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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 27, 2016 17:20:21 GMT
I see nothing has changed with the peas since the last time this subject came up! I have our original AOL email name from 1998 which is a combo of our first names. The provider has changed in the last 18 years (AOL, Yahoo, Hotmail, Gmail) but the email name remains. My husband moved to his own account long, long ago. We don't share Facebook but he has access to my email and Facebook. It has nothing to do with boundaries. After 25 years of marriage everything is entwined and I'm predictable with my passwords. Nothing to see snooping, but this guy won't even get into my purse when I ask him to. We also have joint finances. It works for us. Nothing to do with me not having my own identity since being married. I really wish people wouldn't push their own issues onto others. I'll do my thing you do yours. The only thing I'd add to this is that I really hope people who live in community property states understand just how intertwined your finances are with your spouse - whether you share an account or not. I've had many, many friends blindsided by huge credit card balances and other debts because they decided to run their finances separately from their spouse. Every state has it's own rules, but you should be aware of the rules in your state. My husband and I married young and lived in a community property state from when we were newly minted college graduates with no assets other than dreams. His finances were absolutely my business as I was legally obligated to pay his debts if he didn't. Even if your state doesn't obligate you to pay credit card debt (many don't) most jointly held assets would still be at risk.
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Post by compwalla on Apr 27, 2016 17:21:59 GMT
We each have our own account, but access the others' occasionally for actionable items. For example, DH gets the link to print our insurance cards which is sent to me. But the man has over 17,000 unread emails and I'm not sorting through that regularly! Right now I have 16,378 unread emails over three different gmail accounts that are all mine. And it's only 16k because I periodically go into gmail and mark all unread emails as read. Otherwise it would be a gazillion. I don't share email with my husband nor do I share a toothbrush with him. Or underpants. Some things just seem personal and email is one of them. I don't want to read all the idiotic shit his family forwards him and he doesn't want to read eleventy billion emails related to my work with the Texas Democratic Party. The details on how we're choosing delegates to the national convention is not secret but not baloney he wants to wade through. When we first got internet we only had one shared email address but like our mailing address changed every time we moved, our one email address changed when we moved and had to get a new provider. Then when we all got our own gmail, we just told people. We moved a lot so everything changed frequently - phone numbers, mailing address, work addresses, etc. Telling people the new email address didn't seem any different. The nice thing is all our gmail addresses, for lack of a better word, match. They all follow the same pattern. We set up gmail for our kids and theirs match ours. This makes it a lot easier for the grandparents to recall. Although I did get on my mom's computer one visit and delete every old email address she had in there for us because she would just pick the first one that popped up when she typed my first name and it was an ancient earthlink account we had when my 19 year old was a toddler. Um, no, Mom.
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Post by AngieandSnoopy on Apr 27, 2016 17:43:56 GMT
Heck NO! My DH signs up for EVERYTHING and has a ton of emails coming in. He doesn't check them often so I tell people if they want him to find out something in an email, send it to ME! I actually check my email every day and don't have so much to wade through to read them.
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Post by 5peanutsnana on Apr 27, 2016 17:56:21 GMT
Never have and never will have joint email account. There are very few things in my inbox that would interest my DH and vice versa. It just wouldn't work for us.
I am another one who does open almost all mail that comes to our house. Unless I know specifically for him (like Birthday card, pension and SS statements, which he records on line ) I open all mail. I'm the bill payer and shopper and he has no interest in junk mail. It's been working for nearly 49 years.
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Post by lorieann13 on Apr 27, 2016 18:03:49 GMT
Yes, it is the family email. One we use to send emails to family, order items under, and sent the kids teachers emails.
Dh has a work email strickly for work.
How does sharing an email have anything to do with not being an adult?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 12:33:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 18:11:18 GMT
No.
Dh is a super efficient guy who keeps about 20 emails in his inbox at any given time.
My 7800 emails from the past ten years would make him lose his marbles.
