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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 21:14:22 GMT
Reading about the lady who got pregnant after a failed vasectomy & failed tubes tied. Couple of people said they need to become a 2 family income.
So here's my question/s...how many of you were or are stay at home mom's and make it on one income?
I was a sahm I raised 4 girls, untill last year. We have a 17 year old who leaves in July for the Maries and our 12 year old. I was lucking enough to find a good paying job that works around my schedule. My part time job brings in between 150-250 a week dending on how many hours I want to work. We mainly live off hubbys pay 40-55k...
We did well with what we had, we had adventures that didn't break the bank but that made memories. We never went on fancy vactions, never bought the newest cars & have less than 2k in cc's.
We took day trips, attended tons of community events when they were small(still did through all the ages), I shopped at thrift stores (girls are actually experts now), we did food-co-ops we always had food, learned diy for home repairs and home reno & we were happy.
If I would have went to work when they were little, we would have paid ALOT for daycare and missed alot.
I know I'm super involoved but even with everything I'd never give up those first steps, the hundreds of trips to the libary, the parks, catching lizards, swimming in the pool, awards, sports, rain days, playing tag,helping in classrooms, math workshetts, seeing their eyes light up when they get it, hearing about their day, thrift shopping, crafting and the million of other things. ..all because we chose to go with less.
Who stays/ed home and how did/do you make it work?
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
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Post by caro on Apr 26, 2016 21:20:06 GMT
I stayed home off and on until my youngest was 6. I taught preschool during my kids preschool hrs. After the youngest went to public school I started an in home daycare. It worked out well for us but if I had it to do over.....I would have taught preschool three mornings and volunteered more at the kids' schools.
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by anniebeth24 on Apr 26, 2016 21:28:48 GMT
Stay-at-home mom - when kids first arrived, DH was active-duty military. He was an officer and made a good salary. Grateful for that because there were not a lot of job opportunities for spouses in the military community where we were stationed.
After he left active-duty, he found a good civilian job but has also remained in the reserves. So, he works two jobs essentially and that's how we've made it work financially.
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Post by Basket1lady on Apr 26, 2016 21:30:31 GMT
I've been at home for 22 years now. First, to get pregnant (fertility dr appts sometimes 3 a week), then stayed home with the baby I fought so hard to conceive and carry. But it was always our intention that I would stay home after we had kids.
We didn't do fancy vacations and saved for the vacations we did do. We still did a ton. We just did it on a budget/shortened the duration/saved for it. Luckily, DH's income increased over the years (Air Force officer). We were able to eliminate our debt due to an inheritance and that helped a lot to pay off the final fertility bills. No more interest payments and we were able to put more in savings. "New" vehicles are bought used and drove until they became unreliable. The kids drive my old van, which is 11 years old now.
I get that some women want to work/need to work. And I applaud them for it. This was just the choice DH and I made for our family. It's not always a choice between vacations and new cars. Sometimes it's needed just to put food on the table and a roof over their heads.
We knew it would be hard for DH to do his job well if I had a career. And any old job just wouldn't pay enough to offset the interruption to the family. So this was our choice.
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Post by kellybelly77 on Apr 26, 2016 21:36:09 GMT
I work because I can't imagine being a stay at home mom. But if we needed to we can live off dh's income. No more fun stuff but it could be done.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 14:28:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 21:43:46 GMT
I worked full time before kids, stopped working for about 6 years when I had them, and worked part time ever since. I don't want to work full time anymore because I find that it's overwhelming to try and take care of the house and work that much. DH works very long hours, and I want to enjoy the time we spend together, not have to run errands and deal with chores. My salary pays for the extras, like college tuition, LOL.
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Post by mom2rjcr on Apr 26, 2016 21:51:16 GMT
When the boys were younger we needed 2 incomes. Now we could live off of DH's income but I still love teaching and I am not ready to leave the classroom yet.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 26, 2016 22:10:12 GMT
DH & I were married in our mid30s and started our family in our late 30s so were in a good financial position before having kids, both coming into the relationship with assets and savings. When we married, I was making more money and we lived off of his income for two years before DD was born, knowing it would be my income we would lose if I stayed home.
I think we have always lived below our means, making savings/investments a priority and my staying at home made it easier to decide to move to WA & then CA, both of which have been great financial decisions for our family. I feel very fortunate to be in a position that I can concentrate on volunteer work instead of having to work for income.
