milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,899 
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on May 24, 2016 15:41:59 GMT
No 14/15 is too young and mainly because it's a family vacation. Last summer my daughters and nieces were 14 12 10 & 6 my cousins came up to visit, a girl 16 and the boy is 17. One boy, 5 girls and he has always managed fine. They come once a year for a few days and he seems to tolerate everyone well enough and if he didn't it didn't kill him. He was always the cool older one, first with the ipod with the cool games. He was oldest who could throw the ball the farthest, piggy back ride the smallest girls around, drive the ATV on the farm.
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Post by bc2ca on May 24, 2016 16:58:00 GMT
When DD was 10 she went along with her BFF's family reunion vacation because everyone else in the family was 25+, so I have no objection to the idea of an extra child going along in the right circumstances. There is no way DD would be going in these circumstances.
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 24, 2016 17:13:26 GMT
MY 16 year old DD was invited on a family vacation with her boyfriend. I said no. I think she's too young and relationship is too new. I think family should sometimes be family too.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2016 18:15:59 GMT
There is no way in hell I would send my 14 year old daughter on her boyfriends family vacation.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,111
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on May 24, 2016 18:32:30 GMT
No way for me too. There may be a silver lining. From experience, romances at that age tend to burn out fairly quickly. It might be a non issue by the time vacation comes along. They may be hot and heavy right now, but July is a loong way off. So here's to hoping for that scenario, Mystie!  |
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Post by femalebusiness on May 24, 2016 18:39:52 GMT
No way would I want to be responsible for a fourteen year old girl. What the hell are her parents thinking if they are ok with this?
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on May 24, 2016 19:02:21 GMT
Since everyone pays their own expenses to attend, it is the decision of your SIL/BIL & their family whether to invite a (girl)friend. I imagine it will be awkward for you/extended family having your nephew's 14 y.o. girlfriend attend. Plus, setting the precedent of inviting non-family members may prove the end of these annual reunions; families may feel it's no longer worth the cost if the time is not spent with family. HTH & enjoy the reunion!
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Post by maryland on May 24, 2016 19:21:34 GMT
I asked DH and his answer was that it wouldn't matter to him if the mom asked the girl to go, because if the girl was his daughter there's no way in hell he'd let her go at that age anyway.  That's exactly what my brother said when his 15 yr. old son was asked by a girl friend (not even a girlfriend) if he could go with her family on a 4 day trip to an amusement park. No way is his son going! |
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,672
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on May 24, 2016 19:22:25 GMT
Add me to the no way list. They are too young.
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Post by maryland on May 24, 2016 19:26:49 GMT
1. I would not and have not taken boyfriends/girlfriends on family trips. I may make a different choice if my child was the only young person going with a group of adults. 2. I wouldn't take kindly to my MIL or SIL telling me how my vacation, that I paid for, was going to go down. (I realize that's not what the OP is saying but seems many are suggesting) 3. I'm really surprised that so many are expressing that since they have *boys* the situation/rules are different or that you see them less. That wouldn't jive for me. I expect exactly the same from my DS as I do from my DDs and know my SILs family does the same whether it works for DDs schedule or not. I agree! I only have girls, but I would have the same rules for sons/daughters. No double standards in our house. |
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,556
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Post by cycworker on May 24, 2016 19:34:54 GMT
Her kid, her choice, as long as she's contributing to the costs. Better that the girlfriend tags along than him not attending at all. You won't get any time with him if he decides to skip it because he wasn't allowed to bring her.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,556
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Post by cycworker on May 24, 2016 19:43:22 GMT
Unfortunately, my sister-in-law has disrespected my MIL's wishes before (about not having alcohol at these get-togethers) for years, so I doubt she will put much stock in her objections on this. And MIL is reluctant to lay down the law, their relationship can be touchy. Since you don't live that close you could become that "bitchy" SIL who lays down the law and your MIL will secretly thank you. She can't really. One of the mantras of this board is 'My child, my choice.' It's hypocritical to suddenly say that an aunt or grandparent can say no to who a parent wishes to bring on a trip when the parent is paying their share. The only aspect of it that is any of the OP & the MIL's business is ensuring that SIL pays her fair share. If she wants to let her son invite his gf, that's her business. ETA: The only people who really get a vote, other than SIL & BIL, are the parents of the girlfriend in question. |
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Post by refugeepea on May 24, 2016 21:45:32 GMT
She can't really. One of the mantras of this board is 'My child, my choice.' It's hypocritical to suddenly say that an aunt or grandparent can say no to who a parent wishes to bring on a trip when the parent is paying their share. The only aspect of it that is any of the OP & the MIL's business is ensuring that SIL pays her fair share. If she wants to let her son invite his gf, that's her business. ETA: The only people who really get a vote, other than SIL & BIL, are the parents of the girlfriend in question. Did you miss this --->> I was joking.  |
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Post by ceepea on May 24, 2016 23:32:46 GMT
I think 14 is too young also.