Plus he deals with confidential legislative work info...I wouldn't want access to that.
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Post by peano on Apr 27, 2016 18:34:16 GMT
Hahaha no! The sheer number of unread emails I have would make his head explode and I don't necessarily need or want him to know everything I'm up to. (Nothing like adultery. More like my fetish for paper, notebooks and fancy writing utensils)
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Post by chlerbie on Apr 27, 2016 19:21:47 GMT
Sort of. But not really. My email turned into a business account and he deals with packing orders, which come to my email, so he uses it to access all of that. I rarely get "personal" emails there--mostly work and store emails. I have a gmail account that I use for various stuff and really, if I'm messaging someone, I use my Facebook. He has his own email account and only uses mine to pack the orders. But he's in it daily, a few times a day. I do know his passwords--mainly because he'll ask me to read something in his mail and on Facebook, I'll change his profile picture or add stuff for him,as we have separate computers and the photos are saved on mine.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 27, 2016 20:13:20 GMT
I have adult kids in the house and I would never open their mail, so I guess it has to with honoring their privacy. If you and your spouse are fine with it though, go for it. It just isn't right for us. I also have adult kids in the house, and I wouldn't dream of opening their mail unless they asked me to because they were away from home. Nor would I log in to their email accounts even though I know their passwords. My adult kids have a right to a private life and they can choose what they tell me. My DH and I don't have a part of our lives that's 'private' from each other, but that's not to say we don't do our own thing and have our own friends. The idea of privacy within marriage is strange to me, in that other than keeping a surprise gift a secret, I really can't think of a single thing that is private to either one of us - there are plenty of things we don't talk about in detail (or at all) as it isn't a shared interest or of interest, but everything is out there to see or discuss if either of us wanted. Out of interest, and I'm not sure how to word it properly, but what sort of thing would require your spouse to honour your privacy about and vice versa - medical issues or financial things like what you get paid? My DH honours my privacy, but that is to do with not gossiping to other people about our personal business. I guess it is more about letting the person with the mail open it first and decide what to do with it. I'm not going to open a letter from his sister and then tell him what was in it. I don't think she would be thrilled with that either. I pay all of the bills and he invests the money. That way we are both in the know of our financial situation. We've been married for 29 years (since I was 21). We had no money. Because we stated out with nothing, it was easy to combine our money. We don't have separate accounts. My friend, who was married at 38, has a separate savings account. Her husband, same age, came to the marriage without much more than a job and a car. He spends like crazy and would probably spend her savings account if he could. I get her need for separate accounts. As far as medical, would I want my husband to open my results to my mammogram? No way. I will tell him after I have opened the envelope. So I guess it isn't about secrecy or hiding anything. For us, it is about letting the individual have the time to get the information and process it if needed and then share. My husband's mom was quite ill before she passed and occasionally he needed time to process emails and letters before he shared them with me. I was good with that. They had their own special relationship and me being the wife didn't mean I got to read everything first. That was his and I respected that.
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Post by ladytrisha on Apr 27, 2016 20:36:52 GMT
We have a "family" email account and then individual accounts. It is easier for generic stuff to go to the family account - and it cuts down on "junk" email (credit card, store email discounts, etc. all go to the family account).
That's not to say we each don't float between accounts (funny enough I know all the passwords but aside from his, I know he doesn't know them without asking me) - it's just not a big deal in his life, although since being on disability, he's gotten better with using the computer and getting his email. Hey, I'm happy he's finally figured out his smart phone apps! LOL
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Post by gale w on Apr 27, 2016 21:54:23 GMT
Yes but my husband has no clue how to use a computer.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Apr 27, 2016 22:11:31 GMT
No.
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Post by pierkiss on Apr 28, 2016 0:22:45 GMT
No. We're grownups. We both have our very own email addresses. And facebook pages too for that matter! It makes me irrationally angry when couples share email addresses, facebook pages, and other such things. My mom insists on sharing my dads Facebook page and it drives me bonkers. And it gets weird sometimes when she posts something but it looks like my dad said it.
