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Post by Mel on Oct 22, 2018 18:48:45 GMT
My childhood wasn't "Brady Bunch" perfect, or even close!!
I was the built in babysitter for my two younger siblings. My baby brother was born when I was 11, and I wasn't even allowed to go to youth group or any other activities unless I could take him with me. I essentially raised him till he was about 7 and I moved out.
Anyway... there are a LOT of things that I had to do & didn't get to do when I was a kid that I missed out on. Besides the babysitting, I had to clean & cook, etc. Every Saturday was laundry day, wash, and hang on the line, no drier allowed (even though we had one!), fold, put away. I didn't get to do extra curricular stuff like sports or school activities.
Because of that, and other stuff too, I have always encouraged my kids to be active in stuff like that. Softball, cheer, choir, band, scouts, etc. We go to all of the concerts, ball games, and parent/teacher conferences. I have never made my girls skip anything to be home to "babysit" their brothers(both of my boys are special needs). We try to do "family" things because I didn't have those kinds of things when I was a kid. My Mom did "the best she could" and I get that now that I'm all grown up(sort of).
Of course, there were good things that I've carried on with my kids too, traditions, etc.
Anyway... what do you do or not do as a parent because of your experience growing up??
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Oct 22, 2018 18:55:12 GMT
My children attended public school, which opened up their world to all sorts of people. That was very important to me.
(My own world growing up, and even in college, was unnecessarily narrow. Read: Catholic.)
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,772
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Oct 22, 2018 18:56:30 GMT
Do: My dad put a huge emphasis on family. My parents may have done a lot of things not-quite-right but one thing they were really, really good at is having a blended family. DH and I have made encouraging our kids to have relationships with each other a priority in our parenting.
Not Do: Where my dad was a really good parent, though not always present because of his job, my mom is mentally ill and grew up in foster care without a longterm, good placement, so she really didn't have the resources to be a good parent. I pretty much do the opposite of everything she did/does. One of the biggest for me I guess is watching what I say--not putting my kids down and realizing the impact words have. DH is the youngest of four boys. He refuses for our kids to have hand-me-down anything. It seems crazy and fairly wasteful to me but he has a very strong opinion about it.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 22, 2018 19:05:05 GMT
Our "vacations" were trips to see family. On the three week tour of duty, we would camp in a pop up trailer. We took one vacation as a family to Colorado when I was ten. That was my vision of the world. The midwest and Colorado. I promised myself that if it was possible, I would take vacations and not just obligatory trips to see family... read into that in-laws. I feel like my kids have experienced lots of things I did not.
My dad was also into financial independence for me as daughter. I knew much more about money than my husband when I met him. It was important that my kids learn how to make money at a young age and how to invest. He also instilled in me a strong (possibly too strong) work ethic.
My mom was a stay at home mom and did most of the homemaking. I didn't learn a lot of things I should have but that was not because of my mom. I was a turd when it came to learning things I didn't want to know. I made sure my kids learned and did those things as young kids so they would always see it as just something everyone did to pitch into being a family.
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Post by ladytrisha on Oct 22, 2018 19:17:25 GMT
Wow - you and I had similar childhoods. My Mom had twins when I was 11 1/2. For some bizarre reason my parents didn't think I would be happy an only child and that I needed playmates. My sisters weren't it then and still aren't it. We have a different code in life - and I have nothing in common with them aside from birth parents. I was sent away to live with my grandparents in England in June (twins were born in August) and I didn't return home until November. I had to go to school in England (culture shock and home sickness and not fitting in - it was not good). I got married young (20) because it was a way out as well. And I certainly didn't want kids. My alarm clock went off when I was 31 and we had our son - the only one and he's perfectly happy and content being the only. Son was on the spectrum so school was lots of meetings, IEPs and getting him thru it - but we were sure to be there. High school was a perfect fit and he just excelled. Tried sports, but that wasn't a good fit for him. Scouts was the perfect fit - started in Cubs and went thru Eagle and even tried getting a Venture Crew started. Our son said it was the best experience and loved spending weekends with his Dad. We've insisted on either trade school or college degree - we've pounded in to him how important a degree is - and he's taking the slow road getting there. He hasn't had to "adult" like we did at 20 - or in this case 27. My husband was always showed (and told) that whatever man his Mom was married to, came first before he and his brother. He was also not the favorite son. There was a lot of emotional damage as fallout, but we've tried to do better by our son and even his friends by letting them know they always have a soft place to fall or advice if they want it. We're not the perfect family, but my son tells his friends that we're cool and that if they can't go to their parents to come talk to his - we're good with that We've done better.
