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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2016 17:09:42 GMT
I just got done listening to yesterday's Dr. Laura program. Seriously, this man called in and said he needed help motivating his wife to have more sex. He said they have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. He said they have sex 3-4 times a week and he couldn't understand why his wife wasn't putting out twice a day like she was before they had kids. She did say that he's having way more sex than average. But seriously, I was surprised she even took him seriously. Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week?  |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 29, 2016 17:12:11 GMT
Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week? My ex would complain if I did it that little. But that was seriously part of the abuse. Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Yeah, he was an unemployed abusive bum. But now he's an ex!! |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2016 17:14:17 GMT
Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week? My ex would complain if I did it that little. But that was seriously part of the abuse. Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Yeah, he was an unemployed abusive bum. But now he's an ex!! That was my first thought. That it seemed controlling. I just can't even wrap my brain around a situation where 3-4 times a week isn't enough. |
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scorpeao
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Posts: 4,521
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Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Apr 29, 2016 17:31:06 GMT
Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week? My ex would complain if I did it that little. But that was seriously part of the abuse. Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Yeah, he was an unemployed abusive bum. But now he's an ex!! Could you even walk after 4-6 times a day? |
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Post by betsyg on Apr 29, 2016 17:32:29 GMT
and what was Dr. Laura's response?
I would have reminded him that he has 2 good hands.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 29, 2016 17:38:03 GMT
Hey, maybe he's just not satisfying her enough for her to make the effort.
When sex is a mutually gratifying thing it's appealing. When sex is not mutually gratifying then it can be a burden to the one not being gratified. I think he needs to learn how to please her.
Nothing's worse than when sex is a chore.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2016 17:38:53 GMT
and what was Dr. Laura's response? I would have reminded him that he has 2 good hands. She said that his wife is probably a lot more tired now that she has two small children. And that he's having more sex than the average married man. But she did encourage him to do nice things for his wife that would help put her more in the mood. She was really professional about it, which surprised me because she's usually so crass to most callers. You would think she would have reminded him that he had 2 good hands...lol. I was just in shock even listening to it. |
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Post by bigbundt on Apr 29, 2016 17:49:31 GMT
My ex was like that. We could have been having sex multiple times a day and he wouldn't be satisfied. And when he wasn't satisfied he took it out on me, wouldn't even talk or make eye contact with me, just stomped around the house. Which of course is a real turn on, amiright ladies?  (Just kidding, I hated having him in our house when he was like that let alone my body) I guess he found someone who can keep up with him as he had his sixth child last year.  But it did make me realize how very important it is to be sexually compatible with your partner, including sex drive. This is what we mostly fought about and we didn't even have kids. My current DH and I are much more closely aligned and he doesn't even blink when we ebb and flow. It is so nice to not have the underlying stress as a constant. However men like this piss me off. My DH is a rock star because he realizes at the end of the day I might be spent from taking care of the kids. To him he'd rather spend my energy on taking care of the kids rather satisfying his carnal desires. Men like this seem to me very much like takers and I hope he heeds Dr. Laura's advice of doing something for his wife because I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't do much for her. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 29, 2016 17:51:28 GMT
My ex would complain if I did it that little. But that was seriously part of the abuse. Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Yeah, he was an unemployed abusive bum. But now he's an ex!! Could you even walk after 4-6 times a day? Too much of anything can be/is a bad thing. To say I was always sore would be putting it mildly. |
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perumbula
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Posts: 3,439 
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Apr 29, 2016 18:04:12 GMT
My ex was like that. We could have been having sex multiple times a day and he wouldn't be satisfied. And when he wasn't satisfied he took it out on me, wouldn't even talk or make eye contact with me, just stomped around the house. Which of course is a real turn on, amiright ladies? (Just kidding, I hated having him in our house when he was like that let alone my body) I guess he found someone who can keep up with him as he had his sixth child last year. This isn't about sexual compatibility, this is about control. My dh would like to have sex more too, but he is thoughtful and considerate of my feelings and doesn't throw a baby hissy fit when our libidos don't align. A man who puts that much effort into getting his way about sex is probably like that about way more than that. It's the sort of man who a wife would find after 10 years that nothing in the marriage goes her way and the man makes all the decisions about everything. My man is unselfish and thoughtful and giving about everything in our marriage, in the bedroom and out. |
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Post by lily on Apr 29, 2016 18:16:02 GMT
Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Seriously? can a man actually "finish the act" that many times in a day? |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 29, 2016 18:20:29 GMT
Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Seriously? can a man actually "finish the act" that many times in a day? He could. And that's not even counting the multiple times he would masturbate daily. But I guess it's easy to have that kind of energy when you're not wasting your energy on things like providing for your wife and children. |
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Post by bigbundt on Apr 29, 2016 18:23:10 GMT
My ex was like that. We could have been having sex multiple times a day and he wouldn't be satisfied. And when he wasn't satisfied he took it out on me, wouldn't even talk or make eye contact with me, just stomped around the house. Which of course is a real turn on, amiright ladies? (Just kidding, I hated having him in our house when he was like that let alone my body) I guess he found someone who can keep up with him as he had his sixth child last year. This isn't about sexual compatibility, this is about control. My dh would like to have sex more too, but he is thoughtful and considerate of my feelings and doesn't throw a baby hissy fit when our libidos don't align. A man who puts that much effort into getting his way about sex is probably like that about way more than that. It's the sort of man who a wife would find after 10 years that nothing in the marriage goes her way and the man makes all the decisions about everything. My man is unselfish and thoughtful and giving about everything in our marriage, in the bedroom and out. I would have to respectfully disagree that my situation was about control. If it was, guess that backfired in his face! The way he was acting was probably due more to his immaturity than control. Physical touch was his love language. So because I didn't want to have sex more, he didn't feel loved. Because he didn't feel loved he didn't want to respond in my love language (acts of service). Because I wasn't getting anything in my love language, I didn't feel like responding in his love language (sex). It was just a vicious circle and thankfully one that only lasted a couple of years and didn't produce children. I don't argue that there are men out there who do use sex for control but I don't think every man who has a large sex drive is trying to control his partner. |
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seaexplore
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Posts: 8,787
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Apr 29, 2016 18:27:38 GMT
My ex was like that. We could have been having sex multiple times a day and he wouldn't be satisfied. And when he wasn't satisfied he took it out on me, wouldn't even talk or make eye contact with me, just stomped around the house. Which of course is a real turn on, amiright ladies? (Just kidding, I hated having him in our house when he was like that let alone my body) I guess he found someone who can keep up with him as he had his sixth child last year. This isn't about sexual compatibility, this is about control. My dh would like to have sex more too, but he is thoughtful and considerate of my feelings and doesn't throw a baby hissy fit when our libidos don't align. A man who puts that much effort into getting his way about sex is probably like that about way more than that. It's the sort of man who a wife would find after 10 years that nothing in the marriage goes her way and the man makes all the decisions about everything. My man is unselfish and thoughtful and giving about everything in our marriage, in the bedroom and out. Well said! This is my husband too. |
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Apr 29, 2016 18:29:11 GMT
Seriously? can a man actually "finish the act" that many times in a day? He could. And that's not even counting the multiple times he would masturbate daily. But I guess it's easy to have that kind of energy when you're not wasting your energy on things like providing for your wife and children. Sounds like he has more of a sexual dysfunction than just wanting it. That's an INSANE amount of stimulation needed! Wow! |
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 8:20:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 18:33:13 GMT
I don't argue that there are men out there who do use sex for control but I don't think every man who has a large sex drive is trying to control his partner. I have to agree. Maybe the man in the OP is just clueless how having two kids has affected his wife, her energy levels and her desire to have sex. Not every man is a controlling arsehole some are just struggling with things they don't understand. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2016 19:20:33 GMT
I think what it comes down to me for me is that complaining that sex 3-4 times a week isn't enough is like making a million dollars a year and then complaining you don't make enough money to survive. It seems really petty. Plenty of couples aren't in sync with their sex drives. I know for me, I would like more than my DH. My love language is physical touch too. So it's very important to me. But I have to accept that he's not always in sync with me and that he does try to accommodate me as much as possible. Seriously, I think Dr. Laura should have told him straight up that 3-4 times a week is way higher than average and his expectations were out of whack. He should appreciate what he has.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Apr 29, 2016 19:57:27 GMT
This isn't about sexual compatibility, this is about control. My dh would like to have sex more too, but he is thoughtful and considerate of my feelings and doesn't throw a baby hissy fit when our libidos don't align. A man who puts that much effort into getting his way about sex is probably like that about way more than that. It's the sort of man who a wife would find after 10 years that nothing in the marriage goes her way and the man makes all the decisions about everything. My man is unselfish and thoughtful and giving about everything in our marriage, in the bedroom and out. I would have to respectfully disagree that my situation was about control. If it was, guess that backfired in his face! The way he was acting was probably due more to his immaturity than control. Physical touch was his love language. So because I didn't want to have sex more, he didn't feel loved. Because he didn't feel loved he didn't want to respond in my love language (acts of service). Because I wasn't getting anything in my love language, I didn't feel like responding in his love language (sex). It was just a vicious circle and thankfully one that only lasted a couple of years and didn't produce children. I don't argue that there are men out there who do use sex for control but I don't think every man who has a large sex drive is trying to control his partner. Love language is very, very important. And myself I'm not sure that immaturity/maturity really has any effect on how the individual feels if they do not receive their love language. |