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Post by Zee on Apr 26, 2016 22:37:33 GMT
I could stay home but I work PT mainly to feel like I'm contributing, and to give me something to do. We don't live extravagantly, but I feel I have everything I need and many things I don't need.
I worked long hours when my kids were little, because I had to. Now they're mostly grown and don't really need me anymore and I'd be bored home all day every day.
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Post by bigbundt on Apr 26, 2016 22:38:35 GMT
I worked full time before kids, stopped working for about 6 years when I had them, and worked part time ever since. I don't want to work full time anymore because I find that it's overwhelming to try and take care of the house and work that much. DH works very long hours, and I want to enjoy the time we spend together, not have to run errands and deal with chores. My salary pays for the extras, like college tuition, LOL. If I didn't know that I was in Publix half an hour ago, I would swear this was me posting! Our stories are very similar.  I worked full time until my oldest was three and then I was able to work part-time from home. We could live off of DH's salary but it is nice to have the little extra my job brings in. Right now my paycheck pretty much goes to the kids' college/savings accounts, retirement, and I'm already socking money away for my 5 month old's 3K and 4K tuition. Our only debt is the mortgage and my car. I was talking with my boss a few days ago and she asked if I wanted to come back into the office full time. I hope I declined more professionally than the "HELL NO!" that went through my head. If our circumstances changed and my family needed me to get a job, I would do it but our family life runs better with me home.  |
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Post by peasapie on Apr 26, 2016 22:44:00 GMT
I stayed at home until both kids were in school full time and then I taught at their school until they went to middle school.
I was fortunate to have the opportunity to build my work around their lives and I'm aware not everyone has the opportunity to do that. I have friends whose kids went to daycare while they worked, and they spent lots of time with them in the evenings and on weekends.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 22:47:25 GMT
I've done all three...was a wohm for 4 1/2 yrs after twin DDs were born- I was the main breadwinner and so I HAD to work; Then I was a SAHM for about 7 years and had DS and went back to wohm when he started Kindergarten. I worked a 30 hour week for about 5 years and have been back Fulltime for 6+ years.
I went back to work specifically to save for college expenses and nice vacations. Neither way is easy. You either seem to have time or money but not both.
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Post by ntsf on Apr 26, 2016 22:53:16 GMT
I worked full time til we moved overseas. then had kids, then, when back to the states, my pay would not have covered child care...so stayed home. til the youngest was a senior in high school. worked part time since then..still building up to 40 quarters of work.
dh has had an increasing well paid job so we dont' live it up too much, but have a very nice nest egg.
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Post by deekaye on Apr 26, 2016 22:57:16 GMT
I have always worked full-time and honestly wouldn't have wanted it any other way. My work life was flexible enough to take time off when I needed to so I didn't miss those during-the-day things like awards ceremonies, etc.
When I was a young mom, I felt the need to make excuses or even apologize (!) for WANTING to work full-time. I love my job (well, 98% of the time). I've grown, matured and realize that what works for one (SAHM) or for another (WAHM) doesn't necessarily work for me (WOHM!).
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Apr 26, 2016 23:07:52 GMT
I stayed at home until my daughter was 10. We made it work because my husband made awesome money. We have a nice house and have taken great trips, but we also live well below our budget and have never been heavy or extravagant consumers. We also have a small family size. I work part time now, mostly because I have a variety of causes I like to support and enjoy working and contributing to society if not my household.
I fully support all types of households and personal contributions to family and society. There are all kinds of ways of making it work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 23:09:13 GMT
First couple of years we mowed lawns! With baby on our back.
Then we moved to wa. There was no way at that time, even if we could have a spot, we could have afforded to put baby in daycare, and husband worked a lot of overtime.
My degree is kind of useless at this point and I have done my time working retail.
I now bake for my daughter's old group, until they find a new mommy to bake for them.
My husband wants me to go back to school and study finance , so I can be his personal investment person. And he keeps bugging me to start money stuff. So not interested.
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caangel
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Post by caangel on Apr 26, 2016 23:15:41 GMT
DH and I got married young right out of college. We both started our careers right away (luckily) and waited 5 yrs to have kids. I taught and he is a structural engineer. Kids are 2 yrs apart.
Once my youngest was in half day kinder a half day/week teaching opportunity came up at their school that I jumped on. Now both are in school full time and I sub at their school about 1-2x a week.