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Post by kkooch on Oct 22, 2018 19:23:28 GMT
What I did do from experience from my parents was be involved in any activity my kids did. Whether it was going to scout meetings, scout overnight trips, watching them play sports, school events etc. They recognized at a young age how most parents did not attend and watch. Fingers crossed that when they have kids they will continue the tradition. My mom was a stay at home and did everything from being a lunch lady at our school to being every position in PTO. I can't imagine how many more things she would have done if she drove. She couldn't go anywhere until my dad came home from work so he could drive her.
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Post by chlerbie on Oct 22, 2018 19:25:45 GMT
Growing up, I had some bad experiences with step-parents. I had a distant and aggressive stepfather, and two stepmothers--the first was very possessive of my dad and didn't like me to be alone with him. Also, when he brought me home after a visit, she'd make him bring my younger half-sister because she was afraid he was going to get back with my mom. (As if!) My second stepmother was better, was superficially nice to me, but I always felt like an outsider at my father's house. I would go there for their Christmas Eve party and everyone would be opening gifts. Except me. It never even entered her mind to get me a gift to open.
With my stepdaughter, this really taught me all the things I never wanted to do and what I wanted to do. I made it clear from the beginning that I thought of her as a special bonus with her dad and that I was excited to have her in my life. I made sure she got to do things with her dad just on her own and encouraged him and gave him ideas on things to say and do with her. I made sure that she knew that our home was hers as well. It probably helped that she was 13, so I didn't need to do "parenting", but we became really good friends really quickly and have the kind of relationship I would have liked to have had. I was her maid of honor at her wedding--the really greatest honor of my life. I feel like my horrible experiences led me to something amazing.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 4:00:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2018 19:27:14 GMT
My childhood wasn't "Brady Bunch" perfect, or even close!! I was the built in babysitter for my two younger siblings. My baby brother was born when I was 11, and I wasn't even allowed to go to youth group or any other activities unless I could take him with me. I essentially raised him till he was about 7 and I moved out. Anyway... there are a LOT of things that I had to do & didn't get to do when I was a kid that I missed out on. Besides the babysitting, I had to clean & cook, etc. Every Saturday was laundry day, wash, and hang on the line, no drier allowed (even though we had one!), fold, put away. I didn't get to do extra curricular stuff like sports or school activities. Because of that, and other stuff too, I have always encouraged my kids to be active in stuff like that. Softball, cheer, choir, band, scouts, etc. We go to all of the concerts, ball games, and parent/teacher conferences. I have never made my girls skip anything to be home to "babysit" their brothers(both of my boys are special needs). We try to do "family" things because I didn't have those kinds of things when I was a kid. My Mom did "the best she could" and I get that now that I'm all grown up(sort of). Of course, there were good things that I've carried on with my kids too, traditions, etc. Anyway... what do you do or not do as a parent because of your experience growing up?? OMG I could have written this!
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Post by papersilly on Oct 22, 2018 19:40:04 GMT
My childhood wasn't "Brady Bunch" perfect, or even close!! I was the built in babysitter for my two younger siblings. My baby brother was born when I was 11, and I wasn't even allowed to go to youth group or any other activities unless I could take him with me. I essentially raised him till he was about 7 and I moved out. Anyway... there are a LOT of things that I had to do & didn't get to do when I was a kid that I missed out on. Besides the babysitting, I had to clean & cook, etc. Every Saturday was laundry day, wash, and hang on the line, no drier allowed (even though we had one!), fold, put away. I didn't get to do extra curricular stuff like sports or school activities. I can't answer your question but, this was me exactly. Being the oldest, having two siblings, all the other stuff. After my parents divorced, I was still the go to person for my siblings. I think all that was one of the motivating factors for not wanting to have kids. On some level, I've been there, done that and still do it to this day. Someone once said, "it's never to late to have a happy childhood". And so I have. I do what I want, when I want. Life is just one big extra curricular. Lol
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,942
Location: PNW
Jul 20, 2014 21:57:23 GMT
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Post by breetheflea on Oct 22, 2018 19:54:42 GMT
My mom was almost always either late, or forgot to pick me up from activities (mostly at church)... so I try to not do that to my kids. They have never walked home in the dark, or had to get a ride from someone else.
