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Post by 950nancy on Oct 16, 2016 17:59:28 GMT
Why is it poor taste? I didn't get the impression this was a lingerie shower. My guess would be because the parent couldn't be bothered to entertain her child with things she had brought. Poor taste just means not suitable. Toddlers have a hard time sitting that long and behaving.
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Deleted
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Jun 13, 2024 20:05:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2016 18:15:11 GMT
Yes, thank you ingrid , for speaking out. I wish more people would, or at least back up the one who does have the courage to speak up. What is one supposed to say to "back up" the courageous one? I don't usually hesitate to help people understand how "line ups" work, but if someone else jumps in to instruct, I'd feel a bit silly saying "Yeah! What she said!" If I'm not the one providing social instruction, then I'll usually say thank you to the other person who did ... but I wouldn't "pile on" I've never looked at speaking/standing up for what's right as piling on. A simple "she's right-you need to get in line" or something similar is fine. It usually only takes a few people brave enough to speak up to stop a rude asshole.
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anneb
New Member
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Jul 18, 2014 19:57:21 GMT
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Post by anneb on Oct 16, 2016 18:35:23 GMT
Maybe they plan to dress her as tiny bride for the big day? You know, so all the attention can be showered on to the child and not the bride? WTH is wrong with people? This happened to me! My DH's little cousin who would have been 15 months old was dressed in a white, beaded, sequined gown for our wedding. Luckily someone TOLD me that she was going to be our honorary flower girl since she was way too young to walk down the aisle. Then 4 years later at my baby shower, she stood in between me and all the guests while I opened gifts. I don't remember if she "helped" open, but I do remember that she was selecting gifts for me to open and definitely felt the need to be the center of attention. All of the pictures from my shower have her backside blocking the view of the gifts.
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twinsmomfla99
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Posts: 3,996
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Oct 16, 2016 18:38:53 GMT
Yes, thank you ingrid , for speaking out. I wish more people would, or at least back up the one who does have the courage to speak up. What is one supposed to say to "back up" the courageous one? I don't usually hesitate to help people understand how "line ups" work, but if someone else jumps in to instruct, I'd feel a bit silly saying "Yeah! What she said!" If I'm not the one providing social instruction, then I'll usually say thank you to the other person who did ... but I wouldn't "pile on" If the "offender" responds to the social instruction, then no problem. But when there is pushback, and the person is not responding, i.e. "my kids will just take a moment" or "but she is so cute opening the gifts," then it helps if others who were patiently waiting in line would chime in to back up the person objecting.
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Mary Kay Lady
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PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
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Jun 27, 2014 4:11:36 GMT
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Oct 16, 2016 18:39:01 GMT
Why is it poor taste? I didn't get the impression this was a lingerie shower. Please don't get me wrong. I love children. However, I think there are some situations where the presence of children is inappropriate. A bridal shower would be one of them. I get that there are times when it might be difficult to find child care. But those are situations where I think it's more appropriate to drop off the gift with an apology and excuse yourself. The child in question was not well behaved or the mother wasn't keeping the child under control. At a bridal shower the BRIDE to be is the center of attention.
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AnotherPea
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Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Oct 16, 2016 19:01:20 GMT
Why is it poor taste? I didn't get the impression this was a lingerie shower. Kids do not belong at showers... particularly bridal showers, regardless of the theme. It is an adult party, not a kids one. Even if it's a baby shower. I'm not interested in dealing with speshul snowflakes being loud, obnoxious and out of place. I don't understand why we can't dial back the "kids must be everywhere" shit. With my friends and family, showers, like weddings, are for family and friends to celebrate a happy event. Children are often part of that circle. Showers are not adult parties. Children would not necessarily get their own invite, but hostesses and brides would much rather a friend show up with a child in tow than have that friend stay home or pay a sitter.
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Post by jenjie on Oct 16, 2016 19:32:04 GMT
This one was definitely a kid friendly shower, her preteen nieces will be bridesmaids. There was a table for them with their friends, whose moms were also invited to the shower. There were some younger ones as well. They had their own special kid friendly favor bags, which were bags full of candy.