Even when my kids were babies I continued with the hobbies and other volunteer activities that I was involved in. I think I would have gone crazy otherwise. I enjoy being busy and thankfully my DH has always been supportive of my crazy schedule as I frequently have week night and weekend meetings as well as travel a few times a year for my personal activities.
I would have no problem going back to work full time if needed, but it would change our quality of life (increased stress) with me gone all day. I am thankful that my DH is very good at what he does and is valued by his company.
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georgiapea
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Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Apr 26, 2016 23:15:52 GMT
I was a 1 income working mom.
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finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
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Post by finaledition on Apr 26, 2016 23:24:17 GMT
I left my teaching job 17 years ago after I had my 2nd child. 6 months later my Dh took at job and we moved quite a distance away from our families. The salary was higher and gave us a little more cushion. We've always lived on much less than we made and lived very lean in the beginning. My being a SAHM really allowed my Dh to grow in his career so he could focus and put in the time in that area while I focused on the kids. The trade off is that yes, I was there for every single school and sport event, but it was very hit or miss for my Dh. Now we have a 1 in college, 1 in HS and a 2nd grader and financially we are in a much better place and my husband finds more time to be involved and leave work behind.
But I will say I feel like o write checks all the time for my kid's activities they participate in and while we are in a place that we can afford it, I do wonder how other families on one income make it work. In comparison, people complain about the price of diapers-that is cheap compared to kids' activities.
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 26, 2016 23:32:28 GMT
I stayed home for older ds 4 years and younger 1 Year before I went back to work. Then I worked 4 days per week on a teacher schedule.
I've almost always been off in time to get to my kids' activities. The only thing I cant often do is do the during the day volunteering.
I've always had summers off, so we go to the pool, go hiking, hang out...whatever.
Since the kids are on school when I am at work, I am not missing anything.
My kids have never wanted for anything and we are able to take vacations and take them to lots of sporting events and concerts.
I don't see a reason for me to be home during the day while they are at school.
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Post by jenjie on Apr 26, 2016 23:34:03 GMT
I worked until ds1 was born. I've been home ever since. Money was tight, we had enough but dh was always running scenarios over how will we pay off this or that. We didn't go on many vacations.
We made the choice for me to stay home and for our kids to be in private school. When they were younger there was plenty of opportunity for OT but he chose to turn it down, instead spending time with the family. Now that they are older he was more inclined to pick up OT but it wasn't as available. Dh carried that financial burden on his own and would often get frustrated. There were several times he would mention about me getting a job but he didn't really mean it.
Now that he is gone I am still at home. Between SS, pension and life insurance we are doing ok financially. He would be pleased. But I'd much rather have him here arguing together over who spent too much on what.
I'm somewhat considering the possibility of going back to school at some point but I'm not sure what I would pursue. Maybe counseling. I don't know. It's too early to tell.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 26, 2016 23:41:45 GMT
My husband was active duty enlisted when we married so the pay wasn't great even though he was an E7. I started working part time when DS was 18 months and full time at 3 years. I was miserable as a SAHM.
We've always lived below our means and socked away money for retirement. Our goal is for both of us to retire when DH is 65 and I'm 58.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Apr 26, 2016 23:44:52 GMT
I've always worked, but as a teacher, have great mom hours and vacations. I found it an awesome compromise between staying home and working.
If we had been able to, I would have loved to stay home full time.
We drive old cars, don't go on expensive vacations, have a small home. No debt other than the house, which is manageable.
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Post by Linda on Apr 26, 2016 23:51:52 GMT
I was a fulltime student/single mum when #1 was a baby/toddler and then a working single mum. We were a double income family for about 18m and then I became a SAHM when I had #2 - she'll be 16 next month. I'm still at home - my youngest is 9 now.
It hasn't been easy - in fact I went back to work (graveyard shift - since I didn't make enough to pay for daycare) for about 6 months when #2 was a toddler and it about put me in the hospital and we decided that it wasn't worth it to US. We were at poverty level for a while and then working poor and now we're middle class (but without the nice house, new car etc...since we're newly middle class, we still have the working poor mobile home and older, paid for, cars etc..)
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Post by cakediva on Apr 26, 2016 23:52:43 GMT
There isn't a straight answer for me.
When we had DD#1, I stayed home. I babysat part time for a while, and I was going to school in the evenings to get my Early Childhood Education diploma. I also sold a line of kids clothing through home parties (never made much at it though). After DD#2 was born, I started selling Pampered Chef. I was making not bad money, but when DS came along, I quit selling it. So technically I was a work from home mom.
