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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 27, 2016 14:12:35 GMT
We have a home "shared" account and then we each have our own work accounts. I say shared, as my husband does use it occasionally - but the vast majority of it is just bills, travel, school or other kid activities and junk/spam. It's the default account we use when we don't want to use our work accounts - in particular any online purchases or accounts. He never reads it unless I hand him my laptop to show him something. Technically he could access it from anywhere, but he doesn't.
And as I do all the finances, including the bill paying; I open all the mail. If it looks like his mom sent him a birthday card, I'd put it aside. But I don't even look at who the rest of it is addressed to - if it's a legal sized envelope it gets opened.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 12:36:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 14:16:51 GMT
My DH and I have shared an email for 17 years, but I primarily use it now and he uses his work email. I would change it to my name only, but I can't figure out how to do that in Yahoo. ....Yeah, I'm technologically challenged (shrug).
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Post by wallyagain on Apr 27, 2016 14:19:08 GMT
Yep, we share our home email. It's used for so little besides ads, online shopping and bills, why bother. We both have work emails. If somehing does come in that we recognize is for the other, we just don't read it. We also share Facebook, well let's say he reads it. That's all he does. He does not post, ever. Okay, maybe once a year. Again, why bother with a separate account. It's for keeping up with family.
I also open all the mail. If I didn't, it would just sit there, in a pile, collecting dust. I guess neither of us has anything we don't want the other to see. We've also been married since we were 19 and 20, 33 years this year.
This works for us, and we are very much independant people with our own identities.
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Post by underwatermama on Apr 27, 2016 14:19:14 GMT
I share an email with dh but it is mainly for school info and appointment reminders, etc. We each have our own email accounts for our personal stuff.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,769
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Apr 27, 2016 14:21:58 GMT
We share, for the same reasons others posted. Our Email was established long ago, during dial up days, and I don't feel like changing something that isn't broken. Most people know. If I need a private exchange, I text. We choose not to Facebook. I'm fairly tech savvy. All other accounts are separate (bank accounts, credit cards). Works for us.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 27, 2016 14:28:58 GMT
It could be that he is controlling all information to her, which is rarely good.
The only person I know who shares an email with her spouse does so for family reasons, they are in their 70's and share an email
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 27, 2016 14:34:35 GMT
Not a chance. I get hundreds of emails a week, all about things he couldn't care less about, so if we shared he would just delete all of my stuff. He checks his email once a week (if that) and that would drive me insane. At any given time he has about 600-800 emails cluttering up in his in-box. Heck, my DH can't even remember my email address half the time (the same one I've had for over 20 years!), and always has to have me spell it out so he gets it right! We have our own separate computers, our own separate iPads and separate phones. I have one friend who finally got her own email address at 72! Any time she needed someone to email her something, she had them send it to her DH's email and he would print it out and put it on her desk for her to look at! Then she got sick and was laid up for a bit and was housebound. When all of the receipts from her online shopping started clogging his email, he told her it was time for her to get her own, LOL. My niece shares an email address and a Pinterest account with her DH. They have young kids, so the email I can kind of understand having a shared family account (but I could never have that as my ONLY email address). The Pinterest is a little odd though. I suppose some people have a gift ideas board that they might like their loved ones to look at from time to time. I doubt very much that my DH cares at all about the recipes, kid's birthday party junk and craft things I pin. And if he did care, I have it on my iPad and he could open it up the app and look any time he wanted. Which he never does.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 12:36:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 14:35:55 GMT
We have a home "shared" account and then we each have our own work accounts. I say shared, as my husband does use it occasionally - but the vast majority of it is just bills, travel, school or other kid activities and junk/spam. It's the default account we use when we don't want to use our work accounts - in particular any online purchases or accounts. He never reads it unless I hand him my laptop to show him something. Technically he could access it from anywhere, but he doesn't. And as I do all the finances, including the bill paying; I open all the mail. If it looks like his mom sent him a birthday card, I'd put it aside. But I don't even look at who the rest of it is addressed to - if it's a legal sized envelope it gets opened. This is the same situation for us. We share an email address and we both have work accounts. He's able to access our email anytime, but rarely does as he knows I'll tell him if anything comes up. I also manage all the finances and open all the mail. If something looks like a personal card or letter, I will put that aside for him. If it bothered him, I wouldn't do it, but it's been this way since we've been married.
