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Post by cindytred on Apr 30, 2016 1:40:25 GMT
My opinion on that is that you're an adult when you can financially take care of yourself. My oldest is 28 and a teacher - she has her own apartment and a new car. We pay her car insurance and cellphone bill. She isn't 100% independent - but I think of her as an adult - but I have to gulp hard when I type that. Teachers don't make much!
My youngest turns 20 on Sunday. She's in college full time. Every morsel she eats, and every stitch of clothes on her body is paid for by us. We pay all of her bills. She is definitely not an adult. People say she should get a job - but I prefer that she focuses on her school work. Also a job would prohibit her from coming home to visit very often.
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vanessa
Full Member
Posts: 142
Sept 15, 2015 4:25:10 GMT
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Post by vanessa on Apr 30, 2016 7:06:03 GMT
I consider our 22 year old daughter to be an adult. We live in California and she lives in a dorm in MO at college. She is a senior in college, a double major, works 40-50 hours a week at her on-campus job to cover her tuition, and she is on the Dean's list. We do not send her money, I only pay her car insurance because I appreciate how much she works. Her car is paid for, she gets her books through grants for being a good student, and she pays her room and board through working the summer work program at her school. Her school does not allow parents to speak with financial aid, professors, etc. because they are 'trying to help us raise kids who move out and stay there as responsible adults' so she handles all of that too. We were told at freshmen parent night to not contact the school, but to let our kids handle it. She is fully an adult who can travel Europe and make her own travel plans.
Our 16 year old son has health issues and is working on that. He has a job and a bank account and is saving up for a car. He is so close to adulting. The rest of the five will follow in time. It may look like they live with us, it may not. Totally depends on the child.
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Post by Merge on Apr 30, 2016 11:10:43 GMT
When you are the person in the house who deals with the really crappy things in life. Like doing the taxes and cleaning up the dog's diarrhea. You are where the buck stops.
I remember sitting in the hospital after mom was killed and dad was still alive but in a coma with severe brain damage, and thinking that when you've lost both your parents and not only have to deal with your own household issues, but cleaning up, selling off and canceling everything in your parents' lives - there's nothing more adult than that.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128 
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Post by M in Carolina on Apr 30, 2016 11:33:29 GMT
I think people become adults at different ages. I'm not sure that parental financial help or living at home keeps someone from being an adult.
I was away at school at 16 and managed my school work and incidentals at school--budgeting for fun stuff, snacks, clothing, school supplies.
During the summers I worked for my dad and helped my mom who had just finished her cancer treatments. Living at home made more sense for me.
I was mature enough that my dad let me take flying lessons and fly an expensive airplane all by myself. Living at home during college for vacations still made sense. I could have worked, but my parents wanted me to concentrate on my studies and also have some fun.
My dh was paying all his bills during college, but he still lived at home. His mom needed his help because of her health, and he was able to save up for our life together. He was also close to me--which made my parents feel better because I was sick.
If being an adult meant that I lived by myself and worked to pay all my bills, I'd still not be an adult. I tried to work, but I just got too sick. That doesn't mean that I don't earn my keep. I do.
I think adult=responsible. I was responsible really young. There wasn't a reason to be financially dependent, though.
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Post by gar on Apr 30, 2016 11:44:07 GMT
When you are the person in the house who deals with the really crappy things in life. Like doing the taxes and cleaning up the dog's diarrhea. You are where the buck stops. I remember sitting in the hospital after mom was killed and dad was still alive but in a coma with severe brain damage, and thinking that when you've lost both your parents and not only have to deal with your own household issues, but cleaning up, selling off and canceling everything in your parents' lives - there's nothing more adult than that. That must have been a brutal realisation  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 8:22:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2016 12:56:32 GMT
Considering it's very hard to make a living wage off a high school diploma in most areas these days, I wouldn't consider my kids to truly be an adult until they've graduated college (or trade school or whatever certification they seek to get a job that at least allows them to have their own place) and is employed full time. Legally, I know they're an adult at 18. I also know that realistically, we'll be footing the bills, or at least some of them, until they're 25. When their driver's license sports an address that isn't mine or their Dad's, they're an adult.
I remember MIL joking "you're an adult now!" when DH bought his first house. Up until then, he was renting an apartment or a room or living in a dorm.
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Post by anxiousmom on Apr 30, 2016 14:48:36 GMT
My mom and I just had this conversation. We were talking about my older son and how he is struggling to find his way. She mentioned that at 19 she was married, had a child and lived a gazillion miles away from her parents. That the generation her parents came from when she was younger was more about gently kicking you out the nest to make your own way and that my generation of parenting prolongs that gentle boot in the ass to the point of sometimes making it hard for the kids to find their way on their own.
Granted, she is 69 and has fairly strong opinions on parenting but I do kind of see her point (to a degree.) Over the last couple of generations we (as a society) have extended childhood beyond what it was before. Whereas in previous generations a 20, almost 21 year old, would be a fully fledged, on your own, sink or swim, contribute to the world (generalizing) these days we still allow them the freedom (or excuse) to be young and make mistakes and say that they are still young and finding themselves.
Not sure which way was better-maybe somewhere in between. My older son needs to be yanked up and reminded that he is beyond the age of majority and needs to start making better choices. Maybe it is my fault though-maybe I didn't hold him accountable enough? I don't know. He sure isn't acting like an adult right now.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,790
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Apr 30, 2016 15:15:37 GMT
I previously would have said that as soon as someone turns 18 they are an adult. Where I live, 18 is the age when you can vote, get your licence and legally drink alcohol, as well as being the age when most kids have finished school. But now that my own baby is 18, I find my definition of being an adult is shifting..... Yes she's legally an adult but she's still my child, and I still refer to her as a "kid". She most likely won't move out of home until she has finished her uni degree, so she'll be 23 or thereabouts.  My 18 year in college has called herself a "pretend adult". She is growing to be a pretty independent young lady but she thinks it's funny that one day you're 17 and the next you have your 18th birthday and "poof" you're an adult and can be all on your own. It's not that simple, is it? She still looks to me for guidance/help when she needs it, as she should. I am here for her but don't want to be in her way of growing. So I told her never be afraid to ask for me to be there for her but never be afraid to tell me to "get out of her way". I'll be there to help/advise when needed if she wants. Don't let my silence think I don't care. I admire her as she finds her own way. So far it's worked well. She recently had to present her portfolio at a private college she is transferring to in the fall. Originally she wanted me along, if not for support at least the company on the drive. I was good with that. At the last moment she said, "Mom, I think I want to do this on my own." I was fine with that and proud of her. And she rocked it and got more scholarship $ ! Yay, DD! Wow, that turned into a ramble. But in conclusion, I agree that becoming an adult is a gradual thing. |
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Southern Side eyed Pea 
My 18 year in college has called herself a "pretend adult". She is growing to be a pretty independent young lady but she thinks it's funny that one day you're 17 and the next you have your 18th birthday and "poof" you're an adult and can be all on your own. It's not that simple, is it? She still looks to me for guidance/help when she needs it, as she should.