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Post by MsChiff on May 8, 2018 5:56:48 GMT
How would you handle this? DD is getting married in August, and the planning is going well. A few weeks after the wedding, the happy young couple will be moving across the country to start graduate school. Each will bring a suitcase and backpack. Save the dates have been sent. I have had an aunt ask about presents. She would like to get them a cutlery set. I told her that was a great idea, but it might likely sit in my basement for 2 years. The couple has set up a wedding website, but it hasn't gone live yet. (I can see it as as administrator.) There is a registry page and DF has written something about the move and expecting no presents. He added that once they have an address, presents could be set there after the move. I am not sure about how this reads. i think that they should mention the move, and let people make their own decisions about gifts. How would you handle this? Chris "We're eagerly anticipating our August wedding as it will be our last opportunity to celebrate with many of our friends and family before we grab our suitcase and backpack and fly across this big, beautiful country for two years of graduate school!" Or something like this. I think most people reading this would realize that there's very little space to transport gifts and that since they're going to grad school, money is likely the best gift. (I would not, however, put this on the registry page.) PS. A good set of knives is a GREAT gift, even if it does have to be stored for two years.  SaveSaveSaveSave |
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Post by MsChiff on May 8, 2018 6:03:39 GMT
Now what was considered rude is out the window. I’ve seen bridal shower invites that request all presents to be sent to their home as they won’t be opening gifts or acknowledging gifts at the bridal shower. I would request gift cards “as we are relocating to another state and will use the gift cards once we settle-in”. I think this is nicer than rudely not opening gifts as many girls are doing at their bridal showers. Rude is still rude; the difference today is that some parents have failed to teach their children proper etiquette so they think that what they want is how things should be. The purpose of a bridal shower is to shower the bride-to-be with gifts. If she doesn't wish to open or acknowledge gifts at the shower, there's really no need for a shower. No shower means no shower gift. SaveSave |
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Post by mnmloveli on May 8, 2018 13:34:24 GMT
Now what was considered rude is out the window. I’ve seen bridal shower invites that request all presents to be sent to their home as they won’t be opening gifts or acknowledging gifts at the bridal shower. I would request gift cards “as we are relocating to another state and will use the gift cards once we settle-in”. I think this is nicer than rudely not opening gifts as many girls are doing at their bridal showers. Rude is still rude; the difference today is that some parents have failed to teach their children proper etiquette so they think that what they want is how things should be. The purpose of a bridal shower is to shower the bride-to-be with gifts. If she doesn't wish to open or acknowledge gifts at the shower, there's really no need for a shower. No shower means no shower gift. SaveSaveI totally agree. But sometimes when kids grow-up they turn into different people with their own different ideas and beliefs. |
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Post by 50offscrapper on May 10, 2018 8:05:41 GMT
How would you handle this? DD is getting married in August, and the planning is going well. A few weeks after the wedding, the happy young couple will be moving across the country to start graduate school. Each will bring a suitcase and backpack. Save the dates have been sent. I have had an aunt ask about presents. She would like to get them a cutlery set. I told her that was a great idea, but it might likely sit in my basement for 2 years. The couple has set up a wedding website, but it hasn't gone live yet. (I can see it as as administrator.) There is a registry page and DF has written something about the move and expecting no presents. He added that once they have an address, presents could be set there after the move. I am not sure about how this reads. i think that they should mention the move, and let people make their own decisions about gifts. How would you handle this? Chris "We're eagerly anticipating our August wedding as it will be our last opportunity to celebrate with many of our friends and family before we grab our suitcase and backpack and fly across this big, beautiful country for two years of graduate school!" Or something like this. I think most people reading this would realize that there's very little space to transport gifts and that since they're going to grad school, money is likely the best gift. (I would not, however, put this on the registry page.) PS. A good set of knives is a GREAT gift, even if it does have to be stored for two years. SaveSaveSaveSave |
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Post by 50offscrapper on May 10, 2018 8:07:49 GMT