The two seasons in high school I played a sport, my parents came to two games/meets. Unless someone is sick, or we have multiple events going on, I'm at my kid's games.
I also don't compare my kids to each other, or blame the oldest because she is the oldest... and "should know better." Guess who was the oldest with a devious younger sisters...
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 22, 2018 19:58:37 GMT
Growing up, I had some bad experiences with step-parents. I had a distant and aggressive stepfather, and two stepmothers--the first was very possessive of my dad and didn't like me to be alone with him. Also, when he brought me home after a visit, she'd make him bring my younger half-sister because she was afraid he was going to get back with my mom. (As if!) My second stepmother was better, was superficially nice to me, but I always felt like an outsider at my father's house. I would go there for their Christmas Eve party and everyone would be opening gifts. Except me. It never even entered her mind to get me a gift to open. With my stepdaughter, this really taught me all the things I never wanted to do and what I wanted to do. I made it clear from the beginning that I thought of her as a special bonus with her dad and that I was excited to have her in my life. I made sure she got to do things with her dad just on her own and encouraged him and gave him ideas on things to say and do with her. I made sure that she knew that our home was hers as well. It probably helped that she was 13, so I didn't need to do "parenting", but we became really good friends really quickly and have the kind of relationship I would have liked to have had. I was her maid of honor at her wedding--the really greatest honor of my life. I feel like my horrible experiences led me to something amazing.This is just too sweet for words. Love it.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Oct 22, 2018 20:31:20 GMT
My parents were overly strict when I was a teen. They found out I was sleeping with my boyfriend when I was 17 and freaked the *f* out! They started driving by my work to make sure I was there, called his parents, sent me to counseling, etc. I ended up moving out on my 18th birthday in with that boyfriend who I eventually ended up marrying (we just celebrated 20 years). Any relationship with my parents was effectively ruined. Moving on to now, we have a 17yo (and an 8yo). According to dh I'm overly lenient with ods. Overall he's a good kid so I tend to give him a long leash, he doesn't really have a curfew (as long as it's reasonable and he keeps up informed of what he's doing and when to expect him), in general I don't question him and trust him to be honest, he hasn't given us any reason not to but dh would rather be a little more strict. He doesn't have a girlfriend (and hasn't in awhile, he's content focusing on friends and sports)but if he did I'd be lenient there too (within reason, no sleepovers or bedroom visits, if they want to be alone they'll have to at least try for it )
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,125
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Oct 22, 2018 20:43:48 GMT
i was the younger sibling and my brother watched me as both my parents worked shifts. i do remember the summer i was 7 my mom hired a babysitter (a teen girl actually a year younger than my brother) to watch me because i wasn't my brother's child to raise.
my DD is 5 and 7 years older than her brothers. i expected her to help out and pick them up from the bus if i had to work late (i worked part time).
however, if she had band or a sports practice, it was not her problem and i made other arrangements.
my view is we are a family and families help each other out. but she didn't choose to have two younger brothers and shouldn't have to miss out on *her* life because we had two more kids.
i also never paid her because, as i said before, we are a family and families help each other out.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Oct 22, 2018 21:13:12 GMT
There are so many ways in which my dh and I raise our kids differenty than our parents raised us. Way too many to go into.
I think the biggest in a way is that we are very careful to not compare our kids to each other or show favoritism.
Next may be that we have shielded our kids when they were young from any worries about finances that may have been in our adult lives. We both have too many memories of the opposite and I attribute my dh's sometimes overwhelming financial anxieties to constantly hearing, "We are going to STARVE!" from his mother. (Which was not true at all, but she was the Queen of Dramatic Hyperbole.)
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 22, 2018 21:17:24 GMT
My mom was there for everything and my dad was too lazy to do anything. So I made sure that DH attended the majority of school plays/sports/whatever...
