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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2017 13:33:07 GMT
I had posted several days ago about my DD receiving her Ancestry DNA results. One of the hints we were hoping to find out was concerning my grandfather. After several helpful peas responded and explained more about the test and how it all works, I understand better and have put that case on the back burner for now.
In other news with her test, she was matched to a second cousin. After a lot of snooping around online with what little knowledge I have and with the little information this "second cousin" shared, my daughter and I were able to find out this woman is the cousin of my biological father. We found out all sorts of things about him, including seeing many pictures of him!!! It has been a difficult yet interesting week.
The truth is, my daughter was not looking for specific PEOPLE, she was just curious about PLACES and where her ancestors may have been in history. So now that I have this information, I feel so curious to find out more. I do not want to tell this matched cousin who we are and how we are related (she has begged and even bullied my daughter for more information) and do not want whatever may come if she were to figure it out, contact our biological father..etc...etc... I just do not have room in my life for any drama right now. I live pretty close to him and do not want this man knocking on my door.
So my question is: If I were to buy a subscription on Ancestry, would I be able to snoop around more WITHOUT people knowing. Could I work on a family tree and keep it PRIVATE?? I know they use family trees to help people find each other's leaves and all that.... I would like to know, before I purchase a subscription, if I would be able to keep my tree hidden.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2017 13:59:02 GMT
I'm not entirely positive, so I'm hoping someone else will chime in. There is a link that for me, is hard to find. But it will take you to all others also searching a particular family member. Sometimes, it's just the name and may not even be the person you are seeking. But if you have pinned your bio dad to your tree, your tree might come up in a search.
I think you can make your trees private, but not sure if that will also exclude your tree being shown when someone clicks on that link.
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Post by melanell on Apr 11, 2017 14:00:22 GMT
You can keep your tree private. Plus, all living people on trees are always kept hidden. AND you do not even need a subscription to have a free, private tree on Ancestry.
Here is the wording on the Privacy Settings page at Ancestry:
So if you want to make sure nothing is seen, you need to click the box that removes your tree from any search results as well. Since that takes time, you may want to mark everyone in your tree as "living" so they will be hidden, or just create a tree with only your name until the month goes by.
I belong to a few DNA Genealogy type groups on FB, and the biggest gripe they all seem to share is that people upload their DNA results but have private trees, because then they can't figure out how they are linked. So it's fairly common for people to keep their trees from being seen, even by people who share DNA with them.
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Post by Sparki on Apr 11, 2017 14:35:37 GMT
You can absolutely keep your tree private.
I will say this - she is very likely to figure it out. However, if this is a second cousin, then bio-father is only first cousin once removed. Likely not critical for her search. In fact, you could probably provide any info that she is looking for without her needing to talk to bio dad.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Apr 11, 2017 14:44:42 GMT
This is one of the reasons that I do not use my real name as my account name. I use the front part of my email address which is my initials with a couple of extra letters. In the trees, my real identity is hidden because I'm still living (obviously!). If someone contacts me and I decide I want to continue contact, only then do I give them my name. melanell - I have a quick question. Someone recently messaged me on Ancestry asking if I had a GED match #. I haven't gone past looking at possible matches and DNA circles on Ancestry. What is this number and what do I give up in terms of privacy if I get one and share it? Thanks! |
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 11, 2017 14:52:07 GMT
I have a very public tree with lots of people in it - almost 13000. I add anyone who links to anyone on my tree. I hope that all my genealogical work benefits others who are searching. You can search for anyone you want and they have no way of knowing.
Many people have trees that are locked down tight. Everyone who is shown as living is pretty much blocked unless the record is a public record. sometimes I change a living person to deceased to see what pops up. Then I change it back.
If you don't want to share you don't have to share. Most of the people I contacted who popped up second cousins to me have no tree and have not responded to my inquiry. I am not going to 'bully them.' most people who do genealogy think that people are eager to share but I have found people hold onto their family like it is a secret to the entire universe for all kinds of reasons. Don't get sensitive about it. If you don't want to respond then don't.
