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Post by freecharlie on May 27, 2016 17:04:19 GMT
I think the daughter has every right to feel the way she does. I am sure having a parent transition is hard on the kids. There be some that don't accept it or that are angry and hurt. There may be some who turn to alcohol or drugs based on their reaction to their parent or any member of their family transitioning.
Just as some children react poorly to divorce, a parent cheating, a parent finding or losing religion....
The woman's view in the article is calif for her.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 27, 2016 17:19:24 GMT
I work with a woman who used to be a man. He was married with two teenage kids, took an extended period of time off, and came back as a divorced woman. I'm not going to lie... It was a shock to all of us, and it was really uncomfortable at first because it was completely unexpected and no one knew how to respond. I read the article. I have no doubt that something like this can have a huge impact on a family, and especially children. From the time we are born, we learn about what is traditional, what is "normal", etc. When that is shaken by something as big as one parent transitioning between genders, I can't even begin to wrap my head around how that feels. But, I also can't begin to imagine what it feels like to live a life feeling like a man or woman trapped in the wrong body. I grew up in conservative, Mormon country. My Facebook newsfeed is filled with "chicksontheright." Part of me understands... People fear what is different and unknown and "not normal." This world would be a much better place if we could all just accept each other... Whether we fit the "normal" mold or not. This quote from the article really rubbed me the wrong way: "I’d like to believe that world in which truth is objective, and children’s modesty and safety is more important than being politically correct still exists and somehow I might find the portal to return to it." Since when did transgender = threat to ANYONE'S modesty or safety?IMHO it is not that transgenders threaten safety...its pedophiles and sexual predators that will fake they "identify" with the other sex to gain access to children, etc. I will admit if I had a younger child they would NOT go to the restroom alone. There are stalls, if you have a penis use the "mens" room and if you have a vagina use the "ladies" room. Pedophiles will gain access to kids in lots of ways. Pretending to be transgender seems to be one of the more difficult ones, IMO. |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:04:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2016 17:45:51 GMT
IMHO it is not that transgenders threaten safety...its pedophiles and sexual predators that will fake they "identify" with the other sex to gain access to children, etc. I will admit if I had a younger child they would NOT go to the restroom alone. There are stalls, if you have a penis use the "mens" room and if you have a vagina use the "ladies" room. Pedophiles will gain access to kids in lots of ways. Pretending to be transgender seems to be one of the more difficult ones, IMO. I agree they gain access to kids in lots of ways. Why give them another. This issue hits too close to home...I am not going to try to change anyones mind...its just my opinion. |
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Sarah*H on May 27, 2016 18:09:39 GMT
Since all of us and all of our children have been peeing beside transgendered individuals for our entire lives, nobody is giving pedophiles another opportunity to do anything. It's the morality police who decided to make it the newest battlefront in the never ending culture wars so if anyone is going to get credit for giving some previously addlebrained pedophile a new idea for how to prey on kids, I guess thank the North Carolina legislature.
As far as compassion, I'd expect most of us have enough of it to cover all parties in this situation. I'd like to make a plug for resiliency however. If you spend your whole life recovering from childhood "trauma" (and not the real kind of trauma) and disappointments, when do you get around to the business of actually living?
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Post by not2peased on May 27, 2016 20:29:03 GMT
I think that anything (divorce, illness, addiction, coming out as gay, coming out as transgender...) that changes a family dynamic is going to have an impact on the children in that family. How society views the cicumstances play a big role in the support the new family dynamic gets. Once upon a time, divorce was taboo and children in families affected by divorce were ostracised and it was a big scandel. Now it's still hard on the children (change) but society supports them as divorce is mainstream. Coming out as a transgendered person post-marriage/kids is still pretty new and unusual in today's society - and even more so when the child in the article was young. That impacted, I'm sure, how she saw the changes and how people around her reacted and treated the new family dynamic. She probably saw it as shameful (much as children of divorce did when divorce was rare and socially taboo). As society changes, people change too...in the future, coming out as gay or coming out as a transgendered person may be as run of the mill as becoming divorced but we're not there yet - we're closer for those who are gay, I think... agreed |
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Post by not2peased on May 27, 2016 20:29:50 GMT
Since all of us and all of our children have been peeing beside transgendered individuals for our entire lives, nobody is giving pedophiles another opportunity to do anything. It's the morality police who decided to make it the newest battlefront in the never ending culture wars so if anyone is going to get credit for giving some previously addlebrained pedophile a new idea for how to prey on kids, I guess thank the North Carolina legislature. As far as compassion, I'd expect most of us have enough of it to cover all parties in this situation. I'd like to make a plug for resiliency however. If you spend your whole life recovering from childhood "trauma" (and not the real kind of trauma) and disappointments, when do you get around to the business of actually living? this |
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Post by not2peased on May 27, 2016 20:32:58 GMT
I guess in the end, the woman in that article needs and deserves compassion. I find it sad that if someone came here discussing the hurt and betrayal their children felt because of divorce or any of the other adult decisions that hurt kids, the Peas would have compassion and would offer suggestions for assisting the child in coping. But, apparently, because this child (woman) was hurt by someone whose actions are now the politically correct thing the attitude is 'oh well, too bad. Get over it. Jeremysgirl, thanks for your post. Like me, you can feel compassion for those who are affected by the "choice" of another individual. interesting that you took all of the responses in such a negative way. I think most everyone has compassion and sympathy for the girl in the story. |
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by ~Lauren~ on May 27, 2016 20:41:11 GMT
Perhaps you're right and I interpreted the posts wrong. But that was the impression I got.