Otherwise the differences between me growing up and all my kids is that (both DH and myself) both had families that moved almost every year. I had a new school at least once every year or every other year, depending on the move. Same with DH. It was important that we didn't move around like we did. That said, we never moved since the kids started Kindergarten and not on purpose, it just never happened.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 22, 2018 21:41:28 GMT
I’m sorry that so many of you had rough childhoods. I had a lovely childhood. Two parents who loved us and did things for us. We weren’t rich but we had a pool (above ground) and a trampoline so we felt rich LOL! I remember being really jealous that our parents’ best friends took their kids to Disneyland whereas all of our holidays were spent at one grandparents’ farm or the other grandparents’ place near the river. t the time I felt like we missed out but actually they were some of the best times of my life. There is nothing I would change and nothing that I felt I needed to do differently with my own kids.
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 23, 2018 14:34:38 GMT
I swore as a child that my home would be peaceful. I grew up with a very volatile father. We tiptoed around him, never knowing what would set him off.
One sister and one brother have the same trait.
My home is a sanctuary. When our DS showed anger management issues at age 16, we made him go to therapy to learn to deal with it.
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Post by fredfreddy44 on Oct 23, 2018 14:54:36 GMT
Religion is not hard core and they don't have to put half their earnings away for college. I also drive them a lot more places than my mom did (which was never).
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 23, 2018 15:02:41 GMT
The big thing I didn’t do was have a crapton of kids! I watched my mom cook, clean and pick up after a family of ten practically nonstop and I was bound and determined to never have to work that hard. Stopping with one kid was one of the best decisions I ever made.
We never had money growing up and as such we didn’t have a lot of opportunities to do extracurricular things or go on vacations. I didn’t take swimming lessons until I was 14 and terrified of drowning (and even that didn’t happen until after my younger brother almost did drown). So because of my own fear of water, I made my kid start swimming lessons when she was 4. She’s on her way to being a great swimmer now and loves the water as a result. She has also taken after school art classes and is learning Spanish now. DH and I have made a point to take actual out of our state family vacation every few years.
Another big one is sending my kid to public school. I attended private elementary school and hated the cliquey atmosphere there. I wanted my kid to be able to have a diverse group of friends who weren’t so hung up on material things.
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Post by mom on Oct 23, 2018 15:19:21 GMT
What my parents did: --moved around a bunch, never had a permanent home that I felt was 'mine'. True story: I was an Exchange Student to Russia. While I was gone, my parents. moved and relocated 10 hours away. I didn't know they moved until I came home to a new house. I never got to say goodbye to my friends. --super religious, in Church if the doors were open --didn't have strong friend relationships. --felt children (even if they were adults) had to give into their parents every whim. There was a serious lack of boundaries. I was expected to take care of my parents when they were older - including paying their bills, medical stuff, etc. even if it meant my family did without. Only in the last couple of years have to finally been able to say no. And my dad has practically no relationship with me now because I refuse to be steamrolled by him any more. I have learned I only had value in his life when I was giving him things. --we never took vacations. We always went to see family and they called it a vacation, but no real hotel and travel experiences.
What I do: --chose to buy a home when my boys were little and will always live here. My boys will always know where my (and their) home is. --While I am a Christian and take my boys to church, I have encouraged my boys to figure out what it is they believe, and to not just believe whatever I do. --I encourage friend relationships + model what healthy friendships look like. But DH and I have our own friends as well as 'couple' friends. Its important to be able to find your tribe. --I want my kids to be around me because they choose to be around me. I don't require that they do what I want. Neither boys is married, but when they are, I want them to be able to do what they need to do and not have to be at my beck and call. I am financially independent so my kids wont have to ever pay my bills. --We vacation. A lot. And never to just see family. We go and explore. DH and I take vacations without kids because it shows our boys that its ok to just want to be with your spouse. We take family vacations too.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Oct 23, 2018 15:30:49 GMT
Have more than one child. Looking back, the favoritism shown by my mother, was quite frankly, appalling. I vowed that if I ever got married and had children, I would only have one child. A decision I have never, ever regretted. And our "only" also has an "only" child.
In addition, by choosing to have only one child, all of the other less than pleasant experiences while growing up were much easier to avoid.
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Post by auntkelly on Oct 23, 2018 18:23:32 GMT
I had a great childhood, except for the fact that my father died when I was three. My mom never remarried and she worked hard running her own business in the small town we grew up in. My mother provided for all our material needs and she always put the needs and wishes of my brother and I ahead of her own. She was a great mother.
I think I've raised my kids similarly to the way my mother raised me, except they grew up in the city and have had the opportunity to travel a lot more than I did. My kids have grown up w/ a loving father and I tell them all the time how fortunate they are to have a father in their lives.