I come from a very small family and never had a family reunion so the whole "just spending time with family" thing wouldn't have occurred to me. I always feel like the more the merrier, but I have never been in a house with 11 other family members either.
I was also wondering how the gf feels about it. I know at 14 I would never want to spend a week in a house full of basically strangers. I was really shy and just the thought of having to go to the bathroom with my bf knowing would make me want to stay home. Or God forbid, having my period,lol! She may be fine with it though, who knows.
You will have to update us and tell us what ends up happening.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on May 24, 2016 23:38:45 GMT
We let our then 14 year old daughter go on a two night trip with her boyfriend (also 14) and his parents. We were assured by the parents that they would be supervised at all times. Let's just say it was a BIG mistake to let her go. So I come down on the side of no on this one. If they were older and in a long-term relationship my answer would be different.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 24, 2016 23:46:03 GMT
15??? Like 1-5?
I cannot even believe this is a question. My niece is 17 with a steady BF who we've known since he was like 3 and I cannot imagine anyone in our family suggesting he go on vacation with us!!
I think I was 18 before I was allowed to ask DH (my BF at the time) to go overnight places with us. Never at 15!!
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Post by workingclassdog on May 25, 2016 0:18:00 GMT
Nope still too young....
Now that said, we were going to allow our dd at the time who was 17 bring her boyfriend along on a family vacation. There wasn't going to be a time where they would have had any chance of being alone either (boyfriend was going to share a room with our son and she was sharing a room with her little sister and another girl cousin). (It never did work out and he didn't go in the end)... but his mom and I were on the same page and was comfortable about it.
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Post by 2peafaithful on May 25, 2016 2:58:25 GMT
Heck no. Not at that age. Nope.
I only read the OP so this might have been address. I wouldn't allow it to sway my position but what kind of issues will this cause voicing your opinion? I think it is stupid and not wise but will sister be ticked and the week have a dark cloud over it?
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,486
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Post by tanya2 on May 25, 2016 4:30:14 GMT
bad bad bad bad bad BAD idea!!
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,524
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on May 25, 2016 4:45:19 GMT
14 and 15 .... hahahahahahaa No. I would not think that is necessary or appropriate. At 19 and 20 AND if they are in a long standing relationship, sure. This! |
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,300
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Post by Mystie on May 25, 2016 5:13:15 GMT
Heck no. Not at that age. Nope. I only read the OP so this might have been address. I wouldn't allow it to sway my position but what kind of issues will this cause voicing your opinion? I think it is stupid and not wise but will sister be ticked and the week have a dark cloud over it? Probably not. Either my MIL and/or my other SIL will be able to gently sway her, or the girlfriend will come along and we'll make the best of it and make her very welcome. My opinion will not be voiced to SIL, or my husband's opinion either (same as mine, maybe stronger.) |
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Post by mlynn on May 25, 2016 5:21:41 GMT
It was summertime, and my friend and I were 17. My boyfriend (20) of almost a year wanted to go to the PNE in Vancouver, BC (We lived in WA) with the two of us and one of his friends (19) and stay over night. My mom was ok with it. Her mom was ok with it. His friend's mom was ok with it. HIS mom had a royal fit and said some things I have yet to forgive her for. He and I ended up going alone as a day trip.
