|
Post by sues on Jun 7, 2016 0:07:13 GMT
Please- let's not debate if this appropriate. My sister and I have already decided to do it- that part is a done deal.
Without giving too much detail, a friend lost her son in a sudden and unexpected way. Though I am pretty sure they are OK financially- this has to be total mayhem on their finances. Time off work (one income household with younger kids at home), wake/funeral expenses for an adult child that probably didn't have any kind of life insurance. I'm sure the list goes on in ways I can't even imagine. And though I am pretty sure they are OK - with one parent out of work, they aren't exactly as solid as they've been in the past.
If we were to offer it in an upfront way, she would certainly decline and say 'everything is OK- I can't accept this'. But everything CAN'T be OK. For this reason, we are gifting a sum of money anonymously. We will put it in a card, with a nice message re: why we're doing it - and we have a trusted person that will hand it directly to her and keep our secret.
My question... what message can we write, expressing our sorrow for her and her family, as well as our wish the ease some of the financial burden. I'm not often at a loss for words- but I can't figure this one out.
|
|
|
Post by AN on Jun 7, 2016 0:11:52 GMT
I would write a normal sympathy note like you weren't including a gift, and then say something like "Please accept the enclosed amount as a token of our sympathy. Our heart is with your family, and we hope you can find some small measure of comfort from our support."
|
|
Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
|
Post by Country Ham on Jun 7, 2016 0:15:34 GMT
I never acknowledge the money when I send a sympathy card. Just write the note and slip the check inside the card.
|
|
|
Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jun 7, 2016 0:17:24 GMT
Here is my suggestion for you. I am sorry your friend and her family are going through this. ---
We are sorry for the unexpected loss of your son. Things must be stressful for you right now, and it can be hard to predict what you might "need" from friends and family, please use this money for whatever might happen to come up-- to offset funeral costs, to pay your electric bill this month, to order delivery for dinner, or even to take the younger kids out to a movie because they're feeling a little blue. We can't heal your broken hearts, but we can offer you this gift and hope that, at some point, you can use it to make your sorrow just a little more bearable. Sending lots of love.
|
|
|
Post by sues on Jun 7, 2016 0:25:52 GMT
I never acknowledge the money when I send a sympathy card. Just write the note and slip the check inside the card. Ordinarily- I'd agree. But giving money is not customary here and I feel like we should offer an explanation of sorts- much like the message right below yours says. And- since it can't be a check (no check can be anonymous, not even a bank check, we've found out) she will open a card, find cash, and probably wonder "WTH?" I don't need to give great detail in terms of an explanation...more of a "this is where our heads are at, in offering this gift".
|
|
|
Post by sues on Jun 7, 2016 0:27:04 GMT
Here is my suggestion for you. I am sorry your friend and her family are going through this. --- We are sorry for the unexpected loss of your son. Things must be stressful for you right now, and it can be hard to predict what you might "need" from friends and family, please use this money for whatever might happen to come up-- to offset funeral costs, to pay your electric bill this month, to order delivery for dinner, or even to take the younger kids out to a movie because they're feeling a little blue. We can't heal your broken hearts, but we can offer you this gift and hope that, at some point, you can use it to make your sorrow just a little more bearable. Sending lots of love. Thank you! This is exactly what I had in mind.
|
|
|
Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jun 7, 2016 1:29:40 GMT
Here is my suggestion for you. I am sorry your friend and her family are going through this. --- We are sorry for the unexpected loss of your son. Things must be stressful for you right now, and it can be hard to predict what you might "need" from friends and family, please use this money for whatever might happen to come up-- to offset funeral costs, to pay your electric bill this month, to order delivery for dinner, or even to take the younger kids out to a movie because they're feeling a little blue. We can't heal your broken hearts, but we can offer you this gift and hope that, at some point, you can use it to make your sorrow just a little more bearable. Sending lots of love. Thank you! This is exactly what I had in mind. Glad I could help you.
|
|
|
Post by vjlau on Jun 7, 2016 5:37:24 GMT
I agree with the above sentiments. It's a nice thing to do as well!
My dad died a few years ago, and I had to travel from the US to Canada for a few weeks for the funeral/etc. It as expensive - as the costs were unexpected. However, it wasn't a financial burden to us.
When I got back home I received a lovely sympathy card in the mail from a friend who lived about an hour away from me. She had written a lovely note in the card saying how sorry she was. Attached to the card was a very generous gift card from Target with a picture of a flower bouquet on the gift card. She had taped it to the card and just simply written "flowers just for you!". When I called to thank her, she just simply said she knew the gift card would be more useful to our family than a flowers. She was right. It covered some of our groceries, diapers, and other things. I really appreciated it. I plan to re-use that idea in the future.
Another one of my friends lived in the same city as my dad did. She gave us a card with $100 in it. She wrote a little note saying she knew flowers and food wouldn't be that helpful to us since we were travelling. She hoped we could buy ourselves something useful, or have a meal out. It bought us a couple meals actually, and it was awesome! Just takes the burden off without having to ask for help or worrying about anything.
I'm sure your friend will appreciate your thoughtfulness!
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Jun 7, 2016 12:21:26 GMT
My DD's teammate lost her dad suddenly. I suspected they would have difficulty with finances, so I wrote a note of sympathy and added "Please use this gift in any way you wish".
|
|
|
Post by sues on Jun 8, 2016 11:51:15 GMT
The neighborhood has been collecting restaurant gift cards, so that when the gifted food runs out, they don't have to start immediately thinking about grocery shopping and cooking. I thought that was a nice idea. I heard that two neighbors took over the collection of cards this week and the family was stunned and grateful. I think there are so many things they will be struggling with/through, that we can't even wrap our minds around it. They are the nicest family- it's just heartbreaking to know they are going through this.
|
|
ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,482
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
|
Post by ellen on Jun 8, 2016 12:07:15 GMT
I live in an area where it is common to put money in a sympathy card. People can use it toward memorials, funeral expenses, lost wages, whatever.
I don't even see the need to do this anonymously, just express your sympathies and say you want to help them out with some unexpected expenses. When my mom was in the hospital for three weeks before she died, I had lodging & travel expenses that I was financially able to take care of, but my coworkers took up a collection at work and it took care of all of it. They did not need to do that, but I felt grateful to know that I had so many people who wanted to do something to help me. My sister's coworkers did the same thing for her.
|
|
|
Post by Scrapbrat on Jun 8, 2016 12:22:40 GMT
I never acknowledge the money when I send a sympathy card. Just write the note and slip the check inside the card. This. Just write what words of sympathy you would normally use, and enclose the money. I just wanted to add, though, that you maybe don't need to be anonymous. People like to know who to thank. If you are enclosing the money in a card, you aren't offering it up to her, you are giving it to her. I've personally never had anyone refuse money I've put in a sympathy card, and I've done it a few times. Pretty much everyone can use some assistance at a time like this, and I think it would be gratefully accepted.
|
|