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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 28, 2016 15:04:44 GMT
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Post by mollycoddle on Dec 28, 2016 15:27:20 GMT
TFS!
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Post by Really Red on Dec 28, 2016 15:36:03 GMT
That was extremely powerful. Extremely. I have heard many of those statements and to say they are like water torture is a great comparison. It's the subtle, constant remarks, many of them by women (!!) that are awful. I often hear men say things at work that women would be reamed for.
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Post by momstime on Dec 28, 2016 15:41:29 GMT
Some of those things upset me, but I could honestly create a video just like it on things said to men.
"You are supposed to be the bread winner!"
"Why are you so skinny? Don't you work out?"
"Drinking a lot of beer I see (pats his belly)"
"You're a stay at home dad? How's that working for ya?"
"Big hands big..."
"He has short man syndrome"
on and on...bottom line, let's all be nicer to one another...and if not, then let's all try not to be so sensitive.
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,588 
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Post by casii on Dec 28, 2016 16:05:22 GMT
All it takes is 2 minutes to boil it down, doesn't it? There are some that were left out, but the message is strong. As women we've even been conditioned to repeat a lot of it because we are culturally expected to be pleasing in personalty and appearance as well as non confrontational.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,970
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Post by AnotherPea on Dec 28, 2016 16:11:45 GMT
I totally agree with momstime There are all kinds of sexist remarks made to men as well. And some of the ones in the video are said to men. |
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Post by oliquig on Dec 28, 2016 16:15:18 GMT
Some of those things upset me, but I could honestly create a video just like it on things said to men. "You are supposed to be the bread winner!" "Why are you so skinny? Don't you work out?" "Drinking a lot of beer I see (pats his belly)" "You're a stay at home dad? How's that working for ya?" "Big hands big..." "He has short man syndrome" on and on...bottom line, let's all be nicer to one another...and if not, then let's all try not to be so sensitive. Have you actually ever said any of that to a man? These are common things that women hear ALL THE TIME. I choose not to wear makeup, I don't like the way it feels on my face, I break it if I wear it several days in a row, and it's just not me. I can't tell you how many times people (both men and women) have made comments about "trying" so I could get a boyfriend. Crazy. |
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 28, 2016 16:15:50 GMT
Yes, I definitely feel super bad for all the discrimination men face.
Wait... no, I don't.
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 28, 2016 16:20:41 GMT
Some of those things upset me, but I could honestly create a video just like it on things said to men. "You are supposed to be the bread winner!" "Why are you so skinny? Don't you work out?" "Drinking a lot of beer I see (pats his belly)" "You're a stay at home dad? How's that working for ya?" "Big hands big..." "He has short man syndrome" on and on...bottom line, let's all be nicer to one another...and if not, then let's all try not to be so sensitive. I appreciate your attempt to bring intersectionality into the discussion, but you lost me at "try not to be so sensitive." Because, let's try to be MORE sensitive and MORE thoughtful about how we speak to women and especially young girls. It's important. It has impact. |
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,970
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Post by AnotherPea on Dec 28, 2016 16:24:00 GMT
My dh got a lot of Mr Mom comments when he was a SAHD. My brother got a lot of "are you eating for two, too?" comments when he expanded some during his wife's pregnancy. My father got WAY more "napoleon complex" comments when he got assertive than I even have had "bitchy" or "time of the month" comments when I did. And I find it sad, SockMonkey, that you aren't able to sympathize with someone outside of your own demographic. |
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 28, 2016 16:25:55 GMT
My dh got a lot of Mr Mom comments when he was a SAHD. My brother got a lot of "are you eating for two, too?" comments when he expanded some during his wife's pregnancy. My father got WAY more "napoleon complex" comments when he got assertive than I even have had "bitchy" or "time of the month" comments when I did. And I find it sad, SockMonkey , that you aren't able to sympathize with someone outside of your own demographic. Thanks for being sad for me, but I'm good. |
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,652
Location: The Grand Canyon
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Dec 28, 2016 16:44:17 GMT
That's a good video - watching it I thought of how many of those things I've heard or friends have heard in just the past few weeks alone. And it's not just men saying those things. I was on the subway in NYC with my daughter and her friend last month and another woman made a comment to me about my daughter's friend's eyebrows (these girls are nine!). Unfortunately, the friend heard and was upset. I wanted to give the woman a piece of my mind, but didn't want to bring more attention to it. But seriously?!