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caro
Drama Llama
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Post by caro on Apr 28, 2016 0:45:15 GMT
We have our own email accts but I have a co-worker who has an account with her DH and it is his name. It's so weird to see his name come in my inbox since I don't know him at all.
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Post by dealsamongus on Apr 28, 2016 1:07:27 GMT
This just crossed my mind while I was reading another post about contacting teachers... I have a friend who shares an email with her husband, and who never EVER replies to texts, and who rarely checks her phone for texts. Her kids know to just call her instead, mostly at home, occasionally on the cell although she often doesn't even turn that on. My personal opinion is that if you have kids away from home then you need to at least check for texts or calls. No obligation to answer, but just check in case they need something. I just think it's odd to share an email with a husband. Or with anyone, for that matter. Or, I can see sharing one for certain things but also having my own private email. I'm not filling my email with secrets but it just seems that it would be annoying to sift through a bunch of emails for those that were mine. And my dh would be annoyed as heck to receive all the complaints that come from people at my church. Do you know anyone like this? If you share with a spouse do you also have a second email? How do you make it work if you do share? Just my non-essential question of the day. lol Literally would not be feasible or possible. I have 3 emails - my maiden name which is spam, my married name which is family and friends and then I have the email for my site. To many emails come in between the 3, my DH would go NUTS during a day! Jennifer
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georgiapea
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Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Apr 28, 2016 2:47:21 GMT
No, but I know someone who does and I find it really strange. I actually think he may be very controlling. She also doesn't text. DH was gone for 3 1/2 weeks and we never once spoke by phone. We did text multiple times a day.
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Post by smokeynspike on Apr 28, 2016 4:26:45 GMT
No, he would be so irritated by all of the emails I get from the companies I frequent. He has separate emails for those and the one he actually checks.
Melissa
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,233
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Apr 28, 2016 4:35:33 GMT
I don't share an email, Facebook, or checking account with my DH. I am extremely organized. He is not. Enough said.
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Post by salem on Apr 28, 2016 10:13:37 GMT
Not really, but sort of. I have an email account that my DH sometimes has stuff sent to. He's not tech savvy at all so when someone asks for his email address he gives them mine. Stuff like paperwork the lawyer of his Mom's estate was sending him as the executor, or the dealership where he bought his truck. If he did have his own account, he would probably check it maybe once a month and it would be full of crap.otherwise it's all mine.
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TankTop
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Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Apr 28, 2016 10:54:35 GMT
No. My dh seems to think my email acct is his to use for anything that may produce spam. Online ordering, subscriptions, etc....
I unsubscribe and then subscribe him to something stupid. Took about 6 months of doing this before he realized how annoying it was and stopped. Passive aggressive? Yes! That is what he gets for not stopping when I asked nicely eight bajillion times.