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Post by disneypal on Apr 11, 2017 15:32:09 GMT
Could I work on a family tree and keep it PRIVATE?? Yes - you can keep your tree private and when you view others, they do not know you have viewed information. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2017 15:40:03 GMT
You can absolutely keep your tree private. I will say this - she is very likely to figure it out. However, if this is a second cousin, then bio-father is only first cousin once removed. Likely not critical for her search. In fact, you could probably provide any info that she is looking for without her needing to talk to bio dad. We were actually able to find a couple obituaries online that listed relatives. She is the first cousin of my bio father. Ancestry has her as "second or third cousin-extremely likely" to my daughter. I think she wants to know just because she is curious. She carried on a conversation with my daughter where my daughter did not give up information. She bullied my daughter by saying she was a user for not giving up what she knows. She said my daughter was not telling the truth when my daughter told her we figured out the relation and were sorry we could not tell her. She even begged my daughter after my daughter explained it was an ugly and scandalous event back in the day. She went on and on about how she does not have much family and deserves to know how we are related. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2017 15:42:30 GMT
Thank you so very much for all of your detailed and helpful information!!!
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 11, 2017 16:29:20 GMT
You can absolutely keep your tree private. I will say this - she is very likely to figure it out. However, if this is a second cousin, then bio-father is only first cousin once removed. Likely not critical for her search. In fact, you could probably provide any info that she is looking for without her needing to talk to bio dad. We were actually able to find a couple obituaries online that listed relatives. She is the first cousin of my bio father. Ancestry has her as "second or third cousin-extremely likely" to my daughter. I think she wants to know just because she is curious. She carried on a conversation with my daughter where my daughter did not give up information. She bullied my daughter by saying she was a user for not giving up what she knows. She said my daughter was not telling the truth when my daughter told her we figured out the relation and were sorry we could not tell her. She even begged my daughter after my daughter explained it was an ugly and scandalous event back in the day. She went on and on about how she does not have much family and deserves to know how we are related. Sorry If I missed something but do you know this person in real life, or were they harassing your daughter via the Ancestry website. Either way bizarre behavior. |
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 11, 2017 16:56:30 GMT
You can absolutely keep your tree private. I will say this - she is very likely to figure it out. However, if this is a second cousin, then bio-father is only first cousin once removed. Likely not critical for her search. In fact, you could probably provide any info that she is looking for without her needing to talk to bio dad. We were actually able to find a couple obituaries online that listed relatives. She is the first cousin of my bio father. Ancestry has her as "second or third cousin-extremely likely" to my daughter. I think she wants to know just because she is curious. She carried on a conversation with my daughter where my daughter did not give up information. She bullied my daughter by saying she was a user for not giving up what she knows. She said my daughter was not telling the truth when my daughter told her we figured out the relation and were sorry we could not tell her. She even begged my daughter after my daughter explained it was an ugly and scandalous event back in the day. She went on and on about how she does not have much family and deserves to know how we are related. Sorry this happened - I guess it's one of the downsides of finding your roots so to speak. I have not been able to figure out how some people are second cousins to me even when they are identified as such, especially females because I don't know yet who married who so tracking to our common ancestor is not easy. She would be second cousin to your daughter and it seems easy enough to figure out for both of you but if you didn't know your bio father at all, just saying, your daughter could just say "We haven't figured out the connection yet." But she already gave up info about a scandal and all that so if I was the other lady I would by dying to know! |
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Post by melanell on Apr 11, 2017 17:18:24 GMT
melanell - I have a quick question. Someone recently messaged me on Ancestry asking if I had a GED match #. I haven't gone past looking at possible matches and DNA circles on Ancestry. What is this number and what do I give up in terms of privacy if I get one and share it? Thanks! GED Match is actually another site. You can upload your results from Ancestry to GED Match's site if you wish. I have not done my DNA yet and so I haven't dealt with that site at all, but as I understand it, one can get more information with their ancestry DNA results if they upload it there. So unfortunately I don't really know anything about the privacy situation with sharing that number yet. I'm hoping to do my DNA sometime this summer, so I'll be searching for these same answers soon. I'm sorry I don't have the info available to help you now, though. Save |
