|
Post by SunnySmile on May 14, 2017 6:34:22 GMT
You sound full of complaints, to be honest. Maybe your attitude about it all shows through and that's why she's going to spend all day with MIL, idk. Reflect on your attitude for a minute. Language like "slap in the face" and going on about her pizza with friends, they don't write long heartfelt letters, using your ingredients (who cares? She has to buy all new eggs and bread or whatever for it to count?), the time isn't right, whatever. Maybe you're right and your kids are jerks, but I've read enough threads here over the years to know some moms push their kids away without realizing the part they play in that. You're right, I do sound full of complaints. I'm just hurt, that's all. Thanks for you comments I will take them to heart. I guess we all need improvement somewhere.
|
|
|
Post by SunnySmile on May 14, 2017 6:56:04 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent.
|
|
|
Post by canadianscrappergirl on May 14, 2017 7:19:16 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent. I don think you need to apologize for your OP! It's your feelings on the holiday. Others are entitled to their opinions and you are too. I'm sorry you hate the holiday. I just find it all disappointing. I have for the past few years not waited around for my kids to do "stuff" last year I went to the city on MD and went to a chick flick, lunch and did some shopping at some of my favorite stores. Ive learned to keep my expectations really low lol. This year I had planned to spend 2 days in a hotel by myself but my IBS has flared up and I've had a headache for a few days. Personally I'd be choked at a 630 am breakfast too lol but I'd grin and bear it and just be happy they did something. I've realized if my kids are normally little jerls and ungrateful they won't be any different that one day of the year lol. I do get ticked that my hubby doesn't acknowledge me in any way as I always did for him on FD and made sure my kids did too. I won't be this year though. Last year we were at costco the day before and he got his mom who's a total bitch flowers I hinted I'd love some and he said I'd have to buy my own because he only had $ for hers hmm FU!!
|
|
inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
|
Post by inkedup on May 14, 2017 7:35:55 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent. Please don't apologize! It's hard when we feel overlooked and unappreciated. Hugs to you.
|
|
|
Post by ScrapsontheRocks on May 14, 2017 10:45:17 GMT
Vents are totally allowed here, OP!
There is another angle to the Mothers' Day hurt feelings. I lost touch with a former uni friend somewhere along the way this past year. She was absolutely tortured by all of the commercial hoopla, well-meaning greeters in malls, banks and such giving a small gift to every woman and so on.
She had many long term struggles with infertility, chose not to adopt and eventually gave up. My DH and me were somewhat of a safety valve for her and her sympathetic DH for most of the last 20 years; by this I mean we are childless by choice and most years we planned something low-key and couple-y for this weekend (all mothers and MIL's on both sides, both couples, have during this time passed on; our only ritual involves flowers to the graves here and overseas) and she tried to avoid social media and such.
One ghastly year we booked at a restaurant as she was not in the mood to "hide" as she put it. The server upset her and it did not go well. How hard would it be for email marketers and the like to show just a little restraint or common sense? I personally requested my jeweller, two years ago, I think, to think twice about marketing in this way and yet I got the blunt instrument email a couple of days ago! There must be many many families who could do without the little jab in the gut delivered every time some Savannah-Montague-Mush assumes they are a Mom.
So: E, wherever you are, I wish you Peace. To all Pea Moms wherever you are, I wish the same.
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 14, 2017 11:53:55 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent. I've always told my children, you can FEEL anyway you want to. What you can't necessarily do is ACT on those feelings in a way that impacts other people negatively. For example, with them, if they were in a bad mood, fine, be in a bad mood. But they weren't allowed to stomp around the house taking it out on the rest of us. You have vented your feelings here in a safe space. You've gotten some feedback both validating you and disagreeing with you. That's given you something to think about. Nothing wrong with any of that. I hope the OP, and many of the rest of you, end up having a better day than you are anticipating.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 14, 2017 12:28:23 GMT
I hate it because it is a reminder of what I don't have. Not only is my daughter gone, but I don't have a relationship with my mom because if her behavior. We tried to do a regular Mother's Day last year and I ended up crying in my car in a parking lot. So this year I am skipping it. Getting my hair done and hopefully pressure washing the deck and carport. I can't imagine what a tough day it is. I hope you, your DH, and your son enjoy the kind of day you want to have. Sending gentle hugs, mama.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 14, 2017 12:39:28 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent. Don't apologize, it's how you were feeling. Now you have a different perspective. It's ok to feel disappointed. I have a great husband, but he is a terrible gift giver. I would love it if he would just once come home with flowers for me. I get it. My DD will treat me to coffee and give me a gift card. Now, DS - I'll probably get a call about 9 pm, LOL.
|
|
|
Post by supersoda on May 14, 2017 12:55:33 GMT
OP, we're here for venting and bouncing thoughts off of. I hope your day goes better than you're anticipating.
