moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,247
Location: Western Illinois
Member is Online
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
|
Post by moodyblue on Sept 27, 2017 22:07:18 GMT
Op, I'm in the same boat. I have 1biracial son and a hispanic son and daughter that we adopted Ages 10-6. We live in a mostly white neighborhood. I'm worried sick. It would only take one trigger happy racist cop to end my world. We are white and didn't really understand racism till we started fostering 8 years ago. Our first baby was black. I've never gotten so many hateful looks like in my life. My biological son started a new school and was on the football team. My husband and I hit it off with another couple in the stands. The next game we brought our latest foster daughters. When they saw that the were black they didn't want to have anything to do with us. One time my oldest daughter, who is white, had my foster son by the hand at Walmart. I thought this lady was as going to attack her. My husband tells everyone, if you don't believe rasism exist, then take a walk with us at the mall and see for yourself the dirty looks. And with the political climate we have now, it's getting worse. Sorry to hijack your thread op. I just wanted to know if you have the same experiences and if you do you're not alone This is so sad. Children are children and I can't imagine why anyone would need to be angry about a child being loved and cared for when needed.
|
|
|
Post by redhead32 on Sept 27, 2017 22:17:19 GMT
My kids are both white. I grew up in MN in an area of the state with no racial diversity. Living in suburban Chicago, my kids are growing up with experiences and friends of every color. I love it. My older son is 11 years older than my younger son. Last year, the younger one was in Kindergarten and his teacher was black. My older son came in a few times to help with the class on Friday afternoons when the high school had days off that the elementary didn't. The Kindergarten teacher and my older son got into an interesting talk at dismissal one day. ODS had just gotten his license. She asked ODS if he had any black friends or friends with skin more brown than his. He said yes, several. She asked if he knew what to do if he was pulled over by an officer. Yes, we'd talked about that when he was learning to drive. What about what to do if you're with your friends of color and the police pull him over or approach you while you're out somewhere? He was baffled by the question. So was I. She said to him, "You need to stay with your friend. Don't run. Don't walk away and leave him to deal with it by himself. You need to be his friend and his witness. If the police tell you that you must leave, you need to get in touch with his parents or your parents right away and let them know where you are and what is happening." ODS was over at his friend's house shortly after that and brought this up in front of his parents. They had a great discussion and asked that ODS add their numbers into his cell, because yes, they worried about their boy when he was out. As a white family who pretty much glows in the dark with our whiteness, there are things we take for granted. I don't worry about my kid being harassed by the police. I don't worry about people side eyeing him because of his skin color. ODS and his friends haven't had any problems, but I'm glad Mrs.C had that talk with him. I've had the start of a similar conversation with my red-haired, blue eyed son. He's only in middle school, but we've started to talk about what he should do if he and his (not white) friend get stopped. It's hard to articulate so I appreciate what you posted.
|
|
|
Post by tara on Sept 27, 2017 22:25:06 GMT
Op, I'm in the same boat. I have 1biracial son and a hispanic son and daughter that we adopted Ages 10-6. We live in a mostly white neighborhood. I'm worried sick. It would only take one trigger happy racist cop to end my world. We are white and didn't really understand racism till we started fostering 8 years ago. Our first baby was black. I've never gotten so many hateful looks like in my life. My biological son started a new school and was on the football team. My husband and I hit it off with another couple in the stands. The next game we brought our latest foster daughters. When they saw that the were black they didn't want to have anything to do with us. One time my oldest daughter, who is white, had my foster son by the hand at Walmart. I thought this lady was as going to attack her. My husband tells everyone, if you don't believe rasism exist, then take a walk with us at the mall and see for yourself the dirty looks. And with the political climate we have now, it's getting worse. Sorry to hijack your thread op. I just wanted to know if you have the same experiences and if you do you're not alone This is so sad. Children are children and I can't imagine why anyone would need to be angry about a child being loved and cared for when needed. My husband got a few comments at work when we were training. Like asking, "you're not taking any black children are you." He said exactly what you said. To be racists just makes you an asshole, but when you say crap about kids, thats a whole different level. When we got our two foster daughters I had a hard time taking care of their hair. My husband wanted to help so in his sprare time he would look up videos on line to learn how to take care of and braid african american hair. A couple of guys would say some nasty things but my husband was the boss. He made it known that these were are children as long as they're in our house and you don't say negative things about the boss's children unless you want to work overtime. They learned quick.