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,415
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 28, 2016 16:47:58 GMT
Some of those things upset me, but I could honestly create a video just like it on things said to men. "You are supposed to be the bread winner!" "Why are you so skinny? Don't you work out?" "Drinking a lot of beer I see (pats his belly)" "You're a stay at home dad? How's that working for ya?" "Big hands big..." "He has short man syndrome" on and on...bottom line, let's all be nicer to one another...and if not, then let's all try not to be so sensitive. The problem with this reasoning is that men seldom say these things to each other but women do. We have bought into this sexist rhetoric. |
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Dec 28, 2016 16:57:07 GMT
Some of those things upset me, but I could honestly create a video just like it on things said to men. "You are supposed to be the bread winner!" "Why are you so skinny? Don't you work out?" "Drinking a lot of beer I see (pats his belly)" "You're a stay at home dad? How's that working for ya?" "Big hands big..." "He has short man syndrome" on and on...bottom line, let's all be nicer to one another...and if not, then let's all try not to be so sensitive. The problem with this reasoning is that men seldom say these things to each other but women do. We have bought into this sexist rhetoric. I think I would have to disagree with you there. In my experience, men are more likely to hear those from other men than from women.
In the end, though, it goes back to the idea of women being seen as lesser. Men making less than women, men who are less muscular, men who stay home and look after the kids, men who are smaller in stature, men who are more sensitive, are mocked because they are seen as having stereotypically female traits and female is inferior.
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Post by refugeepea on Dec 28, 2016 16:58:56 GMT
I choose not to wear makeup, I don't like the way it feels on my face, I break it if I wear it several days in a row, and it's just not me. I can't tell you how many times people (both men and women) have made comments about "trying" so I could get a boyfriend. Yes! Women need to stop it as well. It is none of their business why other women don't wear makeup. Can you imagine if you told a man, can I give you a free make over? Something a Mary Kay rep told me when I was working at a fast food restaurant in high school. I had never met the woman. This was said to me by a male high school teacher. Why don't you try to do a little something with yourself and put on some makeup. I was humiliated and disgusted by both. It's not like I smelled, wore dirty clothes, and didn't do my hair. I simply didn't do what was expected. Obviously, there's something wrong with a woman who doesn't want to wear makeup everyday of her life. How will she ever get a man? She is obviously ugly in her natural state. Why didn't he do a little something about himself? |
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Post by dulcemama on Dec 28, 2016 18:44:34 GMT
I think I would have to disagree with you there. In my experience, men are more likely to hear those from other men than from women.
In the end, though, it goes back to the idea of women being seen as lesser. Men making less than women, men who are less muscular, men who stay home and look after the kids, men who are smaller in stature, men who are more sensitive, are mocked because they are seen as having stereotypically female traits and female is inferior.
This is it exactly! |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Dec 28, 2016 21:25:09 GMT
Yes, I definitely feel super bad for all the discrimination men face. Wait... no, I don't.  |
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Post by KB on Dec 28, 2016 22:38:14 GMT
I forwarded that to a few people, thanks for sharing!
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:15:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2016 22:50:28 GMT
Being told to smile almost makes me levitate with ire.  Fortunately, I am becoming the invisible age, and almost no one has the brass to say this to me anymore. Anyway, I *am* smiling, jerks! Two things though, that caught my attention: I wonder if women are asked if they will work after a baby because we are now in the happy position of sometimes having a choice. That seems like good news to me. Second, people gave me a rash of shit because I *did* change my name when I married - my fellow female scientists were openly appalled (What about your publications? Yeah, what about them.), but very few people didn't comment with surprise. I think it's funny, and it didn't offend me, but that judgement by strangers goes both directions now - whatever you choose, you *might* be a bad feminist according to however your audience defines feminism. Thanks for sharing the video. - edited for crimes against grammar |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 28, 2016 22:55:24 GMT
The problem with this reasoning is that men seldom say these things to each other but women do. We have bought into this sexist rhetoric. I think I would have to disagree with you there. In my experience, men are more likely to hear those from other men than from women.