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 23, 2018 19:55:48 GMT
Two immediately come to my mind:
1. My father was usually up and gone to work by the time I got up for school. Once I got out of elementary school I went to the high school (grades 7-12 back then) which started much earlier than the elementary school where my younger sister still was. My mother was never awake when I got up, got breakfast, and left for school. I can remember those cold dark mornings (Pittsburgh in the winter) and how it wasn't very nice. So I always swore I'd be up in the morning when my kids were getting ready for school even if they didn't need me for anything. Just to have the house warmed up, coffee made if they wanted it, and a chance to send them on their way with some pleasant words.
2. We didn't have much money when I was a kid and mostly I never got to wear what the "cool" kids did. I guess I was fortunate that by the time I got to the high school the main "fashion" was blue jeans with men's button down plaid shirts. lol. But anything else that was "in" was probably not something my mother liked, so I didn't get it. So with my kids, especially dd, I made sure that if she needed new clothes they were the kind she wanted not the kind that I liked. As long as she was dressed appropriately for her age I didn't care what she wore.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Oct 24, 2018 4:44:42 GMT
I do not have kids.
As a child, I hated that I had to do what my various siblings were doing or vice versa.
My sister wanted to play softball, so my Mom signed me up as well. My Mom also signed up to be the team coach. I am not athletic. I was afraid that I would be hit by the ball. I refused to even attempt to catch the ball. I played(and by played >> I mean stood there in the outer field and did nothing to help the team, if the ball came in my direction I would run away from it. I also couldn't bat well and usually struck out). When the season ended I said I hated it and didn't want to play again, and only my sister was signed up the next session.
I hated fireworks (loud noises), but every year I had to go to the 4th of July town fireworks thing. I sat in the car holding my ears and crying. Why not leave me at home with a sitter or at my Grandparents(my Grandfather never went to the fireworks). Just because everyone else is going, I had to go too.
Just because one kids participates in something, doesn't mean any of the siblings should have too.
The other thing I hated was what's mine wasn't mine. My Mom would buy a snack or treat(popsicles) and depending on how many lived in the house that week(step-siblings) my Mom would say everyone gets three(or two, four, etc..) each. If I didn't eat them all the first day, then my 3 treats would be gone. No one ever got in trouble for eating the others share. If I used my allowance to buy a pack of gum, and left it in my drawer(or my dresser)...someone else helped themself, no one would get in trouble.
The summer before 9th grade, we moved several thousand of miles away. We kids were allowed to bring one trash bag full of our belongings. The rest was stored in a family hunting shed/cabin with the promise that once we settled and had some money our stuff would be shipped out. I never saw my possessions again. This fueled my territorial issues.
I became very territorial about my stuff, especially when I entered adulthood. What's mine is mine, so don't touch it. I know I have issues in regards to that. Especially after divorce, where I basically walked away with my clothes, a couple boxes of home decor/household items, and my bathroom/beauty items. I started over with practically nothing (no bed, no furniture, very few kitchen items). It has taken me a lot of work/self-therapy to not be so territorial and guarded about my stuff.
I think I like studio apt/one room living so much, because I can see my stuff at a glance. It gives me an inner sense of peace and content-ness, just seeing it there.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 4:00:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2018 6:14:18 GMT
I do have another wtf:
Do any of you remember the plastic alligator soap dish Avon sold? My mother had one on the back of her toilet for YEARS. The house that my son moved into had an avocado green bathroom. Since the bathroom was green, I decorated it in frogs, and then decided that green gator would be perfect in my green bathroom. I asked her for it., once nicely. OMG she had to beg my brother to let her send that to me, and then his wife called and told the damn thing belong in their house( living with mommy cuz they almost lost their house to foreclosure.).
She finally sent it when my brother went on vacation! My brother’s Wife call and asked for it back!