|
|
|
Post by kristi on Sept 28, 2017 1:33:34 GMT
I think it is interesting you don’t talk about race. My kids are mixed and my son looks Hispanic. We talk about race quite a bit in regards to black history, Mexico/trump/the Wall, we talk about Different cultures/beliefs. We have been to Civil Rights Museums most recently in Birmingham and that was a real eye opener for them as well as how Japanese Americans were treated in WWII.
We live in a very Caucasian neighborhood. I talk with my son about not wearing his hoodie over his head when walking outside. We talk about what to say and how to behave if he is stopped/questioned by police. I told him that he is not required to give a statement if taken to the police station and to ask for his parents to be called or an attorney.
|
|
|
Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 28, 2017 1:38:00 GMT
Are there any moms to Asian kids? I think my son is pretty astute what to do but I want to ask him questions. There is a lot of Asian gang activity and I want to make sure he steers clear of that. We don't have DWB like you do in the use, but I want my son to still be safe.
I am open to advice how I should proceed.
Thank you!
|
|
inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
|
Post by inkedup on Sept 28, 2017 5:00:02 GMT
I am very obviously a Latina in terms of appearance. I'm married to a very fair, blonde haired, blue eyed man. My husband and I joke that the Vikings beat the Aztecs in the battle for our son's genetics, because you wouldn't guess that the boy is half brown if your life depended on it.
I know that I have less to fear because of this. My blond haired, fair skinned boy will be safer in this world because of his appearance.
I'm currently pregnant with another boy, and I wonder what he will look like. I wonder if he will look more like me, and, if he does, how that will change the way the world perceives him.
|
|
PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,790
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
|
Post by PLurker on Sept 28, 2017 5:35:26 GMT
iamkristinl16 I have no more advise than what was already given but just wanted to give you and tara a ((hug)). This thread brought tears to my eyes. I think added to the NFL controversy, this just breaks my heart as it was already heavy. ((hugs)) (hugs) and more hugs. Good night, all.
|
|
|
Post by darkangel090260 on Sept 28, 2017 5:47:47 GMT
both of my stepkids are mixed and i am quite dark. Rules are keep wallet in the open when in the car ( ie where you can see it) all paper work stay in easy reach. Start recording on cell phone leave in view hands on the wheel no place else. Only move when the officer ask for something and tell them each move. If i have the younger two in the car dd put her hands on seat in front of her in view. Morgan cant reach anything so he just stays in car seat. If all the kids are in the car dd dsd and dss put their hand on the dash or seat in front of them. no hiding hands. If i am outside my town i have the RX for my test kit and needles. I tell them i have a test kit and and needles and when i give the paperwork i give them the RX information.
|
|
|
Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Sept 28, 2017 6:36:53 GMT
My children are white, but the majority of DS19 close friends are young men of color. It's a really long story, but he experienced real racism for the first time during a basketball tournament. His teammates were making horrific comments about an all black Title 1 school they were playing against. He chose to transfer to that Title 1 school the next year (his senior year), and was the only white kid on the basketball team, and a minority in the school. It was one of the most life changing experiences he will ever have, and he sobbed like a little girl at his senior night and graduation, because he didn't have more time at his school and with his team.
As instructed by his black moms, he keeps his registration and insurance in a clear plastic sleeve clipped (with a plastic clip, nothing metal) to his drivers side visor, and his license outside of his wallet either clipped with his other papers, or in the cup holder. If he is pulled over with friends, he is to roll down both front windows (our officers approach the vehicle on different or both sides depending on the traffic and situation), keep his hands on the wheel until instructed to show his paperwork, and to let the officer know how many passengers are in his vehicle. All passengers keep their hands on their laps, until they are instructed otherwise. He has never been pulled over (knock on wood), but he constantly has cops get up behind him, to run his plates. It's a Honda Fit...Who the hell is going to steal a Honda Fit or try to use it as a get away car? He would react to being pulled over the same way, alone, or with all white people in the car. It's who he's learned to be as a driver.
