What I didn’t post on FB (but wanted to). Share yours!

Is that what the "joke" was about?

If it wasn't along similar lines, then I'm biting my tongue right now.

When my MIL posted some stupid ass meme about Hillary’s emails recently (out of NOWHERE), I really wanted to say “You can’t figure your email out either, which is why you and FIL keep callling your son to fix all your shit. So maybe you shouldn’t talk.” But I didn’t. Sometimes I wonder about her. She never talks politics, but I think she got a little keyboard courage. I am always sure to wear my feminist/liberal/science agenda shirts around her. 😂

And almost every time that complaint is made, it's made by an old white man. 

That one is right up there with this one being shared by various members of my husband's family:

My house is a safe zone. Firearms are welcome. Coffee can be on in minutes, and I've always got cool water or even a cold beer or a bourbon shot . My kitchen table is non-judgmental (unless you are running down my God, or the good ole USA). Any family or friend who needs to chat is welcome. We can talk, share a laugh, a cry, or just listen. If you're hungry, I'll feed you. I will always do my best to be available... you are always welcome!This is an old value that has been lost to technology...a text, facetime, gif or emoji is NOT the equivalent.

LOL

"My kitchen table is non-judgemental unless you don't believe in the same god or have problems with systems of oppression."

Fixed that for 'em.

No one is getting kicked out of my kitchen but I have made a firm decision to NEVER visit a few of my husband's relatives. Plus, I don't want coffee OR bourbon.

I love the posts that say “Merry Christmas” in huge letters, followed by “if I said this to you, would you say it back to me?”

Um, hello....just about everyone I know would say it back.

Where in the h*ll are some of these people hanging out that you can’t exchange a warm Merry Christmas with other? Or are they just projecting the “war on Christmas” without any evidence it exists? (Hint: it’s the latter.)

I really want to ask them who is refusing to say Merry Christmas—an actual, real life example of it—not some stale internet rumor or “I heard that (insert store name here) doesn’t allow it.” (Even the stories about stores are exaggerated—the management may have a script for how they greet or thank customers, but I have yet to see an example where employees were banned from responding to a customer who wishes the cashier Merry Christmas.

But instead of commenting, I roll my eyes and scroll on by. I went down that rabbit hole once, and I discovered an outrageous deficit in logical thinking skills among some people I care about and used to respect. I don’t want to go there again.

Essential oils are not going to do a ding damn thing for freaking whooping cough, you ignorant medieval-medicine believing twat!




The anti-vaxxers. As they are family (and in laws) so I refrain.

My oldest daughter does NOT but they have unfriended her which is sort of hilarious. We are 6000 miles away but I imagine she is not spoke of highly mostly I refrain so I can continue to share the rampant fuckwittery with said blocked daughter.

Also the people buying freaking puppies- you do not need a $1500 dog. You need a $100 dog and $1400 worth of training because I know you and you know fuck all about dogs, have no follow thru, and this is a disaster but hey thanks for financially rewarding people making more dogs in a world with too many dogs you moronic skunk bag. I’ll just keep picking up the pieces of your perenielly poor choices because someone has to.

My mom shakes her finger at people and refuses to drive faster than the speed limit on the freeway. She’s going to be a victim of road rage, but she won’t listen to anyone.

 I don’t have any essential oils people on my Facebook. I have seen some doozies on Reddit MLM, Vaxx Happened, and Shit Mom Groups Say. 

I did have a run in with someone selling some $50 snake oil juice several years ago. It was a friend of my MIL’s. So I didn’t want to be disrespectful. I told her that I had fruit allergies and wasn’t going to try something I didn’t know the ingredients, of and my doctor didn’t want me take stuff like that. She cornered me at my in-laws 50th Wedding Anniversary. I again explained my reasoning. She went to the kitchen and trashed me. Including saying that I “must want to be sick”. A close friend of my MIL who knows me well tore her another gaping asshole. My SIL heard and said it was glorious. The woman never contacted me again.

I'm no longer on FB, but boy, I've wanted to post the following on IG:

Are you just going to just continue posting about being in the hospital (it been over 2 weeks now) without saying why? Or answering DMs and texts and a VM inquiring about your health and well-being? We've been very good IRL friends over the years, no longer. *Vague-booking* at its worst!

Not Facebook and not really for anywhere but ds got a bday card from my mother. There was a gift card and receipt. Thank you! Truly. 👍 But I had to laugh. She scribbled out her CC #. Because she’s worried her 14 year old grandson will crack the code on the missing middle digits?

You do not have to post the exact same thing in multiple groups. We are all basically in the same groups so we will see it. I do not want to see it three times. Also, you do not have to post 6 plus times a day. It is way too much. Because of the others in the group I don’t want to unfollow, but I am about to.

No, Byeeeee to the people who want to tell those kinds of jokes.