Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on May 20, 2017 1:32:58 GMT
I read it earlier today. Just… wow!
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Post by disneypal on May 20, 2017 1:35:17 GMT
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 20, 2017 1:36:44 GMT
I'm really glad the author and his siblings did what they could as adults to help the woman who raised them.
I thought the part about his mother's death bed was party vulgarly moving. At least the mother showed a small act of contrition at the end.
I was saddened to read about his untimely death.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,778
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on May 20, 2017 1:36:53 GMT
Fantastic writing!
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Post by anniefb on May 20, 2017 1:37:34 GMT
Yes, after seeing it mentioned here. Just terrible.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 2:57:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2017 1:38:44 GMT
It is so hard to believe that this is still going.
Not the same and this was still happening in the '30s, but my great grandparents had indentured servants. My mother said they got their money out of them. One poor gal had been there for 20 years. She said when they could not get indentured servants, they got convicts. She was very glad when her mother moved them away from the farm.
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Post by missbennet on May 20, 2017 1:41:36 GMT
Oh, shoot, I looked but didn't see a thread. Thanks.
It's horrifying to think that there are people right now living in that situation, maybe in our own neighborhoods.
I felt little empathy for the author or his family, but I have a hard time with that kind of thing (recognizing that we are all quite flawed).
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Post by lucyg on May 20, 2017 1:43:54 GMT
Thank you. I didn't see the other thread, but I really want to read the rest of this story (just started it now).
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 20, 2017 1:46:22 GMT
Oh, shoot, I looked but didn't see a thread. Thanks. It's horrifying to think that there are people right now living in that situation, maybe in our own neighborhoods. I felt little empathy for the author or his family, but I have a hard time with that kind of thing (recognizing that we are all quite flawed). What do you think the author should have done differently as a child? His parents sound like terrible people. He did his best to show Lola empathy and love once he gained a little power against his mother. He treated her lovingly and with respect as an adult. I don't think you can judge children for power dynamics they had no voice in.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 20, 2017 2:04:31 GMT
What do you think the author should have done differently as a child? His parents sound like terrible people. He did his best to show Lola empathy and love once he gained a little power against his mother. He treated her lovingly and with respect as an adult. I don't think you can judge children for power dynamics they had no voice in. I guess I thought he should have intervened on her behalf as a young adult when he clearly knew what she was and how she was being treated. At that point, she still wanted to go home, I think, and many of her kin and friends were still alive. And then the obituary where he lied in 2011 - well, you're right, I don't know how he could have done that differently. In the end, I felt like this essay was a bit self-serving and he whitewashes her experience for his and his family's conscience. It appears he was only a child for a small portion of their relationship over the years - he kept making the decision as an adult to allow her to stay enslaved, didn't he? I know it's more complicated than that, of course, but in the end...I don't know. I can't let him off the hook. We must have read different articles. I don't think the children bore any responsibility for their parents' awful choices. Everything I read pointed to him clashing with his mother for years until he was in a position to actually help Lola. As for the eulogy, I guess you think he should have told everyone at his mother's funeral that she was a horrible, abusive woman. What part of the story was whitewashed? He was pretty honest about the way Lola was treated. I sensed a great deal of guilt and sorrow for all that Lola lost. Seems like he spent his adult life trying to make amends for the way HIS PARENTS treated Lola. Or do you think the author, as a six or seven or even a 21 year old should have called the authorities and possibly had Lola deported?