He does not bring his friends to our side of town anymore, unless they are just going to hang out in the house. They have been questioned by the police, just playing basketball at our local park. DS has been told he should have a higher standard for friends and he will end up guilty by association; by my LEO BIL. My next door neighbor of 15 years, called the cops when I wasn't home, because DS brought some friends home to grill burgers and swim after teaching a basketball clinic at the Boys and Girls Club. She told the police there was no reason for so many black boys to be in our neighborhood. It was 3 black guys, that came in DS car, wearing the same clothes as DS (she's a window watcher, so she saw them get out of DS car). They made DS show his drivers license even after my neighbor told the police it was DS home. If you don't think there is a problem, you're not paying attention. And it eats at my soul.
For anyone that wants to talk about my all of a sudden liberal snowflake heart, I was a child of desegregation in the early 70's. The school board came down my street and said one side of the street stayed in our district, the other side went to the hood. I went to the hood. It's one of the reasons I was 100% on board with DS unbinding himself from our school zones. I can't believe this shit is still reality.
|
|
|
Post by gillyp on Sept 28, 2017 7:02:13 GMT
This thread has brought me to tears. It is incredibly powerful to read these comments almost in the same tone as if you were sharing cookie recipes, just so matter of fact. I am so saddened that you need to be having these conversations STILL or, perhaps, even more so at this present time.
|
|
|
Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 28, 2017 10:38:47 GMT
OP--I'm so very sorry that this has to be a part of your reality. It breaks my heart.
|
|
|
Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 28, 2017 10:44:25 GMT
And this here is the crux of the problem. This is why black men, given a spotlight based on their hard work and their talent are using their platform to reflect that light onto the problems in this country. Maybe. I would say the main problem is so many white people not believing it's a problem when those black citizens kneel or sit or march to draw attention to the problem. "Just do what the officer says!" Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker with fig jam -- they get shot no matter what they do and THAT IS THE ISSUE. If nice white ladies got shot for doing nothing more suspicious than reaching for their wallets, the entire country would stop and fix the problem. Cops would be fired, the outcry would be cacophonous, congress would be having hearings and demanding heads on a platter. I honestly don't understand how there aren't riots and protests and violent uprisings every single day over what's happening. The restraint shown by the black community is frankly astonishing. I'm sitting here "pounding the like button"!!!! This--1,000,000,000 THIS!!!!
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Sept 28, 2017 10:57:56 GMT
My kids are both white. I grew up in MN in an area of the state with no racial diversity. Living in suburban Chicago, my kids are growing up with experiences and friends of every color. I love it. My older son is 11 years older than my younger son. Last year, the younger one was in Kindergarten and his teacher was black. My older son came in a few times to help with the class on Friday afternoons when the high school had days off that the elementary didn't. The Kindergarten teacher and my older son got into an interesting talk at dismissal one day. ODS had just gotten his license. She asked ODS if he had any black friends or friends with skin more brown than his. He said yes, several. She asked if he knew what to do if he was pulled over by an officer. Yes, we'd talked about that when he was learning to drive. What about what to do if you're with your friends of color and the police pull him over or approach you while you're out somewhere? He was baffled by the question. So was I. She said to him, "You need to stay with your friend. Don't run. Don't walk away and leave him to deal with it by himself. You need to be his friend and his witness. If the police tell you that you must leave, you need to get in touch with his parents or your parents right away and let them know where you are and what is happening." ODS was over at his friend's house shortly after that and brought this up in front of his parents. They had a great discussion and asked that ODS add their numbers into his cell, because yes, they worried about their boy when he was out. As a white family who pretty much glows in the dark with our whiteness, there are things we take for granted. I don't worry about my kid being harassed by the police. I don't worry about people side eyeing him because of his skin color. ODS and his friends haven't had any problems, but I'm glad Mrs.C had that talk with him. i don’t like that your post is necessary so I didn’t like it but thank you for the idea. My older DD sort of does this, being a girl if she or her friends are ever alone they all use the companion app. Usually with each other not parents but at least it’s something. But being boys my DS & co most likely wouldn’t think of those things.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 27, 2024 22:36:45 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2017 11:15:34 GMT
This thread has brought me to tears. It is incredibly powerful to read these comments almost in the same tone as if you were sharing cookie recipes, just so matter of fact. I am so saddened that you need to be having these conversations STILL or, perhaps, even more so at this present time. Me too gillyp I cannot imagine in a million years ever having this type of conversation with my girls who are white and I'm certain that it would not be necessary for the parents of their friends, some of who are black or asian, doing so either. This thread is just heartbreaking to read.