Mother's Day has always been hard for me. I did not have a great mom, and always struggled with how to deal with the day. She has now passed away, along with my beloved MIL and both of my grandmothers. There are no mother-figures left in my life, so now it really is all about me, which just makes the day kind of bittersweet.
|
|
|
Post by sawwhet on May 14, 2017 12:58:59 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent. This is a refreshing post. Sometimes we get frustrated when things don't go as expected. My mother was always difficult during holidays. She had lots of expectations and was never happy. I always dreaded holidays because I couldn't meet her expectation. In the end, I bought her a card and a potted plant every year. It was something safe and I didn't want to spend time with her on Mother's Day. My own kids bought me a planter with assorted flowers and a cupcake from my favourite bakery. I want/need nothing else. They still like to spend time with me and that makes me happiest. My kids range in ages from 16-23. Spending time with them is something you can never replace.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 6:46:34 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 14, 2017 13:30:22 GMT
I'm so over Mother's Day. My grown children are never prepared with anything. It's not about the gift though. It's that they just don't care enough to even write a heart felt letter. I just feel like I get the leftovers of whatever holiday. My middle dd called my dh tonight and asked if she could come over and make breakfast for me (using my ingredients) at 6:30am. 6:30!!! Because she is just so broke and doesn't have any money. Well her checking account is connected to mine recently, (I have to go to the bank about that), and it's right there as I open my account so I wasn't snooping. I can see that she's spent a lot of money doing her fun things, spending $75 for pizza for her friends. I know it's not of my business what she spends her money on, but it sure make me feel bad that I'm just an afterthought to her. And why is she in such a hurry? Because she wants to spend the day with her fiance's mom. What a nice slap in the face. My adult son will probably forget as usual, and my senior dd won't do anything either. Now, if I were you, I'd be questioning why that is...is she a bad mom? Does she deserve no recognition? I am a good mom, and it hurts when there's a freaking holiday advertised everywhere you turn and you can't even write a note. I'm just done. At least my husband will take me to Red Lobster, which he hates, but I love. Love that guy! My mother is an asshole. So this adult child dreads Mother's Day because there is no card that says "I am a good person today largely because you were a shining example of how not to behave." Your mom, too!!!??! I am not alone!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 6:46:34 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 14, 2017 13:38:28 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent. Hugs..... Do not feel embarrassed. Please shake it off and have a nice day.
|
|
paigepea
Drama Llama
Enter your message here...
Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
|
Post by paigepea on May 14, 2017 14:09:58 GMT
It sounded like your post was more of a vent at the time as opposed to the real you/ real complaining. Try to relax about it. It's a dumb day to begin with so putting pressure on it for it to be special is not good.
My little dd is dancing in a community heritage festival today so I'm in charge of her hair/make up supervision at the community centre while Dh is just along for the ride to watch the show. I won't be sitting with the rest of the family and I'll be annoyed supervising all of the kids. There are two shows and some of my friends were surprised I only bought tix to the first show. After she dances in the second show I want to take her home, prepare for the busy week ahead, have kids do homework / shower and put on my own PJs. Don't even want to go out to dinner just because it's Mother's Day. Give me a good movie on Netflix and a blanket and hope I don't fall asleep during the opening credits!!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 6:46:34 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 14, 2017 14:26:00 GMT
I don't hate it. I don't love it. I'm in the middle. Two teenage boys that don't really show affection. (To be fair, I have a hard time because my parents showed very little) They can be thoughtful but they are in that stage where they pretty much only think about themselves. Thankfully dh is doing a great job in reminding them to show some gratitude today. I'm fairly low key as it is so for the most part, it's just another Sunday to me.
