scrapjulia
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Jun 27, 2014 13:15:57 GMT
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Post by scrapjulia on Aug 7, 2014 5:48:04 GMT
And I'm not sure how concerned I should be. She caught me totally by surprise but i am very happy that she chose to talk to me about it rather than trying something crazy on her own. Her doctor has never voiced a concern about her weight but i get where she is coming from-at 5 4" and 130lbs she feels large compared to other girls in her class. I told her we would talk about it more tomorrow after I came up with a game plan to run by her, though I want it to be a back and forth so it is something she can commit to.i also told her that she is a healthy girl and that there will be stop and start growth spurts as she gets older, and that she has a body type similar to her cousin who is also, tall, med-large boned, and beautiful. The three things I was going to propose to her are drinking lots or water, some strength training at home that can also help her with sports, and not eating while watching tv. She does get a lot of pleasure from eating and thinking about food which is the one thing that if she modified would do her the most good.
So I have a game plan but still can not get to sleep, so there must be something I'm missing:-). We are also days away from our kitchen remodel, and I do worry that that will be throwing us all a curve ball when it comes to eating health food. Any snack tips or success stories would be very much appreciated.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Aug 7, 2014 5:55:16 GMT
I would try to engage her in shopping, meal planning and meal preparation. I would educate her about healthy choices. I would make sure that the food in my home supported her success. I'd have her help me clean out the pantry to get rid of things that are over-processed, high-calorie, high-fat, etc.
You have an opportunity to help her establish a foundation of good eating that she will build on for the rest of her life. Drinking water and exercise are important, but a lot more goes into healthy eating.
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 7, 2014 6:02:35 GMT
I was going to suggest making changes for the household, instead of just her. Healthier choices in the pantry and refrigerator. More whole foods, less processed foods. Physical activities after school (sports, cycling, walks)
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Post by gryroagain on Aug 7, 2014 6:06:28 GMT
5'4" and 130 seems like a healthy weight to me- I know at 13 there is a huge range and she may have 80 pound, 4'10 friends. If she doesmt exercise then that is important, but as far as actual numbers, is she overweight? I have a hard time imagining she is at that height and weight. What I mean is, be careful of her thinking she can diet her way to being prepubescent like some of her friends might be, or diet her way to being a short, small boned girl- if it isn't her body type, it just isn't. And those slight, prepubescent friends will change drastically in the coming years, she has just already done it.
My oldest was a chubby 12-14 year old, and then Started thinning out. Now at just turned 16, she has a beautiful figure and I am glad I never expressed any concern or fed into issues she may have had at 13. It's a time of so many changes and so much upheaval, better to wait and see what the "forever" body looks like...and that is a ways down the road. If she is eating well and getting exercise, I'd encourage her to let her body just be for a while until it gets through all these changes.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Aug 7, 2014 6:37:23 GMT
5'4" and 130 seems like a healthy weight to me- I know at 13 there is a huge range and she may have 80 pound, 4'10 friends. If she doesmt exercise then that is important, but as far as actual numbers, is she overweight? I have a hard time imagining she is at that height and weight. What I mean is, be careful of her thinking she can diet her way to being prepubescent like some of her friends might be, or diet her way to being a short, small boned girl- if it isn't her body type, it just isn't. And those slight, prepubescent friends will change drastically in the coming years, she has just already done it. My oldest was a chubby 12-14 year old, and then Started thinning out. Now at just turned 16, she has a beautiful figure and I am glad I never expressed any concern or fed into issues she may have had at 13. It's a time of so many changes and so much upheaval, better to wait and see what the "forever" body looks like...and that is a ways down the road. If she is eating well and getting exercise, I'd encourage her to let her body just be for a while until it gets through all these changes. It doesn't sound like a weight loss plan is necessarily what is called for. It sounds like a healthy eating plan will set her on a good path of healthy choices and also make her feel like she is being proactive. Since the OP's daughter is the one who expressed the concern, to dismiss her would be the type of thing that could drive her into eating disorder territory. Supporting her while not making a big deal about it seems like a much better approach.
