Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 14, 2024 14:43:08 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2018 7:29:50 GMT
I'd be there for my son's birthday.
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on Mar 10, 2018 11:33:42 GMT
There is no way I'd miss my daughter's competition. No way. This is not a wedding! It's a baby shower with a lot of people for a spoiled-sounding sister (too many baby clothes?!).
When you skip this shower you show both of your kids who you put first: them. That is so powerful for them.
If you want to make your sister feel better, use the money you would have spent on the trip to get her one of her big ticket items.
You say "Sister, it sucks. I am so sorry that this happened and I won't be able to attend. I hope you understand how difficult this decision was for me." and you say to ex-stepsister "Thank you for doing what you could to accommodate me and I feel awful I couldn't work it out."
And you enjoy your kids. Please. They will remember this.
|
|
wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,819
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
|
Post by wellway on Mar 10, 2018 11:39:54 GMT
Yes, I would put the family first. Life happens, sister will find herself in the same boat in the future.
Bear in mind, I'm coming from the viewpoint that baby showers are not a thing here so I won't rate them above your DD's competition and DS's birthday. I mean the baby hasn't even arrived yet, go after it's born and ohh and ahh over the newborn then.
|
|
|
Post by LisaDV on Mar 10, 2018 11:49:13 GMT
Definitely reschedule and enjoy the baby, not the baby belly!! Explain situation to your former step sister. If she doesn't understand, then tough - live your life. Yes, this.
|
|
|
Post by lisae on Mar 10, 2018 13:52:58 GMT
I've read a few of the other responses but not all.
I'd either go to the shower as scheduled or not go and send flowers and a nice gift but I would not ask your sister to change her plans to suit your family. I think that would set a poor example to your children. You made a commitment; they worked around your schedule to start with. If you screwed up the date or things happened that messed up the date, own it.
|
|
|
Post by Drew on Mar 10, 2018 14:03:53 GMT
Being honest here...I wouldn't go to the shower and I wouldn't reschedule. I'd avoid that trip altogether. Your plans changed, it happens. Your kids need you. It's a no-brainer for me.
|
|
|
Post by JustKim on Mar 10, 2018 17:35:21 GMT
I agree with you. It's hard to miss your children's events, but you committed to the shower date first. Plus, isn't your mother planning to go with you? Mother will go regardless, she doesn't need me to fly with her. I'm kind of annoyed anyways because she pressured me to hurry up and by tickets, then after I did fessed up she won't be paying me back anytime soon. It's not just missing the birthday though, it's missing dd's state competition now too. I would stay and enjoy your sons birthday and your dd state competition. IMO my kids are first priority. Things come up. It happens. State competition was not something you planned for but it is a big deal!! I would say I was so sorry and go see the baby later. Also IMO I would not get on a plane to go to a baby shower. Go with your gut feeling and create those memories that will be important to you later in life.
|
|
FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 7,008
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
|
Post by FurryP on Mar 10, 2018 19:43:43 GMT
I think it is fine to renege on plans previously made when you have a good reason, and you do. Just be super apologetic and send flowers the day of the shower or some other peace offering. I think the trouble comes more often when people act like it is no big deal to flake on someone. Show them you're sorry. yeah that. But honestly, I don't know why people make such a big deal about birthdays. I realize your son is 9, but it is never too early to learn that sometimes life happens.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Mar 10, 2018 20:07:45 GMT
I think you already made your decision from your last post. My question is can you change flights for a reasonable fee? We just had a nephew cancel his wedding and our tickets were not cheap but they also were not worth the change fee charge if we rescheduled. Regardless, you know you’re daughter is not attending so you have to do something with her ticket. Good luck! This is why I always fly Southwest!