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Post by ilikepink on Apr 27, 2016 14:38:19 GMT
When email first became a thing, 20ish years ago, we had one email. Since I rarely used it, not a big deal. Then, he gave us separate accounts. I think that was the beginning of the end - because while it took years before he hid things from me, things just weren't as open as they had been. It's all good, now.
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Post by ntsf on Apr 27, 2016 14:42:10 GMT
we have always had separate emails..and I am not on his facebook and vice versa. but then we got email way before the www.... and my dh has had a work email since email was invented.....we never had aol...always something else. my dh has been in tech since 1974. I think his work email currently has 18,000 messages as he never deletes anything.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 27, 2016 14:48:48 GMT
Yes, incredibly handy for us. We share a postal address too. I see very little difference. I open both our mail and deal with it all unless it is something that I can tell from the envelope is junk (so I shred it) or something I can see is for his cycle club which I'll leave for him to file. Maybe I shouldn't be gobsmacked, but you open your husband's mail??? That has never crossed my mind to do. May I ask why? I open most of our mail too. I'm the office manager for DH's business and I'm home when the mail comes, so I open all of the business mail. Anything that needs to be entered in the computer is my job anyway, so I just handle it and file the paperwork where it needs to go. I look at all the junk mail, and unless it's something I know he will want to look at or something I have to save for some reason, it gets binned. If he gets personal mail for some reason, it's usually addressed to both of us so I open it. I open all the bills. If he gets something personal that's NOT addressed to both of us and it's obviously not junk mail, I usually leave it on the counter for him to open. When he hasn't opened it in over a week and it's still sitting there, I open it, look at it and decide if he will care or not and either leave it for him to look at or I'll bin it at that point. If I *didn't* open most of the mail, it would pile up on the counter for months which is why I'm now his office manager. When I took over, the unopened mail pile in his office was about 1.5' tall and covered a 2' by 4' section of his desk. No lie. The checkbook hadn't been reconciled in six months. Thankfully all of the bills are on autopay, or who knows what a mess that would have been. It took me two weeks to go through all of it, and at that point I said I wasn't ever doing that again! So yes, I open most of his mail and he has absolutely no problem with that.
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Apr 27, 2016 15:04:15 GMT
Oh, good lordy, no. No, no, no, no, no.
DH has better things to do with his time than sift through the zillions of craft site sale ads, chat board thread update notices, Amazon emails, book and wine club newsletters, kid management (school/teams/clubs) communications, etc. I receive daily. I'm equally uninterested in keeping up with his email.
People know we use separate email addresses and that we do not get into each others email aaccounts. (We also don't open each other's snail mail.) They email the person they want to talk to, and if it's both of us, senders know to include both emails in the To field. I don't think we're inconveniencing anyone by necessitating that extra click to add the second person.
One sister, a MIL (DH has a mom and a stepmom), and some GFs share email addresses with their husbands and it definitely impacts the content of what I send to them. It's fine with me that they share, but I'm very aware that I'm "speaking" to both members of the couple when I send an email.
Everyone I know feels the same way about shared email addresses. It's not a big deal, but it absolutely has a factor in what we say and/or how we say it when we know the DH is going to be (or even could be) reading the email. There are conversations I'll have and jokes I'll share with my sister/MIL that I have no intention of having/sharing with my BIL/FIL.
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Apr 27, 2016 15:13:13 GMT
I've never shared an email or FB account with anyone - not my XH and not my SO. I just never felt the need or desire to and I'm pretty sure they'd both be annoyed by all the sales emails I get from various retailers. To be honest, it probably stems from the fact that I had email before I met either of them, so I already had my own accounts and felt no need to change that. Having said that, we have some family friends that share a FB account. It does make it a little confusing sometimes to know which one of them is posting. 90% of the time it's the wife, but the husband does post from time to time - I just can't always tell if it's him or not unless he actually says so. It seems to work for them, so to each their own. Jen I agree that it's confusing when couples share FB accounts. Most of the time it *is* the wife who's posting, but sometimes it's the husband and I don't realize it. I've had numerous exchanges with the ID, thinking I was chatting with my cousin when, in fact, I was chatting with her DH. No biggie, I love them both, but it was weird to realize I'd hadn't been talking to the person I thought I'd been talking to!
