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Post by grammadee on Jun 15, 2016 3:00:09 GMT
Nancy's mum obviously wants the girls to be friends again and must think the gift will help to smooth things over. I think I'd probably keep the mug, call to say thank you and that it was a very thoughtful thing to do then leave it at that. I wouldn't let Nancy back in to a position where she could hurt me deeply again. Yes. That.
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Post by anniefb on Jun 15, 2016 8:01:37 GMT
I think returning it will just cause more drama. I would make my dd had thanked Nancy and leave it at that. SaveSave
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Post by dockmaster on Jun 15, 2016 8:07:54 GMT
Are Nancy's parents fellow officers in your husband's chain of command? If not I would leave out the protocol officer's opinion. I would jot return the mug, I would not even make my daughter write a thank you card, I would just leave it a lone. These people are obviously trying to worm their way back into your daughter's life.
Now if the parents are fellow officers that can effect your husband's career, then go with what the protocol officer says.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,899
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jun 15, 2016 9:49:01 GMT
I came on here to say the same as the others. It's a token gift. Whether Nancy's mother knew that your DD was not graduating this year or not, Nancy knew, and she signed the card. Have your DD write a thank you note because that's good manners and you've raised her to be nice, and hope that the girls make things up, but otherwise leave it there.
That's what I'd do. It sounds as if you're a military family, so if you have different rules then follow those first.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Jun 15, 2016 14:23:10 GMT
whose idea was it for your daughter to minimize contact with the girl?
that's the part that has me intrigued
it makes me wonder if it was your decision, rather than your daughters
and that is why you have so much wrapped up in a $5 gift
gina
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Post by Zee on Jun 15, 2016 14:32:10 GMT
You are waaaaaay overthinking something that really has nothing at all to do with you. Let your daughter handle it herself. It's just a mug between two teenagers.
Thus actually reads more like moms vicariously enjoying the drama between their already drama-focused children. Shift this focus onto something more productive.
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 15, 2016 15:03:15 GMT
Leave it be. I think returning the gift would look like she is returning it for the wrong reason (due to the history between the girls). Just leave it be - have your DD send a thank you note - she might mention something like - Thank you for the lovely mug, I will enjoy it all through my senior year I can't believe I am finally going to be a senior!!!
Thank you, XXXXXXPerfect~
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 15, 2016 15:54:19 GMT
whose idea was it for your daughter to minimize contact with the girl? that's the part that has me intrigued it makes me wonder if it was your decision, rather than your daughters and that is why you have so much wrapped up in a $5 gift gina DD made the choice to end the friendship. I was actually surprised, as the reason DD gave was something that I knew all along. And then DD told me the rest and I'm relieved that DD chose the high path.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 15, 2016 16:13:55 GMT
mom-- a protocol officer is just like it sounds--someone in the military who gives advice on protocol/manners/local customs/etc. DH uses one for any public appearance, when meeting with other foreign officers, etc, but he/she is always there to give advice. dockmaster--no, there is no chain of command here. Nancy's family is a civilian family. Thankfully that's not a consideration here.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,652
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Jun 15, 2016 16:53:00 GMT
Sounds more like a peace offering than a grad gift, IMO.
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Post by chlerbie on Jun 15, 2016 19:17:23 GMT
Like everyone else, I don't see the big deal in keeping it and think giving it back would cause more problems than it's worth.
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Post by mom on Jun 15, 2016 19:33:37 GMT
mom -- a protocol officer is just like it sounds--someone in the military who gives advice on protocol/manners/local customs/etc. DH uses one for any public appearance, when meeting with other foreign officers, etc, but he/she is always there to give advice. dockmaster --no, there is no chain of command here. Nancy's family is a civilian family. Thankfully that's not a consideration here. Thanks- I guess I was confused why she would feel the need to take this particular issue to the protocol officer. Its between kids, let it stay that way.
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Post by dockmaster on Jun 15, 2016 20:38:33 GMT
I would just let it lie and not acknowledge the gift in any way. These people are trying to manipulate you and your daughter. Sometimes it is okay not to send a thank you note, this is one of this times.
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