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Post by melanell on Apr 11, 2017 17:22:15 GMT
You can absolutely keep your tree private. I will say this - she is very likely to figure it out. However, if this is a second cousin, then bio-father is only first cousin once removed. Likely not critical for her search. In fact, you could probably provide any info that she is looking for without her needing to talk to bio dad. We were actually able to find a couple obituaries online that listed relatives. She is the first cousin of my bio father. Ancestry has her as "second or third cousin-extremely likely" to my daughter. I think she wants to know just because she is curious. She carried on a conversation with my daughter where my daughter did not give up information. She bullied my daughter by saying she was a user for not giving up what she knows. She said my daughter was not telling the truth when my daughter told her we figured out the relation and were sorry we could not tell her. She even begged my daughter after my daughter explained it was an ugly and scandalous event back in the day. She went on and on about how she does not have much family and deserves to know how we are related. Yeah, I wouldn't be looking to get in contact with her, either. I've contacted people and people have contacted me, but none of us have ever gone on like this. It always surprises me that people don't seem to get how that kind of an approach will likely send others running.  Save |
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Post by melanell on Apr 11, 2017 17:27:22 GMT
Just wanted to add that I am another who does not use my actual name in my tree name. I do use my kids' initials as in "L&K's Tree" (because I actually have my tree and DH's tree put together as one big tree---therefore making it the complete tree of each of my kids). I feel that's fine, given how private I keep the tree. You can change your tree name endlessly if you want, so if I decide to make it public someday, I can always change it as not to give any info at all about my kids. You know, something like "The Kids' Tree".  |
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Post by femalebusiness on Apr 11, 2017 17:30:41 GMT
You dodged a bullet. I've met several people through genealogy that I had to just cut off. Be careful giving her any info. I have had my research copied and pasted into wrong trees and completely distorted, one person took my dad and claimed he was married to someone other than my mother and had other children. I sent proof that the guy had the wrong person and he blew up at me for providing proof he was wrong.
Those Ancestry trees can be helpful but I really loathe them as most times they are just copied from someone else's bad info.There are people who collect names and then there are genealogists who research. I have met two relatives who I never would have known existed, through genealogy. They have truly become family.
My point is don't let anyone bully you into communicating with them. No one is entitled to your research or family history.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2017 17:47:40 GMT
Just wanted to add that I am another who does not use my actual name in my tree name. I do use my kids' initials as in "L&K's Tree" (because I actually have my tree and DH's tree put together as one big tree---therefore making it the complete tree of each of my kids). I feel that's fine, given how private I keep the tree. You can change your tree name endlessly if you want, so if I decide to make it public someday, I can always change it as not to give any info at all about my kids. You know, something like "The Kids' Tree". Oh! Thanks for this information! I had my tree named as my complete name with maiden name besides! Just went and renamed it! |
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Post by melanell on Apr 11, 2017 18:38:51 GMT
**GypsyGirl** If you are interested, I see that there is a GEDMatch.com discussion group on Facebook that may have answers for your privacy question. It's a closed group, so you can't see any posts unless you actually join. But I figured I'd post the link just in case. GED Match Group on FB
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2017 20:05:31 GMT
So my question is: If I were to buy a subscription on Ancestry, would I be able to snoop around more WITHOUT people knowing. Could I work on a family tree and keep it PRIVATE?? I know they use family trees to help people find each other's leaves and all that.... I would like to know, before I purchase a subscription, if I would be able to keep my tree hidden. Yes, you can keep your tree hidden and still work on it using public trees and public documents. I have a partial tree as public but I can't tell when or who views it. Tips: use an email address specifically for this (I set up a yahoo) that does not include your name. When you set up your ancestry account don't use your name and give your tree a generic name (My tree, Maternal Tree, Paternal Tree or such) You can change those things to your actual name later if you want. |
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 11, 2017 20:59:04 GMT
I do use my real name and I try to fix my tree whenever someone sends me info. I too get very frustrated when people keep reposting bad info but the best I can do is keep my tree as correct as possible.