These kids for the most part were well behaved. A couple of the little ones were close to meltdown but it was contained between them and their parent. The only reason I was aware was because it was at my table. But this toddler and mom were another story altogether. I didn't say anything BECAUSE the hostess didn't want me to. I was not going to go around her after I offered and she declined.
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Deleted
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Jun 13, 2024 20:05:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2016 19:41:24 GMT
I didn't say anything BECAUSE the hostess didn't want me to. I was not going to go around her after I offered and she declined. Totally understandable
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Oct 16, 2016 19:42:28 GMT
That happened at my son's birthday party. He was a toddler and while he was opening presents, my sister ran up to point out that there was another group of kids (his older cousins) opening my sons presents while their parents watched. I had to tell them to stop. People are incredibly rude and selfish sometimes.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 16, 2016 19:45:12 GMT
Kids do not belong at showers... particularly bridal showers, regardless of the theme. It is an adult party, not a kids one. Even if it's a baby shower. I'm not interested in dealing with speshul snowflakes being loud, obnoxious and out of place. I don't understand why we can't dial back the "kids must be everywhere" shit. Not all social circles are like yours. In mine growing up showers and weddings generally included kids. Most girls I grew up with started going to showers around 7 or so and my experience was the same. Basically the event was used to teach children manners and how to act at certain events. My mom reiterated the rules and I was expected to act like an adult because it was an event for a grown-up. If I had stepped one toe out of line, my mom would have dislocated my shoulder she would have taken me out of there so fast. But loved going to showers, I felt so grown up sitting nicely in a pretty dress and chatting with the ladies. It was basically a real life tea party with cake. In my current area it is still 50/50 whether kids are included or not. I prefer to not bring my kids so I get a break. The problem isn't kids at these events, it is the parents not parenting. That's true... it is a parenting thing. I guess I just get tired of kids being everywhere. Seriously, is there anywhere left where kids are not brought? I don't know. I never went to showers as a kid (maybe my mom hates them as much as I do) because it was for adults, not kids.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 16, 2016 19:47:05 GMT
At parent teacher conferences, I have seen a few toddlers try to rip apart my room while the parent smiles. One parent told me that she paid for the things in my room with her taxes. Thankfully that was not the norm, but there are just certain situations that kids don't do well in. I can't for the life of me think why they didn't ask the kid in my room to watch the toddler out in the hallway quietly. That happened to my mom when she was a teacher. A couple times she brought me in to help with the brats... I mean kids... that couldn't or wouldn't behave. I smartened up pretty quickly and was always busy on parent teacher nights. It blows my mind how ill behaved some kids are... and that some parents just don't give a damn.
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 16, 2016 19:50:51 GMT
At parent teacher conferences, I have seen a few toddlers try to rip apart my room while the parent smiles. One parent told me that she paid for the things in my room with her taxes. Thankfully that was not the norm, but there are just certain situations that kids don't do well in. I can't for the life of me think why they didn't ask the kid in my room to watch the toddler out in the hallway quietly. That happened to my mom when she was a teacher. A couple times she brought me in to help with the brats... I mean kids... that couldn't or wouldn't behave. I smartened up pretty quickly and was always busy on parent teacher nights. It blows my mind how ill behaved some kids are... and that some parents just don't give a damn. The elementary school my kids went to specifically ask that children who were not the students not attend the conferences. It doesn't seem to be a problem at the middle and high school because it is chaotic enough with everybody in the gym
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Post by Sam on Oct 16, 2016 20:10:23 GMT
If no-one does anything, everyone's complicit. Take your damn gift, walk up to the bride to be and present it to her. Others will follow, more than likely, and if they don't, at least you won't be complaining that she didn't know who gave it to her.