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Post by boatymcboatface on May 27, 2016 21:07:45 GMT
Pedophiles will gain access to kids in lots of ways. Pretending to be transgender seems to be one of the more difficult ones, IMO. I agree they gain access to kids in lots of ways. Why give them another. This issue hits too close to home...I am not going to try to change anyones mind...its just my opinion. because it's not right to treat trans people different because of pediphiles. thwts like saying why let black people shop in the stores when once upon a time a black person shoplifted from our store. No you don't do that you deal with the behavior that is actually wrong and a problem and a trans person peeing in the bathroom next to me isn't actually wrong or problem. |
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on May 27, 2016 21:56:00 GMT
The one thing in the article that stood out for me was was that her father told her at a very young age his secret. I think that was very selfish and an unfair burden for a child. Clearly, the adult in this article felt his needs were paramount to his child's. This is less about acceptance of transgender and more about a narcissist parent.
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 27, 2016 22:14:53 GMT
The author clearly does have an agenda and clear opinions on what he/she (didn't look to see if it was a man or woman) believes about transgender individuals. I couldn't finish the article due to that. However, I will say that I am sure that being transgender or having a family member who is, is difficult for the whole family. I don't agree that all transgender people are selfish and only think about themselves. I think in most cases that is far from the truth. It is and you are right, it affects the entire family, they are all going through it. From what we are seeing and experiencing there is a lot of learning for everyone. |
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Post by brina on May 27, 2016 22:50:42 GMT
I believe that the journey would have been easier on the daughter if it had been easier on the father. If you are trying to hide something this significant, and you've reached a point where this is weighing on you so heavily that you take to confiding in a 9 year old child, then you are obviously in a very difficult spot in your life. If this had happened in a more accepting world, it almost certainly would have been, to at least some extent, easier on everyone involved. that is the point where I think the parent was wrong - you do not 'confide' that kind of bombshell with a 9-year-old and then ask that child to keep your secret - you share it with a friend, a counselor, a bartender. Your child is not your friend - not at that age - and to treat them as such is damaging to the child. This would have been just as true if the father was having an affair and told his daughter and said, "don't tell your mother." This makes me think of Kelly Clarkson's song, Because Of You. I have a cousin who has just come out publicly as transitioning. This was not shocking to most who knew him and although we are not close, I vaguely remember hearing something back when I was in college and he was in high school. He is married and has a small child and he and his wife are putting her needs first every step of the way. In the case in this article I believe the damage had far more to do with the way the transition was handled than with the transition itself. |
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Post by brina on May 27, 2016 22:58:49 GMT
The man was born a man. If he feels that he is a woman, then everyone thinks, yes, he should be a woman. But if the man feels that he is a little girl, he's mentally ill? Really??!! if a grown man felt he was a little boy I would consider that mental ill as well. |
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Post by seikashaven on May 28, 2016 0:23:05 GMT
I think as a society we accept people who are transgendered, there will be people who figure this out earlier in life..and that less children will feel "betrayed".. This is much the same as how now people who are gay are allowed to be gay from a much younger age, avoiding the sham of pretending to be straight, marrying, and coming out later in life when they already have kids and a spouse who are hurt by the revelation and subsequent dissolution of the family they've known for years. The more acceptance we have for people who are trans* the fewer families will be hurt in the long run. Shoving people in a closet is what causes the pain, not the existence of trans* people. This is where I stand too. I have no doubt it's difficult to have your family structure and identity change overnight. I have sympathy for the woman shared her experience. But that was a purposely hateful and inflammatory article (the author not the woman whose father transitioned). The kind of language used is never going to promote discussion, it's simply fanning the flames of those who already feel trans individuals are threatening society,morality and culture. Parents fail their children in a million different ways each day. Divorce, abuse,addictions and plain old selfishness can all destroy childhoods. This is nothing new. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2016 0:53:54 GMT
apparently, because this child (woman) was hurt by someone whose actions are now the politically correct thing the attitude is 'oh well, too bad. Get over it. I don't understand at all where you got that this was the majority attitude of people posting to this thread. I'm with Sarah. I'd like to think people are capable of having compassion for all the parties involved and I feel that has been expressed by most who contributed here. I am so damn frustrated that this is a "hot button" issue now. To me, this is a shameful waste of time and resources. |
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Post by peace on May 28, 2016 2:50:37 GMT
here's my thing. WHY is it anyone's business? If your parent comes out, don't you realize how hard that was? If they have a BIGGER problem and are just looking for attention, well I don't know what to say. If your dad or mom is an asshole- okay. I get it. If they are transgender --are you pissed because they are an asshole or pissed because you don't know how to handle it? You don't have closure on the fact that they are so self absorbed they are now making every. single. thing about them- Get therapy. It will help you.
There are so many situations today where we need to NOT judge. Not judging is HARD. That is why people judge. If someone says they are transgender, why not believe them? It really doesn't matter why. But why do we put such importance upon such an unimportant thing? If this person a good person? A kind person? If so and you still have a problem with it- chances are it's just YOU. Dig deeper. If you realize it's just that THEY irritate you because they are shit- well ok. That is something else. We (society) love to label and justify ourselves. Go to the next level and figure it out. It will enhance your life.
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My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803
