carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,024
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on Apr 27, 2016 0:32:48 GMT
I am lucky my husband has a very good job I stop working when we got married in 1986.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 27, 2016 1:13:00 GMT
We have both always worked full time. We live in an area where jobs are not always tremendously stable, and have each been laid off from time to time. Had we not both been working at those times, we would have been in a world of hurt. Would I have liked to have been able to stay at home? Sure. Do I think our both working harmed our ds? Nope. Do we take expensive vacations or drive expensive cars? Nope. Do I regret our choices? Nope.
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 27, 2016 1:14:13 GMT
I have always worked full time out of the home. I have been the primary breadwinner and I had only 6 weeks maternity leave. DH could have stayed home with our sons but he preferred to work. I would have liked to work part time or have options but I chose a man who could not support us and that is the consequence to me. I also did not want to raise my children in a small apt with no resources or safe places to go when I was capable of earning a living to give them the better things. If DH had wanted to stay home I would have supported that.
I will say that both DH and I were present for both our sons' first steps, we took library trips and trips to the park and walks and played games. I never missed an activity or event. I was home with them whenever they were sick. I bathed them every night, dressed them everyday, read to them and rocked them to sleep, took them to the beach, museums, shows and performances. When they fell and needed stitches I was right there. I did every single thing OP named, including catching lizards and seeing their faces and working on math worksheets. DH got a teaching job and was home in the summers starting when when youngest was 4.
It really is an assumption by some that working outside of the home means I missed milestones and opportunities to be with my children. I only worked 8 of 24 hours in a day 5 days a week. Some of that time they were napping. Some of the time they were playing. Yes, I wish I had more time at home with them, as time goes so quickly. But please don't think I missed their lives. My scrapbook and videos if nothing else document my daily and regular presence in their lives. When I ask them now as adults do they feel like I wasn't there, they barely remember day care. They never loved any babysitter, even the ones they were attached to, more than me. And they knew every minute of every day that everything I did was done for them, and still is.
On the plus side if my husband leaves me or dies, I can provide for myself. I have a very good retirement. In many ways I have all the things many husbands have and I am dependent only on myself financially. I am not wealthy by any means, but on my own I purchased a 4th car this weekend (for my son) and my credit score by myself is 871. Of all the things I fear in life, I do not fear losing the family breadwinner, because that is me, even though DH has a professional job and contributes financially.
I think as much as I would have liked more options in terms of being home there are many women at home with kids and they don't have any options other than relying on DH. I wish the US would adopt some way to allow parents more flexibility in working at home and having more paid leave. But even if I could go back I would never give up my earning capabilities which benefited my children far more than not.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Apr 27, 2016 1:30:26 GMT
We live in Southern CA so I consider myself lucky that I got to stay home in such a high priced place for so long. However, Dh made twice then what he makes now and had full benefits paid for. Now? There would be no way.
One other point, I think it's important to stay in the job "game" in some way or another for women especially. Getting back into the workforce has been very difficult after being out so long. Even low-paying jobs have been hard to come by.
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Post by melanell on Apr 27, 2016 2:21:37 GMT
I've been a SAHM since my oldest was around a year old. We make it work by giving things up. DH & I give up quite a lot, while the boys give up a little.
But every so often we revisit the choice with the whole family involved, and the answer is always unanimously for things to stay as they are. So that's what we do. Eventually I expect that the pendulum will swing the other way, and needs or wants will start to outweigh the benefits of me being home, especially as the kids get older and are home less and less. And then we'll make a change. But for now, we're all okay with our choice and the sacrifices that come with it.
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Shel
Full Member
Posts: 408
Jul 16, 2014 0:32:12 GMT
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Post by Shel on Apr 27, 2016 4:53:07 GMT
I picked SAHM because that's what I do now. But I worked the first 15 years we were married. Had 2 kids. Then a 3rd and switched to part time from home. Then had a 4th. Ended up moving to another state for my DH's job and stopped working altogether. Had 5th kid. My DH makes a good living so we are blessed. I'm busier than ever with teenagers in the mix so I can't imagine working right now though I wouldn't rule something out in the future. But I don't think I would ever go full time again. (Barring divorce or death). I loved my job and the people I worked with but I really love being home.
