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Post by katlady on Apr 23, 2016 19:43:57 GMT
First, let me start by saying this is NOT about anyone here! Do you have friends or know people who do things they KNOW is not good for them, yet they do them anyways?! GRRR! A friend knows that certain foods are not good for her, but she refuses to give them up because they taste so good. She won't drink water even though she is dehydrated. High heel shoes give her feet problems, but yup, she still wears them. She is not in denial that stuff is bad for her, she just stubbornly clings to her ways. It is getting harder and harder to lend a sympathetic ear. I am ready to give up! Your turn ... ETA - she goes to the doctor's quite often because of her stubbornness. Also, this is mainly a vent about the complaining and trying to be sympathetic when she does nothing to alleviate the problems.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:16:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 19:45:55 GMT
***I** do things I know are not good for me. I also assume 99.999% of human kind is the same.
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Post by katlady on Apr 23, 2016 19:51:27 GMT
***I** do things I know are not good for me. I also assume 99.999% of human kind is the same. True! But what bugs me is that she does things that takes her to the doctor's often. The dehydration, doctor said to drink more water. Nope, won't do it. Back to the doctor's. And then having to listen to all her ailments.
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
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Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Apr 23, 2016 20:08:35 GMT
DH will be like that sometimes. He'll ask my opinion, scoff that I'm too negative,etc. and then when my predictions come true, he wonders why he didn't get his desired result. And then complain. Never a "You were right, I should have listened to you." I have to listen to him complain and deal with the consequences. Thank goodness he doesn't do it too often! ETA- I don't have a problem with people doing what they want even if they know better. It's the whining and complaining about the consequences that THEY CHOSE that bugs me. Doesn't Dr Phil say, "You choose the action, you choose the consequence"? IMO, you (general rule) don't have a right to complain when you've made a foolish choice and have negative results.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Apr 23, 2016 20:18:03 GMT
I do things I know are not good for me, but I also do not complain about the effects
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 23, 2016 20:25:35 GMT
And then there's my husband's aunt who was diagnosed last year with diabetes. Her doctor gave her all kinds of changes she had to make in her diet and lifestyle to avoid insulin injections (she started on oral medication). We all just *knew* she wouldn't do it. And we were wrong. So wrong. She educated herself. She made changes. She stuck to her strict new diet. And she's lost weight, kept her blood sugar at an excellent level, and had her medication reduced already with the possibility of getting to come off of it completely at her next appointment. The point is... other people are not under our control. They never do what we think they will or ought to do! Darn them. Either enjoy the parts of your friendship that are good or begin to politely excuse yourself from the friendship. Your friend is unlikely to change and you'll drive yourself crazy wishing she would. ------------- Edited to add: I don't mean to sound preachy. I realize this was a vent and you aren't looking for advice. But maybe it's food for thought anyway.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:16:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 20:26:55 GMT
High heel shoes give her feet problems, but yup, she still wears them I do that all the time. Don't you do anything that you know you shouldn't?
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Post by katlady on Apr 23, 2016 20:51:51 GMT
High heel shoes give her feet problems, but yup, she still wears them I do that all the time. Don't you do anything that you know you shouldn't? I do. But, I don't complain about it to others and make people listen to my complaints when I refuse to do anything about it. That is mainly what my vent is about.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 23, 2016 21:12:12 GMT
Do you mean like my one sister staying married to her abusive jerk face husband? Then yeah, I do. I had to distance myself from her because her complaining about him without ever DOING anything different about the situation (for 30+ years!) was driving me insane.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,535
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Apr 23, 2016 21:22:47 GMT
I kind of have that exact problem with DS right now. He is actually clinically dehydrated right now, just a bit shy of where they would hospitalize him with an IV. It's like hitting my head against a brick wall to get him to drink even 30 oz of liquid a day, which is a dramatic improvement. I have the doctor's permission to let him drink ANYTHING just to get him drinking (he hates water), and it's still a fight. (Hey, on second thought, we haven't tried margaritas. He's 7, he should be able to handle his liquor, right...? )
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 23, 2016 21:28:28 GMT
If (when) my friends complain repeatedly about something they refuse to fix, I do gently call them on it. In my experience, I can't change their actions other than they are less likely to complain about something they know I won't support them on. I would also expect the same from them. I am much more likely to change a behavior if no one supports my whining.