If people choose not to, they can't really complain after.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 16, 2016 21:00:54 GMT
That happened to my mom when she was a teacher. A couple times she brought me in to help with the brats... I mean kids... that couldn't or wouldn't behave. I smartened up pretty quickly and was always busy on parent teacher nights. It blows my mind how ill behaved some kids are... and that some parents just don't give a damn. The elementary school my kids went to specifically ask that children who were not the students not attend the conferences. It doesn't seem to be a problem at the middle and high school because it is chaotic enough with everybody in the gym I think in the final few years my mom's school did this. It used to be that the meetings were in each classroom. My mom was fortunate enough to have a large enough class that I could be on one side in the reading area with the kids and she could be on the other side of the room with the parents, but I did 2 or 3 of those nights and I had enough of the bratty behaviour. Even as a kid it blew my mind how bratty the kids were and how ignorant the parents were.
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Dalia
Junior Member
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Aug 30, 2016 4:43:30 GMT
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Post by Dalia on Oct 16, 2016 21:12:59 GMT
Wow, I'm speechless. Now I've heard it all, Lol!
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Oct 16, 2016 21:35:25 GMT
For those with little ones messing up classrooms, why is the parent not required to stop the child? Why does the chaos continue? Twice I've had terrors try to mess with my belongings in my room during a parent conference. Both times I spoke directly to the small child and told him what my expectations were for his behavior. I offered up blank paper and a crayon and asked the boys to sit at the same table with us. One child did as asked and the meeting continued. The second child, at a different meeting, did not and I asked that the meeting be re-scheduled for a time where the mother could find childcare.
In my state/district, I get VERY little money for items in my room. And I am responsible for its upkeep. Very seldom are parent conferences scheduled during my contract time, so I am there for free. Damn if I am going to replace items I've personally bought and/or give more unpaid time cleaning up after a child.
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Deleted
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Jun 13, 2024 20:05:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2016 22:37:38 GMT
Basically the event was used to teach children manners and how to act at certain events. My mom reiterated the rules and I was expected to act like an adult because it was an event for a grown-up. If I had stepped one toe out of line, my mom would have dislocated my shoulder she would have taken me out of there so fast. But loved going to showers, I felt so grown up sitting nicely in a pretty dress and chatting with the ladies. It was basically a real life tea party with cake. I think if your parent(s) want to teach manners and to have a tea party with cake, it should be at their own function, not at someone else's event. I'm all for teachable moments, but not when it impacts other people. Most of the time, I don't think that a child's parents are in the best position to recognize how well or ill behaved their own child is. Otherwise, we wouldn't all have the same common experiences of these types of things.
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Post by AngieandSnoopy on Oct 16, 2016 22:50:00 GMT
What is one supposed to say to "back up" the courageous one? I don't usually hesitate to help people understand how "line ups" work, but if someone else jumps in to instruct, I'd feel a bit silly saying "Yeah! What she said!" If I'm not the one providing social instruction, then I'll usually say thank you to the other person who did ... but I wouldn't "pile on" I've never looked at speaking/standing up for what's right as piling on. A simple "she's right-you need to get in line" or something similar is fine. It usually only takes a few people brave enough to speak up to stop a rude asshole. This exactly. It is not piling on when someone is cutting in line is arguing that they have a right to cut in and a second or third person cuts in and confirms that the first person is right. That there is indeed a line or in my case, just ONE line that feeds to all the registers. That way, the one cutting in line can't justify to themselves that only ONE person is upset so therefore they were right to cut in.
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 16, 2016 22:51:57 GMT
I think the invitation extending you children is probably part family expectations and part where the person of honor and sometimes the hosts are in their lives.
If half of the mother to bes friends have young children, the shower may involve children.
If none of the bride to be friends have kids, then they are less likely to be included.
My Ds was 1.5 before dh and I got married. I did not have children at my bridal shower. I did have a large family BBQ baby shower with the whole family invited.