Earlier that same summer, his family went on vacation to California. There was never any discussion about my going with them, and I went everywhere with them. Major league sports events, family outings, visiting family members a few hours away, etc. Sundays at grandma's every week. If the subject of my going to CA was ever discussed, I had no knowledge of it. Looking back, I imagine my boyfriend probably brought it up, but obviously the answer was no.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,415
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on May 25, 2016 14:03:58 GMT
I think my son and his GF were both 14 when I let him go to Florida for a week with her family. They had been "dating" for over a year and quite honestly I don't think we ever saw them so much as hold hands. They were more buddies than BF and GF. Turns out she was gay and he was her way of not being harassed. Although they didn't tell us that till much later.
It worked for both of them since he didn't really want a GF so it was a win/win for them. I was also friends with her parents and we discussed the situation in depth. The funny thing is that she has a twin sister and the three of them hung out together all the time. He even worked for her parents at their business. They are still friends to this day and I am with her parents as well.
No, I have no grandchildren in case anyone is wondering. LOL. I am guessing if they had been physical at all he would never have been invited. Her DF loved having him along because he was always the odd man out.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,556
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Post by cycworker on May 25, 2016 14:05:03 GMT
She can't really. One of the mantras of this board is 'My child, my choice.' It's hypocritical to suddenly say that an aunt or grandparent can say no to who a parent wishes to bring on a trip when the parent is paying their share. The only aspect of it that is any of the OP & the MIL's business is ensuring that SIL pays her fair share. If she wants to let her son invite his gf, that's her business. ETA: The only people who really get a vote, other than SIL & BIL, are the parents of the girlfriend in question. Did you miss this --->> I was joking. Apologies, I did miss that. I am just shocked overall by the responses. I mean, I'm not shocked that most here wouldn't do what the SIL is doing/suggesting - I'm shocked they're acting as though the OP's opinion counts in this scenario, because so often the response here is,'My child, my choice.' The only thing the OP & her dh can do in this case, if they don't like the SIL allowing her son to bring is gf, is choose not to go on the vacation themselves,and that, imo, could cause a huge rift/battle in the family if SIL & BIL figure out why they've chosen to skip out on the trip. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2016 14:14:46 GMT
Oh, hell no.
As the mother of a girl that just turned 14, and another that just turned 16, the thought of them going on a vacation with a boyfriend is ridiculous. I thank God that neither of them have shown any interest in boys (horses are really really good at taking up all their time - money well spent! LOL)
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,300
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Post by Mystie on May 25, 2016 15:21:13 GMT
The only thing the OP & her dh can do in this case, if they don't like the SIL allowing her son to bring is gf, is choose not to go on the vacation themselves,and that, imo, could cause a huge rift/battle in the family if SIL & BIL figure out why they've chosen to skip out on the trip. Oh no, we would never skip the trip, we want to see and have fun with everybody!!! And if that includes the girlfriend, so be it. (And there is no BIL in this scenario; Nephew's mom is divorced. She doesn't have anybody holding her back when she does crazy things, LOL.) I'll certainly update when I see how this all shakes out. |
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Post by 2peaornot2pea on May 25, 2016 16:39:15 GMT
No. When my son was 15 he dated a girl who was 14. Her mom asked me if my son could go to Hawaii with them over spring break. The answer was no. I explained my views on the subject with her. I wasn't going to be financing romantic get-a-ways for my young teenager. A few months later they asked if he could go with them to Utah for a week. I asked her if she forgot about our prior conversation? She replied, "Oh, since we will be driving to Utah and not flying I thought you might let him." WTF? Who cares what the mode of transportation is?  My son has gone on vacations with guy friends and their families over the years. And some of those trips involved air travel.  I have no problem with having a gf/bf included in vacation plans when they are 18 or older. |
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Post by BlueDiamond on May 25, 2016 16:50:25 GMT
I don't know, I kinda think that OP DOES have a say in it, since the whole vacation is meant to be a family reunion. So it's her vacation, too.
I vote no. They are way too young!
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