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Post by debmast on Oct 20, 2016 18:09:01 GMT
That is what I told my daughter yesterday. But then after talking to her today... I'm not so sure. But Mary has caused so much upset to HER daughter that she had to go to the office. The OP's first priority is to her own child. I would not want my child hanging with someone doing drugs and she knows that she is. That is not her child's responsibility to handle. Her daughter needs to be concentrating on her education. The OP needs to be concentrating on what's best for her own child. But you still don't completely ignore what's going on with Mary and pretend you don't know it's happening. Good Lord it's a Jr High kid you think may be using drugs. Yes, don't send your child off to skip class and smoke pot with Mary & the gang, but I don't think she completely writes Mary off. Keep in mind that the actions TODAY by Mary were the result of the two moms, not what actually is going on with the two girls. She said Mary is her daughter's "BFF" and has been for a couple years. Mary is obviously struggling with a lot of things. Try to help her. I never saw that she actually "KNOWS" Mary is smoking pot, but rather her DD thinks Mary is being pressured by others to try it. Mary is eating in the bathroom alone (or she's eating with the DD - one place it says one thing, one it says another). Mary, to me, is having a hell of a time right now. So let's remove her best friend completely from her life? |
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IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Oct 20, 2016 18:21:54 GMT
Mary's Mom is blaming the principal of the school, because she feels like she manipulated the classes so that Mary and principal's daughter are not in any classes together, forcing Mary to make other friends... Oh, good grief. Mary's mom isn't willing to take any accountability for her parenting. It's not the principal's fault that Mary's DD's friend picker is broken. If the principal did manipulate the schedule to keep Mary away from her own daughter, I'm going to guess the issues with Mary have been going on for a lot longer than Mary's mom is willing to see and admit to. |
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,663
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Oct 20, 2016 18:26:42 GMT
But Mary has caused so much upset to HER daughter that she had to go to the office. The OP's first priority is to her own child. I would not want my child hanging with someone doing drugs and she knows that she is. That is not her child's responsibility to handle. Her daughter needs to be concentrating on her education. The OP needs to be concentrating on what's best for her own child. But you still don't completely ignore what's going on with Mary and pretend you don't know it's happening. Good Lord it's a Jr High kid you think may be using drugs. Yes, don't send your child off to skip class and smoke pot with Mary & the gang, but I don't think she completely writes Mary off. Keep in mind that the actions TODAY by Mary were the result of the two moms, not what actually is going on with the two girls. She said Mary is her daughter's "BFF" and has been for a couple years. Mary is obviously struggling with a lot of things. Try to help her. I never saw that she actually "KNOWS" Mary is smoking pot, but rather her DD thinks Mary is being pressured by others to try it. Mary is eating in the bathroom alone (or she's eating with the DD - one place it says one thing, one it says another). Mary, to me, is having a hell of a time right now. So let's remove her best friend completely from her life? I agree with the others that have suggested OP's DD go to the counselor. Mary's mother knows. Other than that what can OP's DD do? OP's DD is already suffering consequences of Mary's actions. She was afraid to go to class. If Mary is doing Drugs it is beyond something that OP's DD can or should have to handle. (IMO) I don't know about "Completely from her life" but definitely distance herself. |
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Post by peasapie on Oct 20, 2016 19:20:47 GMT
I can see how you were drawn in initially. Of course you never expected it to go this far. That's a good lesson to share with your daughter at this point. You both tried to help, but Mary is making some poor decisions that are beyond your control or your daughters. I agree with, start branching out and making new friends, and let Mary sort this out.
About your friendship with mom, I found that this works when the kids are little but not so much when they are in high school. Kids need to be free to form new relationships as they grow and develop, and your friendship with mom will interfere with that. You might want to consider branching out and making new friends, too. (said gently)
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 20, 2016 19:21:03 GMT
So just to clarify.
Mary and the other girls have gone to the counselor. How much has been shared with the counselor I don't know.
My DD said she was going to go to the counselor.
I know Mary's mom has been in touch with the counselor as well.
Mary has always been a drama queen... but using drugs or contemplating using them( which I think is where she is at) seems out of character.
I am going to encourage my daughter to stand up and advocate for her self with Mary, but also to ask for help when she needs it.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 20, 2016 19:23:01 GMT
I can see how you were drawn in initially. Of course you never expected it to go this far. That's a good lesson to share with your daughter at this point. You both tried to help, but Mary is making some poor decisions that are beyond your control or your daughters. I agree with, start branching out and making new friends, and let Mary sort this out. About your friendship with mom, I found that this works when the kids are little but not so much when they are in high school. Kids need to be free to form new relationships as they grow and develop, and your friendship with mom will interfere with that. You might want to consider branching out and making new friends, too. (said gently) Pretty much what I have been saying to myself! The girls will probably go to different high schools so that will naturally sort it self out, for both Mary and my DD and me and the Mom. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 7:19:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 20, 2016 19:31:11 GMT
I think most middle school drama (and let's be honest middle school is known for drama) is only made worse by parental involvement. When your DD comes to you for help that doesn't mean you should get involved by making phone calls, etc. It means you should just sit down with her, listen to her, and maybe help *her* work out what *she* should do. But kiddie drama is never going to be helped by mama drama. I appreciate that and I agree. But what about when my friend asks me? If it were me, I'd tell her that I have made a commitment to stay out of the kid drama, and that friend needs to talk to her child. If she has worries about her kids, she needs to be communicating with them and not the mom network. I hope it's already obvious that I'm not talking about issues of personal safety, illegal things, etc., but JIC here's my disclaimer. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 7:19:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 20, 2016 19:52:24 GMT
Mary's Mom is blaming the principal of the school, because she feels like she manipulated the classes so that Mary and principal's daughter are not in any classes together, forcing Mary to make other friends... To me, this is a red flag. It's starting to sound like Mary-and her mom-are very much into drama. I think distancing yourself from that Mom might be a good idea. I'm sorry-I know it's hard when people that you think are true friends let you down-btdt. I hope things improve for you DD quickly-it's tough to see our kids struggling with these kinds of issues. |
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Post by Zee on Oct 20, 2016 20:00:26 GMT
What should you do at this point? Basically what you should have done in the beginning - stay out of it. That is not really helpful. Should I not try and help my daughter when she is asking me? What about when a friend calls upset asking for help with their daughter? How do you just say NO I will not help ? In hindsight I should have not shared what my daughter said with Mary's Mom. But I did so with my daughter's consent and at Mary's Moms request. Now both moms have put your DD right in the middle of it. Not fair to her. Let Mary and Mary's mom work it out and tell Mary's mom to leave your DD out of it. And let Kelly and Bobby and Polly worry about Kelly and Bobby and Polly rather than enmeshing yourselves in all this teenage drama and hearsay. |
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 20, 2016 22:25:24 GMT
If the principal doesn't want her own daughter around Mary, maybe there is more than you know going on with Mary (again, maybe). I would flat out tell Mary's mom you cannot share any more information since it did get back to Mary. You need to step out. Tell your daughter to be as kind as possible, but to stay out of it ALL. In junior high, the adages of "birds of a feather flock together" and you are judged by the company you keep" could not be more true. Teach your daughter now (or reinforce) how to pick good friends. In high school, having good friends can mean the difference between loving and hating school.
I raised two boys and never had a parent (or teacher) call me about anything like this. My boys were social, but they have always stayed away from drama (just their personalities). Teach you daughter to do the same.
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