|
|
IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
|
Post by IAmUnoriginal on Sept 28, 2017 15:56:50 GMT
i don’t like that your post is necessary so I didn’t like it but thank you for the idea. It had never crossed my mind to have such a talk with my kids until it was done for me. It's not something I dealt with growing up. E.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. was white. Heck, most of them were 50% or more Norwegian/Swedish. There's hardly diversity between the white people, much less someone of a completely different background. YDS's Kindergarten teacher is my age (43) and grew up in Chicago on the south side of the city. Her neighborhood wasn't the worst, but it wasn't the best, either. She taught in the schools in Chicago for 15 years before coming out to suburbia. She jokes that she becomes everyone's black mom/sister out here away from the inner city. And, she's going to make a difference in any way she can. ODS wasn't the first white teenager she'd talked to about racial issues. She said too many people avoid the topic, saying 'I don't see color.' or other dismissive things that don't help the issue. The issue is there and needs to be addressed and it has to come from our kids and teenagers. And, until things improve, white friends standing by their black friends is one way to legitimize the story of the racism experienced. A wrong act can't be denied and downplayed by everyone if the black kid and the white kid (or adult) are saying the same thing when the story is told. The oldest of her kids is 14. She said she started talking with his white friends when they were about 10 and gets more serious as they become aware and concerned about what's on the news. She's talked openly with her kids their whole lives. YDS's class was a great mix of kids, and his teacher loved working with them because of their innocence, even though she is more comfortable teaching the upper grades. There were 25 rugrats -- Asian, Hispanic, black, biracial, and white. When I went in on Fridays, we went to the computer lab for about a half hour. Mrs. C walked with the front and I walked at the back when we went through the halls. We got back to the classroom one day and she pointed to a couple sets of kids holding hands. "That's the love we need to keep going between them as they grow. He doesn't care that his friend is black. And, he doesn't care that his friend is white. They care that they both love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Sweet Treat Friday. How do we keep that?" Long pause "Talk about it. Don't look the other way when someone spouts stupid. Don't disappear when ugly shows itself. Stand by us." We became friends over the course of the year and had a lot of good laughs over her "black mom" and my "country mom" upbringings and how similar they were despite our neighborhoods looking so much different.
|
|
|
Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 28, 2017 16:42:35 GMT
Op, I'm in the same boat. I have 1biracial son and a hispanic son and daughter that we adopted Ages 10-6. We live in a mostly white neighborhood. I'm worried sick. It would only take one trigger happy racist cop to end my world. We are white and didn't really understand racism till we started fostering 8 years ago. Our first baby was black. I've never gotten so many hateful looks like in my life. My biological son started a new school and was on the football team. My husband and I hit it off with another couple in the stands. The next game we brought our latest foster daughters. When they saw that the were black they didn't want to have anything to do with us. One time my oldest daughter, who is white, had my foster son by the hand at Walmart. I thought this lady was as going to attack her. My husband tells everyone, if you don't believe rasism exist, then take a walk with us at the mall and see for yourself the dirty looks. And with the political climate we have now, it's getting worse. Sorry to hijack your thread op. I just wanted to know if you have the same experiences and if you do you're not alone That's horrible. I haven't noticed anything like that, exactly. However, when I took oldest DS school shopping, I did notice that he was getting a lot more looks--from other teens but especially young black men. I'm not sure if they were just seeing if they knew him or something? I thought it was weird and was going to ask DH about it but forgot about it until now. It's hard to explain but it was something I noticed from more than one person that day. I have not noticed it before with him, or with my younger kids.
|
|
Olan
Pearl Clutcher
Enter your message here...