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Post by kachilyn on Oct 16, 2016 23:27:10 GMT
Kids do not belong at showers... particularly bridal showers, regardless of the theme. It is an adult party, not a kids one. Even if it's a baby shower. I'm not interested in dealing with speshul snowflakes being loud, obnoxious and out of place. I don't understand why we can't dial back the "kids must be everywhere" shit. With my friends and family, showers, like weddings, are for family and friends to celebrate a happy event. Children are often part of that circle. Showers are not adult parties. Children would not necessarily get their own invite, but hostesses and brides would much rather a friend show up with a child in tow than have that friend stay home or pay a sitter. This is how my family is - we would rather have the kid there then have the family member/friend miss out! I threw my cousin a bridal shower and all of her aunts and female first cousins were invited. Now most of them were 13+ but there was a 10yo, and a 3yo (and her 6mo baby brother) in attendance. The 3yo was not opening gifts (although I think she may have "helped" clean up paper!), the bride was. We also didn't expect the 3yo to watch quietly, she did the first half and then was playing games on an iPad - but still in the room with everyone. The 10yo participated like the teen cousins and adults - watching, talking, etc. But that's how my family is with everything - kids are part of the family and are included but we expect them to behave appropriately for their age and the situation. They might be at formal events, but have a book or something to entertain them quietly once their attention wanders. How else will they learn how to behave in certain social situations if they don't get the chance to practice with their families? Save
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Post by gramasue on Oct 16, 2016 23:31:53 GMT
I would have snapped. And then, of course, looked like the crazy old lady.
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Post by bigbundt on Oct 18, 2016 19:06:50 GMT
Basically the event was used to teach children manners and how to act at certain events. My mom reiterated the rules and I was expected to act like an adult because it was an event for a grown-up. If I had stepped one toe out of line, my mom would have dislocated my shoulder she would have taken me out of there so fast. But loved going to showers, I felt so grown up sitting nicely in a pretty dress and chatting with the ladies. It was basically a real life tea party with cake. I think if your parent(s) want to teach manners and to have a tea party with cake, it should be at their own function, not at someone else's event. I'm all for teachable moments, but not when it impacts other people. Most of the time, I don't think that a child's parents are in the best position to recognize how well or ill behaved their own child is. Otherwise, we wouldn't all have the same common experiences of these types of things. Sooooo if kids are invited manners shouldn't be taught because it is someone else's event? Did you miss the part where I said my mom would have taken me out of the event if I didn't behave? And that I was expected to act and have the manners of an adult? I was taught manners at my own parties and tea parties and lessons at school but learning manners at other people's functions were a part of that too. I teach my daughter how to be a good guest at her friends' birthday parties in addition to her own. Of course I also grew up in a time when other women would have said something to me (the child) if I was out of line and my mom wasn't doing anything about it. Or maybe in a southern way they would have just grabbed me and put me on their laps and told me to look at this very interesting bobble they have or told me I had a VERY important job holding the garbage bag WAAAAAAY over here.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Oct 18, 2016 23:44:48 GMT
We just came home from a cute little fall festival at a farm down the road. There was a rope swing that kids and their parents were waiting patiently in line for and right before it was my son's turn, a woman ran up with her two children and told them to hop onto the swing. Just cruised right by the line of people. Hoping she was just oblivious to the line, I tried to be as nice as possible and said something like, "Oh! The line for the swing actually starts back there, my son was just getting ready to take his turn!" Her response? "Yeah, I know but my kids will be quick and they're just dying to swing on this thing." Even after I pointed out that all of the kids in line were "dying" to swing, which is why they've waited for so long (still trying to be friendly, but my plastered-on smile probably looked utterly psychotic at this point) she just looked at me like I was trying to set her children on fire or something. But NO ONE ELSE said a word! The people in line just sort of looked around like they were pretending nothing had happened, and I wound up feeling like the jerk who made a big deal out of nothing even though we had been standing in line for ten minutes. I don't understand when it became the norm to just accept rude and selfish behavior, but I wish more people would speak up a little more. Although, I can completely understand why they don't. I'm still cringing and blushing just typing this out when I think about the line incident. I know the woman was in the wrong, but I still feel dumb for pointing it out because everyone else stayed quiet. You were completely in the right. But I know, at least in some places I have lived, people may fear speaking up, because you never know what will incite someone to violence. I've lived in places where "looking at someone wrong" could get you jumped or stabbed. You learn to keep your head down and not make a fuss when you know that the offending person can potentially be a thug.
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