How would you handle this? DD is getting married in August, and the planning is going well. A few weeks after the wedding, the happy young couple will be moving across the country to start graduate school. Each will bring a suitcase and backpack. Save the dates have been sent. I have had an aunt ask about presents. She would like to get them a cutlery set. I told her that was a great idea, but it might likely sit in my basement for 2 years. The couple has set up a wedding website, but it hasn't gone live yet. (I can see it as as administrator.) There is a registry page and DF has written something about the move and expecting no presents. He added that once they have an address, presents could be set there after the move. I am not sure about how this reads. i think that they should mention the move, and let people make their own decisions about gifts. How would you handle this? Chris "We're eagerly anticipating our August wedding as it will be our last opportunity to celebrate with many of our friends and family before we grab our suitcase and backpack and fly across this big, beautiful country for two years of graduate school!" Or something like this. I think most people reading this would realize that there's very little space to transport gifts and that since they're going to grad school, money is likely the best gift. (I would not, however, put this on the registry page.) PS. A good set of knives is a GREAT gift, even if it does have to be stored for two years. SaveSaveSaveSavePerfect! |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 10, 2018 10:35:08 GMT
That they're moving is their private life. Wedding guests shouldn't (and likely won't if they're not part of the bride and groom's tight inner circle) worry and plan around the couple's post-wedding plans. I don't mean this in a rude manner but stating the facts. Well, actually etiquette handles this issue as well with the at-home card. This smaller card is traditionally included in the invitation as a way to communicate not only where the couple will make their home after their wedding, but also what name the bride will be using. There's a fact for you, too. These kinds of threads tickle the snot out of me. You guys know there are books out there about wedding etiquette, right? Emily Post covered all this and more. So much misinformation here. |
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Post by sleepingbooty on May 10, 2018 11:32:47 GMT
That they're moving is their private life. Wedding guests shouldn't (and likely won't if they're not part of the bride and groom's tight inner circle) worry and plan around the couple's post-wedding plans. I don't mean this in a rude manner but stating the facts. Well, actually etiquette handles this issue as well with the at-home card. This smaller card is traditionally included in the invitation as a way to communicate not only where the couple will make their home after their wedding, but also what name the bride will be using. There's a fact for you, too. These kinds of threads tickle the snot out of me. You guys know there are books out there about wedding etiquette, right? Emily Post covered all this and more. So much misinformation here. The thread title clearly stated opinionists were welcome as well. Most people commented based on what is seen as normal and usual in their environment regarding wedding gifts. If you wish to give exact references from formal etiquette books, so be it. There's a vast world of difference between the prescriptions of etiquette books (which are culturally relevant only anyway) and real world experience. It's ok for regular folks to give their regular opinions on a regular social event matter. Personally, I have never received an at-home card with a wedding invitation and I'm currently surrounded by friends settling down and getting married. There is no misinformation being stated in this thread but opinions being given on real world observations. Anyone with etiquette knowledge wishing to give the formal rule is welcome to add that type of information to the discussion to enrich it. Belittling those who are using their social observation skills to express what is of actual use in their social circle is of no great merit nor likely to be endorsed by those dictating social etiquette anyway.  The ways of the world change and evolve. Let's remain civil and unpretentious when modern observations clash with old rules. |
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2018 11:48:02 GMT
When we got married 7 years ago we had just bought a house but were in the middle of renovations. Our gifts sat in our garage for quite a while before we were able to use them. I wouldn’t pass the burden onto guests to either : A) but the gift and hang onto it for a while and then ship it B) try to remember to actually purchase a gift in 1-2 years If they truly don’t want gifts they shouldn’t make a registry and then explain the situation. If you have a registry I’m going to assume you want the gifts off of it. Yes, I was thinking the same. Perhaps no registry — then folks will just give a check and they can buy what they want when they are ready. |
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Post by peano on May 10, 2018 13:11:18 GMT