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 27, 2016 12:29:13 GMT
Several people have said their husband makes enough money so they can stay home so they are blessed. I said I never had the option to stay home. So that means I am not blessed. I don't think that's what they mean, but that is the message. That's it.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Apr 27, 2016 12:33:47 GMT
I stayed home with each of the boys for a year while I was on mat leave. It was great for that time, but it wasn't for me - I'm a WOHM by choice. My DH makes enough money for me to stay home but we enjoy the benefits that go with two incomes.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 27, 2016 13:20:46 GMT
I was a SAHM for six years. I quit working when my first child was born. I got a good job offer right before my DS started kindergarten and I took it. I appreciated the ability to stay home when my kids were little, but being a SAHM did not make me happy. So I went back to work. But I divorced ex and now I am married to a man that doesn't make as much money, plus he does pay quite a bit in child support too, so I work to survive. I honestly enjoy working, though. I have been working on my masters degree so I can get a better job too. I don't see myself ever staying at home, even if my DH did make enough money to support us.
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Apr 27, 2016 15:00:01 GMT
I stopped working when we moved to a place which wouldn't have paid much if I got a job. We were married 5 years at the time. After staying home for a while and living on 1 income, we decided to have a baby. So we've been living off one income for 13 years now. If it was ever necessary, I would work again. But as it stands, I'm not even allowed to work since I'd have to get government approval to work here.
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Post by Zee on Apr 27, 2016 15:03:03 GMT
Several people have said their husband makes enough money so they can stay home so they are blessed. I said I never had the option to stay home. So that means I am not blessed. I don't think that's what they mean, but that is the message. That's it. Yeah, maybe a better choice would be "fortunate".
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 14:21:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 15:05:28 GMT
Worked outside of the home, but was fortunate to have been able to take a six month maternity leave, but I knew three months into my leave that I was not cut out to be a SAHM.
I have a awesome DH who very definitely was an equal partner in helping with everything related to our son with or without being asked.
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Post by JoanieBaloney on Apr 27, 2016 15:32:30 GMT
DH and I started late in life. Got married in our 30s; DS born when I was 36, and DD born when I was 39. At the time, DH and I were both active duty Naval officers. I retired from the Navy when DS was 5 and DD was 2. Then I was a SAHM, but I was earning retirement pay. DH retired from the Navy two years ago and is now a middle school teacher while I am still a SAHM. Now we have two Navy pensions and his small teacher's salary. Some times I feel like I should go back to work (at least part time), but I am involved in the kids' schools and activities. I love being available whenever I'm needed.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,788
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Apr 27, 2016 15:51:16 GMT
Several people have said their husband makes enough money so they can stay home so they are blessed. I said I never had the option to stay home. So that means I am not blessed. I don't think that's what they mean, but that is the message. That's it. Or perhaps their feeling blessed has nothing to do with you and your situation. It's not mutually exclusive. I can't answer the poll because I've done both. When our third child was born it didn't make sense financially for me to put all three kids in daycare for what I was making. At that point we did two things...1. I researched work from home businesses and did medical transcription (and made very good money) from home for about 10 years. 2. DH did some internal evaluation and decided he was going to step outside his comfort zone and go a different direction with his career and enter the sales department of the same company he was working for already. His career in sales has been awesome and we got to the point (with now four kids) that with his travel schedule, we really needed one person in the family with a more free schedule. I quit my job to be a SAHM. Over that period of time we bought investment/rental property and had a family rental business which I dabbled in. I currently WOH by choice because I really enjoy it. My job is incredibly flexible so I can still come and go when needed as DH is traveling an immense amount. He has moved from sales to training, still with the same company. We did what we needed to do when we needed to do it for our family but also tried to make good investments along the way. It's worked well. I *DO* feel incredibly blessed that DH made the choices he did for our family which allowed me to not have a career and I was able to have very flexible schedules along the way. I also sacrificed a career so DH could follow the path he wanted.
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Post by knit.pea on Apr 27, 2016 16:11:37 GMT
The "blessed" comments may simply be they are thankful for their situation.
I generally don't think people mean it as a comparison.
Kind of like it's a thankful mini-prayer sent up when they say it.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,583
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Apr 27, 2016 16:15:40 GMT
I have worked all my life, sometimes in an office and other times at home. My late husband had several businesses over the years that required me to do office work, which I could do from home and around the schedules of our three kids.
When he got sick, we sold the last business and I started working part time at a nearby university. When he passed away, I needed health insurance coverage. I was lucky, they hired me full time with benefits. I love my job and wish I had started here 20 years ago lol.