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Post by peasapie on May 20, 2017 2:06:39 GMT
It is so hard to believe that this is still going. Not the same and this was still happening in the '30s, but my great grandparents had indentured servants. My mother said they got their money out of them. One poor gal had been there for 20 years. She said when they could not get indentured servants, they got convicts. She was very glad when her mother moved them away from the farm. i agree. I have an Asian friend who told me they had many "servants" growing up because it was cheap in her country. Even the word servant was shocking to me.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 2:57:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2017 2:07:19 GMT
It is so hard to believe that this is still going. Not the same and this was still happening in the '30s, but my great grandparents had indentured servants. My mother said they got their money out of them. One poor gal had been there for 20 years. She said when they could not get indentured servants, they got convicts. She was very glad when her mother moved them away from the farm. Wow! That is interesting. My grandmother came from Ireland as...I'm not sure indentured was the right word - she was a servant and had to work off her passage, but the debt was constantly growing and it was going to take her whole life so she ran away at some point. She didn't want to talk about it much, but that was the gist of it. Yes my great grands got girls from Ireland. My mother said they were treated horribly and they did end up running away.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 20, 2017 2:16:07 GMT
It is so hard to believe that this is still going. Not the same and this was still happening in the '30s, but my great grandparents had indentured servants. My mother said they got their money out of them. One poor gal had been there for 20 years. She said when they could not get indentured servants, they got convicts. She was very glad when her mother moved them away from the farm. i agree. I have an Asian friend who told me they had many "servants" growing up because it was cheap in her country. Even the word servant was shocking to me. This was also common in Mexico. Half of my dad's family is extremely wealthy. They always had "criadas", which were basically young girls from poor villages sold as servants by their families. I don't know when this practice stopped in my family, but I think it went on into the 80's. My aunt is a highly decorated educator in Mexico, and I know she personally took in two of the girls that worked for her uncles. She and my uncle (her husband) helped these women graduate college and become teachers . Two of my good friends from high school are Filipino. Looking back, I think both of those families had similar "help."
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 20, 2017 2:17:12 GMT
I have not yet, but it is book marked to read tomorrow.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 20, 2017 2:17:35 GMT
You don't have to get salty about it, it's just a discussion. He said he realized pretty young that what they were doing was wrong and that other people didn't live that way. Re: the obituary, I mean Lola's obituary, not his mother's. He lied to the writer, who has since apologized herself because she felt bad that she unknowingly participated in the whitewashing. No, I don't think he should have had her deported, I think he should have helped her get home if she wanted to go, long before he took her in because she finally had nowhere else to go after his mother was dead. When he talks about all he did for her later, it's simply does not change that he and his whole family were complicit in her slavery. He said this when his friend Billy asked: He was 13 years old then, and in 2011 when he wrote her obituary, he was still lying. He knew he was wrong. I guess I have compassion for a 13 year old boy that you do not. I'm sure you are a much better person than the author was as a child.
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Post by missbennet on May 20, 2017 2:17:59 GMT
Careful you don't fall off that high horse.
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Post by refugeepea on May 20, 2017 2:30:52 GMT
I read it yesterday by pure chance. It intrigued me so much, I started googling. Apparently, there's debate if he should have said anything because it wasn't his story to tell; it was Lolas. If he had the right to talk about Filipino culture when he had lived in the U.S. most of his life and he didn't understand the culture.
I felt terrible for Lola. It was so sad and I can't imagine how the author felt especially once he realized the truth.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 20, 2017 2:33:35 GMT
Careful you don't fall off that high horse. That's cute, coming from someone who's all judgy about the actions a bunch of children failed to take.
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Post by lesserknownpea on May 20, 2017 2:43:27 GMT
Oh, shoot, I looked but didn't see a thread. Thanks. It's horrifying to think that there are people right now living in that situation, maybe in our own neighborhoods. I felt little empathy for the author or his family, but I have a hard time with that kind of thing (recognizing that we are all quite flawed). What do you think the author should have done differently as a child? His parents sound like terrible people. He did his best to show Lola empathy and love once he gained a little power against his mother. He treated her lovingly and with respect as an adult. I don't think you can judge children for power dynamics they had no voice in. Yes. This is how I see it. As a child he only made her life harder if he tried to change anything. This was a very moving story, well written, and I don't think the author made excuses for himself at all.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 2:57:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2017 2:55:48 GMT
Not doubting that Lola was treated poorly, but the story says she was a slave yet she was given a choice as to whether to come to America? Or am I reading that incorrectly?
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 20, 2017 2:55:50 GMT
I am really not trying to fight with you, I think we may misunderstand one another. He was an adult for >75% of his own essay and the whole time he was an adult, he knew the situation was bad and wrong. He was still lying about it just 6 years ago, when he was 51 (I think, because he died in March and he was 57). Of course I don't expect a 13 year old to take decisive action, but what about when he was 25? 35-45? 50? Did you not read about the clashes he and his mother had over the way she treated Lola? He made attempts to do what he could for her at several junctures in his life. I don't know what your finances were like as a young adult, but I could not have afforded to take another adult in and provide a home, food and a stipend when I was fresh out of college. I felt like the author did as much as he could for Lola throughout his life. Your mileage obviously varies.