Well, actually etiquette handles this issue as well with the at-home card. This smaller card is traditionally included in the invitation as a way to communicate not only where the couple will make their home after their wedding, but also what name the bride will be using. There's a fact for you, too. These kinds of threads tickle the snot out of me. You guys know there are books out there about wedding etiquette, right? Emily Post covered all this and more. So much misinformation here. The thread title clearly stated opinionists were welcome as well. Most people commented based on what is seen as normal and usual in their environment regarding wedding gifts. If you wish to give exact references from formal etiquette books, so be it. There's a vast world of difference between the prescriptions of etiquette books (which are culturally relevant only anyway) and real world experience. It's ok for regular folks to give their regular opinions on a regular social event matter.Personally, I have never received an at-home card with a wedding invitation and I'm currently surrounded by friends settling down and getting married. There is no misinformation being stated in this thread but opinions being given on real world observations. Anyone with etiquette knowledge wishing to give the formal rule is welcome to add that type of information to the discussion to enrich it. Belittling those who are using their social observation skills to express what is of actual use in their social circle is of no great merit nor likely to be endorsed by those dictating social etiquette anyway. The ways of the world change and evolve. Let's remain civil and unpretentious when modern observations clash with old rules. Etiquette is useful for everyone, even “regular folks”. Somehow people have gotten the idea that etiquette is a snooty system for the “elite”. The purpose of etiquette is to provide guidelines that are courteous and thoughtful for living in society with others. It may have taken a detour during the Gilded Age with a focus on fish forks, but the basic principles are quite relevant today. Just because “real world experience” includes tidbits like “cash or gift cards only” doesn’t mean that will ever be a solution that works in a polite society; aka doesn’t piss people off. |
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Post by chlerbie on May 10, 2018 14:17:01 GMT
I went to a wedding where the registry was all for things that had to do with an upcoming trip they were taking. For example, you could pick "hotel room" or "dinner out" and things like that. So if you wanted to specify something specific that they were doing, you could.
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Post by utmr on May 10, 2018 14:31:22 GMT
What about "at home" cards? You used to see these included in invitations. You might be able to use that as a gentle suggestion to ship gifts.
A separate small card along the lines of:
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
(Or Bob Smith and Susan Jones)
will be at home
Following the first of June
123 Street name
City
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Post by Darcy Collins on May 10, 2018 15:02:20 GMT
I went to a wedding where the registry was all for things that had to do with an upcoming trip they were taking. For example, you could pick "hotel room" or "dinner out" and things like that. So if you wanted to specify something specific that they were doing, you could. I know even Emily Post has weighed in and said honeymoon registries aren't any different than a traditional registry - but I just don't like them. I love to travel, my go to gift for a wedding is cash - so in theory these should be right up my alley. But they're not. YMMV |
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Post by 950nancy on May 10, 2018 15:31:32 GMT
Rude is still rude; the difference today is that some parents have failed to teach their children proper etiquette so they think that what they want is how things should be. The purpose of a bridal shower is to shower the bride-to-be with gifts. If she doesn't wish to open or acknowledge gifts at the shower, there's really no need for a shower. No shower means no shower gift. SaveSaveI totally agree. But sometimes when kids grow-up they turn into different people with their own different ideas and beliefs. Not to mention that times change and sometimes people see this change as rude because it just wasn't done in their time. Lots of things are changing. People are much more likely to state what they need rather than go with traditions that their parents used. I have lots of previous students on my FB feed and they see some of the things that I learned as either old fashioned or ridiculous. Sometimes they are right. If you are moving and can't take gifts with you, find a way to let people know that. I can change enough that if I get invited to one of these weddings, I would love to give cash or a gift card because it is what they NEED not just something I want to give because it was given to me as a wedding gift. I have a huge china hutch filled with things people wanted to give me according to those traditions and they simply just haven't been used in 30+ years. Give the couple what they need and don't worry about giving them something that will be housed by someone else for years only to be moved and stuck in a hutch or closet. Or give them a gift receipt so they can make an exchange or store credit. |
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Post by 950nancy on May 10, 2018 15:42:55 GMT
Emily post was born and married in the 1800's. She was married to a wealthy banker and didn't start writing until her sons went away to boarding school. I'm pretty sure she was one of the elite of her time.
I was brought up on her etiquette and think much of it remains good advice, but as times change, so does what is accepted and the older generations often sound like the old guy on the lawn yelling at the kids to get off of it.