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Post by darkangel090260 on Apr 23, 2016 21:33:38 GMT
To the ass hat the gives DH a ride to work,
My DH has call in once in almost 4 years, that was the day I had our son. Since you have been giving him rides he has had to call in twice, That mean we lose to day of pay or two day of PTO. We save his PTO just in case something big happens. Like one of our kids in up in the hospital or I do. Just because your a flake and do not have your shit together dose not mean we have to lose out of pay or PTO.
You will not get paid for this week since I had to use the money we normally pay you to get him a ride last night. So your shit out of luck there.
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Post by justkat on Apr 23, 2016 21:37:10 GMT
If I may;a slight rip-off of the original post:
I am the doctor. If I tell you to do something or not to do something there's a reason. I'm just not saying things for the hell of it. When you don't follow orders and then you either don't heal, or worse yet, injure yourself further...yeah guess why. Don't moan and whine and bitch to me (wish I could say that).
Thank you, that feels better.lol
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Post by padresfan619 on Apr 23, 2016 21:39:21 GMT
Your entire entourage does not need to stand in line with you at the check out counter. Send them out of the way so other paying customers can line up.
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 23, 2016 21:55:34 GMT
Your entire entourage does not need to stand in line with you at the check out counter. Send them out of the way so other paying customers can line up. and you don't have to walk shoulder to shoulder...
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 23, 2016 23:32:12 GMT
I kind of have that exact problem with DS right now. He is actually clinically dehydrated right now, just a bit shy of where they would hospitalize him with an IV. It's like hitting my head against a brick wall to get him to drink even 30 oz of liquid a day, which is a dramatic improvement. I have the doctor's permission to let him drink ANYTHING just to get him drinking (he hates water), and it's still a fight. (Hey, on second thought, we haven't tried margaritas. He's 7, he should be able to handle his liquor, right...? ) Have you tried Popsicles, Icees or something like that? Maybe you could try the Pediasure kind?
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Apr 24, 2016 0:27:40 GMT
To my supposed friend of 20 years, I don't know what happened to our friendship. I get it that you have other friends at work and I'm good with that. You go to lunch with them and that's cool. But why all of a sudden I feel like you all are the mean girls in high school and I am the brunt of your meanness, I don't know. You telling me that you don't believe me 3x on Tuesday was the last straw. I realize now that we are just co-workers. I will no longer let you hurt my feelings. You are retiring soon and I wish you well; I will go to your lunch and give you a personal gift but that is because that is the person I am. I'm sorry that things ended this way; I'm still confused as to what exactly happened (as are others who saw how close we once were and can see your behavior now).
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Post by tuva42 on Apr 24, 2016 2:57:34 GMT
I know EXACTLY what you. I have a friend who is facing several serious problems right now, all of her own making, but refuses to acknowledge that making better decisions might make things better for her. And complains, over and over again, as if its all someone else's fault.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Apr 24, 2016 3:10:02 GMT
I have a coworker for whom we all used to have a lot of sympathy and for whom people provided much support, both emotional and s scheduling, etc so that she could achieve various goals that would have drastic improvements in her life and her family's life. We have now watched her refuse to take the easy final step that would cement these improvements. Plus lie about it. Repeatedly. Meanwhile constantly complaining about the problems taking that final step would immediately erase. People have called her on it or tried to help her get over whatever barrier exists. But now that the lies have come to light, We are all over it.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 24, 2016 3:38:09 GMT
I was waiting for someone to start a vent thread so I could vent about something, but I'm buggered if I can remember what it was now.......
