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Post by sunraynnc on Apr 29, 2016 0:09:25 GMT
Thinking of peas telling anonymous "Ticked with DD" to let the DD go and be an adult. In our family we have a saying, "You are an adult when you live on your own and pay ALL your own bills."
What do y'all say?
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 8:25:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 0:14:27 GMT
Thinking of peas telling anonymous "Ticked with DD" to let the DD go and be an adult. In our family we have a saying, "You are an adult when you live on your own and pay ALL your own bills."
What do y'all say? By that definition a lot of married women are still in childhood. What about people on government assistance of any kind? And then there are the elderly who may not have funds to pay all their own bills.. I think having any bench mark of this makes you less than an adult sets up large populations of people to not be an adult. Legaly, 18 you are an adult.
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quiltz
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 29, 2016 0:19:28 GMT
In my family it was when you moved your bedroom furniture out of the house.
My parents gave our children (they were teens) a complete queen bedroom set. When that left home, you were on your own. There is a lot more of a back story, but that was our family signal that the you were an adult.
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theshyone
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Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Apr 29, 2016 0:25:02 GMT
I was on my own paying all my own bills by 17. Should I have been ..... Unknown
to me adult is legal age. You can vote, drink, enlist etc.
Grownup up though is what I think helicopter parents over do it with. Independence.
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 29, 2016 0:27:09 GMT
With me growing up and with my kids, turning 18 was an adult. Turning 21 was an adult who can legally drink alcohol (the age in my state).
Ability to pay bills or move out are not factors related to adulthood.
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Post by scrapperal on Apr 29, 2016 0:41:55 GMT
Interesting question. By the OP's definition, I was an adult, and then I wasn't when I moved back home, ha, ha. Before I moved back home, I was paying all my bills and lived in an apartment. In some families, you don't move out until you get married, even if you're working, paying your own way, etc.
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Post by scrapsotime on Apr 29, 2016 0:57:33 GMT
I don't think it really matters what a personal definition of adult is. There is a legal definition that usually trumps whatever personal opinion one may have.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 29, 2016 0:59:20 GMT
Well, apparently you're not an adult in Nebraska until you're 19.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Apr 29, 2016 1:07:37 GMT
Hmmm... good question.
A 19-year-old who is in the military and has a spouse (and maybe even a child) is probably an adult.
A 19-year-old in high school who has never lived outside of Mama's house is probably not.
There are exceptions in both of those scenarios, of course.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Apr 29, 2016 1:10:32 GMT
I think the whole you're an adult at 18 is totally stupid. yes yes, you are legally an adult. Which means you can vote. wooopie. you have to be 21 to drink. You can be 15-16 to drive. Being an adult means a lot of things. It's a way of thinking, of behaving. Some 50 yr olds are not adults.
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Post by melanell on Apr 29, 2016 1:15:46 GMT
I don't have a definition. i never really thought about defining it, really.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Apr 29, 2016 1:23:42 GMT
Thinking of peas telling anonymous "Ticked with DD" to let the DD go and be an adult. In our family we have a saying, "You are an adult when you live on your own and pay ALL your own bills."
What do y'all say? My sister will be 50 in September and moved in with my dad last month. Not because he needs her to take care of him, but because she moved out of her boyfriend's house and in with a friend. She lived with her ex boyfriend for 18 years and her friend for just under a year. She does not want to pay rent or bills on her cashier salary. Legally she is an adult, votes, drinks, smokes. There is a legal definition of an adult and there is the more ambiguous definition of an adult. I also see a difference between a young adult and a more mature adult. I volunteer with youth and have heard in different classes that young adults brains on not fully developed until their early/mid twenties. I think it was 23 or 24, I'm sure someone can find a study that gives the age. Copied from an article on Young Adult Development: The brain isn't fully mature at 16, when we are allowed to drive, or at 18, when we are allowed to vote, or at 21, when we are allowed to drink, but closer to 25, when we are allowed to rent a car.
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Post by Linda on Apr 29, 2016 2:00:03 GMT
18 AND finished with high school is the working definition that we use at our house (all three of mine will turn 18 before graduation - 2 in the fall of Senior year, the other about 2wks before grad.). Until then, we have a legal/moral obligation to house/clothe/feed/educate them. (except for Santa/Easter Bunny/Birthday Faery - that ends when you turn 18 - we made that rule because we needed a cut-off due to our spacing...my oldest will be 33 when the youngest turns 18).
After that, they can choose to move out or they can live at home under our 'adult' rules (fulltime education or pay rent; plan/buy/cook a dinner weekly; help with household responsibilities, no curfew but let people know when to expect you etc...)
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Post by cmpeter on Apr 29, 2016 2:05:22 GMT
My 20 year old who lives at home while going to college is an adult. He's not paying all his own bills yet.
