purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,955 
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Post by purplebee on Jun 26, 2017 0:00:44 GMT
Another who thinks that son might appear ungrateful when given a card indicating that Dad is buying him the needed new tires. Did he not respond at all when he opened the card?
Somebody needs to ask - yesterday.
And if you seriously think Dad would give the card and tire picture as a joke, with no intention of giving any BD gift, then I would want my child and myself to be as far away as possible from this complete jerk.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:02:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2017 0:10:05 GMT
our son sounds just as passive aggressive and immature as your DH. You are so far off base it is not even funny. But thanks for your invaluable input. No....my son did not want to make a scene in the restaurant by questioning his father. He wanted to table it until they had a better time to talk. Pretty fucking mature, I think. |
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Post by myshelly on Jun 26, 2017 0:12:24 GMT
our son sounds just as passive aggressive and immature as your DH. You are so far off base it is not even funny. But thanks for your invaluable input. No....my son did not want to make a scene in the restaurant by questioning his father. He wanted to table it until they had a better time to talk. Pretty fucking mature, I think. I think this situation is pretty much proof that there's a weird and unhealthy dynamic all around. Non-passive aggressive, mature people wouldn't be in this situation. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:02:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2017 0:13:56 GMT
Crap....I deleted my OP by accident. I don't know how to undo that. My bad! It has been pasted in a few other comments so feel free to read and comment from there.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:02:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2017 0:17:41 GMT
I think this situation is pretty much proof that there's a weird and unhealthy dynamic all around. Again...thanks for the judgment. I guess you did not realize that my son is suffering from depression and severe anxiety. No...he is not going to question his father in public. Others have brought up solid questions that have actually helped and I sincerely thank you for those. DS is going to get with his father and work out this issue of communication. They clearly need to figure this out. They may never have a close relationship and that is alright. |
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ellen
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,128
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Post by ellen on Jun 26, 2017 0:17:53 GMT
"Thanks for the new tires, Dad. I really appreciate it. Is there a certain shop where you would like me to have this done?"
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jun 26, 2017 0:19:49 GMT
I would assume that the tires are a gift and I'd encourage him to ask his dad how he wants to handle getting the tires put on.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jun 26, 2017 0:20:13 GMT
"Thanks for the new tires, Dad. I really appreciate it. Is there a certain shop where you would like me to have this done?" Perfect! |
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Post by Zee on Jun 26, 2017 0:23:33 GMT
"Are you buying me tires for my birthday, or was that a joke?"
If yes he's buying them, great
If no, it was a joke, I'd take a long break from dad. Not because he got nothing, but because of the shitty sentiment.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 26, 2017 0:42:20 GMT
I like what Z*G wrote above.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jun 26, 2017 1:02:45 GMT
This is all so confusing but honestly I'm just shocked that he is giving you $500/month for your adult son living at home. That's really generous of him since most people can't get their court ordered chilld support from the other parent for a minor child and honestly if I was him I would suggest using that money towards tires.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,086
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jun 26, 2017 1:26:47 GMT
Again...thanks for the judgment. I guess you did not realize that my son is suffering from depression and severe anxiety. No...he is not going to question his father in public. Others have brought up solid questions that have actually helped and I sincerely thank you for those. DS is going to get with his father and work out this issue of communication. They clearly need to figure this out. They may never have a close relationship and that is alright. There is no way of knowing that your son is suffering from depression and that he has severe anxiety from your original opening post. Family dynamics are different for every family. I also thought that the message in the card was that dad was going to buy Ben's tires. A lot of stuff gets 'lost' (emotions, family dynamics, knowing background history) when posting on a message board. I wish you & your son well. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:02:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2017 1:39:06 GMT
I don't know why a few people have to be so freaking nasty. Sheesh. So easy to hide behind these keyboards, naked or not. My kids would have looked and wondered, too, not wanting to create an uncomfortable scene. I hope he intends to buy tires. I think Zee's wording is great. |
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MsKnit
Pearl Clutcher
RefuPea #1406
Posts: 2,648
Jun 26, 2014 19:06:42 GMT
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Post by MsKnit on Jun 26, 2017 1:46:03 GMT
I'll validate you. You have lived with this man's ridiculous for over 20 years. Your kid has stated he feels he is a problem for his dad. I read it as a dig due to my history with this type of father. I'd agree if it wasn't for the nagging doubt at the back of my mind, which is why I suggested hut asking the question - I'm not really into this whole validating a comment when I can't get my head round why the 'issue' has been posted. Son is 20 and more than capable of asking. Mom is at the table and doesn't offer an opinion. Dad gives a card and clearly doesn't elaborate on the content. None of us can validate or argue against given the commentary. You are seriously telling me I can't validate her position?! Bless your heart. |
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,083
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Post by happymomma on Jun 26, 2017 2:11:33 GMT
My son wouldn't make waves with his father either, especially at a family outing, so I understand and sympathize.
All you can do is just be there for him, and one day when shit hits the fan, and it will, be a soft place for him to land.
Because no matter how many times someone says, "Man up." etc. he's a human being with feelings and hurts. Look at how many posts we see about conflicted feelings toward parents just on this board. Kids want their parents love an approval no matter how old they are.
I understand how part of you might want your son to lay it all out with dad, just so he's not carrying it around, but he will do it when he's had a bellyful of nonsense.
The above isn't in regard to the buying of tires, but more the feeling of ____________, I can't think of the word, but I know what that feeling is.
I get it.
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Post by LilyRose on Jul 7, 2017 18:26:03 GMT
@zookeeper, was there ever clarification as to whether your son's father intended to pay for the tires?
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