What I struggle with is the fact that I do not have the warm close relationship that many others have. My mom is judgemental, critical and doesn't show a lot of support or love. When she does, it's often as a backhanded compliment. She's getting better but I struggle with finding the right card. The flowery sentiments don't fit. She's not my best friend. She's not my rock. She didn't support me at times.
I do wish my kids would do something unprompted. In time, I hope they do. Right now, it's just another Sunday to me.
|
|
|
Post by lisacharlotte on May 14, 2017 14:33:04 GMT
SunnySmile don't be embarrassed. Your feelings are your own whether they are justified or not. However, it doesn't sound like your children are going to meet your expectations. That's what you need to look at and decide how you mean to go forward. You can continue to be disappointed every year or you can change. If bluntly telling your children what would make you happy for Mother's Day won't get you what you want you need to let it go. If having a special day to celebrate is important, i would plan it for myself and enjoy it. You can invite all your friends who also feel neglected to celebrate and commiserate together. And then post pictures on facebook so your kids see them. 😂
|
|
|
Post by Zee on May 14, 2017 15:14:07 GMT
Thank you all for your comments. While some of them really stung, I can see that I am being self-centered, and need to show a little more gratitude. I'm embarrassed for writing the post at all. Please forgive the vent. No need to apologize. Sometimes putting it out there for strangers gives you insight to consider how you're contributing to your situation or if you can change the situation in some way. PS my son got me nothing for the umpteenth year in a row lol...he's a thoughtless 19 year old. I'm focusing on my kitten today, who woke me up with his purring.
|
|
Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
|
Post by Jili on May 14, 2017 15:54:55 GMT
I don't hate it. But I am not a fan, either. To me it's a Hallmark holiday. I just got out of the shower and need to get ready, fast, to head to brunch with my MIL. Which she arranged. I'm ok with that. When I asked dh what, in his eyes, he thought the rest of our afternoon might look like, he thought we might head back to his mother's house. Where we will sit. And sit.
Yesterday we drove two hours to move our dd into a new apartment, which was "as is". We spent the entire day scrubbing and cleaning and got home just in time for SNL last night. I'm tired. What I'd really like to do, believe it or not, is to do some meal planning and grocery shopping so we have food for the workweek. I'd like to go through my spring/summer clothes so I can have something to wear to work since it will be in the 80s this week and my closet is full of the sweaters and boots I wore this past week. I'd also like to give myself a pedicure.
So I don't hate it, but it's never really been about me.
I will call my own mom later. I did send her a text this morning. I've lived out-of-state for 25 years so I've only been with my mom only once on Mother's Day in all that time.
|
|
scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,880
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappinmama on May 14, 2017 17:39:24 GMT
For the moms having a tough day, I'm sorry. I personally don't hate it, but have certainly felt disappointed before. Fortunately, my Mother's Days have mostly been nice, relaxing days, which is exactly what I want.
|
|
|
Post by quinlove on May 14, 2017 18:18:08 GMT
My first instinct to your thread was a big yes ! I really try to keep my mind thinking positive, but I'm only human. Just to throw this into another whole place, I'm adopted. And no, I never was made to feel *chosen or special*. After they adopted me they were able to have their own children, so I was always the adopted one. Different but not in a good way. So there's that. ,
|
|
|
Post by canadianscrappergirl on May 14, 2017 18:19:59 GMT
My first instinct to your thread was a big yes ! I really try to keep my mind thinking positive, but I'm only human. Just to throw this into another whole place, I'm adopted. And no, I never was made to feel *chosen or special*. After they adopted me they were able to have their own children, so I was always the adopted one. Different but not in a good way. So there's that. , I'm so sorry your post breaks my heart!!