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Post by Really Red on Oct 24, 2018 13:23:07 GMT
Sometimes I think it's scary that we remember the bad things so strongly. For the most part, I had a great childhood. I am still very close to all my siblings and when my parents died, we handled things beautifully together. However, there were some things that really live with me today. My parents word was law. There was NEVER any discussion. It was "This is the Way It Is. PERIOD." I always discuss with my kids. I have said that I will always give reasons and discuss. My mind can be changed for anyone who reasons with me. In the beginning, when they were very tiny, if they spoke to me and discussed, I'd nearly always give in (unless it was really crazy), just to train them to use words instead of tantrums. That worked very, very well throughout the teenage years. One kid had frustrations, but always ending up discussing rationally. My parents did not want us in sports. They said if we really had to we could, but we would not ever be brought/picked up from practice. We lived too far from school to walk. One year, I did do soccer, but walking the 3-4 miles back home pretty much made me stop. I am a giant believer in sports and my kids are in sports year-round. I think it makes for a healthy mind as well. I really regret not doing more sports. My dad spanked us. The last time I was about 12 or 13. He hadn't done it in years and my door slammed (the window was open - I would have NEVER slammed the door in my house.) My dad didn't listen to me and hit me so hard across my legs (I had backtalked him). I honestly never forgave that, even though I moved past it. I would never hit my kids. Never ever. Growing up, my parents never - not once ever - said I love you. I cannot even imagine a conversation with my kids without those words. To their credit, in their later years, my parents did say it to me, but it took them a long time to get used to. My parents did expect me to handle everything - absolutely everything - myself. I think that was good and I expect the same out of my children. Mel it makes me sad that you weren't allowed to do things because you had to watch your brother or bring him with you. I know people like that today. I fully expected my older two to watch my youngest, but if they had a prior engagement, that always won out. All my kids had chores and were expected to do them as being part of a family, but they were never overwhelming and I was always willing to switch things around if something didn't work for them. The thing I feel most passionate about, though, is how my kids treat animals. My parents rarely expected us to help with the animals. At my house, everyone has to share in raising the dogs because the kids wanted them. The only thing that ever made me lose my temper was when a dog didn't have water, or wasn't taken care of in some way. Believe me, my kids didn't do that more than once and I am so proud of how they take care of animals. This has made them very compassionate and all my kids work with special needs children because they know it's important to give people a voice when they do not have one. In all, however, my parents raised me with love, even though they didn't say it. Much of what they did was a product of their time. I like to think of most of the things that I do very differently is because I'm tweaking what they did
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,764
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Oct 24, 2018 17:34:56 GMT
I am an only child, the only thing I did differently was have 3 children. When they were teens I realized my parents were the smart ones . I had a nearly perfect childhood. There were some issues, but as a younger child I was unaware, and was able to push most of it away in my teens. If there were any days during my childhood that I thought my life was rough, I now know better. My DH came from a very similar family and we raised our kids the same way. At this point I see my kids doing the same.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 24, 2018 18:08:19 GMT
The biggest thing I do differently from my parents (really my dad ), is respect family members' food likes and dislikes. My siblings and I used to rescue each other to a certain point when food we hated was on the dinner table (I'd eat my sis's peas, she ate my mushrooms), but too often were forced to gag down food. And that included desserts! I still can't face rice pudding. I try to have at least one vegetable for everyone on the table. When the kids were little, I started putting out a plate of raw vegetables for them to eat while I made dinner because they weren't fans of cooked vegetables. They were also allowed to trade off vegetables, and I swear DS ate raw spinach every night for a year rather than whatever I'd made when he was 4. My dad finally stopped making comments about me being too indulgent when I pointed he never ate food he didn't like. If he didn't like it, it never was served in his house.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Oct 24, 2018 19:28:35 GMT
Our childhoods were very similar. I was the youngest of 3 for 11.5 years. Then my mom had my older little sister. When I was 16 she had the youngest. There's 21 years difference between the oldest and youngest and I am the typical middle child (2 before, 2 after so double middle). I became the second mother to my sisters. I didn't get to do a lot of things other kids my age did because I was too busy being a mom. (sometimes ppl even thought I was their mom!!!) I basically "ran away from home" at 18 and got married. It wasn't fair to my ex. He's an ok guy, but we both deserved to be with someone we were in love with, and I settled for the first guy that I thought would be an ok husband because I wanted out of there. (we're both remarried and I'm a lot happier. I think he is too.)
Older little sister is mom's favorite and still is to this day. It was so obvious and had made me feel my whole life like I'm not good enough. I've always tried to make my kids understand that I'm proud of them. It was harder when I was younger because I didn't know how to do those things.
I heard once you have 2 shots at a parent/child relationship and I'm trying hard to be better at it this time.
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Post by jackietex on Oct 27, 2018 2:01:55 GMT
I don't overshare what's going on in my marriage with my children, no matter what their age.
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