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perumbula
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Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Apr 29, 2016 2:23:08 GMT
to me it's more of a gradual process, you become an adult. Someone doesn't wave a magic wand over your head and suddenly you are fully matured. It's about learning to make decisions about your own future and being willing to face the consequences. it's about supporting yourself when you can and making financial goals to make that happen if possible. It's about just learning basic life skills and decision making. I wasn't an adult the minute I moved out of my parents house at 18, but I feel like I was one by the time I had my first child at 21.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Apr 29, 2016 2:26:05 GMT
to me it's more of a gradual process, you become an adult. Someone doesn't wave a magic wand over your head and suddenly you are fully matured. It's about learning to make decisions about your own future and being willing to face the consequences. it's about supporting yourself when you can and making financial goals to make that happen if possible. It's about just learning basic life skills and decision making. I wasn't an adult the minute I moved out of my parents house at 18, but I feel like I was one by the time I had my first child at 21. THAT!! totally agree.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 29, 2016 2:30:49 GMT
My definition would include some sort of maturity in dealing with others.
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Post by lancermom on Apr 29, 2016 2:32:00 GMT
It is based on the circumstance. Legal is 18. If I went by OP, I was living with my in laws while building our house. They insisted on paying for everything so we could save money. I had two kids...I wasn't an adult. I personally think it is when the person starts taking charge of their own life and choices. They can live at home and I can help support, but not take over. When DD was home and 17, she washed her own clothes, started making her own appointments, paid for her wants, and had responsibilities. I thought of her as an adult. Now DS is 17, but doesn't do much, because of being lazy. He is a child still in my eyes.
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Rainbow
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Post by Rainbow on Apr 29, 2016 3:37:56 GMT
When nobody has to clean/pick up after you anymore. THAT is an adult to me. Many, many men do not qualify.
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 29, 2016 3:39:35 GMT
You're an adult when you are 18. You are a responsible adult when you live on your own and pay your own bills.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 29, 2016 3:45:42 GMT
For my family it's probably once you graduate college - so 21or 22
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 29, 2016 3:49:14 GMT
I didn't think of myself as an adult until I finished college. I tell my son I will consider him an adult when he stops asking me what if for dinner every night. Adults cook for themselves.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 29, 2016 4:00:14 GMT
I previously would have said that as soon as someone turns 18 they are an adult. Where I live, 18 is the age when you can vote, get your licence and legally drink alcohol, as well as being the age when most kids have finished school.
But now that my own baby is 18, I find my definition of being an adult is shifting..... Yes she's legally an adult but she's still my child, and I still refer to her as a "kid". She most likely won't move out of home until she has finished her uni degree, so she'll be 23 or thereabouts.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 8:25:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 4:14:54 GMT
I didn't think of myself as an adult until I was out of college and had my first apartment on my own, so when I was 22.
Of course there's a legal decision, but I think whether someone is "actually" an adult varies a lot based on their personal experiences and background.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 29, 2016 4:20:42 GMT
When you pay your own way, clean up your own messes and deal with the fallout of your own decisions by yourself.
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Post by gar on Apr 29, 2016 6:30:24 GMT
Other than legally I think it's hard to define...well it's easy with other people's kids ("She's an adult! Cut the apron strings! Let her fail! That's her problem" etc etc) but not so easy when it's our own
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Apr 29, 2016 6:37:01 GMT
I bought my first brand new car at 17, moved out at 18, and got married at 20. We bought our first home at 22. Neither of us really felt like an adult, until DS was born, when we were 31. We paid our bills. We traveled. We went to lots of concerts, and partied, mostly responsibly. The minute he was born, 18 years ago, we became truly responsible adults. DD will be 14(going on 41), tomorrow. She's my "it's not a good time of the month to do that" blessing, and way beyond more mature than DS.
Putting an age on adult, is like putting an age on old.
DH and I will turn 50 this year, and we are on track to retire at 55. We are off to a little condo in SoCal, with surface street driving for me, to the beach and Disneyland. Looking forward to unadulting for a bit, before grand babies.
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Post by sunraynnc on Apr 29, 2016 22:28:00 GMT
When you pay your own way, clean up your own messes and deal with the fallout of your own decisions by yourself. I love this! Of course, I consider elderly or stay-at-home moms adults. This conversation came about around our dinner table for years with our kids. Now they are 18 and 21. I think it's all about setting expectations when they are young.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 29, 2016 22:38:11 GMT
When you pay your own way, clean up your own messes and deal with the fallout of your own decisions by yourself. I love this! Of course, I consider elderly or stay-at-home moms adults. This conversation came about around our dinner table for years with our kids. Now they are 18 and 21. I think it's all about setting expectations when they are young. I think my same rules apply if you're elderly or SAHM too. They also reap what they sow with the decisions they make/have made in life, so they too would be considered adults by me.
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Post by scrappersue on Apr 29, 2016 22:57:58 GMT
Well my DD turned 18 a few months ago and I'm not sure what she thought was going to happen. She plays the "I'm an adult now" card from time to time and I just laugh. She lives in my house and I will help put her through college so yes, she is legally and adult, but I am still supporting her. One time when we got mad because I wouldn't let her stay out all night she said "But I'm a FULL GROWN WOMAN!!" We now use that phrase all the time. "Since you're a FULL GROWN WOMAN can you please make an appointment to get your car looked at" or "Since you're a FULL GROWN WOMAN you don't need to be told to put your dishes in the sink". I do think that she, at 18, thinks she is an adult.
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