Posts: 4,050
Jul 13, 2014 21:23:27 GMT
|
Post by Olan on Sept 28, 2017 19:23:11 GMT
Op, I'm in the same boat. I have 1biracial son and a hispanic son and daughter that we adopted Ages 10-6. We live in a mostly white neighborhood. I'm worried sick. It would only take one trigger happy racist cop to end my world. We are white and didn't really understand racism till we started fostering 8 years ago. Our first baby was black. I've never gotten so many hateful looks like in my life. My biological son started a new school and was on the football team. My husband and I hit it off with another couple in the stands. The next game we brought our latest foster daughters. When they saw that the were black they didn't want to have anything to do with us. One time my oldest daughter, who is white, had my foster son by the hand at Walmart. I thought this lady was as going to attack her. My husband tells everyone, if you don't believe rasism exist, then take a walk with us at the mall and see for yourself the dirty looks. And with the political climate we have now, it's getting worse. Sorry to hijack your thread op. I just wanted to know if you have the same experiences and if you do you're not alone That's horrible. I haven't noticed anything like that, exactly. However, when I took oldest DS school shopping, I did notice that he was getting a lot more looks--from other teens but especially young black men. I'm not sure if they were just seeing if they knew him or something? I thought it was weird and was going to ask DH about it but forgot about it until now. It's hard to explain but it was something I noticed from more than one person that day. I have not noticed it before with him, or with my younger kids. Black men acklowedge each other even in casual passing. Of course this isn't true about all black men because I am assuming you're husband didn't model this custom. Ive noticed a lot more black woman nodding and or smiling when our eyes met. I think people forget/don't care how traumatizing the black experience is. Sometimes you just want to lock eyes with someone who understands your unique struggle. mobile.nytimes.com/2015/06/24/magazine/racisms-psychological-toll.html
|
|
RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,535
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
|
Post by RosieKat on Sept 28, 2017 19:37:27 GMT
My son is biracial, DH and I are both (rather blindingly) white. I think we are blessed to live in an area where no one is surprised by mixed race families, so the overt racism isn't particularly there. That almost makes it harder to talk about it with the kids, because they really don't get what we're talking about.
DH and I both were taught good police etiquette when we did driver's ed. We've done our best to instill that in both kids, just because it's the right thing to do. But yes, we've tried to make DS aware that there are some people (police and otherwise) who will dislike him or treat him badly just because of his appearance. Right now, he's just a cute little kid (9 y.o.) who impresses with his athleticism. If he continues on the growth track he's on, though, he's going to be a seriously well-built young man with an often rather stern expression. (He definitely has resting b**** face, lol.) That's great for the workout time, not so great for just hanging out in public. He also is very stubborn, which can be good, but not if a LEO is telling you to do something and you don't think you did anything wrong.
It's hard to strike the right balance. I want him to be aware, but also not to cry wolf and blame every bad thing on race. That diminishes real racist acts when that happens.
|
|
|
Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 28, 2017 19:52:58 GMT
That's horrible. I haven't noticed anything like that, exactly. However, when I took oldest DS school shopping, I did notice that he was getting a lot more looks--from other teens but especially young black men. I'm not sure if they were just seeing if they knew him or something? I thought it was weird and was going to ask DH about it but forgot about it until now. It's hard to explain but it was something I noticed from more than one person that day. I have not noticed it before with him, or with my younger kids. Black men acklowedge each other even in casual passing. Of course this isn't true about all black men because I am assuming you're husband didn't model this custom. Ive noticed a lot more black woman nodding and or smiling when our eyes met. I think people forget/don't care how traumatizing the black experience is. Sometimes you just want to lock eyes with someone who understands your unique struggle. mobile.nytimes.com/2015/06/24/magazine/racisms-psychological-toll.htmlMy husband doesn't really do this, but I have noticed it with others. This seemed different, though. More of a once over, checking him out. Not a nod as to say hello or acknowledge him.
|
|
|
Post by kernriver on Sept 28, 2017 20:37:45 GMT
I told my 2 white children about 10 years ago to do exactly what a police officer asks them to do. Exactly. No arguing, no lip, no nothing. Anything else might lead to them getting shot.
|
|
|
Post by ilikepink on Sept 29, 2017 1:14:57 GMT
My mom-heart breaks for all for whom this is a nasty reality. We, as human people, need to do much better and loving and being open to each other.