|
|
cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,377
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
|
Post by cycworker on Mar 10, 2018 20:07:51 GMT
Will pregnant sister be upset?? Based on her Facebook rant last night about getting too many baby clothes and not "big ticket" items I'm guessing yes. Then again she was also ranting about missing out on qualifying for a state competition multiple decades ago, so she should understand right?? I guess I know what I want to do, I'm just dragging my feet because I know there's going to be fallout. *sigh* Sorry. I think you're dragging your feet because you know it's wrong. You made a commitment. You chose the date. You don't get to bail now. Your kids will be fine. Much better for them in the long run if you do the right thing and behave with integrity by going on the shower. Your daughter will be fine, and frankly kids need to learn that they can't always come first. You need to suck it up and keep your word to your sister.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Apr 9, 2018 16:13:36 GMT
Based on her Facebook rant last night about getting too many baby clothes and not "big ticket" items I'm guessing yes. Then again she was also ranting about missing out on qualifying for a state competition multiple decades ago, so she should understand right?? I guess I know what I want to do, I'm just dragging my feet because I know there's going to be fallout. *sigh* Sorry. I think you're dragging your feet because you know it's wrong. You made a commitment. You chose the date. You don't get to bail now. Your kids will be fine. Much better for them in the long run if you do the right thing and behave with integrity by going on the shower. Your daughter will be fine, and frankly kids need to learn that they can't always come first. You need to suck it up and keep your word to your sister. I don’t see how saying of those two dates, one is more likely to work then the other is making a commitment?
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Apr 9, 2018 16:15:42 GMT
Update:
Well we cancelled dd’s ticket, and bought ds one to go along. He had a great time hanging out and spent two fun days with grandpa, so that was a success. The shower weekend however... I’m copying and pasting from a vent thread here.
I’m fresh on the heels of baby shower drama from mom-to-be zilla! First there was the Facebook rant after her *first* shower complaining that all she had gotten was clothes, she didn’t need clothes, she needed the very expensive car seat and extra base because she has two cars, and other big ticket items, and she needs them sooner than later so she can be done nesting! It was appalling.
Then there was the drama surrounding her expectations for my 67 year old mother and I the 3 days we were in town: paint the nursery, assemble all the cribs/bouncies etc received from the shower, help her shop for new living room furniture, and then fill the freezer with meals for her. When my mother balked at painting, sister threw a fit, yelling she didn’t understand why we didn’t want to be involved. So we picked out paint, went and bought paint, and painted the nursery.
She suggested we go out for pizza that night for my son’s birthday dinner, and bought hers, then turned to me, my son, my mom, and her BFF from high school who was in town the night before for the shower and let us know we were all paying ourselves. She did then offervto by my son’s, but instead got mom’s pizza as she was sitting holding a table.
Then there was the drama over being included in part of her maternity photo shoot. Two weeks of drama over what colors/dresses we could wear, resulting in her issuing the ultimatum that “the weekend was about her and her baby and if she didn’t approve we just wouldn’t be in the pictures”!
Ultimately the shower was lovely, my ex step sister put a lot of work into it (and money), fully catered luncheon at a bakery, followed by an amazing strawberry shortcake type cake. There were a few games, but more the price is right type then guess the candy bar in a diaper variety, and prizes were eye masks/spa things, so no obligation to hand over to mom-to-be. She spoke kind words, oohed and ahhed as she opened all the gifts, and got the car seat she demanded. I did lol at my cousin who gave her a white diaper genie and said “I couldn’t find the grey one you wanted, but here’s the receipt so you can hunt it down yourself”! So that night we detagged and washed everything, put everything together, finished the nursery etc.
The photo shoot next morning went pretty well, no idea if we’re going to be any photos she picks or not. The photographer did compliment me and mom both on dress choices, so there’s that. I put my foot down and insisted we go to brunch after the photo shoot, baby stuff, and couch shopping, fully expecting I was paying since it was my idea. But sister and mom got in an argument when the bill came, that ended when sister made some retort about how she “works for her money”. I’m a SAHM and mom is retired living on investments and alimony, so that went well. I ended up splitting lunch with mom and sister left tip (though mom stiffed me in her double mimosas insisting I had two drinks too, neglecting to account for the price difference in a $2 glass of tomato juice and $14 mimosa). Whatever, brunch was good and a needed rest.