I opened up an LSS with a friend, and DS came to work with me every day. When we had to close, I started working at Zellers part time evenings/weekends around DH's schedule. From there I got my 3 day/week office job at a small collision shop - by that time all three kids were in school full time. That made me a work outside the home mom.
When my office job ended (I was laid off due to slow business) DH and I decided that I should tackle cake full time. So now I'm back at being a work from home mom!
We made the decision for me to stay home with the kids, because working minimum wage at a daycare, and having to pay daycare for the kids, would have me bringing home an extra $50/week. Not worth it for us. We did without a LOT. And we made some pretty stupid money decisions as well. Which means even though DH makes really great money, we have a higher mortgage so we are still pay cheque to pay cheque most weeks. And we have no money to help the kids with school. But we can help other ways. And I'm making more money now with cake than I did with my office job. So bit by bit we are creeping out of the pay to pay stage.
I still say it was worth it for me to stay home.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 23:52:55 GMT
I have always worked part time, at night, when dad was home to take care of the kids and never needed child care. We had some failed birth control, too. We drive old cars, wear old clothes, cook cheap, have a free house and go on expensive vacations. |
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 26, 2016 23:53:44 GMT
When my 2 oldest were little,I worked days and my husband worked nights. There was about a 2 hour time where we were both working. I found part time daycare and my mom watched them about once a week. I didn't want her to watch them because I wanted her to be the grandma not unpaid daycare. She would not take money!
Now, I have a son with special needs who has many many issues. My son is technically in school all day. Except for the days he sleeps in, bites himself too much and gets an infection, or his teacher calls because his meltdown is uncontrollable. So, yes I could get a job if my employer was willing to have me leave at any time and possibly not come back for the rest of the day.
My husband works ten hour days with almost a 2 hour commute. He leaves at 3:30 a.m. for work. I would gladly work nights but he is exhausted when he comes home and honestly he is not great at watching him for a long time. Most people are not. So, I stay home and it sucks.
Sometimes it works to have both working, but it really isn't always an easy thing to do. I would be very uncomfortable starting a gofundme account. Once that happens people will tell you to cancel this, do this, do that, ....
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by rickmer on Apr 27, 2016 0:06:05 GMT
i worked when i had one (though stayed home till she was 22 months), i worked when i had two but when i (surprise) became pregnant with #3, i realized it just didn't make sense. above and beyond the cost, the headache of stressing to get to multiple locations for drop off/pick up/doctor's appointment/sick children/etc with a husband who's job that renders him useless and the decision was made.
when youngest DS started 1/2 day kindergarten, i got a part time job in my neighbourhood that worked around his school schedule. he is now in grade 3, middle son is grade 5 and eldest is in grade 10. i work anywhere from 22-30 hours per week, down the street, decent pay rate and family friendly. no pension, rrsps, benefits but the pro's outweigh those things right now.
it would be great to get a full-time job with all the perks but i cannot even begin to comprehend how crazy my life would become. as long as this keeps working for my family and my employer, i am good.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by AllieC on Apr 27, 2016 0:06:57 GMT
I've done all combinations but never worked full-time. There should have been a PT section in the survey as I think this often offers the best of both worlds. For me, I took 12 months off totally then went back to work 2 days per week and worked up to 3 days per week until my dd was about 12. I then worked 5 days a week but finished in time to pick her up from school. I feel I really had a great opportunity to contribute to the household income, enjoy working as well as spending heaps of time with my dd. I have also been very lucky to have employers that are very family friendly so have been able to leave work to go to sports carnivals for a couple of hours etc so I never really missed out.
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Post by Merge on Apr 27, 2016 0:12:47 GMT
I was a SAHM for 5 years, and DH was unemployed for a short time during those years. Things were very tight. There were no vacations, my babies had no fancy nursery (just a crib in the guest room) and most of their clothes were hand me downs or came from Goodwill. I breastfed in part because we couldn't afford formula. We never ate out and I made almost everything from scratch to save money. But we also lived in a so-so neighborhood in a crappy school district, and we had to move once the kids reached school age, so that's when I went back to work.
Technically we could live pretty well on DH's income alone now, but my girls are teens and we've come to enjoy things like vacations and new clothes and eating out and living in a nicer neighborhood, and we want to pay as much as we can toward their college, so I'm still working.
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