My DS are 30ish now, and while I had the "how to act when getting pulled over " speech, it was nothing like it would have to be today
Hugs to you all, and prayers that humans grow beyond this soon.
|
|
|
Post by mollycoddle on Sept 29, 2017 1:20:09 GMT
I was taught not to argue or mouth off to police (because I was/am mouthy sometimes) and to follow their directions. It was good advice.
|
|
|
Post by mollycoddle on Sept 29, 2017 1:26:08 GMT
My children are white, but the majority of DS19 close friends are young men of color. It's a really long story, but he experienced real racism for the first time during a basketball tournament. His teammates were making horrific comments about an all black Title 1 school they were playing against. He chose to transfer to that Title 1 school the next year (his senior year), and was the only white kid on the basketball team, and a minority in the school. It was one of the most life changing experiences he will ever have, and he sobbed like a little girl at his senior night and graduation, because he didn't have more time at his school and with his team. As instructed by his black moms, he keeps his registration and insurance in a clear plastic sleeve clipped (with a plastic clip, nothing metal) to his drivers side visor, and his license outside of his wallet either clipped with his other papers, or in the cup holder. If he is pulled over with friends, he is to roll down both front windows (our officers approach the vehicle on different or both sides depending on the traffic and situation), keep his hands on the wheel until instructed to show his paperwork, and to let the officer know how many passengers are in his vehicle. All passengers keep their hands on their laps, until they are instructed otherwise. He has never been pulled over (knock on wood), but he constantly has cops get up behind him, to run his plates. It's a Honda Fit...Who the hell is going to steal a Honda Fit or try to use it as a get away car? He would react to being pulled over the same way, alone, or with all white people in the car. It's who he's learned to be as a driver. He does not bring his friends to our side of town anymore, unless they are just going to hang out in the house. They have been questioned by the police, just playing basketball at our local park. DS has been told he should have a higher standard for friends and he will end up guilty by association; by my LEO BIL. My next door neighbor of 15 years, called the cops when I wasn't home, because DS brought some friends home to grill burgers and swim after teaching a basketball clinic at the Boys and Girls Club. She told the police there was no reason for so many black boys to be in our neighborhood. It was 3 black guys, that came in DS car, wearing the same clothes as DS (she's a window watcher, so she saw them get out of DS car). They made DS show his drivers license even after my neighbor told the police it was DS home. If you don't think there is a problem, you're not paying attention. And it eats at my soul. For anyone that wants to talk about my all of a sudden liberal snowflake heart, I was a child of desegregation in the early 70's. The school board came down my street and said one side of the street stayed in our district, the other side went to the hood. I went to the hood. It's one of the reasons I was 100% on board with DS unbinding himself from our school zones. I can't believe this shit is still reality. How awful. This just makes me shake my head.