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Post by bigbundt on Apr 28, 2016 12:24:47 GMT
We do not. However most family business is done through my email since I check it everyday and he doesn't. it's honestly never crossed my mind to open my husband's mail. It just struck me as odd, that's all. I assumed most people just opened their own mail and left other people's mail to the other person. Many of the reasons explained here make sense. I'm glad I asked for the reason that I learned something new. You'll also find that the longer you are married, the more intertwined things like mail become. It may be addressed to your DH but it is really family business. And my DH doesn't do anything with bills, taxes, financial papers but if he opened the envelopes, lord knows where he would put them. He also separates multiple page bills and that drives me crazy because I go to pay a bill and have to sort through pages to find the total or he refolds them so that all the info is inside so I can't just thumb through a stack and quickly pay bills. I do put anything like personal cards or stuff from his alumni association to the side. I can't identify with getting medical results through mail as my doctor either calls with the results or I call a number or go online by a certain date to get the results. And unfortunately stuff like accounts skew towards husbands. My husband carries our health insurance so most things are addressed to him but I'm the one who deals with everything. Our utilities are in his name only because they make it so difficult to add another name to accounts. I waited two years until we had our first child to change my name legally. We had joint accounts at the bank and when I went to change my name on them, I had to bring a paper home for my husband to sign to authorize them to change my name. Didn't matter that I had a marriage certificate and updated drivers license and social security card, my DH either had to be there in person with me and attest to the name change or sign that stupid piece of paper.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Apr 28, 2016 12:33:29 GMT
We do not. However most family business is done through my email since I check it everyday and he doesn't. it's honestly never crossed my mind to open my husband's mail. It just struck me as odd, that's all. I assumed most people just opened their own mail and left other people's mail to the other person. Many of the reasons explained here make sense. I'm glad I asked for the reason that I learned something new. You'll also find that the longer you are married, the more intertwined things like mail become. It may be addressed to your DH but it is really family business. And my DH doesn't do anything with bills, taxes, financial papers but if he opened the envelopes, lord knows where he would put them. He also separates multiple page bills and that drives me crazy because I go to pay a bill and have to sort through pages to find the total or he refolds them so that all the info is inside so I can't just thumb through a stack and quickly pay bills. I do put anything like personal cards or stuff from his alumni association to the side. I can't identify with getting medical results through mail as my doctor either calls with the results or I call a number or go online by a certain date to get the results. And unfortunately stuff like accounts skew towards husbands. My husband carries our health insurance so most things are addressed to him but I'm the one who deals with everything. Our utilities are in his name only because they make it so difficult to add another name to accounts. I waited two years until we had our first child to change my name legally. We had joint accounts at the bank and when I went to change my name on them, I had to bring a paper home for my husband to sign to authorize them to change my name. Didn't matter that I had a marriage certificate and updated drivers license and social security card, my DH either had to be there in person with me and attest to the name change or sign that stupid piece of paper. Yeah, the whole skewing towards the husband thing makes me stabby because it sounds exactly like I am being erased as an equal partner. Granted I have no desire and can't foresee changing my name for any reason, but who knows. But I know my hubbly has no say in it (in fact, when he got some grief about me not changing it from relatives he was like "it's her name, we're no less married"), but I get what you're saying. To be honest, with how our employment works, things will probably skew my way... it already does for the one thing that we've combined which is auto and house insurance which is in my name. But yes, I am sure things will change over time. But he can open his own mail...
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,069
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Apr 28, 2016 12:52:54 GMT
We do not. However most family business is done through my email since I check it everyday and he doesn't. You'll also find that the longer you are married, the more intertwined things like mail become. It may be addressed to your DH but it is really family business. And my DH doesn't do anything with bills, taxes, financial papers but if he opened the envelopes, lord knows where he would put them. He also separates multiple page bills and that drives me crazy because I go to pay a bill and have to sort through pages to find the total or he refolds them so that all the info is inside so I can't just thumb through a stack and quickly pay bills. I do put anything like personal cards or stuff from his alumni association to the side. I can't identify with getting medical results through mail as my doctor either calls with the results or I call a number or go online by a certain date to get the results. And unfortunately stuff like accounts skew towards husbands. My husband carries our health insurance so most things are addressed to him but I'm the one who deals with everything. Our utilities are in his name only because they make it so difficult to add another name to accounts. I waited two years until we had our first child to change my name legally. We had joint accounts at the bank and when I went to change my name on them, I had to bring a paper home for my husband to sign to authorize them to change my name. Didn't matter that I had a marriage certificate and updated drivers license and social security card, my DH either had to be there in person with me and attest to the name change or sign that stupid piece of paper. Yeah, the whole skewing towards the husband thing makes me stabby because it sounds exactly like I am being erased as an equal partner. Granted I have no desire and can't foresee changing my name for any reason, but who knows. But I know my hubbly has no say in it (in fact, when he got some grief about me not changing it from relatives he was like "it's her name, we're no less married"), but I get what you're saying. To be honest, with how our employment works, things will probably skew my way... it already does for the one thing that we've combined which is auto and house insurance which is in my name. But yes, I am sure things will change over time. But he can open his own mail... When DH and I bought our house, it was totally in my name only. I signed all the papers, except for one little paper DH had to sign saying he was aware his wife was buying a house!! I said no, that was crazy and I didn't want that paper signed, but since it was a stupid law, he had to. That was 15 years ago, and we still joke around about it! Totally skewed toward the husband, and made me stabby that day!
