Post by kajo1982 on Apr 26, 2016 3:38:54 GMT
My brothers best friend that was living on the farm with us (parents house, grandmas house and 2 small bunkhouses) passed away on Valentines Day this year. He was living in one of the bunkhouses out by the one I'm currently living in. While he was my brothers best friend we didn't know him very well, because my brother never brought him around because he didn't think our family cared for him and we all knew my father didn't accept his lifestyle choices. That's a whole other topic of conversation.
He had been living on the farm since around Halloween. He was much of a recluse and stayed in the house most of the time, so we didn't see him very often. He was invited to our family things like Thanksgiving, Christmas, weekend dinners etc... but my brother always told us he never felt comfortable around us so he would never come.
I'm not much of an outgoing person so I never really put much effort into getting to know him. I would say hi if I saw him out and about but that’s about it. I know it wasn’t cause I judged him or his lifestyle I’m just not a strike up a conversation kind of person. I’ll say hi and be cordial with people but that’s about it.
As the days go by I feel more and more guilt and regret and I don’t know how to deal with it. Random things will bring on crying and it always leaves this empty feeling inside my stomach (I’m crying as I type this up). I know the regret is my fault and comes from not getting to know him while he was here, but I honestly don’t know how to deal with it.
The only thing I have come up with is to try better at getting to know others, especially my siblings friends. I had my first experience with this a few weeks ago when one of my brothers other friends had to stay on the farm for a few days after he was kicked out of his apartment. He only stayed for about 3 days until he could find somewhere to stay. While he was here I tried my best to talk to him and make him feel welcome and offer to help where needed.
I’m just not sure how to deal with the guilt and move on, or even why I feel so much of it. I’ve lost other family members and classmates but I have never had this much guilt/regret over any of them or anything else in my life even, so I just don’t know where it’s coming from.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this?
He had been living on the farm since around Halloween. He was much of a recluse and stayed in the house most of the time, so we didn't see him very often. He was invited to our family things like Thanksgiving, Christmas, weekend dinners etc... but my brother always told us he never felt comfortable around us so he would never come.
I'm not much of an outgoing person so I never really put much effort into getting to know him. I would say hi if I saw him out and about but that’s about it. I know it wasn’t cause I judged him or his lifestyle I’m just not a strike up a conversation kind of person. I’ll say hi and be cordial with people but that’s about it.
As the days go by I feel more and more guilt and regret and I don’t know how to deal with it. Random things will bring on crying and it always leaves this empty feeling inside my stomach (I’m crying as I type this up). I know the regret is my fault and comes from not getting to know him while he was here, but I honestly don’t know how to deal with it.
The only thing I have come up with is to try better at getting to know others, especially my siblings friends. I had my first experience with this a few weeks ago when one of my brothers other friends had to stay on the farm for a few days after he was kicked out of his apartment. He only stayed for about 3 days until he could find somewhere to stay. While he was here I tried my best to talk to him and make him feel welcome and offer to help where needed.
I’m just not sure how to deal with the guilt and move on, or even why I feel so much of it. I’ve lost other family members and classmates but I have never had this much guilt/regret over any of them or anything else in my life even, so I just don’t know where it’s coming from.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this?