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Post by lucyg on May 10, 2018 15:50:49 GMT
Emily post was born and married in the 1800's. She was married to a wealthy banker and didn't start writing until her sons went away to boarding school. I'm pretty sure she was one of the elite of her time. I was brought up on her etiquette and think much of it remains good advice, but as times change, so does what is accepted and the older generations often sound like the old guy on the lawn yelling at the kids to get off of it. Not that I disagree with a lot of what you've said, but on this point ... Emily Post has been updated many times. We aren't still operating entirely under her 19th century restrictions.  |
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Post by FLA SummerBaby on May 10, 2018 16:40:12 GMT
I would not put the burden on my guests to figure where or when to send gifts. In fact, I wouldn't mention gifts at all, except for a registry link on a wedding website. If it sits in a basement for two years, so be it unfortunately.  |
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927 
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Post by freebird on May 10, 2018 17:18:30 GMT
Technically, it's poor etiquette to even mention gifts let alone what you should give or how you should send them.
:/
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2018 18:55:54 GMT
What I would do? After the wedding fuss is done, and the couple is off, return all the gifts that look like they came from walmart for a gift card. And those that came from target, get a gift card.
Pay the $25 for a fifty pound suitcase , and put in it the towels, sheets and small stuff.
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Post by ralams3 on May 10, 2018 20:13:41 GMT
Well, this has become my longest thread ever!
Thanks for all of your opinions.
I have passed this thread on to DD.
It appears that DF wrote what he did without consulting her for input. (The website is on his to do list.)
I can't believe that people suggest returning all the gifts for credit. I can't imagine doing that.
I think that my parents had at home cards in the 60s, but I have never seen those used today.
DD and DF are moving to Vancouver and don't have a placed rented yet.
Chris
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Post by annabella on May 10, 2018 20:16:52 GMT
I think they should just pay for a second checked bag on the plane to transport their gifts.
If you mentioned they were moving after the wedding, I would not connect the dots that my present is bothersome. I would assume they are moving a ton of stuff.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2018 22:37:04 GMT
Well, this has become my longest thread ever! Thanks for all of your opinions. I have passed this thread on to DD. It appears that DF wrote what he did without consulting her for input. (The website is on his to do list.) I can't believe that people suggest returning all the gifts for credit. I can't imagine doing that. I think that my parents had at home cards in the 60s, but I have never seen those used today. DD and DF are moving to Vancouver and don't have a placed rented yet. Chris Why would returning the gifts be so bad? They get the credit and can repurchase when they get to their new place. |
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Post by 950nancy on May 10, 2018 22:59:22 GMT
Emily post was born and married in the 1800's. She was married to a wealthy banker and didn't start writing until her sons went away to boarding school. I'm pretty sure she was one of the elite of her time. I was brought up on her etiquette and think much of it remains good advice, but as times change, so does what is accepted and the older generations often sound like the old guy on the lawn yelling at the kids to get off of it. Not that I disagree with a lot of what you've said, but on this point ... Emily Post has been updated many times. We aren't still operating entirely under her 19th century restrictions.  True, but a lot of it is similar. And I really don't disagree with much of her writing, but I do think that originally it was for the wealthy (perhaps elitist). |
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Post by lucyg on May 11, 2018 0:01:26 GMT
Not that I disagree with a lot of what you've said, but on this point ... Emily Post has been updated many times. We aren't still operating entirely under her 19th century restrictions. True, but a lot of it is similar. And I really don't disagree with much of her writing, but I do think that originally it was for the wealthy (perhaps elitist). And the ones who wanted to get there. |
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Post by mom on May 11, 2018 0:28:28 GMT
Well, this has become my longest thread ever! Thanks for all of your opinions. I have passed this thread on to DD. It appears that DF wrote what he did without consulting her for input. (The website is on his to do list.) I can't believe that people suggest returning all the gifts for credit. I can't imagine doing that.I think that my parents had at home cards in the 60s, but I have never seen those used today. DD and DF are moving to Vancouver and don't have a placed rented yet. Chris Why is this so bad? IMHO its way better than sticking stuff down in a basement for two years, only to be forgotten & not used. |
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