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Post by BeckyTech on Aug 7, 2014 6:47:18 GMT
Things like that feel like denial. Denial tends to make you crave it more and you end up gaining back more than you lose. How about exchanging complete denial for a few tricks/tips when she does feel like snacking? I don't know what she likes to snack on, but get a very small bowl (maybe just up from a pinch bowl size) or a box of those snack-size baggies (which are about 1/2 the size of a sandwich bag) and put the snacks in there. Metering, rather than total denial, gets much better results, IME. If I decide that a set amount is my limit, I tend to draw it out and make it last longer than when a whole bag of chips or a big bowl of popcorn is sitting in front of me. Another trick I use (and it mostly works, not always) is to ask myself "What size of a portion or, what would a thin person eat?" Well, maybe that would be 1 cookie instead of 2 or a small piece of cake instead of a large one or a regular McDonald's burger instead of a Big Mac. Just apply it to whatever you find tempting at the moment. Experiment. The only fruit that I find that satisfies my craving for unhealthy sweets is fresh pineapple chunks. Sure, it's loaded with natural sugar, but it's still healthier than a piece of cake. Maybe it's peaches or something for someone else. I always wanted to punch the person who suggested celery instead of chips or popcorn. That was about as satisfying for that craving as drinking water. Try either portioning or something a bit healthier like Bear Naked Granola. Filling, flavorful, and crunchy. And lastly, don't count calories.
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Aug 7, 2014 11:47:23 GMT
Have you thought about taking a walk with her after dinner a few nights a week if she doesn't get enough exercise?
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 7, 2014 11:50:17 GMT
Since the OP's daughter is the one who expressed the concern, to dismiss her would be the type of thing that could drive her into eating disorder territory. Supporting her while not making a big deal about it seems like a much better approach. Perfectly said!
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Post by Merge on Aug 7, 2014 12:03:50 GMT
My 11 year old daughter is the same height/weight as yours and has expressed similar sentiments. Her pediatrician recommends a focus on healthy food choices and more activity, with the goal of continuing to grow without gaining much weight, rather than losing it now. She is uncomfortable putting girls who are still growing on a "weight loss" plan unless they are severely overweight.
For my own experience, I was a pudgy tween who started down the road of diets at 11 and it did nothing but destroy my metabolism and my relationship with food.
A conversation with your daughter's doctor might be in order before you consider any food restriction for her.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 2:59:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 12:40:06 GMT
Because there is a component of comparing her self to other girls in her class I would start with a session of measuring her height then searching for some health tables to see what someone her age and height is expected to weigh in the healthy weight ranges. Explain to her that at 12 a lot of her classmates are still in children's bodies, some have reached their adult bodies faster and she may be somewhere in the middle or be one of the early ones to arrive into her adult size.
After that, determine healthy eating habits (fruit instead of candy, leafy greens instead of some carbs and self monitoring of the snacking) Since she thinks a lot about food maybe it is time to get her involved in menu planning and meal prep to a larger degree.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 7, 2014 12:51:12 GMT
At that age my son made the same request. I think as they approach their teen years they become more self conscious. Also, at the time of puberty boys chuck up a bit, it's normal development.
DS was active, always outside, playing sports and so we made a few tweaks. He went to summer camp and took Gatorade everyday. We decided to cut out the Gatorade and opted for,water instead. He did continue to drink Gatorade but only at football practice.
He ate fruits and veggies as snacks and cut out the junk food. We eat clean and healthy so I didn't have to make any changes for meals. He noticed the jiggle in his tummy was gone in no time and seemed happy. I think it is good to help your kids develop healthy eating habits. Good luck!
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Post by shevy on Aug 7, 2014 13:03:40 GMT
Help her set some easy to achieve goals for the next month. Things like 30 minutes of exercise, 5 times a week and hang a calendar to check it off. Things like trying a new veggie/fruit every week for a month. Coming up with a healthy meal and helping to shop and cook for it. By setting the easy goals you encourage her to be healthy, versus weight loss, quick goals lead to keeping the changes and at the end figure out new goals.
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Aug 7, 2014 13:19:34 GMT
Can you take her to a nutritionist? She can learn what is healthy for HER from someone who is an expert and more objective than parents and friends. Check your insurance. Access to a nutritionist is sometimes no cost.
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Post by ChicagoKTS on Aug 7, 2014 13:37:49 GMT
I think a nutritionist is a good idea and be sure to stay quietly vigilant about her habits. A friend's daughter a couple of years ago started like this and within about six months she was diagnosed with anorexia. No adult would have thought she was even slightly overweight but in her mind she was. This wasn't a situation where the family in general had any weight problems. My friend's family eats very healthy with mostly vegan dishes but not totally vegetarian. Her oldest daughter became focused on eating even more "healthy" or what she thought was healthy anyway and started doing lots of exercise to lose weight. She started keeping track of every single bite of food she put in her mouth and became obsessed with how many calories were in every little thing she ate.
