Who comes first in the family?

In my house, the kids come first mostly. Dh and I sacrifice for them, but also take time to indulge ourselves too.

Grow adult children, I'd probably say spouse, but it depends on the situation.

What does coming first mean?

Spouse first always. (of course you'd never not love, or neglect the kids!) but remember, when the kids are grown and gone, who are you left with? If you don't nurture that relationship and put children first always, you'll have nothing left when they are gone.
Parenting mistake #1 IMO.

Hindsight is 20/20. I have an ex husband so apparently we didn't nurture that relationship enough.

Having a brother who is 54 and still thinks that his feelings and thoughts are they only ones that matter I would say don't play in to that shit. Most people learn at some point that the way others think and feel is also important and that compromise can always be reached.

I think it depends on what the needs are and who is able to meet those needs at the time.

If everyone works together to meet the needs of each other, that helps a lot - I wouldn't say anyone in our family comes first, I think we all work together to get it done as best we are able. Sometimes one or another of us needs more help than another and we take up their slack. When we get out of balance though, that causes problems - and that does happen. So we do our best but sometimes we struggle to get it right.

I hear out of balance in this situation - everyone is trying to have their own needs and wants dominate the conversation.

But you can't help someone who is too self centered to do better. I would have to just say, I'm sorry this is such a hard situation but I can't get dragged into it, tell me if I can help but I don't want to participate in the drama.

Me personally - I don't do drama and I definitely don't do this triangulation nonsense where one family member complains about another family member to me. If I can help people fix their problems, I'm happy to, but I don't like drama. I dislike drama so much that I have a couple of relatives with whom I am not close because their drama is too much for me.

I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes someone in particular needs to be a priority, right now my adult ds who has some recent health issues is a priority if there needs to be a priority. Last summer my Dad had a huge health crisis and I spent 2 full weeks with him & my Mom - I expected my kids to step up and take care of one another (one was a high schooler in a high school 1/2 hour away with no license.) I don't think there is a one size fits all answer.

As far as feelings go, I also don't think there is one person who is a priority or their feelings are a priority over others. Plays well with others is something you learn in grade school and should apply My adult kids live at home currently, they get along pretty well. There's the occasional annoyance or vent, but nothing major. I've seen a lot of times where someone who may be a bit selfish thinks they should always be the priority. If there is one party always complaining, then i'd have to consider why that is?

In a family of adults, I would expect the parents paying the bills to be first. The adult children are always welcome to move out if they feel their needs are not being met.

I can't really answer the question. I would first say spouse, but it depends on how you look at it.

We put a lot of money aside to pay for our kids college. So that means my husband will have to work for longer because we want to help them out as much as we can. We also sacrifice things that we would like to do with our money (redo some things in our house like the pink counter in our bathroom!, new furniture, new carpets/floors) but we put those off so our daughters can do activities like dance, soccer, all those expensive sports.

But we don't let our children talk back to us, lie to us, etc.

So not a good answer for you, but when I first thought spouse definitely, I read some responses, and started to think that it depends on the situation who comes "first". Just our experience! It's interesting to see how people do things differently and it gives us some ideas for improving the way we do things.

It depends on the needs of the person at the time.

The dog. Just sayin'

I don't view "who comes first" as a hard and fast rule. It's fluid depending on needs and circumstances.

There is priority for those paying the bills though when dealing with all adults. There may be some non-negotiable needs then, but even those should be reasonable.

No one should be taking advantage of anyone nonetheless. In the end, a family should work to meet everyone's needs in balance.

Need more info...

Waaaaaaay too vague for me to give an answer. 

And why does anyone have to come "first"? You all need to find a way to live together in harmony so the family comes first.

(Alternatively, perhaps it's time to set the kids free!   )

Beat me to it! The dog and the cat come first, the rest of us just live to serve.

In reality, I think it depends. A grown child with a disability or illness would come first in my opinion. I'm hoping my teens launch successfully so that my spouse and I can be even more servile to the dog and cat. SaveSave

Minor children? They come first.

Adult children that ideally would be living on their own by now? Spouse.

As my kids get older, dh and I will do things we want to do without them. However, we'll drive 2 hours just to watch a 10 minute marching band show in a heartbeat.