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Post by utmr on Apr 27, 2016 15:22:20 GMT
We do. (Shrugs). It dates from the early 90's dial-up one-address days and no need to change it now. It was never a problem. We had folders in outlook for "utmr" and "husbandofutmr" and whoever saw the message first would dump it into the appropriate folder. It worked fine for us for a long time.
Although once iPhones came out and we could get mail on our phones, we ended up with separate gmail accounts to make it easier.
Now the shared address is 99% junk and we periodically check that nothing good has slipped in, but otherwise we just ignore it.
I open most of the snail mail. I like for the bills to get paid and stuff. Just call me a control freak there. Unless it's magazines. DH is in charge of taking magazines to the bathroom for review.
We share Facebook too. There's nothing to hide, and frankly if our friends and family can't figure out who's talking/writing/typing then they don't know us very well. It was "mine" for a long time and then DH wanted one so he could friend his friends. It was easier to just piggyback off mine than to set up a new account. I think he's posted twice in the last five years.
It's a convenience thing for us. Whatever works for your family is what you should do. Don't make crazy assumptions about people based on their email address.
Unless it's hotsexymomma66@aol.com. Then I'm totally judging you. :-)
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Post by Jockscrap on Apr 27, 2016 15:32:05 GMT
Yes, incredibly handy for us. We share a postal address too. I see very little difference. I open both our mail and deal with it all unless it is something that I can tell from the envelope is junk (so I shred it) or something I can see is for his cycle club which I'll leave for him to file. It would drive me nuts to have to be constantly forwarding emails to him to read and vice versa. I don't delete emails, unless they are for me or very obviously junk I know he'll not be interested in. He often phones me from work to ask if I've read an email from someone. Saves a lot of time. I have my own email address too that I use for church stuff and to log in to some stores and to get certain newsletters. I can also use it to buy stuff for him secretly from Amazon as we both have an account, and other shops. Maybe I shouldn't be gobsmacked, but you open your husband's mail??? That has never crossed my mind to do. May I ask why? For the same reasons several others have posted. DH is out the house all day and can't be bothered sifting through the mail, tossing the junk and filing or otherwise dealing with anything else. He works outside the home and I do virtually everything else. It's how things work in our house. So I pay bills, file paperwork, shred paperwork, renew insurance policies, deal with the banking etc etc. Things would get overlooked and he doesn't want the hassle. He also works away some times. I don't open birthday cards of course, but other personal mail (can't think what he might be sent - maybe a pension statement or something), I'll open, deal with, and tell him about it later. I'm like his PA, and I'm most definitely the household manager Like many others have said too, our joint email address stems from donkeys years ago when email first became a thing for common folk. It never occurred to us it would get to be such a huge way of communicating, and having separate addresses wasn't even possible then from our ISP as far as I'm aware. I don't suppose it ever occurred to us we'd need one each - much like a shared postal address. DH has a work email just for work, an email for his position with a cycle club (but it redirects incoming mail to the joint email), and the joint email which he uses for everything else. It isn't a problem for us at all having a joint email. A quick scan of the email address and the subject header immediately tells me if it is for him, me, us or junk. I delete the spam, read mine, read ours (then mark as new so he'll pick up on them) and read anything of his that looks like it might be of interest to me and something we'll want to talk about later. Again, anything of his that I've read I'll mark as new. It works really well for us.
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Post by jenjie on Apr 27, 2016 15:38:28 GMT
In the dark ages when we first got Internet we got a joint email that was attached to our internet provider. Once we discovered yahoo mail that was the end of it. I've taken to using that old email address - it was just our initials combined - to use as my login on my MacBook. Dd needed to get on so I gave it to her. She thought it was cute. Then... "You shared an email account? Weird."