In the end, though, it goes back to the idea of women being seen as lesser. Men making less than women, men who are less muscular, men who stay home and look after the kids, men who are smaller in stature, men who are more sensitive, are mocked because they are seen as having stereotypically female traits and female is inferior.
I agree. While I believe that men can be subject to this reading/bullying/degrading, I think it's more likely done at the hand if other men doing it. The big difference is that these things said to women/girls is to determine their worth (or lack thereof) drive their self esteem down, and "determine" their value. |
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Post by Really Red on Dec 28, 2016 23:35:07 GMT
My dh got a lot of Mr Mom comments when he was a SAHD. My brother got a lot of "are you eating for two, too?" comments when he expanded some during his wife's pregnancy. My father got WAY more "napoleon complex" comments when he got assertive than I even have had "bitchy" or "time of the month" comments when I did. And I find it sad, SockMonkey , that you aren't able to sympathize with someone outside of your own demographic. you know what? Yes, AnotherPea there are men who get these comments. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be a SAHD. Those comments suck. But SockMonkey showed us a video that nearly every single woman can relate to. I'm sure there are women who either don't hear these comments or didn't get them, but I'm a pretty highly educated white woman working in a scientific field and I encountered a lot of those comments. Now that I live down south? Holy moly, if I even dare to speak up at a meeting, I'm "overstepping." Do you want to know how I overstepped? My job is to point out the problems. The VP said she wanted to do something one way. She was new to our area and out of her comfort zone. I said "Normally, we handle it like x and y." She said, "I think this time I want it like z." I said "sure." And my manager was horrified. I got a lengthy scolding email never to contradict the VP. I could go on and on, but it is hundreds of these things throughout a lifetime. Probably just like your DH got. Only ours is to every single woman, not just those who choose less-than-usual paths in life. It sucks. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:15:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2016 23:58:02 GMT
My dh got a lot of Mr Mom comments when he was a SAHD. My brother got a lot of "are you eating for two, too?" comments when he expanded some during his wife's pregnancy. My father got WAY more "napoleon complex" comments when he got assertive than I even have had "bitchy" or "time of the month" comments when I did. And I find it sad, SockMonkey , that you aren't able to sympathize with someone outside of your own demographic. you know what? Yes, AnotherPea there are men who get these comments. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be a SAHD. Those comments suck. But SockMonkey showed us a video that nearly every single woman can relate to. I'm sure there are women who either don't hear these comments or didn't get them, but I'm a pretty highly educated white woman working in a scientific field and I encountered a lot of those comments. Now that I live down south? Holy moly, if I even dare to speak up at a meeting, I'm "overstepping." Do you want to know how I overstepped? My job is to point out the problems. The VP said she wanted to do something one way. She was new to our area and out of her comfort zone. I said "Normally, we handle it like x and y." She said, "I think this time I want it like z." I said "sure." And my manager was horrified. I got a lengthy scolding email never to contradict the VP. I could go on and on, but it is hundreds of these things throughout a lifetime. Probably just like your DH got. Only ours is to every single woman, not just those who choose less-than-usual paths in life. It sucks. Exactly!!! It's not about ALL women get these comments and NO men get these comments. It's about PROPORTIONS. What proportion of women get these comments, vs. what proportion of men get these comments (or their equivalent for men). I hate that people immediately jump to "oh, but men too...." Yes. But what are the proportions?! ETA: There IS a men's version: And as one poster above mentioned, it's mostly about how NOT to be like a girl/woman. |
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 29, 2016 1:23:59 GMT
I hate that people immediately jump to "oh, but men too...." Yes. YES. Why are we bringing up MEN on a thread about women, again? Oh, right. Because it's 2016 and we still can't discuss what's good for women without bringing men into the picture. I mean, I guess that kind of just illustrates part of the problem. |
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Dec 29, 2016 1:32:45 GMT