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 20:16:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 3:51:05 GMT
***I** do things I know are not good for me. I also assume 99.999% of human kind is the same. True! But what bugs me is that she does things that takes her to the doctor's often. The dehydration, doctor said to drink more water. Nope, won't do it. Back to the doctor's. And then having to listen to all her ailments. ah! Gotcha! That is annoying. I'm not too good at being an easy ear to complain to once advice has been given. Maybe when she starts venting it is time for some gentle reminders about previous advice and ask why she isn't following it. A round or two of that tends to get complainers to go complain to someone else.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Apr 24, 2016 4:01:09 GMT
I kind of have that exact problem with DS right now. He is actually clinically dehydrated right now, just a bit shy of where they would hospitalize him with an IV. It's like hitting my head against a brick wall to get him to drink even 30 oz of liquid a day, which is a dramatic improvement. I have the doctor's permission to let him drink ANYTHING just to get him drinking (he hates water), and it's still a fight. (Hey, on second thought, we haven't tried margaritas. He's 7, he should be able to handle his liquor, right...? ) Does he like canned fruit or fruit cups? You could get him the ones in juice if you think he will drink it. And the fruit itself has some liquid... Or jello? That's made from mostly water (get the kind you make at home rather than the cups). I worry that SO will end up dehydrated-- I've never known the man to drink a glass of water. But he will drink kool-aid (I buy the singles in a box). (We can debate the merits of fake sugars later.)
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,535
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Apr 24, 2016 14:26:53 GMT
We do some popsicles and jello and things like that. (I hadn't thought of the canned fruit idea, he does love mandarin oranges and you can get them in 100% juice.) I just have to kind of watch it because my other child has weight problems and then it turns into "It's not fairrrrr!" I try to kind of alternate between ones with and without sugar...I hate just feeding them sugar, but I hate feeding children the fake stuff, too. (I myself drink lots of Diet Coke, etc., but I figure that's my choice, you know? I'm not convinced the fake stuff is evil, but I'm not convinced it's safe, either, particularly for growing kids. ) And have you noticed how many of the canned fruits will push that they're "no sugar added" but they'll have Splenda or something in them? Because, you know fruit is so nasty and bitter and all...
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Post by anonrefugee on Apr 24, 2016 15:27:56 GMT
Me- last stubborn pounds, spring weather, patios and margaritas not a good mix.
Friend- horrible feet, multiple surgeries, traveling with her as she shops for cute worthless support shoes in shops in neighborhoods with cobblestone streets. Even my DH sees the dramedy in that one
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Apr 24, 2016 15:30:03 GMT
I rather feel that way about many of my girlfriends' marriages -- they bitch all the time about their husband, but never leave what sounds like a crappy existence!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 24, 2016 15:49:56 GMT
We do some popsicles and jello and things like that. (I hadn't thought of the canned fruit idea, he does love mandarin oranges and you can get them in 100% juice.) I just have to kind of watch it because my other child has weight problems and then it turns into "It's not fairrrrr!" I try to kind of alternate between ones with and without sugar...I hate just feeding them sugar, but I hate feeding children the fake stuff, too. (I myself drink lots of Diet Coke, etc., but I figure that's my choice, you know? I'm not convinced the fake stuff is evil, but I'm not convinced it's safe, either, particularly for growing kids. ) And have you noticed how many of the canned fruits will push that they're "no sugar added" but they'll have Splenda or something in them? Because, you know fruit is so nasty and bitter and all...I had to comment on this because not long ago I bought some of those packs of fruit in the 100% juice, no added sugar/no sweeteners thinking it would be a healthy snack for DD to take to school. Opened one up and gave it to her, she took one bite and pushed it away, "Bleccch." Really? It's FRUIT. I like fruit. I thought, okay, I'll just finish it then instead of throwing it out. Took a bite myself and it was NASTY! It was really gross. Not like it was spoiled, but like the fruit wasn't ripe or something when it was packed. We eat fresh fruit all the time, so it isn't like we're not used to eating fruit without sugar in it. It's now six months later and the rest of the pack is still sitting there because no one will eat it!