I was able to make sister a weeks worth of lunches/dinners in the fridge and 5 dinners in the freezer, but there just wasn’t enough time. As it was I flew home exhausted and took two sick days in bed to recover! We did write what we gave in a post it note inside the envelopes we addressed for the thank yous. I always cut new moms a lot of slack with thank you notes, so I no problem with that. We shall see how that ends, I hope at least she sends them to the people who sent gifts but couldn’t attend the shower in person.
All in all I spent $1000 on airfare, $150 on gifts, $200 on meals, and $300 on dresses/shoes/jewelry/sweaters. I’m glad I went if nothing more than so she can’t bitch about that, and to show my kids these things are important for family. Of course there is still dd’s credit for her cancelled ticket, so she and I are supposed to fly out again and see the baby...oh and dd’s team has a member kicked off two days before the competition, they didn’t do well and were pretty bummed. But she’s doing ok.
|
|
Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,662
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
|
Post by Anita on Apr 9, 2018 16:22:30 GMT
You are a far better woman than I because I would have shut that diva shit down and walked away. What an entitled little twit. Glad you got some joy out of it, however you managed.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Apr 9, 2018 16:24:26 GMT
Based on her Facebook rant last night about getting too many baby clothes and not "big ticket" items I'm guessing yes. Then again she was also ranting about missing out on qualifying for a state competition multiple decades ago, so she should understand right?? I guess I know what I want to do, I'm just dragging my feet because I know there's going to be fallout. *sigh* Sorry. I think you're dragging your feet because you know it's wrong.You made a commitment. You chose the date. You don't get to bail now. Your kids will be fine. Much better for them in the long run if you do the right thing and behave with integrity by going on the shower. Your daughter will be fine, and frankly kids need to learn that they can't always come first. You need to suck it up and keep your word to your sister. Completely disagree. I see absolutely zero wrong with deciding that a long, expensive, unpleasant trip out of state that has become laden with family conflicts isn't going to work, even if you originally said you would try to attend. Even if you originally said you would attend. Not showing up at the last minute, except in cases of emergency = rude and selfish. Canceling well in advance because you realize it won't work after all = normal, thoughtful social behavior. I just want the OP to understand that just because someone says "you know you're wrong," doesn't necessarily make it so.
|
|
scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,843
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappert on Apr 9, 2018 16:24:34 GMT
OMG!! I just can't believe people really act that way!!
That felt like a chore instead of a shower. Sorry your sister acts like that. Good luck to the new baby. Geesh.
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Apr 9, 2018 16:25:19 GMT
Oh my god...each detail is worse than the last. I simply wouldn't involved myself with someone so self-centered. Especially the frozen meals, the special clothing for a photo shoot, and not acknowledging your son's birthday by even offering to pay for his pizza as her treat. I'm so glad my sister isn't like that!
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Apr 9, 2018 16:29:31 GMT
😱
|
|
maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,737
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
|
Post by maryannscraps on Apr 9, 2018 16:32:10 GMT
Wow. I just can't even. (I think that's the phrase I'm looking for) She made you and your mom paint her nursery? You have to be kidding.
Did you mean she and your mom got into an argument that neither was going to pay the brunch bill? That's just crazy. I'm usually getting into arguments about trying to pay it.
You sure deserved some days off after that one.
|
|
|
Post by scrapcat on Apr 9, 2018 16:39:30 GMT
Wow. At first I thought this makes me glad I don't have a sister! But then I thought if I had to choose I would be happy to have you as one. You went way above & beyond. I hope the karma works in your favor!
