cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,393
Location: Fergus, Ontario
Jun 26, 2014 11:53:40 GMT
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Post by cakediva on Sept 8, 2014 19:58:12 GMT
It is what it is. And I know DH will be fine with it, and we can just chill on Boxing Day instead of having to drive to Toronto. It will be fine. I'm just pouting because it doesn't work with my schedule, and she put this out there without checking with anybody first. I entertain people in my home quite often and that's the beauty of it. I get to name the date and time without "checking" with anyone because I'm the host. If you don't want to step up and host it on Boxing Day yourself then you don't get a say. (said in my sweetest, kindest voice, I just have a different opinion and hope you don't think I'm just being a snot) Not at all akathy! And I totally get where you are coming from. It is just that for 20+ years, it has been the same day. And the email today with the date change was the first notice we've had that they were thinking of changing the date. No mention of it prior to this. And I'm not stepping up to host, because I host the Christmas morning gathering at my house. I just think that bringing it up prior to announcing "new way, we're changing the date, this is the date" without even mentioning it in passing that they felt a change was needed, would have been a nice thing to do.
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on Sept 8, 2014 19:58:57 GMT
I totally understand your being upset because it is a tradition - it isn't like your family always picked a different day each season to fit all schedules. You knew in advance each year where you would be on that day and kept your own schedule open for it. It is really unfortunate that your mom couldn't have given you a heads up. I get that she hosts the event but we are talking her children, a relatively small number, and a set date. I know you won't do this as you said you would deal with the date but.... what would she have thought if you told her that you simply couldn't make that date based on your work schedule. I bet she might not be so happy. I am like many others, Christmas is on a specific date for a reason and I think it is a reason to slow down, making time for family an din my head it needs to be the 24th-26th, ideally on the very day. I hope you are able to find some spot in your head that will let you enjoy the day. I don't think you sound whiny, you are merely venting your disappointment to "friends" otherwise known as a neutral party.
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,393
Location: Fergus, Ontario
Jun 26, 2014 11:53:40 GMT
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Post by cakediva on Sept 8, 2014 20:02:28 GMT
I am sorry :/ My suggestion would be to go with it. I think after a few days of getting used to the idea your feelings may change. Also, I'd suggest you move you last day of cookie orders up one day. In the grand scheme of things I don't think it'll make much difference (if any), will relieve a little pressure for you, and you've got PLENTY of notice to do so. I hope you all have a lovely time together! I am going with it. I'll adjust, I'll adapt, and I know I'll be fine. I'll keep my mouth shut about my feelings regarding the matter. Because God forbid I upset the apple cart that is my Mother's feelings. (long story) I'd love to change my last day of order pickup to one day earlier, but that means it is a Friday, and most of my customers will be at work all day. I provide Saturday am pick-ups for two reasons - one, so I'm not up late Friday night waiting for people, and two, so I have all 5 days of the week to bake the cookies. Oh - and three - I've already started advertising with the dates, so too late!
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Sept 8, 2014 20:11:27 GMT
I wonder if the reason we have different opinions on this is because I'm probably as old as cakediva's and most of your moms so I'm seeing it from a different perspective. I go to CT to my DD's every other year at Christmas and stay home with my DD here on the opposite years. I host here and I decide when it is but I always take into consideration her other plans before I set the date and time but bottom line, it's my call. It also helps that it's just her family and me.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Sept 8, 2014 21:07:58 GMT
I hate change too. I wish I was different but........I'm not.