|
|
|
Post by tara on Sept 29, 2017 13:25:55 GMT
Op, I'm in the same boat. I have 1biracial son and a hispanic son and daughter that we adopted Ages 10-6. We live in a mostly white neighborhood. I'm worried sick. It would only take one trigger happy racist cop to end my world. We are white and didn't really understand racism till we started fostering 8 years ago. Our first baby was black. I've never gotten so many hateful looks like in my life. My biological son started a new school and was on the football team. My husband and I hit it off with another couple in the stands. The next game we brought our latest foster daughters. When they saw that the were black they didn't want to have anything to do with us. One time my oldest daughter, who is white, had my foster son by the hand at Walmart. I thought this lady was as going to attack her. My husband tells everyone, if you don't believe rasism exist, then take a walk with us at the mall and see for yourself the dirty looks. And with the political climate we have now, it's getting worse. Sorry to hijack your thread op. I just wanted to know if you have the same experiences and if you do you're not alone That's horrible. I haven't noticed anything like that, exactly. However, when I took oldest DS school shopping, I did notice that he was getting a lot more looks--from other teens but especially young black men. I'm not sure if they were just seeing if they knew him or something? I thought it was weird and was going to ask DH about it but forgot about it until now. It's hard to explain but it was something I noticed from more than one person that day. I have not noticed it before with him, or with my younger kids. The area we live in is almost all white and it's Trump country if that makes a difference. One good thing is they are building a huge apartment complex down the road (which my neighbors hate) it's beginning to look more diverse. My kids don't have trouble at school but they're elementary age. Kids seem to not notice color or differences that age. My 6 year old did say a boy called him a bad name but he didn't want to repeat for me. While I was trying to get it out of him I kept thinking don't let it be the n word. I was relieved when it was Bitch. I used to worry about high school. When my oldest son who is white was playing football one of the students came to the game in black face. At the time there was only one black student. My son told me that the student was friends with the black guy and he just wanted to raze him, didn't mean anything bad about it. I had to explain there is somethings you just don't do. My daughter is dating a really nice guy who is biracial but he's very dark. At first he was afraid to meet us even though my daughter told him we're cool. On his way here his car broke down about a mile down the road. While he was walking, two cars past him yelling go home (n word). I hated that. I noticed he's very self deprecating about his race. I asked him why and he said he has to laugh it off or what else is he going to do. It just broke my heart.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 27, 2024 22:36:45 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2017 13:30:17 GMT
I am very obviously a Latina in terms of appearance. I'm married to a very fair, blonde haired, blue eyed man. My husband and I joke that the Vikings beat the Aztecs in the battle for our son's genetics, because you wouldn't guess that the boy is half brown if your life depended on it. I know that I have less to fear because of this. My blond haired, fair skinned boy will be safer in this world because of his appearance. I'm currently pregnant with another boy, and I wonder what he will look like. I wonder if he will look more like me, and, if he does, how that will change the way the world perceives him.This breaks my heart. I vow to do all I can to work to make sure that the world will perceive him as a worthy and dignified human being - regardless of what he looks like and that it will assess him by his actions alone.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 27, 2024 22:36:45 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2017 13:36:11 GMT
I told my 2 white children about 10 years ago to do exactly what a police officer asks them to do. Exactly. No arguing, no lip, no nothing. Anything else might lead to them getting shot. Nope. Not always. Google "police officer" and "sexual assault". Like this story: kdvr.com/2017/08/28/westminster-police-officer-arrested-for-sex-assault-false-imprisonment/Teach them there are some bad officers and to know where the line is. Teach them to video as much of the interaction as they can.
|
|
|
Post by kernriver on Sept 30, 2017 5:16:07 GMT
I told my 2 white children about 10 years ago to do exactly what a police officer asks them to do. Exactly. No arguing, no lip, no nothing. Anything else might lead to them getting shot. Nope. Not always. Google "police officer" and "sexual assault". Like this story: kdvr.com/2017/08/28/westminster-police-officer-arrested-for-sex-assault-false-imprisonment/Teach them there are some bad officers and to know where the line is. Teach them to video as much of the interaction as they can. Didnt take that into consideration. They were ornery boys and I was concerned they would give the officers so much shit the police would shoot them just to shut them up.
|
|
twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
|
Post by twinsmomfla99 on Sept 30, 2017 9:56:39 GMT
I'm white and from a very white high school (no African Americans attended during my years there, and only one pair of half-Chinese siblings).
My parents had the talk about how to interact with police, but I find it quite sad when I contrast their motivation for the talk with the motivation of African American parents.
My parents gave me the talk so I could avoid a ticket. There was NEVER any concern that I might be shot if I argued with an officer. I've been pulled over numerous times (few tickets, thankfully), and not once did "fear for my life " enter my mind. All I was ever worried about was a ticket and my insurance rates.
My heart hurts for people of color who have to worry about so much more when they see flashing lights in the rear view mirror--arrest for minor crimes or no crime at all, getting beaten or shot--those fears have never existed for me.
And for those that don't believe in it, there is a prime example of white privilege.
|
|