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 27, 2016 15:46:08 GMT
Yep, one of my friends shares an email with her DH and I actually didn't know it for a long time. We don't email a lot, but used to now and then. One day I sent her an email asking if she possibly wanted to attend a band event with me that was being held near where she lives. To my surprise, her DH answered the email, and said he'd try to hold of her, etc. I don't email her anymore, because I just don't really like the fact that her DH is able to read everything. Not that we talk about anything or exciting, or that she has secrets from him, it just seems weird to me. I feel this way too. It would be like always having my friend's husband with us. My husband emails his family constantly and I don't want to be part of that either. I like separate accounts because most of our emails are about things that don't have anything to do with the both of us. My husband could get on my emails or phone if he had to, but daily sharing? Nope.
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Post by Woobster on Apr 27, 2016 15:50:40 GMT
My parents share one... Always have. They are nearing 70, and my dad almost NEVER uses it anyway, so it works for them. DH and I have separate e-mail accounts. I would scream if I had to deal with all the e-mail he receives.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 27, 2016 15:50:49 GMT
Yes, incredibly handy for us. We share a postal address too. I see very little difference. I open both our mail and deal with it all unless it is something that I can tell from the envelope is junk (so I shred it) or something I can see is for his cycle club which I'll leave for him to file. It would drive me nuts to have to be constantly forwarding emails to him to read and vice versa. I don't delete emails, unless they are for me or very obviously junk I know he'll not be interested in. He often phones me from work to ask if I've read an email from someone. Saves a lot of time. I have my own email address too that I use for church stuff and to log in to some stores and to get certain newsletters. I can also use it to buy stuff for him secretly from Amazon as we both have an account, and other shops. Maybe I shouldn't be gobsmacked, but you open your husband's mail??? That has never crossed my mind to do. May I ask why? I never do either. A few bills come in his name and I open those since I pay the bills, but I haven't ever opened his non bill mail. Part of the reason is that dealing with mail can be a pain in the butt and I want him to be responsible for things also. I have adult kids in the house and I would never open their mail, so I guess it has to with honoring their privacy. If you and your spouse are fine with it though, go for it. It just isn't right for us.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Apr 27, 2016 16:09:46 GMT
No to shared accounts of any sort, apart from small joint bank account with a bit of emergency money in it. Not enough to get excited about.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 27, 2016 16:14:20 GMT
We have a home, shared email account that is used for household stuff and mostly managed by me. Bank statements, utilities, Amazon, Netflix, school and sports stuff all go there.
In addition, DH has a work & personal account and I have 2 accounts (one is dedicted for CASA volunteer work). I technically have a third account that I opened 9 years ago when planning DH's surprise birthday party. I haven't looked at it since the party, but I'm assuming it is still there. I wonder how many Spam messages are waiting for me there?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 12:36:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 16:21:39 GMT
No, but we have accounts that probably look like they are shared - i.e. mynameandhisname (mine) and hisnameandmyname (his). This dates back to the time when we were setting up email addresses and wanted something that was easy for friends/family to remember.
He uses his exclusively, but I have a couple of other email addresses that I usually use for anything that isn't family/friends.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 12:36:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 16:25:37 GMT
Yes, incredibly handy for us. We share a postal address too. I see very little difference. I open both our mail and deal with it all unless it is something that I can tell from the envelope is junk (so I shred it) or something I can see is for his cycle club which I'll leave for him to file. It would drive me nuts to have to be constantly forwarding emails to him to read and vice versa. I don't delete emails, unless they are for me or very obviously junk I know he'll not be interested in. He often phones me from work to ask if I've read an email from someone. Saves a lot of time. I have my own email address too that I use for church stuff and to log in to some stores and to get certain newsletters. I can also use it to buy stuff for him secretly from Amazon as we both have an account, and other shops. Maybe I shouldn't be gobsmacked, but you open your husband's mail??? That has never crossed my mind to do. May I ask why? Because we are married and almost all mail that comes to the house (exclusive of a personal card or something for his birthday) falls under the category of family business. I can't even imagine him opening bank statements, bills, financial statements, etc. that come in his name. He would just hand them to me anyway since I handle all of that for our family. But I'm not surprised in the least that you are surprised.