|
|
quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,708
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
|
Post by quiltz on May 14, 2017 18:34:04 GMT
You sound full of complaints, to be honest. Maybe your attitude about it all shows through and that's why she's going to spend all day with MIL, idk. Reflect on your attitude for a minute. Language like "slap in the face" and going on about her pizza with friends, they don't write long heartfelt letters, using your ingredients (who cares? She has to buy all new eggs and bread or whatever for it to count?), the time isn't right, whatever. Maybe you're right and your kids are jerks, but I've read enough threads here over the years to know some moms push their kids away without realizing the part they play in that. You're right, I do sound full of complaints. I'm just hurt, that's all. Thanks for you comments I will take them to heart. I guess we all need improvement somewhere. This is the place to vent. I do understand your feelings. My mother hated Mother's Day. We could never buy the right corsage for her in the right colours and other petty vents. Her issues did carry over to me. My xh wasn't a good example to our children. He never stepped up to make the day special and to teach our children to honour the day and the meaning of the day. However, if we didn't do anything correct for Father's Day, he would have a fit! This is the guy who forgot my 30th Birthday. My birthday and Mother's Day are very close to each other. Don't check my profile, as I used a person who I deeply love as my "birthdate". Last Sunday, my ds, ddil & dgc took me out for supper - a pizza franchise. There wasn't even an offer of "what would you like for dessert" from either of them, and the restaurant does provide a complimentary dessert for a birthday. The dgc had an ice-cream sundae as this was part of their meal package. I was given a few cards & a gift card to a nicer restaurant. That's it folks. Since I lost both my mother & dd within 3 weeks of each other many years ago, mother's day just makes me sad. Ddil has her own expectations of Mother's Day and since she is the one in the trenches with 2 children, I have zero expectations of this day. I helped my dgc this week by making with them Mother's Day cards using my scrapbook stickers etc. They made fantastic cards, so I hope that she thinks/feels that I am trying to teach dgc to honour the day. My ds sent me a lovely text message. He is the reason that I get to celebrate Mother's Day. I am having take-out Chinese for dinner. I will help the dgc to make a card for their dad for Father's Day. I am trying to teach my dgc to respect & acknowledge special days/events.
|
|
janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,633
Jun 26, 2014 14:35:07 GMT
|
Post by janeliz on May 14, 2017 20:12:40 GMT
I don't hate it. But I am not a fan, either. To me it's a Hallmark holiday. I just got out of the shower and need to get ready, fast, to head to brunch with my MIL. Which she arranged. I'm ok with that. When I asked dh what, in his eyes, he thought the rest of our afternoon might look like, he thought we might head back to his mother's house. Where we will sit. And sit. Yesterday we drove two hours to move our dd into a new apartment, which was "as is". We spent the entire day scrubbing and cleaning and got home just in time for SNL last night. I'm tired. What I'd really like to do, believe it or not, is to do some meal planning and grocery shopping so we have food for the workweek. I'd like to go through my spring/summer clothes so I can have something to wear to work since it will be in the 80s this week and my closet is full of the sweaters and boots I wore this past week. I'd also like to give myself a pedicure. So I don't hate it, but it's never really been about me. I will call my own mom later. I did send her a text this morning. I've lived out-of-state for 25 years so I've only been with my mom only once on Mother's Day in all that time. Same. We either go out to lunch with my husband's family or we have lunch at their house. And once we eat we literally do nothing other than sit on their back porch for hours. Right now, it's not worth the drama that would ensue if we skipped Mother's Day lunch with the in-laws. I do look forward to having the day to myself someday, though.
|
|
|
Post by canadianscrappergirl on May 15, 2017 0:01:43 GMT
FFS you ask at 5:00 so do you want to go out for dinner yeah let's try to go to a restaurant on one of the busiest days of the year without a reservation fucktard. Because every other time you've done that in the past it's been so successful!! You can see I'm in my pj's and haven't showered so obviously I'm not feeling well. Then you have the fucking nerve to ask what are we going to eat hmm I really don't give a shit what any of you eat. I guess it will be the stupid cake you're making. Oh and yeah I really want to watch your stupid ass hunting shows because clearly it's fucking father's day today stupid me!!
Oh and ty 18 yr old son for not even acknowledging me today in any way.
Note to self for next year avoid all the fucking hallmark posts and photos on FB and get a hotel room for the weekend even if I'm not feeling well!
Yeah I hate MD ignore my earlier post and I guess I need to set my expectations even fucking lower then I have in the past.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 15, 2017 0:08:10 GMT
I feel a little bad that DH doesn't spend any extra time with his mom. We buy her flowers for her patio and a card every year. But, I decided she modeled this behavior for her kids. She does nothing for anyone, so if she doesn't get wowed on Mother's Day, it's on her. Jili I know what you mean about just sitting. If we did spend time with her, we'd sit in her living room, even though she has a lovely deck. We would not be offered a beverage of any kind. We'd just sit. I LOL'd when our DGS complained at 4 years old that it's boring at her house, because in his words "We just have to sit nice".