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Post by mtscrapper on Apr 27, 2016 16:29:38 GMT
I was a SAHM (4 kids) until my youngest was in 1st grade. My husband didn't make a ton of money, but it was important to us that I be home for my kids. If you want to be home for your kids, then you just make sacrifices to do it. We did, and I'm glad I was there for them when they were little. I won't judge anybody who says they want to stay home (unless they have a Go Fund Me account, then I might judge).
When my youngest started 1st grade, I started working as a medical transcriptionist at home. I still feel that I want to be home for them, so this is the best of both worlds. If they are sick from school, I can still work but be with them. When they are home for the summer, I am still here. Now my youngest is a Junior and they are all independent, so they don't need me as much, and when she graduates, I MAY venture out of the house, but I think I'm too comfortable here, even though I am very much tired of this job.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 14:21:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 16:33:12 GMT
I was working full time, then had DS and went down to 31 hours. I have Friday's off and I love the extra time I get to spend with DS.
I wanted to stay home with him full time but it just wasn't an option. In hindsight, I think that I would've been suffocating at home all day every day. Doesn't mean I don't have days where I would trade it to be home with my bubs.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 14:21:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 16:44:30 GMT
I homeschool our children, so I'm a work-at-home mom who doesn't get an actual paycheck. DH has a job that pays well, so we can afford for me not to work at present. We live comfortably but not extravagantly, for sure.
When the kids are finished with school in a few years, we'll make a decision about me returning to work. Although, by that time I will have been my own boss for 12 years, so I'm not sure I'll like answering to someone else again.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 14:21:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 16:46:14 GMT
When DS was born, DH went very very part-time and just did freelance work. He stayed home with DS and I worked full-time after a three month maternity leave. After four years, he went back to work, but his hours are mostly in the evenings, so when we were both working full-time and DS wasn't yet in school, we had him in a part-time (12 hours/week) preschool to cover the overlap between our regular schedules.
Then I was able to move my job to be home-based (same job, just different location) and that's been pretty great. It makes things really easy. DS is old enough that he's largely self-sufficient in the house, but is too young to be left home alone. So once he's home from school, he goes upstairs and does his homework, etc. and I keep working in my office. It's great.
My job is changing in the near future and it will still be home-based but I will have local travel, so we have to work some things out.
All in all, we've been really fortunate to be have been able to make things work as we have. It's worked well for us.
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Post by lbp on Apr 27, 2016 16:50:10 GMT
Staying at home wasn't an option for me as I made a lot more money than DH. He chose not to stay at home so my MIL babysat our DS (and we paid her the going rate) and it worked out wonderful!! If she saw him walk or talk before I did, she never said so! I was also fortunate that my job was flexible enough that I could attend all his school and sports activities. My best friend was a stay at home mom of 3 boys and we helped one another tremendously. If school let out early she would call and see if I wanted her to pick my DS up. If she couldn't schedule her time around all of her 3 boys activities then I would take one of her boys to practice or games. You do whatever is right for your family. There is no ONE answer to staying at home or working.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,702
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Apr 27, 2016 17:06:57 GMT
I have done both, as needed. I had a few jobs here and there after the oldest was born, but with DH active duty military, we moved around a lot and I didn't get to keep any job for too long. I eventually became a SAHM. We barely hung in there, and when I look back I can't believe we made it on so little income. We had to live in some pretty crappy housing to do it, but we did it. (I could tell you some stories.)
When our second daughter came along (8.5 years after the first), DH and I both wanted me to stay home with her. Then DH got sick and left the military, and there went our plans. He went back to school while I worked full time. Then when he was out of school, I went back to school and worked part time until I finished my degrees because I needed to prepare in case he died. So now we both have good careers and great money coming in, but I kind of feel cheated out of some time with the youngest. That's life, though.
Our priority now is to travel and see everything we ever wanted to see while we have the money and health. I will work until retirement. DH will likely retire in a few years due to his health.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 14:21:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 17:23:05 GMT
Thank you all for your responses. It is truly a very personal choice, many woman I know say they'd be bored staying home & some wish they could. Our situation as with many of you all is very diffrent. By no means was this post made to offend or assume. We are all blessed, fortunate, lucky,and able to make the choices we did and to have our family support them. I am very blessed that for all these years I've had a hubby who agreed and made sure I could stay home. Thank you all for staying civil and I enjoy reading about everyone's responses.
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