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Post by mrsovy on Oct 13, 2016 21:06:02 GMT
So my mother just told me my wedding was a black cloud that hovers over the family. I am not sure wether to laugh or get angry?
Background info, my mother is an alcoholic, my Nan is a control freak. My mother kept inviting all her drunken friends to my wedding (before we had set the date), when I complained & asked her to stop I was told by my Nan that it wasn't my wedding, it was the families wedding & I was supposed to do what I was told.
it also didn't help that my mother wanted my husband to marry my sister not me as she thought his family have loads of money and would be able to keep her in a nice lifestyle (my sister is God in my mothers eyes, my husband thinks she's a lazy cow)!
anyway, to cut a long story short before we had even set the date I was being bullied and was crying most evenings, my husband had enough of seeing me upset & being treated that way so we went off and got married quietly with none of them present. We told them after the event & they were invited to the reception party at which my mother got drunk, my youngest sister stole from the bar, the sister who my mother wanted to marry my husband never bothered coming and my Nan walked in then turned her back & walked out. The rest of that side of my family, who were all invited never bothered coming.
i have hardly spoken to them since and we have just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.
And as for her comment this evening, I just ignored it, I am too old to play her stupid games & life is far too short to have such negative people in my life.
Just needed to vent & knew the peas would understand
UPDATE Wow, I am blown away by all the responses I have from you all. I wasn't expecting such lovely comments, thank you to each & every one of you. My husband is my rock, I couldn't imagine life without him & am looking forward to the next 20 years together.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,432
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Oct 13, 2016 21:12:07 GMT
Wow. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such crap.
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Post by papersilly on Oct 13, 2016 21:13:18 GMT
having a long and happy marriage was the best comeback to that statement.
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Post by unknown pea on Oct 13, 2016 21:14:36 GMT
wow. I'm so sorry. You're mother sounds very much like mine. It's sucks.
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Post by coffeetalk on Oct 13, 2016 21:16:01 GMT
Happy 20th Anniversary to you and your DH!
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Post by beachbum on Oct 13, 2016 21:17:54 GMT
Wow. It sounds like we could be related. Sorry you have to deal with that, but it sounds like you have put them where they belong in your life.... far away. Here's to the next 20 years.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 13, 2016 21:18:28 GMT
Glad you have limited contact with poison people.
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,219
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Oct 13, 2016 21:19:43 GMT
I don't see how it could be a black cloud over the family~ they weren't even there for the reception! (Except mom and sister)
How unkind of your mother to even bring that up 20 years later!
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,845
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Oct 13, 2016 21:20:45 GMT
having a long and happy marriage was the best comeback to that statement. So sorry you have to hear that from your mom. On a brighter note, Happy Anniversary!
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Post by pierkiss on Oct 13, 2016 21:21:30 GMT
:0
I am so sorry any of them treated you so horribly. If I were you I would be completely done with all of them. No-one has the right to make you feel so terrible about the decisions you make for your own life.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 13, 2016 21:21:57 GMT
Congrats on 20 years! It's too bad you have to put up with that kind of crap, but living well is the best revenge.
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Post by marysue63 on Oct 13, 2016 21:22:13 GMT
Wow, I don't understand people holding on to $hit for that long, what an awful thing for your mom to say!
Your successful marriage is all that matters!
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Post by red88 on Oct 13, 2016 21:22:14 GMT
Some mother's & family just need to suck it! I know what you mean, your mother sounds a lot like mine.
Congratulations to 20 awesome years! Enjoy the rest of your lifetime with your husband! You both deserve it!
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,722
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Oct 13, 2016 21:26:29 GMT
Man! Your mother can really hold a grudge! 20 years? That's nuts! Happy Anniversary!
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Oct 13, 2016 21:28:37 GMT
Sorry she said that to you. Happy Anniversary and congrats on 20 years.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,768
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Oct 13, 2016 21:35:03 GMT
Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!! Be thankful you have the wisdom to not let your mom and family rock your soul. You have set very healthy boundaries.
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Post by miominmio on Oct 13, 2016 21:36:52 GMT
((Hugs)).
And happy anniversary to you and your DH.
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Post by kimpossible on Oct 13, 2016 21:38:06 GMT
You showed them! 20 years and still going strong! Congrats!
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,077
Jun 27, 2014 4:11:36 GMT
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Oct 13, 2016 21:59:29 GMT
Good for you that you didn't allow your family to bully you into having the kind of wedding THEY wanted. The fact that you and you DH have been married for 20 years goes to show the level of maturity and commitment that you each have.
Please try to continue to avoid getting caught up in their drama. It's like cancer and can be fatal to a relationship.
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Post by leftturnonly on Oct 13, 2016 22:06:15 GMT
my husband had enough of seeing me upset & being treated that way so we went off and got married quietly with none of them present Sounds like you're the only ones with any sense!
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,191
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Oct 13, 2016 22:08:47 GMT
Happy Anniversary!
And good for you for sticking up for each other as a couple and making it work - and for knowing not to let them disrupt your life.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,215
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Oct 13, 2016 22:13:07 GMT
Wow, I can't even imagine a mother saying all that crap to her kid.
Congrats on 20 years!
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Post by jenjie on Oct 13, 2016 22:16:06 GMT
I'm sorry your family couldn't just celebrate you. Then or now. Happy anniversary. You and your husband have something special in each other.
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Post by verdepea on Oct 13, 2016 22:21:14 GMT
Wow, that's awful. I think that's the manipulative behavior of an alcoholic. She says shitty things to make herself feel better. It's really all about her.
I hope your husband is still your rock. He seems to see right thru her manipulations.
That said, the shit still stings. I am truly sorry.
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Post by papersilly on Oct 13, 2016 22:23:23 GMT
my husband and I got engaged after 11 dates and married 3 months later. we were already engaged when I met them for the 1st time. I'm sure his family thought it wouldn't last because it was so whirlwind and they didn't know me from adam. well, we just celebrated our 25th anniversary this year.
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Trixie Bender
Pearl Clutcher
It's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm
Posts: 3,691
Location: Boldly going nowhere
Jun 26, 2014 11:31:57 GMT
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Post by Trixie Bender on Oct 13, 2016 22:23:55 GMT
Happy 20th Anniversary to you and your dh!!
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Post by destined2bmom on Oct 13, 2016 22:30:26 GMT
I am sorry that your mom's words and attitude has hurt you so badly.
But I want to say "Happy 20th Anniversary"!
That speaks volumes about you and your husband; so rather than your family being idiots about the wedding; they should be so happy that you have had such a long marriage!
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 13, 2016 22:46:39 GMT
The best thing you could have done was to elope and avoid the dysfunctional wedding that your mother and nan were forcing upon you. If at anytime you want to renew your vows w/o inviting any of the circus performers from your family please do so. Your dh sounds incredibly supportive and he is giving you the stability that your crazy family could never offer. It's OK to not talk to any of them. You're not obligated to love the crazy. I really like your dh right now.
Happy 20th Anniversary!
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Oct 13, 2016 22:58:22 GMT
Happy Anniversary to you and Dh! Hope you have a lovely evening and it's hard to ignore the crap sometimes but I think you got the better end of it!
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Oct 13, 2016 23:38:07 GMT
"Oh sorry, I think you meant to say 'My family was a black cloud on my wedding' Fixed it!"
Fuck them. There's no way I'd have a relationship with people that treated me like that.
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