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Sept 8, 2014 21:18:40 GMT
I totally get where you are coming from. Slowly but surely my husband's family traditions for Christmas have eroded. We always had a get together at his parent's house on Christmas Eve. Always. everyone knew the day and you could plan on it. We would get together for dinner. There would be a small "program" with singing carols because it's MIL's favorite thing. We would all play Pinochle into the night and drag our tired babies home at midnight. Only now people are saying things like "but I work on Christmas Eve (until 5pm not in the evening)." Uh yeah. we did that too for nearly 20 years. You deal because that's the tradition. And then they say things like "we have to get the kids home to bed." and leave at like eight. When people don't even all get there until six. We lucked out having kids who would sleep in on Christmas morning so staying late wasn't an issue for us. Then they say things like "Now that we have kids we want to have a Christmas Eve tradition with them at home." Yeah. thanks for screwing up MY kids Christmas Eve traditions there. We've had them for 20 years and now my kids don't get their tradition anymore because your kids have to put out reindeer food??? Thanks. So thoughtful. Now we can't even get everyone who lives in the area to come even when we reschedule for a Saturday so it's easier. And quit earlier so the younger sibs can take their young ones home to bed. And not do it on Christmas Eve because they have to dump glitter on the front lawn and frost cookies instead of spending the evening with Grandma and Grandpa. It makes me sad but there is nothing we can do about it. Of course the more they Frak with my Christmas family traditions the less I want to continue my tradition of making home made candy for everyone.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Sept 8, 2014 22:07:18 GMT
You are not being a spoiled brat. I would stand up for myself if I were you. Tell mom no, she needs to find a date that's better for the family, as you have to work. She should NOT have arbitrarily changed it; it should have been a family decision. She's totally out of line.
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Post by jenjie on Sept 8, 2014 22:25:27 GMT
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Sept 8, 2014 22:53:10 GMT
I don't understand the hatred of change. When you hate it so much you will be continually disappointed. Life is fluid. It cannot stay the same forever. It just can't. Learn to embrace change and it won't be so hard. You are making it harder on yourself by hating it so much. I think my childhood was such that I adopted this attitude really early out of necessity. There are times I grieve that I am not a person who stands on tradition. I almost intentionally sabotage tradition so I don't have to be disappointed. And I get a little jumpy when things start being the same for too long. So hard to explain. So conversely, I have a hard time embracing tradition, not change. But I feel for you in this situation. I hope you end up having a wonderful holiday when it gets here. Let yourself be sad, but force yourself to enjoy the moment too!
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Post by susans sister on Sept 8, 2014 23:12:36 GMT
I agree with Old Crow. Once your parents are gone, nothing is ever the same. I would celebrate on any day of the year if I could have them with me again. Make the most of being with your family because they will not always be here.
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Sept 8, 2014 23:58:19 GMT
I'll validate you! Sure, the host gets to make the plans, but when it's always a certain day, there IS some obligation on their part to either solicit input or give SIGNIFICANT (for Xmas, 6 months) notice of a major change. For example, we traditionally (last 5 years or so) have a Saturday-after-the-4th-of-July party because a person in our neighborhood always has HIS party then - complete w/ professional-grade fireworks show. Our friends have come to depend on it, and many just skip going to see other fireworks because they know "ours" will be so good, and there's no parking hassle. Well, this year we found out that the people who normally do the show were NOT going to do that this year due to a lost job, low finances, etc. We decided not to have the party after all, since the "main event" wasn't going to happen. We let people know a full week before the 4th that we would not be having the party this year, so they wouldn't skip other fireworks and then be disappointed. MANY of them responded to say they were sad it wasn't happening, but that they really appreciated the heads-up. DH has to schedule his vacation by December 15th of the prior calendar year, so our families have gotten accustomed to planning ahead. DSIL's family is out of state, while they live in the same town as my folks, so they always go to her family for Xmas. As a result, we have come to the tradition of celebrating the last weekend before school's out (DB teaches, DN1 & DN2 attend in the same district). Sometimes that means we're gathering as early as the 14th or so. Although it does require shopping early, it's nice because we can enjoy a whole relaxed weekend together, and as a bonus everything's open/operating, so we can go out to eat, shopping, etc. if we want. Also, by the time we get to "real" Xmas, I'm pretty relaxed because it's only DH's side left and they're really laid back. All this to say that if either side decided to just up & change the date at the last minute, we'd most likely not be able to attend. I know you don't want to pull the nuclear option, but honestly I'd make sure your mom knew exactly what it took to get you there. In fact, just to make a point, any and all gifts I gave might be just cash or a check (which I know some would be fine with but most parents aren't).
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