luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Apr 29, 2016 22:44:02 GMT
Still crazy to want it that much. You think wanting sex more than 4 times a week is excessive? I actually think that's a really low number of times. I think 3-4 times a week is pretty good, but I was more talking about the 3-4 times that a PP said her ex-H wanted it.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Apr 29, 2016 22:46:27 GMT
I knew a guy that had a TBI and he said it made his sex drive sky-rocket. Not sure I believe him but I did look it up and sometimes that can happen. Still crazy to want it that much. What is a TBI?
ETA: I googled. A brain injury?
Yes, sorry I didn't elaborate more. TBI is traumatic brain injury. He was in a bad car accident when he was in his young 20's. It can make impulse control more difficult (from the little I read on it). He's still very functional in most aspects of his life so I was surprised to hear him relate that connection.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 29, 2016 22:51:54 GMT
Still crazy to want it that much. You think wanting sex more than 4 times a week is excessive? I actually think that's a really low number of times. Again, depends on the sex. If it's 'chore' sec because only one person is deriving pleasure then 4x a week it's a lot. If everyone is happy and fulfilled than its maybe average.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2016 22:55:04 GMT
I don't understand why we are debating whether it was too much or too little. People can really only answer what is too little, too much, and just enough for themselves. There is no one answer for everyone. I have a suspicion that the guy who called in is selfish only because he is thinking about himself instead of realizing his wife is still into him enough to have sex a few times a week but kids are zapping her so she can't keep up pre-kid levels. Or she is touched out at the end of the day. His call was about HIM and HIS needs and not asking what he could do to help her through this very exhausting time in a parent's life. Which I suspect he doesn't realize exactly how exhausting it could be because he does very little of it since he can maintain his pre-kids high level sex drive. I think it is totally valid to debate the 3-4 times per week. It was even part of her response that 3-4 times a week is above average. And that's at least what I'm talking about. I am just going to put it out there that I'll bet very few of us with a one year old and a four year old were having sex 3-4 times a week. I think it's a very valid thing to discuss. Sure, some few people probably have sex everyday. And there are probably some who are content with once per month. It is individual. But 3-4 times a week is a very, very healthy sex life given two small children. You do make a great point, too, about how much he's helping her out. I would have liked to see Dr. Laura point that out to him. That if he shouldered more of the burden of the children, she'd probably would be more willing to have sex with him.
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Post by bostonmama on Apr 29, 2016 22:58:39 GMT
If he was shouldering more of the home and childcare burden I doubt he'd have the same amount of energy to devote to sex!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2016 22:59:00 GMT
What is a TBI?
ETA: I googled. A brain injury?
Yes, sorry I didn't elaborate more. TBI is traumatic brain injury. He was in a bad car accident when he was in his young 20's. It can make impulse control more difficult (from the little I read on it). He's still very functional in most aspects of his life so I was surprised to hear him relate that connection. If he struggles with impulse control I can see how this might affect him that way. I am bipolar and when I am in a manic phase, I have trouble with impulse control too. And yes, it does impact my libido and choices that I make regarding it. In my younger days, I admit to making some poor choices in this regard.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 8:21:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 23:12:12 GMT
Who complains about sex 3-4 times a week? My ex would complain if I did it that little. But that was seriously part of the abuse. Mandatory 4-6 times per day. Yeah, he was an unemployed abusive bum. But now he's an ex!!
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,787
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Apr 30, 2016 0:07:28 GMT
No s/o of this? I'm on it!
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Post by melanell on Apr 30, 2016 1:14:50 GMT
I think what it comes down to me for me is that complaining that sex 3-4 times a week isn't enough is like making a million dollars a year and then complaining you don't make enough money to survive. It seems really petty. Yeah, but I have seen people do things similar to that. Maybe not a million dollars a week ( ), but certainly a much, much higher income than what DH & I have coming into our household. I think the comparison still works. It's a head scratcher sometimes for us to hear people say that they can't get by on the amount they are quoting, and similarly, if you're a sex-once-a-week-and-everyone-is- happy-couple, then I'm sure it does sound really out there to complain about 4 times that much.
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Post by melanell on Apr 30, 2016 1:21:25 GMT
I think that ultimately the amount of sex any couple has tends to go through time periods when there's more happening and times when there is less. And that happens for so many different reasons. And sure, it's bound to be frustrating for both people in the relationship when one wants it far more often than the other at any given time. But those are some of the things you hope you can try to work through together.
If possible, it seems prudent for the couple to determine why there is a difference and see if a compromise can be made, either in the number of times they're having sex, or in what type of sexual relations they are having, or in taking care of other issues that may be contributing to the differences in the drive or desires of the couple. But, that's often easier said than done. I hope things work out for the couple. I imagine the wife is just wiped out right now.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 8:21:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2016 1:26:37 GMT
7 days in a week -- 4 times a week breaks down to every other day. Wanting/expecting it more than every other day DOES seem a bit excessive when you factor in all the other life that is lived in the span of that week. I'm going to have to strongly disagree with that. I'm curious about your response. When you have kids (especially young ones) work full time, take care of home, sex everyday is not something most people do (at least none that I know) I mean it's only not excessive if BOTH parties want it that much, otherwise it's just a chore. I don't know what your situation is, but if you have kids, work, take care of a house, and still manage to have daily sex, you must have a lot more energy than me.
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Post by Merge on Apr 30, 2016 1:37:15 GMT
I'm going to have to strongly disagree with that. I'm curious about your response. When you have kids (especially young ones) work full time, take care of home, sex everyday is not something most people do (at least none that I know) I mean it's only not excessive if BOTH parties want it that much, otherwise it's just a chore. I don't know what your situation is, but if you have kids, work, take care of a house, and still manage to have daily sex, you must have a lot more energy than me. Seriously. We work long hours at stressful jobs. We get up at 5 AM every weekday, and are usually up by 6 on the weekends. Kids have evening/weekend activities, and household chores still have to be done. We usually fall into bed around 9:30, completely exhausted. I'll be the first to say it: once a week, usually. Sometimes we even skip a week. We're both fine with it - too tired for anything more!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Apr 30, 2016 4:01:56 GMT
I was married for 34 years to someone I eventually came to realize was a sexual addict.
I tried so hard to keep up with him, having been indoctrinated by my mother that my job was to keep him fulfilled. And having absorbed the idea from others that if a man cheated, it was the woman's fault for not taking care of his "needs".
You would not believe what I dealt with.
Rubbish!!! He was selfish, used sex to distract himself from life the same way he used alcohol. I' I was just a body to him.
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