I hate that people immediately jump to "oh, but men too...." Yes. YES. Why are we bringing up MEN on a thread about women, again? Oh, right. Because it's 2016 and we still can't discuss what's good for women without bringing men into the picture. I mean, I guess that kind of just illustrates part of the problem. A 2peas Bechdel test - failed. |
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,970
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Post by AnotherPea on Dec 29, 2016 1:36:48 GMT
I hate that people immediately jump to "oh, but men too...." Yes. YES. Why are we bringing up MEN on a thread about women, again? Oh, right. Because it's 2016 and we still can't discuss what's good for women without bringing men into the picture. I mean, I guess that kind of just illustrates part of the problem. No. NO. We're bringing it up because the very video you chose to share specifically states that MEN NEVER HEAR THIS STUFF. And because you, yourself, asked when men would ever hear it. You asked, we answered. THAT is why we brought it up. |
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Post by anxiousmom on Dec 29, 2016 1:37:19 GMT
Wanna know the comment that most resonated with me? The "isn't that outfit a little young for you?" comment. We have similar conversations around here. Are these shoes to young for me? Am I too old to wear xyz? Can I wear this kind of make up/jeans/tops/whatever? And while the majority of responses are along the lines of 'if you like, go for it' there are ALWAYS comments to the contrary-the ones that say 'well, that style is more for a younger person, but there is this that is similar and more age appropriate.' It seems that these sentiments come from other women way more than they do from men. I am now 50. I am squarely in the 'is this too young for me' stage of my life. I do tend to wear what I want, but I do worry that there is some random pea-like person looking at me thinking 'she really needs to dress more her age.' I am not the most secure person about my looks to begin with and I do find myself putting things back on the racks because I second guess whether or not I should be wearing it. /rant (  ) |
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 29, 2016 1:54:55 GMT
Yes. YES. Why are we bringing up MEN on a thread about women, again? Oh, right. Because it's 2016 and we still can't discuss what's good for women without bringing men into the picture. I mean, I guess that kind of just illustrates part of the problem. No. NO. We're bringing it up because the very video you chose to share specifically states that MEN NEVER HEAR THIS STUFF. And because you, yourself, asked when men would ever hear it. You asked, we answered. THAT is why we brought it up. They're so lucky to have you in their corner, fightin for their rights and against the constant discrimination they face. |
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 29, 2016 1:55:54 GMT
Wanna know the comment that most resonated with me? The "isn't that outfit a little young for you?" comment. We have similar conversations around here. Are these shoes to young for me? Am I too old to wear xyz? Can I wear this kind of make up/jeans/tops/whatever? And while the majority of responses are along the lines of 'if you like, go for it' there are ALWAYS comments to the contrary-the ones that say 'well, that style is more for a younger person, but there is this that is similar and more age appropriate.' It seems that these sentiments come from other women way more than they do from men. I am now 50. I am squarely in the 'is this too young for me' stage of my life. I do tend to wear what I want, but I do worry that there is some random pea-like person looking at me thinking 'she really needs to dress more her age.' I am not the most secure person about my looks to begin with and I do find myself putting things back on the racks because I second guess whether or not I should be wearing it. /rant ( ) Next time you find something you like, remember this and tell yourself you aren't going to give a shit if someone thinks it's "too young!" |
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Post by lucyg on Dec 29, 2016 4:02:28 GMT
Why do conservatives put so much energy into trying to "prove" but men are discriminated against, too? In other threads, it would be white people, straight people, Christians, etc.
Why is it so hard to admit that yes, some kinds of people tend to be treated as "less than" and other kinds of people have trouble seeing it/accepting it/admitting it/working to resolve it?
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Post by KB on Dec 29, 2016 4:41:20 GMT
This New Year, my only wish is that I grow the nerve to stand up for myself.
I admit that I am scared
Anybody else feel that way?
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Fortunately, I am becoming the invisible age, and almost no one has the brass to say this to me anymore. Anyway, I *am* smiling, jerks!
)