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Apr 28, 2016 12:56:27 GMT
Yeah, the whole skewing towards the husband thing makes me stabby because it sounds exactly like I am being erased as an equal partner. Granted I have no desire and can't foresee changing my name for any reason, but who knows. But I know my hubbly has no say in it (in fact, when he got some grief about me not changing it from relatives he was like "it's her name, we're no less married"), but I get what you're saying. To be honest, with how our employment works, things will probably skew my way... it already does for the one thing that we've combined which is auto and house insurance which is in my name. But yes, I am sure things will change over time. But he can open his own mail... When DH and I bought our house, it was totally in my name only. I signed all the papers, except for one little paper DH had to sign saying he was aware his wife was buying a house!! I said no, that was crazy and I didn't want that paper signed, but since it was a stupid law, he had to. That was 15 years ago, and we still joke around about it! Totally skewed toward the husband, and made me stabby that day! I can't handle that kind of misogyny! To be honest, I think my husband would be completely horrified to sign something like that. I'm not his property (though some of the old biddies in his family like to think I am...).
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,069
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Apr 28, 2016 13:05:28 GMT
When DH and I bought our house, it was totally in my name only. I signed all the papers, except for one little paper DH had to sign saying he was aware his wife was buying a house!! I said no, that was crazy and I didn't want that paper signed, but since it was a stupid law, he had to. That was 15 years ago, and we still joke around about it! Totally skewed toward the husband, and made me stabby that day! I can't handle that kind of misogyny! To be honest, I think my husband would be completely horrified to sign something like that. I'm not his property (though some of the old biddies in his family like to think I am...). DH didn't want to sign either, but if he didn't, we couldn't finish the paperwork for the house. We were outraged at the time, but it quickly turned into an amusing story. I started to look into it, to see why it was a law, but got busy with life. I don't know if it's still required or not.
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Post by AN on Apr 28, 2016 13:09:35 GMT
When DH and I bought our house, it was totally in my name only. I signed all the papers, except for one little paper DH had to sign saying he was aware his wife was buying a house!! I said no, that was crazy and I didn't want that paper signed, but since it was a stupid law, he had to. That was 15 years ago, and we still joke around about it! Totally skewed toward the husband, and made me stabby that day! I can't handle that kind of misogyny! To be honest, I think my husband would be completely horrified to sign something like that. I'm not his property (though some of the old biddies in his family like to think I am...). I get CRAZY PISSED about stuff like this. Just this past Sunday, we had an insurance adjuster out. I was the one that filed the claim, I was the one the adjuster had talked to on the phone at least 3 times, I was the one that was walking around the property and asking questions, and both of our names are on the policy. When the adjuster came inside with the final report and walked through it, he turned the pages 100% to DH (we were sitting on opposite sides of the table) and ignored me. DH is smart, because he got up and came around to my side of the table so the adjuster would address me/show me the papers. After the adjuster left, I said "I see you noticed the sexism first hand!" -- I'm constantly bitching about stuff like this, so it was nice that DH noticed it. It is INSANE how much the man is the "default" on stuff, name goes first, etc even when I'm the one that sets up the account and he's never even involved.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Apr 28, 2016 13:14:41 GMT
I can't handle that kind of misogyny! To be honest, I think my husband would be completely horrified to sign something like that. I'm not his property (though some of the old biddies in his family like to think I am...). I get CRAZY PISSED about stuff like this. Just this past Sunday, we had an insurance adjuster out. I was the one that filed the claim, I was the one the adjuster had talked to on the phone at least 3 times, I was the one that was walking around the property and asking questions, and both of our names are on the policy. When the adjuster came inside with the final report and walked through it, he turned the pages 100% to DH (we were sitting on opposite sides of the table) and ignored me. DH is smart, because he got up and came around to my side of the table so the adjuster would address me/show me the papers. After the adjuster left, I said "I see you noticed the sexism first hand!" -- I'm constantly bitching about stuff like this, so it was nice that DH noticed it. It is INSANE how much the man is the "default" on stuff, name goes first, etc even when I'm the one that sets up the account and he's never even involved. It's insane and wrong. What the hell is wrong with people? Pisses me off. I have no patience for this nonsense.