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Apr 9, 2018 16:41:02 GMT
used2scrap was this your sister or step sister's baby shower?? She's a fucking piece of work and there's no way I would have put up with all that BS. WOW...you're a better person than I am.
|
|
|
Post by #notLauren on Apr 9, 2018 16:49:47 GMT
Update: Well we cancelled dd’s ticket, and bought ds one to go along. He had a great time hanging out and spent two fun days with grandpa, so that was a success. The shower weekend however... I’m copying and pasting from a vent thread here. I’m fresh on the heels of baby shower drama from mom-to-be zilla! First there was the Facebook rant after her *first* shower complaining that all she had gotten was clothes, she didn’t need clothes, she needed the very expensive car seat and extra base because she has two cars, and other big ticket items, and she needs them sooner than later so she can be done nesting! It was appalling. Then there was the drama surrounding her expectations for my 67 year old mother and I the 3 days we were in town: paint the nursery, assemble all the cribs/bouncies etc received from the shower, help her shop for new living room furniture, and then fill the freezer with meals for her. When my mother balked at painting, sister threw a fit, yelling she didn’t understand why we didn’t want to be involved. So we picked out paint, went and bought paint, and painted the nursery. She suggested we go out for pizza that night for my son’s birthday dinner, and bought hers, then turned to me, my son, my mom, and her BFF from high school who was in town the night before for the shower and let us know we were all paying ourselves. She did then offervto by my son’s, but instead got mom’s pizza as she was sitting holding a table. Then there was the drama over being included in part of her maternity photo shoot. Two weeks of drama over what colors/dresses we could wear, resulting in her issuing the ultimatum that “the weekend was about her and her baby and if she didn’t approve we just wouldn’t be in the pictures”! Ultimately the shower was lovely, my ex step sister put a lot of work into it (and money), fully catered luncheon at a bakery, followed by an amazing strawberry shortcake type cake. There were a few games, but more the price is right type then guess the candy bar in a diaper variety, and prizes were eye masks/spa things, so no obligation to hand over to mom-to-be. She spoke kind words, oohed and ahhed as she opened all the gifts, and got the car seat she demanded. I did lol at my cousin who gave her a white diaper genie and said “I couldn’t find the grey one you wanted, but here’s the receipt so you can hunt it down yourself”! So that night we detagged and washed everything, put everything together, finished the nursery etc. The photo shoot next morning went pretty well, no idea if we’re going to be any photos she picks or not. The photographer did compliment me and mom both on dress choices, so there’s that. I put my foot down and insisted we go to brunch after the photo shoot, baby stuff, and couch shopping, fully expecting I was paying since it was my idea. But sister and mom got in an argument when the bill came, that ended when sister made some retort about how she “works for her money”. I’m a SAHM and mom is retired living on investments and alimony, so that went well. I ended up splitting lunch with mom and sister left tip (though mom stiffed me in her double mimosas insisting I had two drinks too, neglecting to account for the price difference in a $2 glass of tomato juice and $14 mimosa). Whatever, brunch was good and a needed rest. I was able to make sister a weeks worth of lunches/dinners in the fridge and 5 dinners in the freezer, but there just wasn’t enough time. As it was I flew home exhausted and took two sick days in bed to recover! We did write what we gave in a post it note inside the envelopes we addressed for the thank yous. I always cut new moms a lot of slack with thank you notes, so I no problem with that. We shall see how that ends, I hope at least she sends them to the people who sent gifts but couldn’t attend the shower in person. All in all I spent $1000 on airfare, $150 on gifts, $200 on meals, and $300 on dresses/shoes/jewelry/sweaters. I’m glad I went if nothing more than so she can’t bitch about that, and to show my kids these things are important for family. Of course there is still dd’s credit for her cancelled ticket, so she and I are supposed to fly out again and see the baby...oh and dd’s team has a member kicked off two days before the competition, they didn’t do well and were pretty bummed. But she’s doing ok. I'm so glad you decided to go. I think the whole "family first" gets used in inappropriate ways and teaches our kids bad manners and a heightened sense of self-importance. Kudos to you.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Apr 9, 2018 16:59:42 GMT
WOW. I agree with (almost) everyone else. That would have been my last visit. Ever. Sister or no sister.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 14, 2024 14:43:08 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2018 17:00:30 GMT
Then there was the drama surrounding her expectations for my 67 year old mother and I the 3 days we were in town: paint the nursery, assemble all the cribs/bouncies etc received from the shower, help her shop for new living room furniture, and then fill the freezer with meals for her. When my mother balked at painting, sister threw a fit, yelling she didn’t understand why we didn’t want to be involved. So we picked out paint, went and bought paint, and painted the nursery. Wow, she's very entitled isn't she?! I'm glad you went being that you committed, but in the future don't cater to her. Everyone catering to her is doing her and her child a disservice. She needs a huge dose of reality so that she doesn't create more snowflakes in this world.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Apr 9, 2018 17:02:11 GMT
Yeah, just no. I would NOT have caved to her every demand. I applaud you for being able to do it. I really mean that.