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Post by leftturnonly on Apr 22, 2017 10:41:02 GMT
You can absolutely keep your tree private. I will say this - she is very likely to figure it out. However, if this is a second cousin, then bio-father is only first cousin once removed. Likely not critical for her search. In fact, you could probably provide any info that she is looking for without her needing to talk to bio dad. We were actually able to find a couple obituaries online that listed relatives. She is the first cousin of my bio father. Ancestry has her as "second or third cousin-extremely likely" to my daughter. I think she wants to know just because she is curious. She carried on a conversation with my daughter where my daughter did not give up information. She bullied my daughter by saying she was a user for not giving up what she knows. She said my daughter was not telling the truth when my daughter told her we figured out the relation and were sorry we could not tell her. She even begged my daughter after my daughter explained it was an ugly and scandalous event back in the day. She went on and on about how she does not have much family and deserves to know how we are related. Just in case... You father and his first cousin share a grandparent or two. (Probably 2.) This cousin is your first cousin once removed. This cousin is your dd's first cousin twice removed. The designations 2nd cousin, 3rd cousin, etc. are generalized. If you go to your match's page, you will see an i in a circle right next to the confidence level just under the Predicted relationship. If you click on that i, it will tell you how many cm and how many segments of DNA you share with that match. You can check a table like this to see what the most probable relationship might be. ***NOTE - this is just the best probability. Depending on how much similar DNA you both inherited, you may share more or less DNA than expected for your actual relationship.  I have an enormous working tree that I have locked down as private and unsearchable. I have a very thin public tree that I have attached DNA results to to get the most out of Ancestry's matching abilities. If you keep your DNA attached to a private tree, you'll miss out on a great deal of the computers' benefits. You can decide at what generation you will mark people as dead (and therefore viewable) and which you mark as alive (and therefore private and not viewable). Or.... you can use Bio Dad, Bio Grandfather, etc instead of their actual names for a couple of generations if that helps keep you more private. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2017 11:22:35 GMT
We were actually able to find a couple obituaries online that listed relatives. She is the first cousin of my bio father. Ancestry has her as "second or third cousin-extremely likely" to my daughter. I think she wants to know just because she is curious. She carried on a conversation with my daughter where my daughter did not give up information. She bullied my daughter by saying she was a user for not giving up what she knows. She said my daughter was not telling the truth when my daughter told her we figured out the relation and were sorry we could not tell her. She even begged my daughter after my daughter explained it was an ugly and scandalous event back in the day. She went on and on about how she does not have much family and deserves to know how we are related. Just in case... You father and his first cousin share a grandparent or two. (Probably 2.) This cousin is your first cousin once removed. This cousin is your dd's first cousin twice removed. The designations 2nd cousin, 3rd cousin, etc. are generalized. If you go to your match's page, you will see an i in a circle right next to the confidence level just under the Predicted relationship. If you click on that i, it will tell you how many cm and how many segments of DNA you share with that match. You can check a table like this to see what the most probable relationship might be. ***NOTE - this is just the best probability. Depending on how much similar DNA you both inherited, you may share more or less DNA than expected for your actual relationship. I have an enormous working tree that I have locked down as private and unsearchable. I have a very thin public tree that I have attached DNA results to to get the most out of Ancestry's matching abilities. If you keep your DNA attached to a private tree, you'll miss out on a great deal of the computers' benefits. You can decide at what generation you will mark people as dead (and therefore viewable) and which you mark as alive (and therefore private and not viewable). Or.... you can use Bio Dad, Bio Grandfather, etc instead of their actual names for a couple of generations if that helps keep you more private. Thank you for taking the time to help me understand this. This has been very helpful!!! |
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Post by melanell on Apr 23, 2017 12:54:27 GMT
I have an enormous working tree that I have locked down as private and unsearchable. I have a very thin public tree that I have attached DNA results to to get the most out of Ancestry's matching abilities. If you keep your DNA attached to a private tree, you'll miss out on a great deal of the computers' benefits. You can decide at what generation you will mark people as dead (and therefore viewable) and which you mark as alive (and therefore private and not viewable). Or.... you can use Bio Dad, Bio Grandfather, etc instead of their actual names for a couple of generations if that helps keep you more private. These are great ideas. Save |
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