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oldcrow
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Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Apr 29, 2016 20:17:35 GMT
I just got done listening to yesterday's Dr. Laura program. Seriously, this man called in and said he needed help motivating his wife to have more sex. He said they have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. He said they have sex 3-4 times a week and he couldn't understand why his wife wasn't putting out twice a day like she was before they had kids. She did say that he's having way more sex than average. But seriously, I was surprised she even took him seriously. Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week?Many, many men. Now usually it is young men but there are even some high sexed older men. But if you look at it - sex 2x/day is 2x7=14 times per week now he is getting 3-4 times. That is a big drop in numbers. And he comes across as a selfish man - the my needs come first type. His selfishness is shown with sex but I think if we are all honest both ourselves and our partners have things that we are selfish about and want those things when and how we want them. When I married my current DH we had sex everyday and we were not all that young (late forties). That was 7 times a week but we had no children at home. I really miss those days. Due to my husband's illness I now live a sexless life. The marriage in question is highly unlikely to survive. |
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Post by Zee on Apr 29, 2016 20:23:22 GMT
Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week? My ex would complain if I did it that little. But that was seriously part of the abuse. Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Yeah, he was an unemployed abusive bum. But now he's an ex!! I salute you, madam. I'm sorry for the abuse so it really isn't appropriate to salute that, but Lawd Jesus, my parts shriveled just thinking about that. Ouch |
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Apr 29, 2016 20:28:31 GMT
The cheating bastard that lives in Medford Oregon
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luvnlifelady
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Posts: 4,428
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Post by luvnlifelady on Apr 29, 2016 20:29:49 GMT
Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week? My ex would complain if I did it that little. But that was seriously part of the abuse. Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Yeah, he was an unemployed abusive bum. But now he's an ex!! Wow, that is crazy. Sorry you had to endure that. He might as well have gotten himself a blow-up doll! |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
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Post by luvnlifelady on Apr 29, 2016 20:30:50 GMT
and what was Dr. Laura's response? I would have reminded him that he has 2 good hands. Yah to help out in more ways than one. I bet her doesn't do a lick of housework or help with the kids yet expects her to be at his beck and call. Damn! |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by luvnlifelady on Apr 29, 2016 20:35:03 GMT
I knew a guy that had a TBI and he said it made his sex drive sky-rocket. Not sure I believe him but I did look it up and sometimes that can happen. Still crazy to want it that much.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2016 20:44:31 GMT
I knew a guy that had a TBI and he said it made his sex drive sky-rocket. Not sure I believe him but I did look it up and sometimes that can happen. Still crazy to want it that much. What is a TBI?
ETA: I googled. A brain injury?
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 8:20:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 20:55:26 GMT
Still crazy to want it that much. You think wanting sex more than 4 times a week is excessive? I actually think that's a really low number of times. |
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 8:20:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 21:02:42 GMT
Seriously? can a man actually "finish the act" that many times in a day? He could. And that's not even counting the multiple times he would masturbate daily. But I guess it's easy to have that kind of energy when you're not wasting your energy on things like providing for your wife and children. He has a mental disorder? |
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Post by bostonmama on Apr 29, 2016 21:16:14 GMT
Still crazy to want it that much. You think wanting sex more than 4 times a week is excessive? I actually think that's a really low number of times. 7 days in a week -- 4 times a week breaks down to every other day. Wanting/expecting it more than every other day DOES seem a bit excessive when you factor in all the other life that is lived in the span of that week. |
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 8:20:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 22:15:10 GMT
You think wanting sex more than 4 times a week is excessive? I actually think that's a really low number of times. 7 days in a week -- 4 times a week breaks down to every other day. Wanting/expecting it more than every other day DOES seem a bit excessive when you factor in all the other life that is lived in the span of that week. I'm going to have to strongly disagree with that. |
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Post by bigbundt on Apr 29, 2016 22:32:00 GMT
I don't understand why we are debating whether it was too much or too little. People can really only answer what is too little, too much, and just enough for themselves. There is no one answer for everyone. I have a suspicion that the guy who called in is selfish only because he is thinking about himself instead of realizing his wife is still into him enough to have sex a few times a week but kids are zapping her so she can't keep up pre-kid levels. Or she is touched out at the end of the day. His call was about HIM and HIS needs and not asking what he could do to help her through this very exhausting time in a parent's life. Which I suspect he doesn't realize exactly how exhausting it could be because he does very little of it since he can maintain his pre-kids high level sex drive. |
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(Just kidding, I hated having him in our house when he was like that let alone my body) I guess he found someone who can keep up with him as he had his sixth child last year. 
