Vent (add yours) - She knows better

I do things I know are not good for me, but I also do not complain about the effects

I do that all the time. Don't you do anything that you know you shouldn't?

Do you mean like my one sister staying married to her abusive jerk face husband? Then yeah, I do. I had to distance myself from her because her complaining about him without ever DOING anything different about the situation (for 30+ years!) was driving me insane.

If (when) my friends complain repeatedly about something they refuse to fix, I do gently call them on it. In my experience, I can't change their actions other than they are less likely to complain about something they know I won't support them on. I would also expect the same from them. I am much more likely to change a behavior if no one supports my whining.

If I may;a slight rip-off of the original post:

I am the doctor. If I tell you to do something or not to do something there's a reason. I'm just not saying things for the hell of it. When you don't follow orders and then you either don't heal, or worse yet, injure yourself further...yeah guess why. Don't moan and whine and bitch to me (wish I could say that).

Thank you, that feels better.lol

and you don't have to walk shoulder to shoulder...

To my supposed friend of 20 years, I don't know what happened to our friendship. I get it that you have other friends at work and I'm good with that. You go to lunch with them and that's cool. But why all of a sudden I feel like you all are the mean girls in high school and I am the brunt of your meanness, I don't know. You telling me that you don't believe me 3x on Tuesday was the last straw. I realize now that we are just co-workers. I will no longer let you hurt my feelings. You are retiring soon and I wish you well; I will go to your lunch and give you a personal gift but that is because that is the person I am. I'm sorry that things ended this way; I'm still confused as to what exactly happened (as are others who saw how close we once were and can see your behavior now).

I have a coworker for whom we all used to have a lot of sympathy and for whom people provided much support, both emotional and s scheduling, etc so that she could achieve various goals that would have drastic improvements in her life and her family's life. We have now watched her refuse to take the easy final step that would cement these improvements. Plus lie about it. Repeatedly. Meanwhile constantly complaining about the problems taking that final step would immediately erase. People have called her on it or tried to help her get over whatever barrier exists. But now that the lies have come to light, We are all over it.

ah! Gotcha! That is annoying. I'm not too good at being an easy ear to complain to once advice has been given. Maybe when she starts venting it is time for some gentle reminders about previous advice and ask why she isn't following it. A round or two of that tends to get complainers to go complain to someone else.

We do some popsicles and jello and things like that. (I hadn't thought of the canned fruit idea, he does love mandarin oranges and you can get them in 100% juice.) I just have to kind of watch it because my other child has weight problems and then it turns into "It's not fairrrrr!" I try to kind of alternate between ones with and without sugar...I hate just feeding them sugar, but I hate feeding children the fake stuff, too. (I myself drink lots of Diet Coke, etc., but I figure that's my choice, you know? I'm not convinced the fake stuff is evil, but I'm not convinced it's safe, either, particularly for growing kids. ) And have you noticed how many of the canned fruits will push that they're "no sugar added" but they'll have Splenda or something in them? Because, you know fruit is so nasty and bitter and all...

I rather feel that way about many of my girlfriends' marriages -- they bitch all the time about their husband, but never leave what sounds like a crappy existence!

Argh. I get that everyone males their own mistakes...including me. Especially me.

But DH has a family member that has devoted her life to making the same mistakes over and over. She'd tell you it's because 'she believes in love and she will never stop'. Her belief in 'love' has meant that in the last 30+ years, she has been the female equivalent of a Ferris wheel, for men;hop on, take a spin, get off and move to the next ride.
Marry one, have an affair, have a baby, back to the husband when the boyfriend flips out, have another baby, divorce, marry, have another baby, have an affair or three, divorce, marry again, divorce.
In between marriages, there are multiple relationships, engagements, entanglements. She leaves jobs for new men. She's uprooted her children for new men. She's looking for Prince Charming with a good income, who will make it so she doesn't have to work; so she has a nice, comfy life while having to do nothing to contribute. She doesn't clean, cook, grocery shop, do laundry unless she has no clothes left. She doesn't volunteer, grow things, carpool or help anyone that requires her to leave the apt.

Currently- no man, no job, no prospects - her full-time job is finding a way to collect long term disability so that she never has to work again.
She's 50 years old. It amazes me that she has spent 30+ years, getting engaged, married, pregnant and divorced over and over again- and never thought "What am I doing?? I need to make a change. I need to be a better example to my kids." She thinks her relatives with better/different lives are 'lucky' and that somehow she missed out on the 'luck'. She doesn't think they've worked hard, persevered, sacrificed, put time and effort into building the life they want. They're 'lucky'. She's not. Period.

It's frustrating and infuriating. There is nothing preventing her from getting a job and turning her life around. Her kids are grown or nearly grown; the last one leaves home soon. She should be making decisions and plans- but she's just researching how to get money for nothing. She's totally willing to take $ away from people who really need it, in order to avoid getting a job. At some point, she will (again) look to extended family members to bail her out. I think maybe she's finally at the point where no one will step up. It will be interesting.

Sounds like the everyday world to me. And no I do not belong to the .001% but I do know some people who claim they do.