Anyway, my friend was smart enough to watch her daughter and get her the help she needed in time to save her life. I am not trying to be an alarmist and I am sure this is on your radar already but wanted to give you a personal story to think about.
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Post by shevy on Aug 7, 2014 13:54:31 GMT
I'm going to respectfully disagree with the nutritionist at this point. Try making small changes on her own, without further intervention. Most kids hear anything to do with medical, even a nutritionist, and think that something is wrong with them. If you can make lasting changes that she feels better about, it will empower her to keep going. Try making changes at home on your own for a few months and if she is still concerned or you're concerned about her, then seek more help from a doctor.
I'd also say this: stay away from low fat/no fat, paleo, no gluten, no carbs...diet plans like that. Try to focus more on whole foods and portion sizing.
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scrapjulia
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Jun 27, 2014 13:15:57 GMT
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Post by scrapjulia on Aug 7, 2014 14:00:30 GMT
At that age my son made the same request. I think as they approach their teen years they become more self conscious. Also, at the time of puberty boys chuck up a bit, it's normal development. DS was active, always outside, playing sports and so we made a few tweaks. He went to summer camp and took Gatorade everyday. We decided to cut out the Gatorade and opted for,water instead. He did continue to drink Gatorade but only at football practice. He ate fruits and veggies as snacks and cut out the junk food. We eat clean and healthy so I didn't have to make any changes for meals. He noticed the jiggle in his tummy was gone in no time and seemed happy. I think it is good to help your kids develop healthy eating habits. Good luck! This is my daughter:-). The jiggle in her tummy is what bothers her. We don't have a lot of junk food around the house and she also does a lot of sports. I want to hear her concerns, but want to concentrate on healthy strategies that are easy and beneficial to her life long journey. But she does need a more balanced viewpoint about food and meals. She talks about food/when is her next meal A LOT. I do worry that she turns to food for comfort and out of boredom. That is also my concern about eating in front of the tv-its hard not to eat out of habit and to listen to your bodies cues. A nutritionist is a great idea that I will have to look into if DD is interested. She is a bit of a picky eater so it might give her some strategies that we haven't thought of. Thanks for the suggestion:-)
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scrapjulia
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Jun 27, 2014 13:15:57 GMT
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Post by scrapjulia on Aug 7, 2014 14:01:34 GMT
Oops- messed up the quote. Sorry Pea*ality!
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garcia5050
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Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Aug 7, 2014 14:09:24 GMT
I like the walk idea. In an attempt to get me moving, I do a lot of Just Dance for the wii. The kids always join in.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 7, 2014 14:10:14 GMT
scrapjulia I can't remember a day that went by without DS (in college and away now) asking "what's for dinner?" Actually, I miss that Like me he is a foodie! We went away for a week this summer and he even cooked dinner for DH and I. Some kids are into food more than others - that's OK!
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caro
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Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Aug 7, 2014 14:12:26 GMT
I would try to engage her in shopping, meal planning and meal preparation. I would educate her about healthy choices. I would make sure that the food in my home supported her success. I'd have her help me clean out the pantry to get rid of things that are over-processed, high-calorie, high-fat, etc. You have an opportunity to help her establish a foundation of good eating that she will build on for the rest of her life. Drinking water and exercise are important, but a lot more goes into healthy eating. I definitely agree with. Talk to her about processed foods versus whole foods. This could make a positive difference in your whole family. Also, avoid the use of the word diet. This is a healthy lifestyle change.
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Post by JustKim on Aug 7, 2014 14:14:30 GMT
I agree with many posters. Great time for communicating about some health choices that can make for a lifetime of good eating. Explaining the difference between calories and carbs (what is good and what is not), eating snacks only occasionally, and getting exercise. This is where I would start. Also explain that her body is going thru changes during this time and that she may grow taller and the body may change as that happens.
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stampfox
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Jun 26, 2014 0:49:59 GMT
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Post by stampfox on Aug 7, 2014 14:16:31 GMT
Find out how much weight she wants to lose. Five to ten pounds will make a big difference in the way she looks.
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freebird
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Aug 7, 2014 14:19:50 GMT
Lots of good advice here, but I would suggest no weight training until she is older, as it can stunt your growth if your body is still growing.