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 6:46:34 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 6:08:47 GMT
So my father was a bi-polar narcissist .
He never did shit for my mother because she was not his mother. I seriously doubt he did anything for his mother. He didn't do anything for birthdays or Christmas.
BUT OMG , when it came to Father's Day. It was breakfast in bed (well he got that a lot). Presents. Read the newspaper until he felt like getting up. No fucking noise until he got up. Then a big dinner and special dessert. Even more presents at dinner.
One year, we decided to wait on presents until my brother got there for dinner. I was cooking a really special meal But because he didn't get his morning presents. He went into a blind rage. Threaten to divorce my mother ( I am pretty sure he came close to hitting her) and throw me out. He raged out of the house and didn't return until the next night or so. Over fucking presents.
I know after that mother's day never happen again and Father's Day weekend I made sure I was somewhere else. Same with his birthday.
I am not find of these special days, and it has taken a long to time to fir me not to go into a blue funk over them. I can almost do Christmas without crying.
|
|
scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
|
Post by scrappyesq on May 15, 2017 13:48:04 GMT
I'm so over Mother's Day. My grown children are never prepared with anything. It's not about the gift though. It's that they just don't care enough to even write a heart felt letter. I just feel like I get the leftovers of whatever holiday. My middle dd called my dh tonight and asked if she could come over and make breakfast for me (using my ingredients) at 6:30am. 6:30!!! Because she is just so broke and doesn't have any money. Well her checking account is connected to mine recently, (I have to go to the bank about that), and it's right there as I open my account so I wasn't snooping. I can see that she's spent a lot of money doing her fun things, spending $75 for pizza for her friends. I know it's not of my business what she spends her money on, but it sure make me feel bad that I'm just an afterthought to her. And why is she in such a hurry? Because she wants to spend the day with her fiance's mom. What a nice slap in the face. My adult son will probably forget as usual, and my senior dd won't do anything either. Now, if I were you, I'd be questioning why that is...is she a bad mom? Does she deserve no recognition? I am a good mom, and it hurts when there's a freaking holiday advertised everywhere you turn and you can't even write a note. I'm just done. At least my husband will take me to Red Lobster, which he hates, but I love. Love that guy! My mother is an asshole. So this adult child dreads Mother's Day because there is no card that says "I am a good person today largely because you were a shining example of how not to behave."
I was actually going to post something very similar yesterday. I know I'm a day late and a dollar short to the party, but MD is really for people who are mothers and not simply producers of children which is what my mother is.
OP please don't feel bad for venting; you expressed how you felt at the time. You got lots of different perspectives that hopefully made you feel better and helped you have a better MD.
|
|
gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Jun 26, 2014 12:35:32 GMT
|
Post by gloryjoy on May 15, 2017 14:33:14 GMT
I haven't read the entire 3 pages but I will validate the coming to your house at 6:30 a.m. to make you breakfast and using your ingredients. That's pretty early to be banging around the kitchen and if she is an adult, she can go buy some eggs, bacon and a loaf of bread.
I'm the mom of adult son's and they have always been pretty good to me however on or around Mothers Day I always just go and treat myself to whatever I want. Mani/pedi, hanging baskets, this year it was some wicker chairs for my deck. This way I'm not disappointed if I don't "get what I want or expected".
I'm sorry you were disappointed on Mothers Day.
|
|
|
Post by workingclassdog on May 15, 2017 16:03:49 GMT
I get it.. it is always hit or miss at our house.. I don't say anything. Last year oldest DD got me flowers, Starbuck's card, a homemade book and a cup..
This year after she got off work, she came in with flowers, that were 1/2 dead.. I had to throw 1/2 of them out. She said there wasn't much left.. I just thought.. why spend money on 1/2 dead flowers? Shoot just get me a $5 Starbucks card or whatever.
Then everyone wanted me to cook and they know I hate cooking. Even my mom said what are you cooking for dinner for everyone. I was like REALLY MOM? lol
My DS did call and talked for a few minutes.
I don't 'get' mad, but just kinda sad.
|
|