their mothers health, then they should call to check themselves. I don't have the desire nor the time to contact over 100 people who make up my immediate family.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Apr 24, 2016 1:40:02 GMT
I'll tell you what I learned basically. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. I mean I'd stay off Facebook but it's really difficult navigating the waters when siblings are away and you're stuck in the middle.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 24, 2016 1:46:13 GMT
Perhaps an email to both your brother and sister saying you all need to get together and discuss with your father what he would like to happen. You thought they knew; they didn't. It wasn't your responsibility to let them know, but it would have been a good thing to do. Hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up. Be proactive for next medical emergency or procedure. I would highly recommend to my brother and sister that they call their father once a month and keep in contact with him, You are in a tough position. I will say I agree that you all need to talk about it and figure it out. My mom found out after her dad had passed that he had a small aneurysm three days prior and it was 'no big deal' so the siblings never told her until he was gone. So that colors my perspective. That being said, my parents tell me nothing useful. I can be direct and specific, and am, but if I don't know to even ask something direct and specific, then they just leave me in the dark. Everything is always "going great, tell us about you and the kids!" when I call. My dad is struggling with health issues from Agent Orange exposure and the VA is fighting him on everything. It's so ridiculous. But he never brings it up, I always have to directly ask about that issue. If I just say how are you feeling, I get a "I'm doing really good" instead of telling me how things really are.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 24, 2016 1:50:16 GMT
Perhaps an email to both your brother and sister saying you all need to get together and discuss with your father what he would like to happen. You thought they knew; they didn't. It wasn't your responsibility to let them know, but it would have been a good thing to do. Hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up. Be proactive for next medical emergency or procedure. I would highly recommend to my brother and sister that they call their father once a month and keep in contact with him, You are in a tough position. I will say I agree that you all need to talk about it and figure it out. My mom found out after her dad had passed that he had a small aneurysm three days prior and it was 'no big deal' so the siblings never told her until he was gone. So that colors my perspective. That being said, my parents tell me nothing useful. I can be direct and specific, and am, but if I don't know to even ask something direct and specific, then they just leave me in the dark. Everything is always "going great, tell us about you and the kids!" when I call. My dad is struggling with health issues from Agent Orange exposure and the VA is fighting him on everything. It's so ridiculous. But he never brings it up, I always have to directly ask about that issue. If I just say how are you feeling, I get a "I'm doing really good" instead of telling me how things really are. That's how my dad was. Everything was always great! I chalked it up to his being such a positive person. Anything negative you'd have to extract yourself. I'd wonder if it was a generational thing but my mother told her life story to everyone. There were many a cashier who really had an earful more than she wanted.
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Post by anniefb on Apr 24, 2016 1:57:33 GMT
I would tell my brother that yes he maybe the 'son' so why doesn't he talk with the 'father' and find out things for himself. You have obviously been told of the procedure prior to it happening because your dad wanted you to know. It is not your responsibility to keep siblings informed - they should be in touch with the parent and if the parent doesn't tell them well that it how it is and certainly not your problem. the brother obviuosly had time to check FB maybe he should spend the time talking to dad. IMHO you gave done nothing wrong.
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Post by mom on Apr 24, 2016 2:01:22 GMT
I see two separate issues - your dad has an absolute right to decide what information he would like to share with people. As long as he's able - those decisions should be his. You had absolutely no right to post anything about your father on a public forum - particularly as he is private and not sharing with family members. Vague booking makes it no better. I don't condone his language/ but will absolute validate his anger that he learned about a medical procedure concerning his father though your post. If your father doesn't want to share - don't share on social media. Absolutely agree with this. You crossed a major line and I would be pissed if I were your siblings but also if I were your dad. If he is private, like you say he is, then nothing should have been publically said at all reguarding his health.
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Post by mom on Apr 24, 2016 2:02:13 GMT
And let's not overlook the fact that the OP posted on fb sometime after 9 pm - to a cardiac specialist about taking care of her father. Her siblings texted that night - what's going on with dad - and she didn't respond until the morning. I'd be pissed. And if the response was a semi-chastising text about not telling "everyone" after I'd read on fb about my father having some medical procedure - there might be a few f bombs in response. I don't think the brother is an ass or a dick - I think he's a son who worried all fucking night what the hell was going on with his father. Agree completely.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 24, 2016 2:30:40 GMT
And let's not overlook the fact that the OP posted on fb sometime after 9 pm - to a cardiac specialist about taking care of her father. Her siblings texted that night - what's going on with dad - and she didn't respond until the morning. I'd be pissed. And if the response was a semi-chastising text about not telling "everyone" after I'd read on fb about my father having some medical procedure - there might be a few f bombs in response. I don't think the brother is an ass or a dick - I think he's a son who worried all fucking night what the hell was going on with his father. Agree completely. Hopefully this will be a wakeup call to the son that he needs to be more active in his dad's life. If dad doesn't want him to know things (or is overbearing) then the son needs to figure out his relationship with his father and not attack his sister (whether or not he felt justified in his actions). I am sure in the future the OP will be more careful using FB. That would be hard to learn on FB.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Apr 24, 2016 2:37:23 GMT
I can see why your dad wants some distance with his son.
Your intent wasn't to harm anyone but to be there however you could for your dad. Likely it is lesson learned and it puts you in a difficult place when or if there is a next time.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 24, 2016 2:45:41 GMT
I think you learned a hard lesson.
I have no issue with you posting to FB, but I probably would have asked my Dad if he had talked to siblings and sent them a text before thanking my friend.
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Post by jackie on Apr 24, 2016 3:05:22 GMT
I'm sorry you're having to hear some ridiculous stuff on here OP (particularly all of the HIPAA stuff). I agree that the public FB thank you was probably not the way to go and that you should have sent that message privately (as you have acknowledged yourself), but for everything else you were above board on and did nothing wrong.
If your dad was incapacitated and incapable of communicating with your siblings, then yes, it would be nice for you to keep them informed with what's going on. Because your dad and siblings are fully capable of communicating with one another and simply choose not to much of the time, it is NOT your job to inform them, nor is it your job to guess at what they know and what they don't know.
I realize that people live out of state from their parents for a variety of reasons, but it really sucks sometimes to be the one that does live nearby and takes on so much of the responsibility of helping out with the parent. Your siblings should be expressing their gratitude to you for being there for their father when they can't or won't, not harassing you and cursing you because they don't take the time to even regularly speak with their father to know what's going on. It was a routine outpatient procedure fgs. If he were hospitalized, had a stroke, a heart attack, etc, that's different. I think you handled this MUCH nicer than I would have. I would have apologized to them for the FB post that got them worrying but I would let them know that I'm not about to tolerate being spoken to that way. Period.
Please don't lose any more sleep over this. You've already got enough going on between your job, schooling, and helping with your dad, you don't need to carry your brother's baggage too.
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Post by Belia on Apr 24, 2016 4:30:58 GMT
I think your brother's being an ass. He is so worried and wants to be informed? Then he can get busy and be a regular fixture in your father's life. Call, visit email, text every day. It is not your job to be the go-between.
I would argue that if brother has time to check facebook, then he has time to call dad. Maybe if he did that then he'd have a freaking clue.
You're fine, OP. I think everybody needs to get off freaking facebook.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:29:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 11:28:37 GMT
I probably would consider unfriending db so my fb posts don't disturb him or initiate nasty texts.
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