BUT, I think you should reconsider going out to see the baby. It's going to be more of the same.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Apr 9, 2018 17:08:59 GMT
used2scrap was this your sister or step sister's baby shower?? She's a fucking piece of work and there's no way I would have put up with all that BS. WOW...you're a better person than I am. Sister. Yes she’s an entitled brat, and none of us have done her any favors by not shutting her shit down over the years. As much as I wanted to, I can’t get past that she’s an 8 and a half months pregnant single mom by choice who I think is terrified as she’s realized she made a mistake and her whole life as she knows it is about to implode. It’s not going to be pretty, that’s for sure.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Apr 9, 2018 17:14:07 GMT
Then there was the drama surrounding her expectations for my 67 year old mother and I the 3 days we were in town: paint the nursery, assemble all the cribs/bouncies etc received from the shower, help her shop for new living room furniture, and then fill the freezer with meals for her. When my mother balked at painting, sister threw a fit, yelling she didn’t understand why we didn’t want to be involved. So we picked out paint, went and bought paint, and painted the nursery. Wow, she's very entitled isn't she?! I'm glad you went being that you committed, but in the future don't cater to her. Everyone catering to her is doing her and her child a disservice. She needs a huge dose of reality so that she doesn't create more snowflakes in this world. I agree. We’ve put up with it far too long, and now the knowledge that the resulting tantrums when people stop catering to her are going to be epic. I’ve raised three toddlers, I know that once you’ve given In a time or two it’s harder to fight through then if you never caved. I’m pretty sure once she’s past the “cut the new mom slack” phase though, most of her friends/family are done. The tides are changing in her Facebook comments already.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Apr 9, 2018 17:14:59 GMT
Then there was the drama surrounding her expectations for my 67 year old mother and I the 3 days we were in town: paint the nursery, assemble all the cribs/bouncies etc received from the shower, help her shop for new living room furniture, and then fill the freezer with meals for her. When my mother balked at painting, sister threw a fit, yelling she didn’t understand why we didn’t want to be involved. So we picked out paint, went and bought paint, and painted the nursery. Wow, she's very entitled isn't she?! I'm glad you went being that you committed, but in the future don't cater to her. Everyone catering to her is doing her and her child a disservice. She needs a huge dose of reality so that she doesn't create more snowflakes in this world. At least she paid for the paint lol!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 14, 2024 14:43:08 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2018 17:28:09 GMT
I don’t think you have any right to complain about the sister’s bad behavior and extreme expectations since you all gave in to her tyranny and essentially confirmed that yes, it is all about her. If you never tell a spoiled brat no, he or she will continue to be a spoiled brat.
Painting the nursery has me agog. That’s insane.
At least you know.
|
|
|
Post by lbp on Apr 9, 2018 17:43:40 GMT
What is a maternity photo shoot and why would other members of the family be in these pics?
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Apr 9, 2018 17:48:02 GMT
😱😱😱😱😱
|
|