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Post by Ramona on Apr 27, 2016 16:43:21 GMT
My husband wants nothing to do with a computer at home, so only I have an email account. He will send messages to me from his work. He only has a tracfone, and keeps it turned off unless he wants to place a call. He pays only in cash, no credit cards. He is very old fashioned even for his age. So I have to make up for it, smart phone, cards and computers for me!
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Apr 27, 2016 16:52:37 GMT
Maybe I shouldn't be gobsmacked, but you open your husband's mail??? That has never crossed my mind to do. May I ask why? Because we are married and almost all mail that comes to the house (exclusive of a personal card or something for his birthday) falls under the category of family business. I can't even imagine him opening bank statements, bills, financial statements, etc. that come in his name. He would just hand them to me anyway since I handle all of that for our family. But I'm not surprised in the least that you are surprised. it's honestly never crossed my mind to open my husband's mail. It just struck me as odd, that's all. I assumed most people just opened their own mail and left other people's mail to the other person. Many of the reasons explained here make sense. I'm glad I asked for the reason that I learned something new.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,340
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Apr 27, 2016 16:55:57 GMT
Nope. We each have our own personal and business email.
My inlaws do share one account.
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Post by Jockscrap on Apr 27, 2016 16:56:42 GMT
I have adult kids in the house and I would never open their mail, so I guess it has to with honoring their privacy. If you and your spouse are fine with it though, go for it. It just isn't right for us. I also have adult kids in the house, and I wouldn't dream of opening their mail unless they asked me to because they were away from home. Nor would I log in to their email accounts even though I know their passwords. My adult kids have a right to a private life and they can choose what they tell me. My DH and I don't have a part of our lives that's 'private' from each other, but that's not to say we don't do our own thing and have our own friends. The idea of privacy within marriage is strange to me, in that other than keeping a surprise gift a secret, I really can't think of a single thing that is private to either one of us - there are plenty of things we don't talk about in detail (or at all) as it isn't a shared interest or of interest, but everything is out there to see or discuss if either of us wanted. Out of interest, and I'm not sure how to word it properly, but what sort of thing would require your spouse to honour your privacy about and vice versa - medical issues or financial things like what you get paid? My DH honours my privacy, but that is to do with not gossiping to other people about our personal business.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 27, 2016 16:59:52 GMT
I see nothing has changed with the peas since the last time this subject came up! I have our original AOL email name from 1998 which is a combo of our first names. The provider has changed in the last 18 years (AOL, Yahoo, Hotmail, Gmail) but the email name remains. My husband moved to his own account long, long ago. We don't share Facebook but he has access to my email and Facebook. It has nothing to do with boundaries. After 25 years of marriage everything is entwined and I'm predictable with my passwords. Nothing to see snooping, but this guy won't even get into my purse when I ask him to. We also have joint finances. It works for us. Nothing to do with me not having my own identity since being married. I really wish people wouldn't push their own issues onto others. I'll do my thing you do yours.
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Post by papersilly on Apr 27, 2016 17:02:09 GMT
no I don't. never have. never will. DH and I would be bored and probably annoyed with the stupid stuff that clutters our individual email accounts already. can you imagine if they all went to one account? of course we have access to each other's accounts. I just have no interest in sharing.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Apr 27, 2016 17:04:08 GMT
Yes, incredibly handy for us. We share a postal address too. I see very little difference. I open both our mail and deal with it all unless it is something that I can tell from the envelope is junk (so I shred it) or something I can see is for his cycle club which I'll leave for him to file. It would drive me nuts to have to be constantly forwarding emails to him to read and vice versa. I don't delete emails, unless they are for me or very obviously junk I know he'll not be interested in. He often phones me from work to ask if I've read an email from someone. Saves a lot of time. I have my own email address too that I use for church stuff and to log in to some stores and to get certain newsletters. I can also use it to buy stuff for him secretly from Amazon as we both have an account, and other shops. Maybe I shouldn't be gobsmacked, but you open your husband's mail??? That has never crossed my mind to do. May I ask why? No the OP, I open all our mail, unless it is something personal (like a card or something). Because I deal with all the bills, scheduling, etc. 99% of the mail that comes to our home, I will ultimately be dealing with. (Which usually is just ripping in half and throwing in the garbage immediately).
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