Also, be sure to tell her that her body might be preparing itself for a growth spurt. I found that before my son grew about 15" (!!) he was short and chubby and seemed to get chubbier, but then all the sudden the shot up and leaned out. Encourage activity (participate as a family), eat cleaner and have healthy snack choices on hand at all times.
But most of all, don't make it a big deal.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 2:59:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 14:20:12 GMT
If my daughter came to me with this, there a few things I'd do;
not use the word diet not subscribe to any kind of diet with a name (atkins, etc.) start with fluid intake and determine healthy choices regarding what she drinks take it slowly and not bombard her with info, planning, etc. baby steps so she doesn't feel overwhelmed, hungry, or like she's missing out on yummies look at my family eating habits as a whole and make global changes as needed to demonstrate support and love
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scrapjulia
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Jun 27, 2014 13:15:57 GMT
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Post by scrapjulia on Aug 7, 2014 14:28:59 GMT
Freebird I was going for strength training rather than weight training, using her own body weight. Is that still a concern?
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beth44
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Jun 25, 2014 23:01:32 GMT
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Post by beth44 on Aug 7, 2014 15:32:51 GMT
Your daughter is a healthy body weight, based on BMI, probably a BMI of 22-23. healthy BMI is 18-25. Over 25 is considered overweight, above 30 is considered obese. Now a girl that has a BMI of 18 will look much skinnier, but your daughter is still well in the healthy range. I would look at just a healthy diet-lots of fruits and veggies, don't snack on too much chips, high fat food. Avoid empty calories, esp. In sweet beverages like soda. Go diet or water, ice tea. If she doesn't exercise on regular basis, now is the time to start. Walking is the best way to start. At 12 it is certainly healthy to start light weight training if she wants, which may develop more muscle tone. She will look leaner due to the muscle tone. So your appearance isn't just about weight. For kids this age, it's about how they look, usually they are comparing themselves to someone else. Another way is start some type of yoga/Pilates class which involves a lot of core strengthening. It's not about weight, but about being toned and fit. Dieting will never get you toned and fit, but exercise will.
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peppermintpatty
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Post by peppermintpatty on Aug 7, 2014 15:42:34 GMT
That weight is normal for that height. My dd was 135 and 5'-3" the following year 135 and 5'-4", now she is 5'5" and 135. She went from a size 6 to a size 2. At 12 they stop gaining and start growing into their weight. I would not change her eating habits, just make sure her habits are healthy. DD changed hers by herself. She also went from a 34B cup to a 32D cup. She is skinny but still very healthy.
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peppermintpatty
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Post by peppermintpatty on Aug 7, 2014 15:46:21 GMT
I don't necessarily agree with this. She is a kid. Do not make this about scrutinizing every little thing that goes into her mouth, even quietly. She will pick up on it. Let her make the decisions. My dd's best friend was skating towards the olympics until she turned 14 and her coach told her she was too fat and every girl around her had an eating disorder. She is totally muscle, no fat on her. She quit skating and now dances but wants to become a nutritionist and work with student athletes that have eating disorders.
This girl was so obsessed about everything going in her mouth but when her parents or coach wasn't around, she couldn't stop eating. My dd stepped in and talked to the counselor and got her help.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 7, 2014 15:48:13 GMT
While you've received a lot of advice, I'm not sure how much if it is relevant. You need to first really figure out where your daughter is in terms of puberty, exercise and nutrition. You might know, but other than eating during tv, you haven't shared anything. At 12, your daughter may be done growing - - or she may have another few years and quite a few more inches. 5'4" and 130 could be perfectly appropriate for a girl preparing to shoot up 3 inches this year - or it could be a bit of extra padding for a girl done growing. Does your family eat healthily? Does she exercise? If both of those are no- I would change that as a family, no matter the number on the scale. If she's active and the family eats well - you need to make sure you're not feeding middle school insanity.
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Post by marysue63 on Aug 7, 2014 17:32:03 GMT
I would also suggest that you help her take the emphasis off her outward appearance and focus on everything that makes her a good kid. I struggled with my weight when I was that age and DON'T want the same thing to happen to my daughter. She tells me she's fat, but she's not! She's still growing and we all know how much your body changes during puberty. I remind her all the time that her weight doesn't define her and skinny or fat she is still beautiful and I will love her no matter what. I would have died to hear those words from my mom! And I try and model healthy eating myself.
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