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Post by sues on Apr 24, 2016 16:02:38 GMT
Argh. I get that everyone males their own mistakes...including me. Especially me.
But DH has a family member that has devoted her life to making the same mistakes over and over. She'd tell you it's because 'she believes in love and she will never stop'. Her belief in 'love' has meant that in the last 30+ years, she has been the female equivalent of a Ferris wheel, for men;hop on, take a spin, get off and move to the next ride. Marry one, have an affair, have a baby, back to the husband when the boyfriend flips out, have another baby, divorce, marry, have another baby, have an affair or three, divorce, marry again, divorce. In between marriages, there are multiple relationships, engagements, entanglements. She leaves jobs for new men. She's uprooted her children for new men. She's looking for Prince Charming with a good income, who will make it so she doesn't have to work; so she has a nice, comfy life while having to do nothing to contribute. She doesn't clean, cook, grocery shop, do laundry unless she has no clothes left. She doesn't volunteer, grow things, carpool or help anyone that requires her to leave the apt. Currently- no man, no job, no prospects - her full-time job is finding a way to collect long term disability so that she never has to work again. She's 50 years old. It amazes me that she has spent 30+ years, getting engaged, married, pregnant and divorced over and over again- and never thought "What am I doing?? I need to make a change. I need to be a better example to my kids." She thinks her relatives with better/different lives are 'lucky' and that somehow she missed out on the 'luck'. She doesn't think they've worked hard, persevered, sacrificed, put time and effort into building the life they want. They're 'lucky'. She's not. Period.
It's frustrating and infuriating. There is nothing preventing her from getting a job and turning her life around. Her kids are grown or nearly grown; the last one leaves home soon. She should be making decisions and plans- but she's just researching how to get money for nothing. She's totally willing to take $ away from people who really need it, in order to avoid getting a job. At some point, she will (again) look to extended family members to bail her out. I think maybe she's finally at the point where no one will step up. It will be interesting.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,691
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Apr 24, 2016 16:02:50 GMT
We do some popsicles and jello and things like that. (I hadn't thought of the canned fruit idea, he does love mandarin oranges and you can get them in 100% juice.) I just have to kind of watch it because my other child has weight problems and then it turns into "It's not fairrrrr!" I try to kind of alternate between ones with and without sugar...I hate just feeding them sugar, but I hate feeding children the fake stuff, too. (I myself drink lots of Diet Coke, etc., but I figure that's my choice, you know? I'm not convinced the fake stuff is evil, but I'm not convinced it's safe, either, particularly for growing kids. ) And have you noticed how many of the canned fruits will push that they're "no sugar added" but they'll have Splenda or something in them? Because, you know fruit is so nasty and bitter and all... What about smoothies with coconut water? You can sneak lots of veggies in and they could both have them. Strange, but sion he drink pickle juice? Lots of electrolytes, that's what my kids drink to rehydrate. They love pickle juice popsicles. So gross
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Apr 24, 2016 16:08:09 GMT
***I** do things I know are not good for me. I also assume 99.999% of human kind is the same. Sounds like the everyday world to me. And no I do not belong to the .001% but I do know some people who claim they do.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Apr 24, 2016 16:12:57 GMT
I kind of have that exact problem with DS right now. He is actually clinically dehydrated right now, just a bit shy of where they would hospitalize him with an IV. It's like hitting my head against a brick wall to get him to drink even 30 oz of liquid a day, which is a dramatic improvement. I have the doctor's permission to let him drink ANYTHING just to get him drinking (he hates water), and it's still a fight. (Hey, on second thought, we haven't tried margaritas. He's 7, he should be able to handle his liquor, right...? )I can't see a problem
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