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Post by genny on Apr 28, 2016 13:23:29 GMT
DH and I do. We have one work account and one personal account. The only one he ever looks at is the work email, and it's only if I'm not in the office and he needs to find something. He is not tech savvy and has no use for it at all. I manage all of the work emails and production flow (unless someone texts or calls him directly with a request)
We also share a FB page. Neither of us had one at all until we decided to make a page for our business a few years back. One of us had to have a personal page to make the business page so I put it in his name since many of our big customers knew him better than me at that time and I could send friends requests to get more visibility to our business page. I later added my name to the personal account. He looks at it over my shoulder sometimes, but doesn't even have the app on his phone or know the login. He has zero interest in it!
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Post by bigbundt on Apr 28, 2016 13:59:03 GMT
I can't handle that kind of misogyny! To be honest, I think my husband would be completely horrified to sign something like that. I'm not his property (though some of the old biddies in his family like to think I am...). DH didn't want to sign either, but if he didn't, we couldn't finish the paperwork for the house. We were outraged at the time, but it quickly turned into an amusing story. I started to look into it, to see why it was a law, but got busy with life. I don't know if it's still required or not. I wonder if that might have just been a CYA move though? Less about trying to keep women down and more about verifying that the spouse knew about a huge amount of debt if he might also responsible for it if in a community property state? I only mention that because my exH bought a brand new car when we were separated. He forged my signature on the loan papers because he couldn't get a loan without my income info (he didn't have a job) and when I found out two years later when I was buying a house, I could do nothing about it. I was responsible for it even I didn't know about it and I couldn't press charges because we were technically married at the time. From what I understood even if he didn't forge my name and took out the loan himself, I still would have been responsible for the debt too since we were still married at the time. I would have loved to be required to sign a piece of paper acknowledging that I knew he was buying to car because I wouldn't have allowed him to buy the stupid car!
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Apr 28, 2016 14:12:15 GMT
DH didn't want to sign either, but if he didn't, we couldn't finish the paperwork for the house. We were outraged at the time, but it quickly turned into an amusing story. I started to look into it, to see why it was a law, but got busy with life. I don't know if it's still required or not. I wonder if that might have just been a CYA move though? Less about trying to keep women down and more about verifying that the spouse knew about a huge amount of debt if he might also responsible for it if in a community property state? I only mention that because my exH bought a brand new car when we were separated. He forged my signature on the loan papers because he couldn't get a loan without my income info (he didn't have a job) and when I found out two years later when I was buying a house, I could do nothing about it. I was responsible for it even I didn't know about it and I couldn't press charges because we were technically married at the time. From what I understood even if he didn't forge my name and took out the loan himself, I still would have been responsible for the debt too since we were still married at the time. I would have loved to be required to sign a piece of paper acknowledging that I knew he was buying to car because I wouldn't have allowed him to buy the stupid car! Possibly. But I will only concede that it's not misogynistic if it's the same for men or women. I know there was a time, which I thought many moons ago, when this was common, but it's 2016. Surely, it's time to make things equal. That said, I didn't have to sign anything when my husband bought his truck, I sure as hell expect the same courtesy when I get my new one.
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