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Post by peace on May 20, 2017 2:59:41 GMT
I am really confused - why is everyone defending the child? No one, not me or hopefully anyone else, thinks a child is complicit. But this was written by a well educated man who died in middle age and says that he knew the score at 13, and for 44 more years after that. If we take out the years she lived peacefully and not in servitude with his children and family, then that's about 24 or so years that he was an adult with some power to change her situation, if he had chosen to. I'm confused about why the 13 year old keeps coming up...that was when he realized fully, but then there's the rest of the years that follow. Can we not be surly? I'm sorry if I was snippy, I really am confused. Edited to add missing word I am with you. He could've done more. He really could have. Not as a child but as an adult. AND even when he wrote her obituary he wasn't honest. It's a sad story. She had no freedom or choices and by the time she did- she FELT like she had no choices. Her life was not hers. Tragic. I posted this on the other thread, too Why the obituary for Eudocia Tomas Pulido didn’t tell the story of her life in slaverySaveSave
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Post by peace on May 20, 2017 3:01:45 GMT
Not doubting that Lola was treated poorly, but the story says she was a slave yet she was given a choice as to whether to come to America? Or am I reading that incorrectly? well -they said if she came to America they would pay her so she could send the money home to her family yet they never did. They just had to get her feet walking onto the plane. SaveSave
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Post by ntsf on May 20, 2017 3:04:58 GMT
I just have to say, I had a servant when I lived in Hong Kong. there were 40,000 filipino maids there at that time.. many were highly educated and they worked 6 days a week and lived in the apartments. in their own rooms. Because it was a British colony, they had labor rights--pay, health care, flights home, etc. I could not afford a full time maid, so I had a local chinese woman who came in 15 hours a week. it was extremely unusual for a european (and americans) not to have a live in maid. in fact, when my friend lived there with three kids, she had two maids.
of course, my relationship with my maid was nothing like the story. I wish I could have brought her and her family to america. She was a lovely person, and I visited her about 6 yrs after I left.. when I went back on vacation . I considered her a friend. I was honored to be invited to her house for tea. (she lived in a house with no running water or plumbing of any kind). I did see a lot of indifferent treatment of maids.. though no meaness.
now the foot is on the other foot. and I work occasionally as a nanny for very well off families. since I am a white older lady, I am treated well. but you do hear terrible stories. I thought the man was right to expose this truth of his family and their slave.
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zztop11
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,530
Oct 10, 2014 0:54:51 GMT
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Post by zztop11 on May 20, 2017 3:11:49 GMT
Yes, it is such as amazing story. I had mentioned in another post that I am not a reader, but this story was intoxicating. Just took it all in.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 2:57:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2017 4:44:22 GMT
Whoever said that trying to defend the servant made it harder for the servant , was right.
My mother said there was nothing they could do. My uncle tried to give the convicts some extra food, and they were punished for it( the convicts). I am not sure how. My mother rarely talked about this. Maybe three or four times?
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on May 20, 2017 4:47:00 GMT
Two places in the world where similar things are occurring today: UAE and Qatar. Workers travel to these countries hoping to make enough to help their families back home, and then aren't allowed to leave. It is disgraceful.
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Post by laureljean on May 20, 2017 5:11:25 GMT
It was heartbreaking. How can anyone treat another human being like that?
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 20, 2017 5:19:57 GMT
It is so hard to believe that this is still going. Not the same and this was still happening in the '30s, but my great grandparents had indentured servants. My mother said they got their money out of them. One poor gal had been there for 20 years. She said when they could not get indentured servants, they got convicts. She was very glad when her mother moved them away from the farm. ahhh... now I see why you asked the question in the other thread! That would have been really tough to see. I'd be glad to leave that, too.
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
Jul 1, 2014 6:33:14 GMT
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Post by joelise on May 20, 2017 8:34:55 GMT
What a moving story. Thank you for sharing the link.
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